Moms/grandmas/aunts at the Bachlorette Party???

rcrivard · August 2010

I was just "told" by my future sister in law that I have to invite my future mother in law, future grandmother in law and my FI's aunts to my Bachlorette party. My understanding was that traditionally, a Bparty is only for bridesmaids and a few close friends/*younger*family members. I know I can invite whoever I want, but my SIL is determined that they will be highly offended if they aren't invited. What's the proper protocol? I think she's out of line and having them there would just be awkward.

ohyouhavemyheart · August 2010

i agree she is out of line. if she wants to invite them to HER b-party then she can, but its your party you invite who you want. i would feel super akward having FI's mom and grandma at my b-party.

trix1223 · August 2010

I think (hope) that your FSIL is thinking of your shower, where yes, moms and grandmas are always included on the guest list.

I don't know anyone whose mom and/or grandma went to their b-party. Two of my three children are now married, and I didn't attend any of the girls' b-parties, and my DH didn't attend any of the guys' b-parties.

I vote a strong no to b-parties, yes to showers.

rcrivard · August 2010

haha my MOH and I repeatedly asked, are you sure you're talking about the Bparty and not the shower?? Unfortunately, she was adamant that they should be invited to both parties. Of course they are definitely invited to the shower, but my MOH and I both agree that inviting them to the Bparty isn't right.

loop0406 · August 2010

In my opinion, it depends on the location and type of bachelorette party. If there will be strippers and heavy drinking involved, I wouldn't invite the FMIL or fiance's aunts....if it's low key casual, I would invite them

aleighk1 · August 2010

I agree with loop. If you guys are going to a cooking class or just doing dinner then that should be fine. But if you're going to the club and having a penis shaped cake, then you probably don't want them there for that haha!

lilianne22 · August 2010

I'd keep FMIL, aunts and grandma's on the shower list only. I've never heard of them being invited to a B-party. That's supposed to be a time for you to hang out with your girl friends. No matter what the venue, I don't think I'd invite the others to the B-party.

SuMmErKuTiE · August 2010

Yes, she is definitely out of line. First of all, it's not up to her who you invite to your bachelorette, secondly, you're right it is usually just the close friends of the bride who are invited and moms, grandmas, aunts, etc.. are usually not a part of it. It's supposed ot be a night out celebrating with your closest girlfriends. How often do these woman come out when you have a "girls night out". I'm assuming never, and if that's the case then they shouldn't be at your bachelorette party.

jaclyndoherty · August 2010

I invited my mom and FMIL to my bachelorette party. They both declined but I wanted them to know they were more than welcome. However grandma?! I dont think so. My mom and FMIL can handle seeing penis shaped things but I dont want my grandma seeing that stuff. Weird!

kag0215 · August 2010

I fully agree that she was way out of line telling you that you had to invite them. If you're worried though now about not inviting them you can always have a nice dinner before the strip clubs, drinking, and penis cakes and just invite them to that.

MairePoppy · August 2010

As a MOB, I don't expect to be invited to my daughter's BP, if she has one. If they invited me, I'd decline.
If FSIL insists, she could host a pre-party at her place for the moms, aunts and grandmas to 'send off' the younger women.

Roxichael · August 2010

That's what a bridal shower is for and she should understand that. However, if I were in your situation I would just bring it up directly to your future mother-in-law and grandma-in-law. They should respect the fact that you openly expressed your concern, and will respond accordingly. doing that could also help bring you closer to his family. In turn, his sister will also know that there's no (for lack of a better word) bullying you. She'll know that you'll be a strong addition to their family, and that you're there to stay.

staceytaylor0704 · August 2010

Even if you are doing low key B party, I would still not invite them. Thats just weird.

lisalou402 · August 2010

At my MOH's bachelorette party, her FMIL and FSIL came. Was super weird, and the real fun couldn't start until they left. Real fun really only consisted of just letting our guards down a lttle bit because no "parents" were there. Her mother actually told her "honey, there is no place for your mother at your bachelorette party!"

Muffin'sMom · August 2010

My daughter and her friends started her bachelorette party with dinner and I was invited. I went to that part, paid for appetizers and deserts for the group, and then after dinner I exited stage left and they went on with the rest of the evening. It could be a good compromise if you talk to FMIL and FGMIL and there is no other way out of it.

mrsjustinm2b · August 2010

My mom is invited to my bachlorette party and I would be really disappointed if she didn't come, but that's the relationship that we have together. If you want parents there go for it, if not then maybe ask your FI if he really thinks that they would be offended if they weren't invited....I know my FSIL can get a little over the top about stuff that really wasnt a concern to begin with and blow it out of proportion...just sayin

zappatini · August 2010

I had no idea until I was on the knot that there was some tradiitonal thing that it was only the bridal party. I did actually invite people outside of the bridal party including friends, aunts, and grandma but I did that because I wanted them there if they could make it. Not because someone else pushde me into it. This is your call and no one elses. Typically whoever is hosting will ask for a list of invitees I had been told.

banana468 · August 2010

Every bachelorette I've been to involved going out for dinner, drinks and dancing. It's a chance for the bride to bond with her nearest and dearest friends and family if they're her peers.

IMO, moms and grandmas aren't on the list.

davenia7 · August 2010

I definitely agree that it is your decision, not hers. My mom is invited to mine, but we are doing a bachelorette weekend at a cabin with a winery tour and tasting, and hiking and picnicking. No naked penis shaking no out of control wildness. And my mom enjoys wine just as much as the next woman. I might invite my future MIL too, bc she's a wine lover too. But were I doing the clubbing thing, heck no.

jkwolfram · August 2010

I think it really depends on the party and what you're doing.

bibbus · August 2010

GIRL !!! Firstly- nip it in the bud with the FSIL- let her know that YOU decide on the guest list- after all- this is YOUR wedding, not hers ! Secondly, wasn't there a movie that involved a grandmother and a bachelorette party and granny ended up with anal beads around her neck the entire time thinking they were glow-in-the-dark pearls ????? Either way- her insisting on the elder family members be invited to something like this suggests that this FSIL has issues ! Good luck with everything and God Bless !!!

PharmacyBride · August 2010

My sister just had her bachelorette party yesterday. Aunts, grandmas, moms, and friends were all there for all day drinking by the pool, at home wine tasting, gifts, inappropriate question games, heavy pre-bar drinking and such. The aunts and grandma left before the bar and the mom's were our DDs. Despite the sex questions during the question game, the gifts, p*n*s straws/ice cubes, and heavy drinking.. no one really held back or was awkward about.

This is VERY unusual!!! I would say 99.9% of the time.. you wouldn't be able to invite the grandmas and still have the same party you would without them there. There is no way they will be at my party in 2 months and they are not offended- even though they were invited to my sister's.

Yes, sometimes having them there works for the bride.. but it was my sister's decision to invite them all. It is very inappropriate for your SIL to put any pressure on you to invite them.. and based on your posts... I know you will not have as much fun with them around.

Say NO and don't feel guilty about it. You shouldn't have to even explain your reasons.. just a big fat NO!!! Good luck. I hope it works out for you!!!

Molmoreno · August 2010

We are doing a two part deal, like most do, I think... Mom, Aunts and Grandma are invited to dinner (and gift opening), by my choosing, but my girlfriends and I are planning on going out and getting rip-roaring on the bus... where we may run into mom later, but she will not be out for the majority and we will then have a girl's night at the hotel.
We are not too old ,but we are not going out to straight whore it up, but we are going to party like it is 1999 and whoop it up,
So my take is dinner: good -party: oh, no no no.

Lisam808 · August 2010

I just went thru this exact same thing!!!! I too think the bach party is to get a little crazy and have a blast with you BM's and friends. I felt that it would not only be sooo awkward having my FMIL joining us but also would stress me out when I am supposed to not care about anything but fun for the night.
Here is what I did, I talked to my guy told him we could do something else for moms aunts and grandma's just not that night. I also said my mom would be offended because she would not be invited and everyone else would. Hope it helps!

I Want Cake · August 2010

Makes me glad my grandmas are dead, and so are FI's. Not that I wanted them to die or anything, just that I'm glad to not have to think about this. And hopefully both our moms and aunts will be too busy to go out with BMs and me.

kmunn09 · August 2010

My Grandma came to my bachelorette party and she was the last one to go to bed! If you have a close relationship with your parents/grandparents - I say invite them! They were young and had their own bachelorette parties at one point...they know what happens at a bachelorette party! Party down Gma! : )

dmbihn3 · August 2010

It is totally YOUR decision to have mom's, aunts, grandma's at the Bachlorette Party. I am VERY close to my mom, FMIL, aunts and grandma, so they are invited to my bachlorette party. We are doing drinks and appetizers at a friends house, then going out to the bars. They are going to join us for the "before" festivities and then just me and my "girls" are going to head to the bars.

But i really think it comes down to every brides relationship and what every person wants and feels comfortable with.

... 85 Days till I become Mrs. Addison!

KoalaLuv · August 2010

This may be a bit much, but this is what I've heard other gals doing:

Having a spa/shopping day followed by a nice dinner. Def. inviting all the ladies to that. Afterwards is the "after party" with the heavy drinking/"i don't want my grandma seeing me doing this" stuff.

My MIL, MOB, and MOB's friends (lol!) are probably all coming to my bach party because we're very open and pretty goofy. Drinking, clubs, dancing, maybe or maybe not some paid male hotties. I imagine it being a lot less "Ooh baby" and a lot more "tehehe!" (like in The Proposal: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LszpHvw_0oE)

daniellejcormier · August 2010

When did "I'm just not comfortable with that" become a difficult phrase for women to say?

Look, it's your wedding, your party, it should be your guest list. Just explain that in a firm but gentle way to your SIL, MIL and GIL.

If you want an atlernative to make them feel included, my fiance's family does a bachelorette weekend for each female's wedding. We rent a shore house, play games (with prizes), drink, eat, etc. but it's really low-key. It's just family, and maybe a member of the bridal party or two who are local. I know it sounds weird, but it is fun in a different way than the bachelorette parties with the girlfriends. If a weekend is too much, maybe suggest a "girls' night" with them - just order pizza, have wine and soda, play board or card games and have everyone bring five inexpensive prizes. It won't be awkward if there's something constructive to do.

And, good luck. SIL sounds like a real pain!

rogerandstephanie · August 2010

We had a similar issue. My fiance's Aunts are closer to our age and are really more like cousins, but he has older Aunts as well. My Fiance's mom told me that "if Aunt so & so is going to the bachelorette party- I want to go too!" If I invited her... I would have to invite my Mom etc.... and that is just not OK, Moms & Grandmas don't belong at a B-party! There are plenty of other just girls events... like the bridal shower or "getting ready" time before the wedding that everyone can enjoy together (we are doing a champange toast and "share your wedding photo" activity while all the getting dressed is going on- so you can invent all girls activities even if your not having a shower). I say invite who YOU want....the end.
We solved our issue by inviting the "young" women who will be in town. This includes bridesmaids, friends, cousins and aunts who are close to my age (I'm 27).

AngieAyrton · August 2010

I think that's way out of line for her to "tell" you that you have to invite them. It's your choice not hers. However, maybe if you want to avoid offending them maybe go out to dinner with them and have a separate bachlorette party with your friends and bridesmaids.

Moms/grandmas/aunts at the Bachlorette Party???

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