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Wedding Etiquette Forum
jlk08250
member
Guest Attire
HELP!!!
I am really concerned about how guests are going to dress on our big day! I know that my family will dress appropriately, but Im really concerned about how my fiancés family is going to dress. I have been to funerals and weddings with them, and most of them show up in jeans and stained polo shirt. I don't want to have to force people to were "formal attire" but how do I get them to dress up for my wedding?
I also need to find a way to get my soon to be mother in law into a dress or paint suit that will match the wedding party without insulting her fashion sense.
All im asking for is that people show up in nice dress pants or kahkis and a button up shirt. is that to much to ask??
I am really concerned about how guests are going to dress on our big day! I know that my family will dress appropriately, but Im really concerned about how my fiancés family is going to dress. I have been to funerals and weddings with them, and most of them show up in jeans and stained polo shirt. I don't want to have to force people to were "formal attire" but how do I get them to dress up for my wedding?
I also need to find a way to get my soon to be mother in law into a dress or paint suit that will match the wedding party without insulting her fashion sense.
All im asking for is that people show up in nice dress pants or kahkis and a button up shirt. is that to much to ask??
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Guest Attire
Yes.
If they dress poorly it reflects badly on them; not you. Odds are you won't notice people not dressed "up to par" and even if you did, it shouldn't ruin your wedding day (if it does, you've got bigger problems).
You can say something to your FMIL like "Do you know what you're wearing to the wedding yet? If not, do you want to go on a shopping date?" but just know that the final decision is hers.
MIL - I would offer take her shopping. If she doesn't want to go, not much you can do.
Rest of your guests: word of mouth on attire. But again, not much you can do after that.
[QUOTE]HELP!!! I am really concerned about how guests are going to dress on our big day! I know that my family will dress appropriately, but Im really concerned about how my fiancés family is going to dress. I have been to funerals and weddings with them, and most of them show up in jeans and stained polo shirt. I don't want to have to force people to were "formal attire" but how do I get them to dress up for my wedding? I also need to find a way to get my soon to be mother in law into a dress or paint suit that will match the wedding party without insulting her fashion sense. All im asking for is that people show up in nice dress pants or kahkis and a button up shirt. is that to much to ask??
Posted by jlk08250[/QUOTE]
You can't tell guests what to wear. Ever. Sorry.
In terms of your FMIL, your FI could suggest something to her. I'd suggest you stay out of it at all costs. She doesn't need to match the bridal party.
My Step MIL wore a formal navy blue gown
My MIL wore a black and white cocktail dress
My mom wore a grey pencil skirt and a pink cardi set.
No one cares if they match or even coordinate. Let them wear what they are comfortable in.
[QUOTE]Yes.
Posted by TeddiD34[/QUOTE]
Yes Yes
My photographer took 1700 pictures. MIL is like 20 of them. Pretty sure she will not ruin our pics.
But like I said, offer to take her shopping, heck buy the dress for her a gift. NBD
[QUOTE]My FMIL wore a brown dress with orange flowers and lace on the sleeves and neck that made her look like a doily at a black tie wedding.... am I really supposed to let that go?? it will ruin wedding pics
Posted by jlk08250[/QUOTE]
Just because it's not your taste doesn't mean you can dictate what she wears.
I'm actually thinking this all might be a bit of MUD...but it's still amusing.
[QUOTE]My FMIL wore a brown dress with orange flowers and lace on the sleeves and neck that made her look like a doily at a black tie wedding.... am I really supposed to let that go?? it will ruin wedding pics
Posted by jlk08250[/QUOTE]
Unless you planned on your MIL being in every single picture, no, not so much.
If your MIL being in a dress you don't like is seriously enough for you to feel the picture is ruined, ask the photographer to do lots of shots of the wedding party and some separate family shots.
But um... if your MIL is wearing something that she likes, that she feels good in, that is represenative of how she tends to dress, that she wants to wear in your wedding... it makes you come off pretty poorly saying "I don't want my pictures ruined."
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest Attire : Just because it's not your taste doesn't mean you can dictate what she wears. I'm actually thinking this all might be a bit of MUD...but it's still amusing.
Posted by itzMS[/QUOTE]
MUD??
[QUOTE]My FMIL wore a brown dress with orange flowers and lace on the sleeves and neck that made her look like a doily at a black tie wedding.... am I really supposed to let that go?? it will ruin wedding pics
Posted by jlk08250[/QUOTE]
How will it ruin your pictures? Do you care more about the way people look than that you are marrying the love of your life in those pictures?
[QUOTE]My FMIL wore a brown dress with orange flowers and lace on the sleeves and neck that made her look like a doily at a black tie wedding.... am I really supposed to let that go?? it will ruin wedding pics
Posted by jlk08250[/QUOTE]
No one cares about what your FMIL wears. And like PP said, she'll be in a handful of photos. You arent' going to hang one of the huge family photos on your wall. You need to relax and stop worrying about what other people are doing.
Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:
http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/
http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html
http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/
Which BTW I think is awesome.
[QUOTE]It's time for Stage to bust out the FIL picture. Which BTW I think is awesome.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]
I miss the photo that one of the old regs (Rachel? Rachers or something) used to post of her two guests in chaps and orange bandanas. To the OP, IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT PEOPLE WEAR TO YOUR PARTY.
[QUOTE]My FMIL wore a brown dress with orange flowers and lace on the sleeves and neck that made her look like a doily at a black tie wedding.... am I really supposed to let that go?? it will ruin wedding pics
Posted by jlk08250[/QUOTE]
What ever she chooses to wear, it will look like her. If you try to dress her up like a doll, she might feel uncomfortable and it will come out in her facial expressions and that will ruin your pictures.
I agree to offer to take her shopping with you, but if she declines, definitely let it go. The MOB and MOG do not <em>have</em> to match the wedding party. They won't even be in that many pictures together so no one will even notice and the only one that will care will be you.
There is no good way to tell people who to dress and, let's face it, even if there was a good way, these people will probably ignore it, anyway. Let them wear what they want and in 20 years, when you're showing these pics to people (maybe even a daughter) you can laugh with them and say, "yeah, my husband's family is colorful, to say the least."
[QUOTE]My FMIL wore a brown dress with orange flowers and lace on the sleeves and neck that made her look like a doily at a black tie wedding.... am I really supposed to let that go?? it will ruin wedding pics
Posted by jlk08250[/QUOTE]
You don't have to like what she wears, you can even be annoyed, but you definitely should let it go and enjoy your day. She's an adult and can wear whatever she wants, as can your fiance's side of the family. Unless your wedding is strictly black tie or your church requires a certain dress code, you cannot tell your guests what to wear.
My advice: There are so many other things to be thinking about right before your wedding, don't let this very minor detail bother you. Your pictures and your day will not be ruined. There is nothing you can do about what adults wear to a wedding, so you might as well not stress about it.
[QUOTE]Sorry it took so long, but here it is... And thanks Kmmssg. I was DIL of the decade for letting him wear what he wanted to wear. SIL was fully prepared to go 12 rounds with him over his attire and I told her not to worry about it. My day was not ruined, my photos were not ruined, and I get to pull the occassional "see, I told you" on brides who have their priorities out of whack with evidence. Win/win/win!
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
I love this. Coming from a family of farmers and some that really just don't have a lot of money or maybe with special needs. I could care less what they wear. My wedding day is not about what my guests are wearing.
I think if OP does it in a manner of bonding time with FMIL and make a girls day, FMIL would probably love it. Of course I come from the opposite side of the spectrum with my FMIL in that she normally lives in brown, black, grey and white but wants to wear a shade of purple for my wedding. She and I have gone shopping together, so when it comes time to buy her dress she would love the day of shopping.
Stage, I LOVE the picture of your FIL and DH. It is proof positive that if you let people be comfortable that they will look very beautiful!