Dollar Dance brainstorming

farmgirl8806 · March 2010

In case you don't know what the Dollar Dance is this is what it is: guests pay $1 (or more if they choose) to dance with either the bride or groom for about 30 seconds; it's a chance for the couple to get some more money to use for whatever (honeymoon, house, savings, etc.). Both of my sisters had a Dollar Dance at their weddings, and I would love to do that at our wedding. There's a problem though, my FI doesn't like dancing in front of people unless he's drunk because of his anxiety, so he REALLY doesn't want to do a Dollar Dance; I finally got him convinced that we should have a first dance together. The other night we were talking about the Dollar Dance on the phone, and he said we could do it since I want to; it's not just my wedding though. That's why I'm trying to think of something that is the same concept, but doesn't have anything to do with dancing. One sister suggested that they could pay $1 to limbo with us, or let them pay $1 to get their pic taken with us. We are going to have a designated place outside the barn for them to get their pic taken for the guestbook, so I'm not sure I want to have to pay $1 to get a pic taken with us. I've also had the suggestion to do a tug of war or something else that would pit the two of us against each other. Do any of you have suggestions for Dollar Dance alternatives? Thank you for any ideas.

luckyme502 · March 2010

FI doesn't like to dance either. But, after I explained the whole thing to him, it's always slow songs, it's like 30 seconds a person, he was fine with it. I love the dollar dance because we get to dance with everyone at the wedding who wants to dance with us and get a picture.

lisarose7 · March 2010

Please don't do anything that involves asking your guests for money. It may be "tradition" but it's in poor taste.

jagore08 · March 2010

I personally think the dollar dance is tacky but I know that it's customary to do in some areas. If you don't do the dollar dance then you don't do anything. If I were to go to a wedding and they asked me to pay (any amount of money) to do anything besides a dollar dance (and again, only because I know the dd is a customary thing in certain circles) I would think that it was extremely rude and tacky. I wouldn't understand that you were replacing the dd with some other form of money grabbing activity.

[Deleted User] · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_dollar-dance-brainstorming?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:58cc6a50-ecd8-45d5-9b08-a6ae32fec530Post:45f6da77-5f51-47d9-b9b2-468b91ad0ece">Dollar Dance brainstorming</a>:
[QUOTE]In case you don't know what the Dollar Dance is this is what it is: guests pay $1 (or more if they choose) to dance with either the bride or groom for about 30 seconds; it's a chance for the couple to get some more money to use for whatever (honeymoon, house, savings, etc.). Both of my sisters had a Dollar Dance at their weddings, and I would love to do that at our wedding. There's a problem though, my FI doesn't like dancing in front of people unless he's drunk because of his anxiety, so he REALLY doesn't want to do a Dollar Dance; I finally got him convinced that we should have a first dance together. The other night we were talking about the Dollar Dance on the phone, and he said we could do it since I want to; it's not just my wedding though. That's why I'm trying to think of something that is the same concept, but doesn't have anything to do with dancing. One sister suggested that they could pay $1 to limbo with us, or let them pay $1 to get their pic taken with us. We are going to have a designated place outside the barn for them to get their pic taken for the guestbook, so I'm not sure I want to have to pay $1 to get a pic taken with us. I've also had the suggestion to do a tug of war or something else that would pit the two of us against each other. Do any of you have suggestions for Dollar Dance alternatives? Thank you for any ideas.
Posted by farmgirl8806[/QUOTE]

None of these ideas sound like a good idea. Just skip the whole asking guests for money thing.

bablingbrooke · March 2010

Anything that involves asking guests to part with their money is tacky, tacky, tacky.

bablingbrooke · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_dollar-dance-brainstorming?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:58cc6a50-ecd8-45d5-9b08-a6ae32fec530Post:7ac0bd26-a138-4469-a1b1-04cf0965a325">Re: Dollar Dance brainstorming</a>:
[QUOTE]FI doesn't like to dance either. But, after I explained the whole thing to him, it's always slow songs, it's like 30 seconds a person, he was fine with it. I love the dollar dance because we get to dance with everyone at the wedding who wants to dance with us and get a picture.
Posted by luckyme502[/QUOTE]

<div>We did that with all our guests anyway...for free.</div>

megk8oz · March 2010

Didn't you post this on another board?

Anyway, where I'm from the Dollar Dance is tacky. I understand in some places it's "tradition", so if that's the case with you, then it's ok to do the dance, not invent some new (And completely inappropriate) way of essentially pan-handling at your reception.

Do not charge your guests to take pictures with them. This is not a "tradition" anywhere, and while I guarantee it'll make your guests "talk for weeks" ... it won't be things you'd want them saying about your wedding.

Pirata13 · March 2010

Alternate suggetion: don't do it. Tacky. My guests are alreadys spending enough with travel, some hotel, and I assume, gifts, so asking them for more money is just not nice. It tends to be "traditional" here too, but I feel if we need $200 more for our HM, then we should curb some of our spending (dinners out etc) to cover that ourselves.

beckster5551 · March 2010

Hey again Farmgirl8806! I totally forgot something that was done at both my aunts and my Fathers wedding. Kidnapping the bride, the GM "kidnap" the bride and the groom tried to raise money to get her back. I know at my Fathers wedding my Step-mom really enjoyed it. She loved the time she got to spend with the GM.

**I'm sorry you are getting so much negative feedback again, even on the tradition board. Have you tried posting this on your local board? They might be more use to this tradition.**

Happy planning!

farmgirl8806 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_dollar-dance-brainstorming?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:58cc6a50-ecd8-45d5-9b08-a6ae32fec530Post:812c48c0-8073-4030-a2ed-2e49d4a8b0dc">Re: Dollar Dance brainstorming</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey again Farmgirl8806! I totally forgot something that was done at both my aunts and my Fathers wedding. Kidnapping the bride, the GM "kidnap" the bride and the groom tried to raise money to get her back. I know at my Fathers wedding my Step-mom really enjoyed it. She loved the time she got to spend with the GM. **I'm sorry you are getting so much negative feedback again, even on the tradition board. Have you tried posting this on your local board? They might be more use to this tradition.** Happy planning!
Posted by beckster5551[/QUOTE]

Thank you. Yes, I've posted it on several different boards to get a variety of ideas. When one of the GM got married for the first time, his GM kidnapped the bride, took her to a bar in a different town, and got her drunk. lol My FI's would probably do the same thing to me if they kidnapped me! lol I have definitely gotten a lot of negative feedback, but I've just started to ignore all the negative stuff.

JamieK1882 · March 2010

I am doing a "dollar dance" at my wedding, only I always referred to it as the "bridal dance." Its a very alive tradition where I'm from and very Polish. Also, the bridal dance here is to a polka song, not slow songs and they only dance with the bride. We were always told that when both the bride and groom do the bridal dance it is tacky and asking for $2 instead of $1. Here is all I could find on the tradition via a google search:

"The custom was originated in America earlier this century by the European
immigrants, who wanted to assure that the young couple had a few extra
dollars to face the future with. It has endured in certain areas of the
United States, while it is virtually non-existent in other parts."

"

There are many traditional polish www.essortment.com/lifestyle/polishweddingc_svlq.htm#" target="_top" class="kLink" onmouseover="adlinkMouseOver(event,this,6);" onmouseout="adlinkMouseOut(event,this,6);">dances such as polkas and mazurkas. The most common polish wedding dance traditions is the “money dance” or “dollar dance”. This is when the bride starts off dancing with her father and then other male guests “cut-in” to dance with the bride, paying a dollar (or quite often more) for the honor. This is to give the bride “pin” money to bring to the marriage. The money is thrown in an apron or bag but in the past was actually pinned to the bride. Other traditional dances include the “Poloniaise” in which couples will march together around the dance floor. The “kujawiak” which is very waltz-like in its smooth patern with the couple spinning elegantly around the dance area is another lovely dance custom. The bride and groom can dance together to the “Polish Wedding March.” This is usually done at the beginning of the www.essortment.com/lifestyle/polishweddingc_svlq.htm#" target="_top" class="kLink" onmouseover="adlinkMouseOver(event,this,7);" onmouseout="adlinkMouseOut(event,this,7);">entertainment portion of the reception. "

Hope this helps!

MyNameIsNot · March 2010

Here's an idea. Don't be tacky. If people want to give you money, they will. Coming up with new and different ways to ask for cash does not make you creative. It makes you rude.

Amaryllis619 · March 2010

we're doing it because FI really wants to, and it's tradition where he's from. that being said, i wouldn't just make up something else. i'd either do the dollar dance, or skip it entirely. that's just my opinion tho.

aerinpegadrak · March 2010

The only dollar dance alternative that I'm fond of is the one where guests write you a little message and give that to you in exchange for a dance. You still get the face time, but you're not making people open their wallets. Traditionally, the money given at the dollar dance was the only gift the guest gave; since guests these days usually give a separate gift, asking them for additional money is just rude.

If he doesn't want to dance, then you don't do it. If you want to get face time with all of your guests, do table visits or a receiving line. For our wedding, we're planning on serving the cake ourselves, so that we can be sure not to miss anyone.

britne28 · March 2010

I love how people say the comments are negative when the comments don't agree with the ideas put forth. The pps are correct, it is rude to ask for more money.

I do like the message idea instead. You can take the messages and put them in a scrapbook.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_dollar-dance-brainstorming?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:58cc6a50-ecd8-45d5-9b08-a6ae32fec530Post:e7d54029-d189-4a66-b888-8aa7e46cf8cd">Re: Dollar Dance brainstorming</a>:
[QUOTE] <strong>The custom was originated in America earlier this century by the European immigrants, who wanted to assure that the young couple had a few extra dollars to face the future with. It has endured in certain areas of the United States, while it is virtually non-existent in other parts." </strong>
Posted by JamieK1882[/QUOTE]

And I can promise that at that point people weren't spending hundreds of dollars on travel and kitchenaid mixers for the couple on top of that. Know what I mean?

MyNameIsNot · March 2010

Your guests are going to be thinking the same things we are saying. But since they know you and will spare your feelings, they won't tell you.

But you can be sure, their opinion of you will change when they see you grubbing for money like this. Have a little dignity and pay for your own stuff.

trix1223 · March 2010

Sheesh! How many boards are you going to continue to post this on hoping for validation from someone....anyone! You're up to at least 4 now, and thus far, most people are saying what I said on this exact same post on the music board:

I'm not in favor of ANYTHING where you make guests pay at your wedding. I abhor dollar dances, but at least it's, in some cases, a cultural tradition.

I didn't have a $$ dance at our wedding, even though it's very much a tradition in my DH's family. My sister didn't have a $$ dance at her wedding. Neither of my children had $$ dances at their weddings. I don't remember a single person at any of the weddings coming up and saying "But, but, but we really wanted to pay to dance tonight!"

A guest simply shouldn't have to PAY to dance at your wedding. And it certainly wouldn't be improved by making it a "limbo".

But asking people to PAY MONEY to have a photo taken with you is even worse. It's just crass and greedy.

I can promise you that if you charge people to have a photo taken with you, people will talk about your wedding for a long, long time. But it won't be pleasant.

Listen to your FI. Skip the $$ dance. Particularly if he's so opposed to it.

CTGirl30 · March 2010

Again?

If a lot of people are telling you the same thing over and over but you choose to ignore it...what does that really say?

bablingbrooke · March 2010

"I won't dance with you unless you pay me." Yeah, that doesn't come across as cash-grabby at all...

aerinpegadrak · March 2010

It was once "customary" and "traditional" in my culture for the groom to pay a dowry to the bride's father. Should my FI have asked my dad how many goats I was worth?

There is such a thing called progress. The dollar dance came from a time when the only thing a guest would give the couple would be that money, and travel to the wedding consisted of walking to the village square. Now, guests often spend quite a bit on travel and hotel (not to mention lost time at work) to get to a wedding, plus most people either purchase a gift off the registry or give a separate cash gift. Asking for more money on top of that is what makes it rude.

lisarose7 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_dollar-dance-brainstorming?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:58cc6a50-ecd8-45d5-9b08-a6ae32fec530Post:fc55b64f-9055-4ccb-9783-f0424fec1b41">Re: Dollar Dance brainstorming</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dollar Dance brainstorming : Thanks for letting us choose what to do at our own wedding. Also, you are posting on a board titled "Customs and Traditions". My whole family is Polish, which is where the dollar dance started. I think that would qualify as a custom. Everyone person in my family who has had a wedding has had a dollar dance, I think that would qualify as a tradition. <strong>Just because it is not practiced in your family or in your heritage doesn't mean it is wrong for me to do it.</strong>
Posted by luckyme502[/QUOTE]

Doesn't mean it's right, either. After all, in some cultures it's customary to mutilate a girl's genitals prior to marriage. In others, it's customary for a member of the groom's family to witness the consummation of the marriage so they can verify the bride was a virgin. In still others, it's customary for brides to get married at the age of 11 to men 20-50 years older whom they've never met. Let's not forget cultures in which it's acceptable for men to marry multiple women and beat and/or kill their wives when they're unhappy with them. Granted, the dollar dance isn't quite in the same league as any of these examples...it's just tacky and tasteless.

aerinpegadrak · March 2010

Also, prevailing American culture states that it's highly improper to make any mentions of gifts, especially cash gifts. Calling your guests out on the floor for the express purpose of giving you money is pretty much directly at odds with American cultural norms. It's fine to say, "Oh, people can just sit out," but have you ever been the one sitting out? I have, a lot, because I never carry cash. It's not fun.

When dealing with culture clashes, it's best to take the route that will offend the fewest amount of people. If the groom is so resistant to the dollar dance as the OP indicated, perhaps he feels that his family will be offended. In that case, it's best to simply not have the dance. Somehow I doubt it will be missed.

luckyme502 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_dollar-dance-brainstorming?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:58cc6a50-ecd8-45d5-9b08-a6ae32fec530Post:76993ec6-8c13-4ce2-8f77-43e6441d0207">Re: Dollar Dance brainstorming</a>:
[QUOTE]"I won't dance with you unless you pay me." Yeah, that doesn't come across as cash-grabby at all...
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

You obviously did not read my posts, or you would know that you don't have to pay any money to dance with us at our wedding. Nice try though.

luckyme502 · March 2010

I really think it's funny that you are reducing yourselves to calling me a stripper and comparing the dollar dance to genital mutilation, but I am the one who is tacky. Maybe because you ran out of logical ways to defend your position?

bablingbrooke · March 2010

I wasn't calling you a stripper, I was making a point: it's a classless and tacky thing to dance for money. Logic has been used on you repeatedly and has gone over your head every. single. time.

Clearly squeezing your guests for an extra $30 to $50 bucks is very important to you. That's sad and says a lot about your character. You could dance with these people who took off work/traveled/possibly paid for hotel and gift for FREE and have just as much fun as with the dollar dance; probably more fun because more people will want to dance if you aren't charging for the "privilege." It's just rude to invite people to a party and then say "give me money if you want to actually spend time with me."

And don't say "our tradition" because that's BS. There are plenty of other ways to honor your culture and tradition without begging for cash. I had a cross-cultural wedding (with half the guests actually from the old country) and we managed to honor both cultures without asking people to fork over money in the name of "culture" or "tradition."

If that doesn't get through to you, nothing else will. You are determined to do this. Which is sad.

MyNameIsNot · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_dollar-dance-brainstorming?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:58cc6a50-ecd8-45d5-9b08-a6ae32fec530Post:724c3e80-93c6-4e4f-8c4e-400ff66d7057">Re: Dollar Dance brainstorming</a>:
[QUOTE]I really think it's funny that you are reducing yourselves to calling me a stripper and comparing the dollar dance to genital mutilation, but I am the one who is tacky. Maybe because you ran out of logical ways to defend your position?
Posted by luckyme502[/QUOTE]

<div>No one called you a stripper. It's just easy to make the connection from one form of grubbing and dancing for dollar bills to another.</div><div>
</div><div>If you do need dollars bad enough that you would reduce yourself to this, then you should consider stripping. You'd earn more that way. </div>

lisarose7 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_dollar-dance-brainstorming?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:58cc6a50-ecd8-45d5-9b08-a6ae32fec530Post:724c3e80-93c6-4e4f-8c4e-400ff66d7057">Re: Dollar Dance brainstorming</a>:
[QUOTE]I really think it's funny that you are reducing yourselves to calling me a stripper and comparing the dollar dance to genital mutilation, but I am the one who is tacky. Maybe because you ran out of logical ways to defend your position?
Posted by luckyme502[/QUOTE]

The comparison to genital mutilation was merely to highlight your "argument" that because something is traditional in your culture it's automatically right. I specifically said that the dollar dance isn't in the same league as genital mutilation, but I think you've already demonstrated that you see what you want to see.

And I agree with MyNameIsNot...I think your dollar dance will be much more lucrative if you install a stripper pole in your reception hall and take off your gown so they can stuff the money in your garter. And, hey, you'll save money on your FI's bachelor party that way, too...since watching a stripper will be part of the reception!

luckyme502 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_dollar-dance-brainstorming?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:58cc6a50-ecd8-45d5-9b08-a6ae32fec530Post:f9a43f44-15ca-4bd4-aeed-7db323954e43">Re: Dollar Dance brainstorming</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dollar Dance brainstorming : No one called you a stripper. It's just easy to make the connection from one form of grubbing and dancing for dollar bills to another. If you do need dollars bad enough that you would reduce yourself to this, then you should consider stripping. You'd earn more that way.
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

Yes, you and babbling brook called me a stripper. I don't need the money at all. It's not the point of the dollar dance, and if you had actually read my posts, you would know that.

luckyme502 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_dollar-dance-brainstorming?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:58cc6a50-ecd8-45d5-9b08-a6ae32fec530Post:32e7677d-6170-437b-9f77-062ebf968fea">Re: Dollar Dance brainstorming</a>:
[QUOTE]I wasn't calling you a stripper, I was making a point: it's a classless and tacky thing to dance for money. Logic has been used on you repeatedly and has gone over your head every. single. time. Clearly squeezing your guests for an extra $30 to $50 bucks is very important to you. That's sad and says a lot about your character. You could dance with these people who took off work/traveled/possibly paid for hotel and gift for FREE and have just as much fun as with the dollar dance; probably more fun because more people will want to dance if you aren't charging for the "privilege." It's just rude to invite people to a party and then say "give me money if you want to actually spend time with me." And don't say "our tradition" because that's BS. There are plenty of other ways to honor your culture and tradition without begging for cash. I had a cross-cultural wedding (with half the guests actually from the old country) and we managed to honor both cultures without asking people to fork over money in the name of "culture" or "tradition." If that doesn't get through to you, nothing else will. You are determined to do this. Which is sad.
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

Actually yes, I am going to have the dance no matter what you say. I don't need the money. And you still haven't read all my posts because I specifically have said twice now that people don't have to pay to dance with us.

You have not used logic repeatedly to try to explain it to me. You have called me tacky and compared me to a stripper, but that's not really using logic. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to call someone names.

Dollar Dance brainstorming

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