which vows?

jfellows82 · May 2012

We're having our last meeting with the priest tonight to finalize the mass and the one thing I still can't decide on is which vow form to use.

Did/are you using the traditional version or the U.S. version? Any particular reason for your choice? And does anyone know how/why the U.S. variation came about. Google wasn't very helpful.

Thanks for your input. I'm starting to suffer from decision overload!

Calypso1977 · May 2012

i honestly dont know? im not sure we were given a choice?

Calypso1977 · May 2012

i honestly dont know? im not sure we were given a choice?

Resa77 · May 2012

We have a few options...two are pretty similar, but one says "til death do us part" and the other says "as long as we both shall live" or something. And then we also have the option of "I do." As in, the priest says "do you ____ take _____......." and each says "I do." FI and I are trying to finalize all our ceremony options tonight, so I'll be making that decision, too. Not sure which route we'll go!

Tami87 · May 2012

We are using the traditional version (all the days of my life vs. until death do you part). I felt like this made us more connected to the universal church community as it was the same vows instead of something only done in the US. I also just felt like all the days of my life sounded more positive than death do you part.

Below is the vow options from Catholic wedding help for those who didn't know what the options are.

Traditional

The bridegroom says:

I, (Name), take you, (Name), to be my wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.

The bride says:

I, (Name), take you, (Name), to be my husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.

The US option

The bridegroom says:

I, (Name), take you, (Name), for my lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

Bride:

I, (Name), take you, (Name), for my lawful husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

Both of these can also be done through questions.

futuremrsbruno · May 2012

I always thought I wanted to have the priest recite them and then say "I do"... until we met with our priest and he ran through the ceremony options with us. We both liked repeating the vows to each other, rather than saying "I do". IMHO, it fulfills the actual sacrament, we marry each other.

I've been driving myself crazy trying to choose the "perfect" readings for the ceremony. Too many choices! Go with your gut. Whatever you know you will love and remember, is the one you pick. For me, there's something more special in saying I, Michelle, take you...

caitriona87 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_which-vows?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:563eb98b-e96b-48ae-a1e6-d749141647b4Post:6c35438c-e922-4535-8f52-3c3a4e86f24d">Re: which vows?</a>:
[QUOTE]We are using the traditional version (all the days of my life vs. until death do you part). I felt like this made us more connected to the universal church community as it was the same vows instead of something only done in the US. I also just felt like all the days of my life sounded more positive than death do you part.
Posted by Tami87[/QUOTE]

We made the same choice for your second reason (sounds more hopeful.) I did not realize that the other option was only available in the U.S. but if I had your first reason would've been right up there as well.

bibliophile2010 · May 2012

We used the traditional version as well. We went with the repeat them after the priest option and I think we were both happy with it. We didn't spend much time reflecting on it beyond traditional = good.

For some reason, I thought the US version originated with brides wanting vows more like what they saw on TV/in movies, and was sort fo co-opted into the vows without really taking away their integrity.

Karen's MOH · May 2012

I never knew there was a difference (traditional vs US) but we chose the traditional. I tliked them better and I definitely prefered 'all the days of our lives' over death. We repeated them after the priest-- I wanted to actually say the words to my husband, not just agree.

professorscience · May 2012

I don't remember choosing. I think we used the "traditional" version. We also repeated them after the priest, but apparently he was so quiet when he was telling us what to say that people thought we'd memorized them.

MedStudent13 · May 2012

My fiance and I were just discussing this last night. I personally like "til death do us part" better than "all the days of my life", however I have a reall problem with the "lawful husband" part, since I don't think the government should have any place in a marriage. I kind of wish we could combine the two?

agapecarrie · May 2012

I've always wondered about the "lawful" part. I don't know that its referring to civil/legal status.

In scripture, when talking about marriage, Jesus mentions "unless it is unlawful". The term in scripture is referring to validity of marriage (most specifically in this instance, I believe a marriage of a couple that are too closely related, but it can refer to other things).

MedStudent13 · May 2012

Yeah, it just makes me uneasy. I was really thinking of going with the US version, because I kind of like the finality of "until death do us part," but the more I think about it the more I'm on the side of traditional vows. The 'lawful' part of it just makes me think that we're asking the government for permission to marry, and I find that kind of humiliating. As if God's permission isn't enough.

jfellows82 · May 2012

Thanks for all the the input! We ended up going with the traditional version and will repeat after the priest. Somehow making that final decision made it all seem so real. Only 17 days to go!!

Riss91 · May 2012

Can't "lawful" refer to the laws of the Church/God? I've seen that word used many times in Catholic doctrine.

professorscience · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_which-vows?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:563eb98b-e96b-48ae-a1e6-d749141647b4Post:59da637d-fab5-483d-82a3-bd81d777f0d1">Re: which vows?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for all the the input! We ended up going with the traditional version and will repeat after the priest. Somehow making that final decision made it all seem so real. Only 17 days to go!!
Posted by jfellows82[/QUOTE]

*like*

Karen's MOH · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_which-vows?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:563eb98b-e96b-48ae-a1e6-d749141647b4Post:42dcfd6c-6033-41fd-95a2-dc3d2486eaf1">Re: which vows?</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I were just discussing this last night. I personally like "til death do us part" better than "all the days of my life", however I have a reall problem with the "lawful husband" part, since I don't think the government should have any place in a marriage. I kind of wish we could combine the two?
Posted by MedStudent13[/QUOTE]

<div>Can't you combine the two? Our priest said we could (but he was really lax about everything). As long as it contains all the same elements, I don't see why you couldn't end the traditional version with until death do us part. I know my parents did that almost 40 years ago (they used the US version but all the days of our lives at the end).</div>

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