I went to a shower for a Greek friend of mine. There were close to 150 people there. They had the assembly line rockin. The MOH on one side got things started, clipped ribbons, opened cards, started the tape so she just had to open it up and ooh and aah. Then there were people on the other side that took the gift, made sure the card stayed with it, and get it packed back up for taking it home and stuff.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-want-to-thread-jack-not-opening-gifts-at-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1b31b0-cabf-4f7a-9d16-fd7154a0a3a4Post:602c2a42-0c3f-418b-bdac-7c4027044b13">Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower : Maybe it's an LI thing? haha! My mom and MOH def don't have the time for 3 showers plus I want both sides of the family to try to mingle a little! They may still end up doing the cellophane thing but I have shared this info with my MOH so we will see what happens :). Either way, not an etiquette breach on my part. Posted by NYCBride2013[/QUOTE]
Yes, having guests being able to mingle is my #1 reason as to why I am not opening my gifts. My #2 reason, albeit small, is that I don't love attention on me to begin with and I feel it can be sort of... not necessarily rude... but opening up a bunch of material things that I just got that no one else did just kind of rubs me the wrong way. I'd rather ooh and ahh at it at home and then send a very nice thank-you note after the fact. And of course greet the guest and say thank you for the gift when they walk in.
There are many reasons why people choose to do showers this way. Some see it as rude, but the bottom line is you can't please everyone.
And the purpose of a shower IMO is show to the bride love, support and all around happiness for her. The purpose is not to shower her with gifts.
In Response to Re:Didn't want to thread jack Not opening gifts at shower:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Didn't want to thread jack Not opening gifts at shower:Good idea: Asking for unwrapped gifts because you care about the environment. Bad idea: asking for unwrapped gifts because you're too lazy to open presents.Posted by ErinElizabethRSometimes neither of these are the issue though. Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE] If someone puts effort into wrapping a present they want to watch you open it. It's fun for the gift giver. In certain cultures more thought goes into wrapping a present than the present itself, and its a huge insult, like spitting on the floor of your hosts home, to not open it in front of them. Requesting unwrapped presents because you're trying I conserve is a legitimate reason. to ask people to not wrap presents or use cellophane which is terrible for the environment is rude. It's rude to ask your guests to go out of their way to accommodate your laziness.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-want-to-thread-jack-not-opening-gifts-at-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1b31b0-cabf-4f7a-9d16-fd7154a0a3a4Post:baeba7c7-1a3b-4417-919e-018e9873dbba">Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower : Yes, having guests being able to mingle is my #1 reason as to why I am not opening my gifts. My #2 reason, albeit small, is that I don't love attention on me to begin with and I feel it can be sort of... not necessarily rude... but opening up a bunch of material things that I just got that no one else did just kind of rubs me the wrong way. I'd rather ooh and ahh at it at home and then send a very nice thank-you note after the fact. And of course greet the guest and say thank you for the gift when they walk in. There are many reasons why people choose to do showers this way. Some see it as rude, but the bottom line is you can't please everyone. Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]
<div>As I just tried to advise against in the OTHER thread you just posted in, please stop with your shower/gift advice. It is not proper and you are on an etiquette board about what IS proper. Your place is not here, don't stir this up again.</div>
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-want-to-thread-jack-not-opening-gifts-at-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1b31b0-cabf-4f7a-9d16-fd7154a0a3a4Post:88143861-e51c-42a8-8e54-fb7fb402d518">Re:Didn't want to thread jack Not opening gifts at shower</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Didn't want to thread jack Not opening gifts at shower: If someone puts effort into wrapping a present they want to watch you open it. It's fun for the gift giver. In certain cultures more thought goes into wrapping a present than the present itself, and its a huge insult, like spitting on the floor of your hosts home, to not open it in front of them. Requesting unwrapped presents because you're trying I conserve is a legitimate reason. to ask people to not wrap presents or use cellophane which is terrible for the environment is rude. It's rude to ask your guests to go out of their way to accommodate your <strong>laziness</strong>. Posted by ErinElizabethR[/QUOTE]
It's not laziness in my situation nor in the OP situiation either though.
I would agree with you 100% if laziness was the reason, but in her situation that doesn't seem to be the case.
In Response to Re:Didn't want to thread jack Not opening gifts at shower:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Didn't want to thread jack Not opening gifts at shower:In Response to Re:Didn't want to thread jack Not opening gifts at shower: If someone puts effort into wrapping a present they want to watch you open it. It's fun for the gift giver. In certain cultures more thought goes into wrapping a present than the present itself, and its a huge insult, like spitting on the floor of your hosts home, to not open it in front of them. Requesting unwrapped presents because you're trying I conserve is a legitimate reason. to ask people to not wrap presents or use cellophane which is terrible for the environment is rude. It's rude to ask your guests to go out of their way to accommodate your laziness.Posted by ErinElizabethRIt's not laziness in my situation nor in the OP situiation either though.I would agree with you 100 if laziness was the reason, but in her situation that doesn't seem to be the case. Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE] I'm not going to beat this dead horse. You do what you want. But don't say nobody told you it was rude.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-want-to-thread-jack-not-opening-gifts-at-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1b31b0-cabf-4f7a-9d16-fd7154a0a3a4Post:7a9eb5fd-1fd2-4fc4-974c-b0d85efe62cc">Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower</a>: [QUOTE]As the bride, you do have input on the guest list of a shower even though you aren't hosting. I was lucky to have three people offer but if that had not happened I simply would have cut the list that I forwarded on to the hostess so that it focused on parents, grandparents, very close friends and aunts. You don't HAVE to have 80 to 100 people at your shower. This is a choice you are making. Which is fine, by the way, as long as you aren't using the large number of people as reason to be rude by refusing to unwrap presents in front of everyone. Posted by scribe95[/QUOTE]
There is no way I would have a shower without my cousins present as we are all very close and it would be wrong to exclude FI's cousins (I think) if I was including my own so unfortunately there really is no way to minimize my guest list. I asked the question so as not to be rude to my guests and I appreciate everyone's honest responses.
<strong>Just to clear everyone up on my stance- based on the consensus of advice I would definitely like to unwrap gifts at my shower. I know my MOH's original plan was to ask that they be wrapped in cellophane but I have shared your advice with her (both on cellophane wrapping and opening gifts at home) and I hope she takes it.</strong>
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-want-to-thread-jack-not-opening-gifts-at-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1b31b0-cabf-4f7a-9d16-fd7154a0a3a4Post:4e262ff5-0d13-42e5-83ac-0206ddd93494">Re:Didn't want to thread jack Not opening gifts at shower</a>: [QUOTE]Good idea: Asking for unwrapped gifts because you care about the environment. Bad idea: asking for unwrapped gifts because you're too lazy to open presents. Posted by ErinElizabethR[/QUOTE] No, they're both bad ideas. You should not be attempting to dictate how your guests wrap their presents.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-want-to-thread-jack-not-opening-gifts-at-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1b31b0-cabf-4f7a-9d16-fd7154a0a3a4Post:ac9bb186-dfd9-4480-9e0c-2788b97b6a30">Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower : There is no way I would have a shower without my cousins present as we are all very close and it would be wrong to exclude FI's cousins (I think) if I was including my own so unfortunately there really is no way to minimize my guest list. I asked the question so as not to be rude to my guests and I appreciate everyone's honest responses. Just to clear everyone up on my stance- based on the consensus of advice I would definitely like to unwrap gifts at my shower. I know my MOH's original plan was to ask that they be wrapped in cellophane but<strong> I have shared your advice with her (both on cellophane wrapping and opening gifts at home) and I hope she takes it.</strong> Posted by NYCBride2013[/QUOTE]
<div>Then you've done everything right. Do not feed OwningAHome, she is a troll and gives poor etiquette advice. The argument is with her, not with you.</div>
I've never heard of, or been to a display shower before but I really like concept and I think it's a great idea. I'm all for anything that cuts down on wasteful gift wrapping, and I love that the guests can save time and effort by not having to wrap the gift and everyone can visit more at the shower. Seeing all the negative responses though does make me think that the idea could be offensive to some of your guests. Might be safer to go the traditional route, depending on your crowd.
"It's always better when we're together."
-Jack Johnson
In Response to Re:Didn't want to thread jack Not opening gifts at shower:[QUOTE]As the bride, you do have input on the guest list of a shower even though you aren't hosting.I was lucky to have three people offer but if that had not happened I simply would have cut the list that I forwarded on to the hostess so that it focused onnbsp;parents, grandparents, very close friends and aunts.You don't HAVE to have 80 to 100 people at your shower. This is a choice you are making. Which is fine, by the way, as long as you aren't using the large number of people as reason to be rude by refusing to unwrap presents in front of everyone.nbsp; Posted by scribe95[/QUOTE]
You dont always have a choice. My fiances mom has 7 sisters. Was I not supposed to invite all his aunts?
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-want-to-thread-jack-not-opening-gifts-at-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1b31b0-cabf-4f7a-9d16-fd7154a0a3a4Post:410f6c2e-0fdb-4f82-8345-4ea7e5730fe5">Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower</a>: [QUOTE]I've never heard of, or been to a display shower before but I really like concept and I think it's a great idea. I'm all for anything that cuts down on wasteful gift wrapping, and I love that the guests can save time and effort by not having to wrap the gift and everyone can visit more at the shower. Seeing all the negative responses though does make me think that the idea could be offensive to some of your guests. Might be safer to go the traditional route, depending on your crowd. Posted by yellowdaisies84[/QUOTE]
<div>There is a difference between not wanting to open gifts and wanting to cut down on wrapping/waste. You can absolutely have a 'green' shower where people use recycled wrapping paper (even from their own homes, if you want to go that far), the concern here is that you cannot tell someone how to wrap presents, or how not to. I promise there will be enough visiting time at the shower.</div>
The difference between this and an adult birthday party is that for the birthday party, gifts are optional. A shower is about gifts, so they should be opened while the shower is going on.
In Response to Re:Didn't want to thread jack Not opening gifts at shower:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Didn't want to thread jack Not opening gifts at shower:Good idea: Asking for unwrapped gifts because you care about the environment. Bad idea: asking for unwrapped gifts because you're too lazy to open presents.Posted by ErinElizabethRNo, they're both bad ideas.nbsp; You should not be attempting to dictate how your guests wrap their presents. Posted by Viczaesar[/QUOTE] I can see your point there, but i'm not into wrapping presents, I always use newspaper or cut up paper bags. I wouldn't be bothered if someone told me not to wrap their presents. I would be like "yay, one less thing I have to do!" Most people I know would think the same thing. I never thought of someone being bothered by that, and I don't know of anyone who would be bothered by that. So I never thought of it as telling people what to do.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-want-to-thread-jack-not-opening-gifts-at-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1b31b0-cabf-4f7a-9d16-fd7154a0a3a4Post:410f6c2e-0fdb-4f82-8345-4ea7e5730fe5">Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower</a>: [QUOTE]I've never heard of, or been to a display shower before but I really like concept and I think it's a great idea. I'm all for anything that cuts down on wasteful gift wrapping, and I love that the guests can save time and effort by not having to wrap the gift and everyone can visit more at the shower. Seeing all the negative responses though does make me think that the idea could be offensive to some of your guests. Might be safer to go the traditional route, depending on your crowd. Posted by yellowdaisies84[/QUOTE]
<div>If someone is too lazy to spend five minutes wrapping a gift, they can put it in a gift bag or have the store wrap it for them.</div>
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-want-to-thread-jack-not-opening-gifts-at-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1b31b0-cabf-4f7a-9d16-fd7154a0a3a4Post:478cdf6a-9b94-4247-9554-ebe4600b89ef">Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower</a>: [QUOTE]It's NOT the "latest thing" around here and I'm just over the bridge from you (Manhattan) As a matter of fact, I have never even heard on and I go to dozens of shower a year. It IS poor manners though. Posted by ootmother3[/QUOTE]
Please read my above comment to Liatris. As I said prior, I have been to showers where gifts are wrapped in cellophane and realize those are in poor taste. I have never been to a shower where gifts aren't opened and was curious if there was etiquette on that which after 60 posts I know that it is inappropriate to not open gifts ar the shower. I did not say that cellophane wrapping or not opening gifts was the "latest thing around here" at all and I understand and respect the opinions on why neither are appropriate.
In Response to Re:Didn't want to thread jack Not opening gifts at shower:It's NOT the "latest thing" around here and I'm just over the bridge from you ManhattanAs a matter of fact, I have never even heard on and I go to dozens of shower a year.nbsp;nbsp; It IS poor manners though. Posted by ootmother3
I never said its "the latest thing". It's a new thing which happens to be common out of the showers I have been to.
Some guests have asked about it. I explained the reason I am doing it this way is to spend more time with them.
No one has said me wanting to spend more time with them was in poor taste but you are entitled to your opinion. I guess you have to know your guests.
many of my guests did their own showers this way and the others are really laid back. There has never been any issues in my circle about ppl feeling how you do.
Its all about preference and knowing how your guests would react I guess.
Also wanted to reiterate i'm having 80 guests.
I guess I just don't get why the guest lists have to be so big. Yeah, you are having one shower. I had one shower as well. You know what? You are allowed to invite your cousins and not his... and your aunts and not his.... in fact the only people on my FI's side who were invited were his mother and one sister-in-law. That's it. Maybe it's just my circle, but we find it sort of grabby to have extended family members on the groom's side come bring the bride gifts when her side is the one hosting. His side did not offer to host a shower for me, so I did not have a shower for his side. I see his mom and sister-in-law a lot, and they would have been invited on their own accord, regardless of the relationship.
I know that family dynamics are different, and I do get that gifts are for technically for both the bride and groom, but the shower is traditionally an event held in the bride's honor. I would have felt weird asking his aunts and cousins to come and bring a gift to an event that was in my honor and didn't include him. And I have met his extended family on several occassions - but it would still have felt odd to me.
My shower had about 25 guests. We mingled, ate a lovely lunch, and then mingled some more before opening gits. Opening the actual gifts took about 30 minutes. Point is, you can have a nice event that includes speaking with each guest and the guests all speaking with one another and still open the presents. The guest list just has to be a manageable size.
Anyway, that's my $0.02. I'm sure I'm in the minority on this, but that's how I and most of the people on my side operate and feel. If the groom's side wants to host a separate shower, they can have at.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-want-to-thread-jack-not-opening-gifts-at-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1b31b0-cabf-4f7a-9d16-fd7154a0a3a4Post:33dfddfc-0f80-43a5-8722-520bc9c0bb7c">Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower</a>: [QUOTE]<strong>Opening gifts does not have to take long</strong>. At my shower, sis handed me a gift, H and I took turns opening while the other read the card, and my stepdad sat behind us with a garbage bag so we could hand him trash. Aunt sat to our other side to put the opened gifts away. People were free to get up and graze at the snack table agaist the wall. It was really easy. I think if you're having a gift giving party you need to open that darn gift. I say that as someone who finds it odd. You're getting free stuff, you can suck it up and put on a smile to open the thing. Seems like a pretty fair toll to pay. Posted by Harry87[/QUOTE]
No but when you have 80 guests, it could take long due to many different circumstances. Also some people get more than one gift so it would likely be more than 80 gifts I'd be opening.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-want-to-thread-jack-not-opening-gifts-at-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1b31b0-cabf-4f7a-9d16-fd7154a0a3a4Post:bb5a064f-2cc9-4b4c-98c9-e505aec571f4">Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower</a>: [QUOTE]I guess I just don't get why the guest lists have to be so big. Yeah, you are having one shower. I had one shower as well. You know what? You are allowed to invite your cousins and not his... and your aunts and not his.... in fact the only people on my FI's side who were invited were his mother and one sister-in-law. That's it. Maybe it's just my circle, but we find it sort of grabby to have extended family members on the groom's side come bring the bride gifts when her side is the one hosting. His side did not offer to host a shower for me, so I did not have a shower for his side. I see his mom and sister-in-law a lot, and they would have been invited on their own accord, regardless of the relationship. I know that family dynamics are different, and I do get that gifts are for technically for both the bride and groom, but the shower is traditionally an event held in the bride's honor. I would have felt weird asking his aunts and cousins to come and bring a gift to an event that was in my honor and didn't include him. And I have met his extended family on several occassions - but it would still have felt odd to me. My shower had about 25 guests. We mingled, ate a lovely lunch, and then mingled some more before opening gits. Opening the actual gifts took about 30 minutes. Point is, you can have a nice event that includes speaking with each guest and the guests all speaking with one another and still open the presents. The guest list just has to be a manageable size. Anyway, that's my $0.02. I'm sure I'm in the minority on this, but that's how I and most of the people on my side operate and feel. If the groom's side wants to host a separate shower, they can have at. Posted by hoffse[/QUOTE]
I am very close with his aunts. I couldn't imagine not having them @ my shower!
Of course it is possible to do both open gifts and mingle with guests, but the size of the space, time allotted and the number of guests really doesn't allow for it. Plus, I don't want it. I'm not comfortable opening gifts in front of people and I get awkward watching people do it too when I am at showers where it is done b/c I know they feel forced to react and it sometimes just seems like fake & forced reactions. I'm personally more comfortable opening gifts with my parents and FI and my sister in their living room.
I did not have a say with regards to the shower being only my side. My mom said she is giving me one shower and she knows I am close to his side too so she suggested it is only right to have them there (I agree). These women are like my 8 other mothers. They have taken me in and make me so feel welcomed and loved. To exclude them so I can open gifts woukd have been wrong to me.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-want-to-thread-jack-not-opening-gifts-at-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1b31b0-cabf-4f7a-9d16-fd7154a0a3a4Post:04dc74e7-3e35-4d0d-bac0-cafcee1404ec">Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower : Nope, not an excuse. I had 44 guests and it took half an hour. My friend had more than 90 and it took an hour. An hour that had drinks and snacks. And, you know, it was a shower, so it's not like I was mad that she would DARE open them. That was the point of my afternoon. Posted by Harry87[/QUOTE]
My shower is 2 hours long. It's all my mom could afford b/c the place charges per person per hour. Opening gifts at my shower would take up the entire length of the shower! My mom is not rich. I never said it's the right thing to do- I realise this is the etiquette board- but sometimes, yes, there really are valid reasons to do a shower like this, other than the fact that it is also my preference.
Why don't you call it a bridal luncheon or something then? If you're so against getting gifts when other people don't get them, then...don't get gifts. Don't have a "shower" have a bridal get together.
I try my best to buy presents for people that are personal, interesting, and unique. If I don't get to see the person open the gift after I've given it to them (assume that I physically give it to them, not send it across the country), well, I'm disappointed and probably a little annoyed with the person. I also love to wrap presents. Personally, I would not attend a shower where I was told to not wrap a gift or that the bride would not be opening gifts, I would think that is extremely rude.
Also, I've never been to a birthday party where the gifts weren't opened. This includes adult birthday parties. See above paragraph.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-want-to-thread-jack-not-opening-gifts-at-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1b31b0-cabf-4f7a-9d16-fd7154a0a3a4Post:41bbb774-089b-4623-a025-85e5f942cf10">Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower : I am very close with his aunts. I couldn't imagine not having them @ my shower! Of course it is possible to do both open gifts and mingle with guests, but the size of the space, time allotted and the number of guests really doesn't allow for it. Plus, <strong>I don't want it</strong>.<strong> I'm not comfortable opening gifts in front of people</strong> and I get awkward watching people do it too when I am at showers where it is done b/c I know they feel forced to react and it sometimes just seems like fake & forced reactions.<strong> I'm personally more comfortable opening gifts with my parents and FI and my sister in their living room</strong>. I did not have a say with regards to the shower being only my side. My mom said she is giving me one shower and she knows I am close to his size too so she suggested it is only right to have them there (I agree). These women are like my 8 other mothers. They have taken me in and make me so feel welcomed and loved. To exclude them so I can open gifts woukd have been wrong to me. Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]
<div>Do you realize you have options? If you are "uncomfortable opening gifts in front of people", you can <u>decline</u> the <u>gift giving party</u>. If you are most comfortable opening gifts with immediate family, then have a small and intimate family shower.</div><div> </div><div>I would think if you are SO close to these scores of women, many of whom you consider mothers, you should feel comfortable, safe, and gracious enough to perform the simple task of opening a gift. You said in a previous post that you prefer to "ooh and ahh at home", but that is the exact reaction guests like to see from the recipient when opening their gift. </div><div> </div><div> </div>
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-want-to-thread-jack-not-opening-gifts-at-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1b31b0-cabf-4f7a-9d16-fd7154a0a3a4Post:fe158eee-58d1-475a-881b-92e216011d5c">Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower</a>: [QUOTE]OwningAHome Why don't you call it a bridal luncheon or something then? If you're so against getting gifts when other people don't get them, then...don't get gifts. Don't have a "shower" have a bridal get together. I try my best to buy presents for people that are personal, interesting, and unique. If I don't get to see the person open the gift after I've given it to them (assume that I physically give it to them, not send it across the country), well, I'm disappointed and probably a little annoyed with the person. I also love to wrap presents. Personally, I would not attend a shower where I was told to not wrap a gift or that the bride would not be opening gifts, I would think that is extremely rude. Also, I've never been to a birthday party where the gifts weren't opened. This includes adult birthday parties. See above paragraph. Posted by moonraffe[/QUOTE]
<div>This. That's what I don't get. It's fine to feel awkward about opening gifts - so don't have a shower, have a luncheon instead. Your mom can't "make" you have a shower - she really shouldn't be hosting it in the first place, though I know this rule is becoming more relaxed in some circles (it hasn't relaxed one bit in mine). Bridal luncheons are lovely, and then there's no gift controversy or awkwardness that goes along with it. Seems like the best solution to me.</div>
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-want-to-thread-jack-not-opening-gifts-at-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1b31b0-cabf-4f7a-9d16-fd7154a0a3a4Post:e4ff975f-c50a-4ace-a02c-456478621ff7">Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower : This. That's what I don't get. It's fine to feel awkward about opening gifts - so don't have a shower, have a luncheon instead. Your mom can't "make" you have a shower - she really shouldn't be hosting it in the first place, though I know this rule is becoming more relaxed in some circles (it hasn't relaxed one bit in mine). Bridal luncheons are lovely, and then there's no gift controversy or awkwardness that goes along with it. Seems like the best solution to me. Posted by hoffse[/QUOTE]
Yes but my mom put shower on the invites. I can't do anything about that. A shower is what she called it. I didn't see the invites until after they went out.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-want-to-thread-jack-not-opening-gifts-at-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1b31b0-cabf-4f7a-9d16-fd7154a0a3a4Post:db626292-f1e4-4bdf-9171-8a6cd1a9df9e">Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower : Yes but my mom put shower on the invites. I can't do anything about that. A shower is what she called it. I didn't see the invites until after they went out. Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]
<div>Then suck it up and open gifts. Honestly you do have a little say over an the organization of an event like this. Very basic things like guest list and shower vs. luncheon. I find it bizarre that you had no idea it was going to be a shower until after the invitations went out. Where did your mom get the addresses for the guestlist if you hadn't communicated with her about it? I think you're grasping at straws here.</div>
[QUOTE]Yes but my mom put shower on the invites. I can't do anything about that. A shower is what she called it. I didn't see the invites until after they went out. Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]<div><div> </div><div>I'm with hoffse, suck it up and open gifts. As it stands, if you have a 2 hour limit and 80 people coming, you can mingle personally with each person for less than 2 minutes. So just open the gifts. Give your guests gift bingo or something and spend time with them individually when you actually have time to do so in the first place because it doesn't sound like you will at the shower anyway.</div></div>
Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower : Maybe it's an LI thing? haha! My mom and MOH def don't have the time for 3 showers plus I want both sides of the family to try to mingle a little! They may still end up doing the cellophane thing but I have shared this info with my MOH so we will see what happens :). Either way, not an etiquette breach on my part.
Posted by NYCBride2013[/QUOTE]
Yes, having guests being able to mingle is my #1 reason as to why I am not opening my gifts. My #2 reason, albeit small, is that I don't love attention on me to begin with and I feel it can be sort of... not necessarily rude... but opening up a bunch of material things that I just got that no one else did just kind of rubs me the wrong way. I'd rather ooh and ahh at it at home and then send a very nice thank-you note after the fact. And of course greet the guest and say thank you for the gift when they walk in.
There are many reasons why people choose to do showers this way. Some see it as rude, but the bottom line is you can't please everyone.
And the purpose of a shower IMO is show to the bride love, support and all around happiness for her. The purpose is not to shower her with gifts.
If someone puts effort into wrapping a present they want to watch you open it. It's fun for the gift giver. In certain cultures more thought goes into wrapping a present than the present itself, and its a huge insult, like spitting on the floor of your hosts home, to not open it in front of them. Requesting unwrapped presents because you're trying I conserve is a legitimate reason. to ask people to not wrap presents or use cellophane which is terrible for the environment is rude. It's rude to ask your guests to go out of their way to accommodate your laziness.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower : Yes, having guests being able to mingle is my #1 reason as to why I am not opening my gifts. My #2 reason, albeit small, is that I don't love attention on me to begin with and I feel it can be sort of... not necessarily rude... but opening up a bunch of material things that I just got that no one else did just kind of rubs me the wrong way. I'd rather ooh and ahh at it at home and then send a very nice thank-you note after the fact. And of course greet the guest and say thank you for the gift when they walk in. There are many reasons why people choose to do showers this way. Some see it as rude, but the bottom line is you can't please everyone.
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]
<div>As I just tried to advise against in the OTHER thread you just posted in, please stop with your shower/gift advice. It is not proper and you are on an etiquette board about what IS proper. Your place is not here, don't stir this up again.</div>
'Next time, just fart.' - BriSox81
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Didn't want to thread jack Not opening gifts at shower: If someone puts effort into wrapping a present they want to watch you open it. It's fun for the gift giver. In certain cultures more thought goes into wrapping a present than the present itself, and its a huge insult, like spitting on the floor of your hosts home, to not open it in front of them. Requesting unwrapped presents because you're trying I conserve is a legitimate reason. to ask people to not wrap presents or use cellophane which is terrible for the environment is rude. It's rude to ask your guests to go out of their way to accommodate your <strong>laziness</strong>.
Posted by ErinElizabethR[/QUOTE]
It's not laziness in my situation nor in the OP situiation either though.
I would agree with you 100% if laziness was the reason, but in her situation that doesn't seem to be the case.
I'm not going to beat this dead horse. You do what you want. But don't say nobody told you it was rude.
[QUOTE]As the bride, you do have input on the guest list of a shower even though you aren't hosting. I was lucky to have three people offer but if that had not happened I simply would have cut the list that I forwarded on to the hostess so that it focused on parents, grandparents, very close friends and aunts. You don't HAVE to have 80 to 100 people at your shower. This is a choice you are making. Which is fine, by the way, as long as you aren't using the large number of people as reason to be rude by refusing to unwrap presents in front of everyone.
Posted by scribe95[/QUOTE]
There is no way I would have a shower without my cousins present as we are all very close and it would be wrong to exclude FI's cousins (I think) if I was including my own so unfortunately there really is no way to minimize my guest list. I asked the question so as not to be rude to my guests and I appreciate everyone's honest responses.
<strong>Just to clear everyone up on my stance- based on the consensus of advice I would definitely like to unwrap gifts at my shower. I know my MOH's original plan was to ask that they be wrapped in cellophane but I have shared your advice with her (both on cellophane wrapping and opening gifts at home) and I hope she takes it.</strong>
[QUOTE]Good idea: Asking for unwrapped gifts because you care about the environment. Bad idea: asking for unwrapped gifts because you're too lazy to open presents.
Posted by ErinElizabethR[/QUOTE]
No, they're both bad ideas. You should not be attempting to dictate how your guests wrap their presents.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower : There is no way I would have a shower without my cousins present as we are all very close and it would be wrong to exclude FI's cousins (I think) if I was including my own so unfortunately there really is no way to minimize my guest list. I asked the question so as not to be rude to my guests and I appreciate everyone's honest responses. Just to clear everyone up on my stance- based on the consensus of advice I would definitely like to unwrap gifts at my shower. I know my MOH's original plan was to ask that they be wrapped in cellophane but<strong> I have shared your advice with her (both on cellophane wrapping and opening gifts at home) and I hope she takes it.</strong>
Posted by NYCBride2013[/QUOTE]
<div>Then you've done everything right. Do not feed OwningAHome, she is a troll and gives poor etiquette advice. The argument is with her, not with you.</div>
'Next time, just fart.' - BriSox81
You dont always have a choice. My fiances mom has 7 sisters. Was I not supposed to invite all his aunts?
[QUOTE]I've never heard of, or been to a display shower before but I really like concept and I think it's a great idea. I'm all for anything that cuts down on wasteful gift wrapping, and I love that the guests can save time and effort by not having to wrap the gift and everyone can visit more at the shower. Seeing all the negative responses though does make me think that the idea could be offensive to some of your guests. Might be safer to go the traditional route, depending on your crowd.
Posted by yellowdaisies84[/QUOTE]
<div>There is a difference between not wanting to open gifts and wanting to cut down on wrapping/waste. You can absolutely have a 'green' shower where people use recycled wrapping paper (even from their own homes, if you want to go that far), the concern here is that you cannot tell someone how to wrap presents, or how not to. I promise there will be enough visiting time at the shower.</div>
'Next time, just fart.' - BriSox81
The difference between this and an adult birthday party is that for the birthday party, gifts are optional. A shower is about gifts, so they should be opened while the shower is going on.
I can see your point there, but i'm not into wrapping presents, I always use newspaper or cut up paper bags. I wouldn't be bothered if someone told me not to wrap their presents. I would be like "yay, one less thing I have to do!" Most people I know would think the same thing. I never thought of someone being bothered by that, and I don't know of anyone who would be bothered by that. So I never thought of it as telling people what to do.
[QUOTE]I've never heard of, or been to a display shower before but I really like concept and I think it's a great idea. I'm all for anything that cuts down on wasteful gift wrapping, and I love that the guests can save time and effort by not having to wrap the gift and everyone can visit more at the shower. Seeing all the negative responses though does make me think that the idea could be offensive to some of your guests. Might be safer to go the traditional route, depending on your crowd.
Posted by yellowdaisies84[/QUOTE]
<div>If someone is too lazy to spend five minutes wrapping a gift, they can put it in a gift bag or have the store wrap it for them.</div>
As a matter of fact, I have never even heard on and I go to dozens of shower a year. It IS poor manners though.
[QUOTE]It's NOT the "latest thing" around here and I'm just over the bridge from you (Manhattan) As a matter of fact, I have never even heard on and I go to dozens of shower a year. It IS poor manners though.
Posted by ootmother3[/QUOTE]
Please read my above comment to Liatris. As I said prior, I have been to showers where gifts are wrapped in cellophane and realize those are in poor taste. I have never been to a shower where gifts aren't opened and was curious if there was etiquette on that which after 60 posts I know that it is inappropriate to not open gifts ar the shower. I did not say that cellophane wrapping or not opening gifts was the "latest thing around here" at all and I understand and respect the opinions on why neither are appropriate.
[QUOTE]<strong>Opening gifts does not have to take long</strong>. At my shower, sis handed me a gift, H and I took turns opening while the other read the card, and my stepdad sat behind us with a garbage bag so we could hand him trash. Aunt sat to our other side to put the opened gifts away. People were free to get up and graze at the snack table agaist the wall. It was really easy. I think if you're having a gift giving party you need to open that darn gift. I say that as someone who finds it odd. You're getting free stuff, you can suck it up and put on a smile to open the thing. Seems like a pretty fair toll to pay.
Posted by Harry87[/QUOTE]
No but when you have 80 guests, it could take long due to many different circumstances. Also some people get more than one gift so it would likely be more than 80 gifts I'd be opening.
[QUOTE]I guess I just don't get why the guest lists have to be so big. Yeah, you are having one shower. I had one shower as well. You know what? You are allowed to invite your cousins and not his... and your aunts and not his.... in fact the only people on my FI's side who were invited were his mother and one sister-in-law. That's it. Maybe it's just my circle, but we find it sort of grabby to have extended family members on the groom's side come bring the bride gifts when her side is the one hosting. His side did not offer to host a shower for me, so I did not have a shower for his side. I see his mom and sister-in-law a lot, and they would have been invited on their own accord, regardless of the relationship. I know that family dynamics are different, and I do get that gifts are for technically for both the bride and groom, but the shower is traditionally an event held in the bride's honor. I would have felt weird asking his aunts and cousins to come and bring a gift to an event that was in my honor and didn't include him. And I have met his extended family on several occassions - but it would still have felt odd to me. My shower had about 25 guests. We mingled, ate a lovely lunch, and then mingled some more before opening gits. Opening the actual gifts took about 30 minutes. Point is, you can have a nice event that includes speaking with each guest and the guests all speaking with one another and still open the presents. The guest list just has to be a manageable size. Anyway, that's my $0.02. I'm sure I'm in the minority on this, but that's how I and most of the people on my side operate and feel. If the groom's side wants to host a separate shower, they can have at.
Posted by hoffse[/QUOTE]
I am very close with his aunts. I couldn't imagine not having them @ my shower!
Of course it is possible to do both open gifts and mingle with guests, but the size of the space, time allotted and the number of guests really doesn't allow for it. Plus, I don't want it. I'm not comfortable opening gifts in front of people and I get awkward watching people do it too when I am at showers where it is done b/c I know they feel forced to react and it sometimes just seems like fake & forced reactions. I'm personally more comfortable opening gifts with my parents and FI and my sister in their living room.
I did not have a say with regards to the shower being only my side. My mom said she is giving me one shower and she knows I am close to his side too so she suggested it is only right to have them there (I agree). These women are like my 8 other mothers. They have taken me in and make me so feel welcomed and loved. To exclude them so I can open gifts woukd have been wrong to me.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower : Nope, not an excuse. I had 44 guests and it took half an hour. My friend had more than 90 and it took an hour. An hour that had drinks and snacks. And, you know, it was a shower, so it's not like I was mad that she would DARE open them. That was the point of my afternoon.
Posted by Harry87[/QUOTE]
My shower is 2 hours long. It's all my mom could afford b/c the place charges per person per hour. Opening gifts at my shower would take up the entire length of the shower! My mom is not rich. I never said it's the right thing to do- I realise this is the etiquette board- but sometimes, yes, there really are valid reasons to do a shower like this, other than the fact that it is also my preference.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower : I am very close with his aunts. I couldn't imagine not having them @ my shower! Of course it is possible to do both open gifts and mingle with guests, but the size of the space, time allotted and the number of guests really doesn't allow for it. Plus, <strong>I don't want it</strong>.<strong> I'm not comfortable opening gifts in front of people</strong> and I get awkward watching people do it too when I am at showers where it is done b/c I know they feel forced to react and it sometimes just seems like fake & forced reactions.<strong> I'm personally more comfortable opening gifts with my parents and FI and my sister in their living room</strong>. I did not have a say with regards to the shower being only my side. My mom said she is giving me one shower and she knows I am close to his size too so she suggested it is only right to have them there (I agree). These women are like my 8 other mothers. They have taken me in and make me so feel welcomed and loved. To exclude them so I can open gifts woukd have been wrong to me.
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]
<div>Do you realize you have options? If you are "uncomfortable opening gifts in front of people", you can <u>decline</u> the <u>gift giving party</u>. If you are most comfortable opening gifts with immediate family, then have a small and intimate family shower.</div><div>
</div><div>I would think if you are SO close to these scores of women, many of whom you consider mothers, you should feel comfortable, safe, and gracious enough to perform the simple task of opening a gift. You said in a previous post that you prefer to "ooh and ahh at home", but that is the exact reaction guests like to see from the recipient when opening their gift. </div><div>
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[QUOTE]OwningAHome Why don't you call it a bridal luncheon or something then? If you're so against getting gifts when other people don't get them, then...don't get gifts. Don't have a "shower" have a bridal get together. I try my best to buy presents for people that are personal, interesting, and unique. If I don't get to see the person open the gift after I've given it to them (assume that I physically give it to them, not send it across the country), well, I'm disappointed and probably a little annoyed with the person. I also love to wrap presents. Personally, I would not attend a shower where I was told to not wrap a gift or that the bride would not be opening gifts, I would think that is extremely rude. Also, I've never been to a birthday party where the gifts weren't opened. This includes adult birthday parties. See above paragraph.
Posted by moonraffe[/QUOTE]
<div>This. That's what I don't get. It's fine to feel awkward about opening gifts - so don't have a shower, have a luncheon instead. Your mom can't "make" you have a shower - she really shouldn't be hosting it in the first place, though I know this rule is becoming more relaxed in some circles (it hasn't relaxed one bit in mine). Bridal luncheons are lovely, and then there's no gift controversy or awkwardness that goes along with it. Seems like the best solution to me.</div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower : This. That's what I don't get. It's fine to feel awkward about opening gifts - so don't have a shower, have a luncheon instead. Your mom can't "make" you have a shower - she really shouldn't be hosting it in the first place, though I know this rule is becoming more relaxed in some circles (it hasn't relaxed one bit in mine). Bridal luncheons are lovely, and then there's no gift controversy or awkwardness that goes along with it. Seems like the best solution to me.
Posted by hoffse[/QUOTE]
Yes but my mom put shower on the invites. I can't do anything about that. A shower is what she called it. I didn't see the invites until after they went out.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower : Yes but my mom put shower on the invites. I can't do anything about that. A shower is what she called it. I didn't see the invites until after they went out.
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]
<div>Then suck it up and open gifts. Honestly you do have a little say over an the organization of an event like this. Very basic things like guest list and shower vs. luncheon. I find it bizarre that you had no idea it was going to be a shower until after the invitations went out. Where did your mom get the addresses for the guestlist if you hadn't communicated with her about it? I think you're grasping at straws here.</div>
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]<div><div>
</div><div>I'm with hoffse, suck it up and open gifts. As it stands, if you have a 2 hour limit and 80 people coming, you can mingle personally with each person for less than 2 minutes. So just open the gifts. Give your guests gift bingo or something and spend time with them individually when you actually have time to do so in the first place because it doesn't sound like you will at the shower anyway.</div></div>