I had a bridesmaid pass away, thoughts for the program

Re: I had a bridesmaid pass away, thoughts for the program

• lauraanne9 member

  

  July 2012

  I am so sorry for your loss.

  
  

  I think what you want to do woud be fine.  Although, I think I would leave her listed as a bridesmaid with the cross, as I am guessing most of the people there will be familiar with what happened.

  
  

  A friend of mine had a friend in the same situation (one of those stories you do not hear until you are planning a wedding and then all of a sudden, everyone has a story) and they put what would have been her bouquet in a vase next to the guest book and gift table with a photo of her and the bride.  Kept it from being morbid as it is a wedding, but at the same time, kept the bridesmaid a part of the ceremony.

  

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• Lisa50 member

  

  July 2012

  I am very sorry for your loss.  Will your friend's parents attend the wedding? If so, you may want to consider giving them a call to ask how they'd feel about it.  Put their feelings first as you weigh your decision.

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• HuckSC member

  

  July 2012

  I had a friend get married who lost a dear friend in the VT attacks. She had a note at the bottom of the program that stated something like this. "Since (NAME) is no longer with us, we chose not to have a MOH. She is here in spirit."
  
  Obviously this isn't quite your situation, but I like your idea.

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• Simply Fated member

  

  July 2012

  I'm so sorry for your loss, hun!
  
  
  I am thinking I can list her as honorary bridesmaid and place the cross asterisk next her name.
  
  Gunna be blunt for a sec... I don't really like the title honorary bridesmaid. I think the term "honorary" downplays her role and well, it isn't her fault she can't be there. I'd just list her name there and let it be.
  
  
  The cross asterik is what most menus use to signify there is something in the dish people should be aware of, like meat or specic type of meat. That's what I thought of when you mentioned using that symbol lol.
  Anyway, that symbol is usually there to show there is a note, or footnote. It has no real religious ties to it. Are you going to be adding a footnote to the program that says she passed away? I'd be down with that. But, I wouldn't have just that symbol there alone.
  
  
  Again, I'm so sorry this happened! Was she family or a good friend?

  
  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  July 2012

  So sorry on losing your friend.
  Just my .02...
  It is your wedding, not her funeral.  I would not list her as a bm in the program.  However I would include her name as well as other family members who are no longer here.

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• zizibet member

  

  July 2012

  I am so sorry for your loss. I would list her, but if her parents are invited to the wedding I'd check with them first.

  

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• WildMagelet member

  

  July 2012

  I'd personally leave her listed as a bridesmaid and just put a cross next to her name.  People will make the connection.

  Formerly known as flutterbride2b

  
  

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• claire_9

  

  July 2012

  I am sorry for your loss.
  
  I want to say I read somewhere that it is inappropriate to list a deceased person as part of the wedding party, and the solution was to list them in the program, something like, Jane Doe is no longer with us, but she is here in spirit. and like PP's said, check with her parents if they are coming to see how they feel about it.

  

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• mbrischoux member

  

  July 2012

  I'm so sorry for your loss.
  
  I'm with the other posters who said to mention her wherever you plan to honor those who passed away (grandparents, relatives, ect.).  Those who are close to you will know about her passing, so there is no need to bring any possible pain to the wedding that doesn't need to be there (other friends of hers, her parents, ect might feel awkward or sad at what should be a happy occasion).  I also agree with SimplyFated about not listing her as an "honorary bridesmaid," but I don't like that title for anyone, living or deceased. 
  
  You might also consider carrying a particular flower in your bouquet in her honor, or having the bridesmaids carry her favorite flower in their bouquets.  Maybe a piece of her jewelry (expecially if she was that close a friend).

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