Kids, Wedding, Friends, Relatives...someone PLEASE advise

ciligirl · June 2012

I am going to try to keep this as brief as possible.
Both me and FI are 43 so a lot of our friends are already married with kids (many including mine who are in college and some who are in high school but some who are still in grade school).
Want to invite my close friend's children regardless of age because we actually have relationships with these kids.
Will have our younger nieces and nephews in wedding party (6, 9 and 10).
FI has lots of 1st cousins with kids. If I open it up to their kids we are talking a LOT more kids, some who I couldn't even pick out of a line-up.
The big issue is the age cut-off relationship cut-off dilemma. Some of the cousins kids are older than some of my friends kids. But I need to draw the line somewhere. Then I also have a nephew with young kids and FI has one 1st cousin who is about 4.
Is anyone else out there facing this issue? Part of me says do whatever we want, part of me worries about being rude.

Marrin713 · June 2012

Yep that's a tough one. We decided on no kids, but ended up with two because H's niece came from out of town with them and they have special medical needs so a babysitter was out. And we're also of the age where none of our friends have small children.

I honestly don't know where I would do a cut-off. Hopefully others will have helpful answers.

ceceibson · June 2012

I am 48, FI is 61. We both come from relatively large families and have 12 children and grandchildren between us.

We decided to cut off at first cousins. We had to draw the line somewhere.

A bigger kid-related issue for us is families with whom we're friends because their kids and my kids [who are 11 and 13] go to school together. Most of these famillies have other kids older and younger than our kids. Clearly we couldn't split families. We sent quite few inviations to "The ____ Family".

We may end up with 300 people, 1/4 to 1/3 of them 18 and under.

ciligirl · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_40-plus-brides_kids-wedding-friends-relativessomeone-please-advise?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:69dea60c-2319-4015-8380-4a5cc0f18476Discussion:7f5bddc9-ffee-4854-ac31-111f2252c75dPost:7e0a11ba-4092-4f94-8438-037b422970a3">Re: Kids, Wedding, Friends, Relatives...someone PLEASE advise</a>:
[QUOTE]I am 48, FI is 61. We both come from relatively large families and have 12 children and grandchildren between us. We decided to cut off at first cousins. We had to draw the line somewhere. A bigger kid-related issue for us is families with whom we're friends because their kids and my kids [who are 11 and 13] go to school together. Most of these famillies have other kids older and younger than our kids. Clearly we couldn't split families. We sent quite few inviations to "The ____ Family". We may end up with 300 people, 1/4 to 1/3 of them 18 and under.
Posted by ceceibson[/QUOTE]

Phew, I am so relieved I am not the only one with this problem. First cousins sounds like the way to go with the cut off. I am ok with my friends kids because like yours a lot are friends with my daughter and she is an important part of the day and I want her to be surrounded by her friends as well. (She quickly pointed out to my FI that we are a package deal so she should have a ring too... lol). Maybe that will be what I could say should the first cousins start to complain that their kids aren't there but others are. Thank you for your feedback.

Cascadia · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_40-plus-brides_kids-wedding-friends-relativessomeone-please-advise?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:69dea60c-2319-4015-8380-4a5cc0f18476Discussion:7f5bddc9-ffee-4854-ac31-111f2252c75dPost:3cc8c9ed-76d5-4925-95f5-3b6b737ef69d">Kids, Wedding, Friends, Relatives...someone PLEASE advise</a>:
[QUOTE]I am going to try to keep this as brief as possible. Both me and FI are 43 so a lot of our friends are already married with kids (many including mine who are in college and some who are in high school but some who are still in grade school). Want to invite my close friend's children regardless of age because we actually have relationships with these kids. Will have our younger nieces and nephews in wedding party (6, 9 and 10). FI has lots of 1st cousins with kids. If I open it up to their kids we are talking a LOT more kids, some who I couldn't even pick out of a line-up. The big issue is the age cut-off relationship cut-off dilemma. Some of the cousins kids are older than some of my friends kids. But I need to draw the line somewhere. Then I also have a nephew with young kids and FI has one 1st cousin who is about 4. Is anyone else out there facing this issue? Part of me says do whatever we want, part of me worries about being rude.
Posted by ciligirl[/QUOTE<div>
</div><div>If you are going to invite any children, it's only fair that you shouldn't exclude others. Personally, I do not think children should attend any evening wedding. They get cranky and ruin it for everyone else.
<div>
</div></div>

Cascadia · July 2012

I do NOT think anyone should bring their children without a specific invitation to do so. If you are worried about someone bringing children - you could arrange for child care yourself and make it known that there is a BB sitter service for children - provided by "whoever" at what "address" for what "time". I've seen children absolutely destroy beautiful wedding receptions because they were tired, cranky, and probably completely unfamiliar with discipline.

Daytime weddings are often more like picnics and it's easy to provide activities for children.

Cascadia · July 2012

There will NOT be any children at our wedding. It's an evening wedding - reception will continue past a child's reasonable bedtime. There are no activities for children. If someone inquires about bringing their children, they will be politely informed. I sincerely feel like anyone who imposes on our decision is being rude and disrespectful to us. Do you know those small heads are included in the headcount for the reception. It could cost you an additional $200 for your neighbors 4 kids to attend.

kmmssg · July 2012

Children are no different than any other category of guests. You don't have to invite all coworkers, neighbors, or church family. You also don't have to invite all children and good etiquette supports that.

The sticky part is that parents (who are rudely doing so) want to know why their little Sugar buns wasn't invited. Well, you can't invite everyone. If you don't want to invite every kid you don't have to, but you have to have the spine to handle any rude parents. This is NO problem for me in the least.

gottadance64 · July 2012

The only kids at my wedding will be related to immediate fam - my sis' kid and his bro's kid. That's it. Fortunately they are both around the same age, 8-9, so they can hang around each other.

adornmentsbymilani · July 2012

Other than the children who were in the ceremony, we asked that none attend (although some appeared=). As much as we wanted to the whole family to attend, we could not afford it. If you specify it on the invitation, it makes it a little less difficult.

searush · July 2012

i will just stop at first cousin and close friends kids. f you dont want to invite the kids you can write MR&MRs on the invitation and on the rxvp as well, so they get a hint. if you want to invite the whole family, write the ??? family. and state clear in rsvp how many people is coming to the wedding

ceceibson · August 2012

We were married August 18. Together, we have 12 children and grandchildren, 3 still at home and school-aged.

We cut off our guest list at our first cousins but we did have families there with their children -- familieis with whom we, along with 1 or more of our children, are friendly.

All together, we had 180 guests, maybe 20% of them minors.

The only issue we ran into involved DH's oldest daughter. She was Facebooking HER first cousins [so, DH's first cousin's kids] saying things like "can't wait to see you at Dad's wedding. Which then prompted them to call her saying they didn't know anything about it.

I found out about the situation through the grapevine and called DH's daughter. Who scolded me for failing to tell these people the wedding details. I very patienly explained ot her that the reason they didn't know is because they weren't invited.

It never occured to me before all this, but in hindsight, I would have told all the kids and grandkids where we cut off the family guest list so that no one was embarssed, etc.

kmmssg · August 2012

That is very good advice for older couples and second wedding couples!

Kids, Wedding, Friends, Relatives...someone PLEASE advise

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