Wedding Party

Maid of Honor Dyed her hair purple!

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Re: Maid of Honor Dyed her hair purple!

  • I wouldn't say anything.  She may choose to dye her hair back before the wedding, but if not, it could come across as rude or hurtful to ask her to change it.
  • In Response to Maid of Honor Dyed her hair purple!:
    I saw one of my Maids of Honor today, and her hair was purple!! She has not been the type to dye her hair, so it's not like it's just who she is. In recent weeks she was just using wash out stuff and playing around. All of a sudden it's permanent dye and the wedding is in 5 1/2 weeks. If she had always been dying her hair this probably wouldn't bother me. Our wedding has a classic feel with some asian elements included and purple hair just really doesn't go. Is it wrong for me to ask her to dye it some natural hair color?
    Posted by yakusoku82
    Yes it would be out of line.  If she was just playing around, she might do this on her own.  If she doesn't, too bad.  You asked her to be your MOH, not her hair.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
  • It IS wrong of you to do this, if you love her, let her do what she wants. As you said above if she normally did this it wouldn't bug you, so why should it now. My MOH has pink hair right now, last week it was blonde, and a month ago she had dreads in. I have lots of people give me funny looks because I am having her and they don't think the day will be picture perfect if I am standing next to a girl with pink hair. But I love her for her, and all her personality so she can show up to the wedding with green hair and it wouldn't bother me. I say just love your friend and let her do what makes her happy. Maybe she already has plans to change it before the wedding too. My MOH said she would do whatever I wanted her to do, but again I told her to do whatever she wanted.
  • You have every right to tell her to dye it a natural color! She has to respect your wedding wishes and she took on that responsibility when she said yes to be in your wedding party!

    I would talk to her privately and explain to her that you would much rather her have it a more natural color for the wedding.  IT IS YOUR DAY! She will understand that you don't want everyone to be looking at her purple hair!
  • In Response to Re: Maid of Honor Dyed her hair purple!:
    I wouldn't go so far as to say I love her yet, especially the way she's been treating me and the wedding the closer it gets. She's my fiance's sister. I just don't know if she's doing this to be mean or what. We already had to talk to her about her attitude because she was going so far as to ignore me when her brother and I were around her together. She would get snoody and walk off and close herself in her room. She's even attempting to fit in her classes on the day of the wedding, when there really isn't time to. And the dye is permanent.
    Posted by yakusoku82
    Then why did you ask her to be your MOH? 

    You can't ask her to change her appearance  for your wedding day, it is rude and hurtful. Would you ask an overweight BM to lose weight for your wedding? I would hope not. Let her have her hair anyway she chooses, especially if she is going to be your SIL. Besides, she can always dye her hair black or brown or even bleach 'if she chooses too' for your wedding, perhaps she is just playing around. I once cut my hair into a mohawk and died it black and blonde (yes, I looked like a skunk) but my friends love me for me and none of them would ever ask me to change myself, especially for a one off PPD.


  • In Response to Re: Maid of Honor Dyed her hair purple!:
    I asked her because my fiance and I wanted to include both of our sisters, but we didn't want one to feel less than if only one got to be the maid of honor. So, both are.
    Posted by yakusoku82
    Well that is a stupid reason. I wouldn't feel less if my brothers future wife asked her own sister to be a maid of honor and me to be a bridesmaid, I wouldn't even be hurt if I wasn't asked to be in the wedding, but you decided to have her in your wedding so you get to live with her, ask her if you want, but you can't take her out if she decides not to die it back. That is just waiting for family drama.
  • It really bothers me that this bride is having to defend herself.  This is a place to vent and get advice.  If all you can do is tell a bride she has "stupid" ideas, then you need to get off this post.  That's not even what this post is about.

    There is nothing wrong with asking your MOH or BMs to have a more natural hair color for the wedding.  There is a big difference in a natural hair color and having purple hair! 

    Emily Ann FoxKnottie1458072946
  • In Response to Re: Maid of Honor Dyed her hair purple!:
    It really bothers me that this bride is having to defend herself.  This is a place to vent and get advice.  If all you can do is tell a bride she has "stupid" ideas, then you need to get off this post.  That's not even what this post is about. There is nothing wrong with asking your MOH or BMs to have a more natural hair color for the wedding.  There is a big difference in a natural hair color and having purple hair! 
    Posted by BeamingBride22Be
    People are just trying to give her honest advice.  Many people have brought up that if she lets this go, it won't be a big deal, but if she makes her FSIL change it, it could result in family drama that has long-lasting effects.  I think there IS something wrong with asking her to change her hair.  It is a choice she has made about her physical appearance, and asking her to change it says that her physical appearance is not good enough for the wedding.
  • Telling a bride in distress that they made a "mistake" or have "stupid" reasons for picking a MOH is NOT giving advice. 

    Think about what you are saying before you give a fellow bride "advice".

    Good luck with your MOH, @yakusoku82! Don't waste too much time listening to those who are being so quick to criticize, they obviously don't know what they are talking about.
    Emily Ann FoxKnottie1458072946
  • In Response to Re: Maid of Honor Dyed her hair purple!:
    It really bothers me that this bride is having to defend herself.  This is a place to vent and get advice.  If all you can do is tell a bride she has "stupid" ideas, then you need to get off this post.  That's not even what this post is about. There is nothing wrong with asking your MOH or BMs to have a more natural hair color for the wedding.  There is a big difference in a natural hair color and having purple hair! 
    Posted by BeamingBride22Be
    Sorry Hun, but maybe you need to get off this post. Like others said, it is just like asking someone to loose weight for your wedding. You just don't do it, being a bigger girl if someone asked me to do something like that I would be extremely hurt. Even if it wasn't about my weight, but about my hair I would be hurt.
  • In Response to Re: Maid of Honor Dyed her hair purple!:
    Telling a bride in distress that they made a "mistake" or have "stupid" reasons for picking a MOH is NOT giving advice.  Think about what you are saying before you give a fellow bride "advice". Good luck with your MOH, @yakusoku82! Don't waste too much time listening to those who are being so quick to criticize, they obviously don't know what they are talking about.
    Posted by BeamingBride22Be
    Did you not read my first post? My MOH has PINK hair! And there is no way I would be okay asking her to change her hair color for a day that is "supposed to be about me" because it is what she loves.
  • SO if you just found out that the MOH got a tattoo, would you ask her to cover it up? 

    Regardless of why the OP asked her MOH to be in the WP, asking someone to change their appearance, evenif the appearance of that person was changed on a whim, is really disrespectful. Yuo are basically telling your FSIL that you don't care for how she looks at the moment and you would prefer it, if she were normal for your wedding day because (heaven forbid) your pictures will be 'different' 

    You don't get to decide what colour hair your BM's have, just like you can't tell someone to cover up a tattoo, lose weight or dye their skin orange. If you want to dictate to someone what to do, hire models. 
  • In Response to Re: Maid of Honor Dyed her hair purple!:
    Our relationship was going really well, which is why we put both sisters on the same level. We were almost like real sisters. We hung out and talked, went shopping. She behaved almost like a real aunt to my daughter. Just, the closer the wedding gets, the more attitude she shows. Now, she practically ignores me and acts like my daughter is a doll she can pick up and play with when she feels and ignore when she doesn't feel like playing. I feel like her purple hair is just to show her defiance, which is childish and mean if it's true. My fiance have put a lot of time and effort into trying to plan a day that will make US as a new family happy. Why is there something wrong with wanting things to look a certain way? Yes, I have put bright red streaks in my hair before. Though, if I was going to be in someone's wedding, I would find it to be common courtesy to not dye it some bright color only weeks before THEIR wedding.  Also, calling someone "stupid" is NOT advice, it's judgement. @ Beamingbride - Thank You :)
    Posted by yakusoku82
    Call me Judgy if you want, but your wedding is 5 weeks away? Read my first post, my bridesmaid went from dread locks, to beach blonde hair, to pink hair within less than 1 month. So purple hair 5 wks before your wedding is nothing to stress about. Just let her do what makes her happy, I'm sure she didn't just change her hair color only to ruin your life.
  • In Response to Re: Maid of Honor Dyed her hair purple!:
    If she was treating YOUR child like a toy, you might think differently.
    Posted by yakusoku82
    It sounds like you have bigger issues with her than just her hair. If you don't like her treating your daughter like a toy then don't let her around your daughter. But just because you don't like the way she treats your daughter doesn't make it right for you to tell her to change her appearance for your wedding.
  • You can't ask someone to change something about their appearance just for your wedding day. Well you CAN, but you will come across as rude, so I guess if you don't mind that, then go ahead. But I would not want to cause friction with my FSIL before the wedding even happens. You did NOT have to ask her to be MOH, but you did, so you are stuck with your choice, your decision.

    It is hurtful to tell someone, "I liked you enough to be in my WP, but I don't like how you look in this regard, so please change." It doesn't matter what you think of her; if you don't like her that much, then don't hang out with her outside of the wedding. But even if she is not treating you right in your eyes, would you stoop to her level? And besides that, if you feel she changed her hair as a "screw you," then getting upset and worked up over it is giving her exactly what she wants anyway. No matter which way you look at this, you should not tell her (or any BM) to change her appearance.

    And the ladies here have given blunt, but honest advice. What you want to do is rude. There is no polite way to do it. That's what we've told you. If you don't want that advice, don't post your question on a public forum.


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  • Everyone except for one person has told you that this would be disrespectful and rude, but you are only thanking the one person who told you what you wanted to hear.  No one is trying to be hurtful to you.  They are trying to give you honest advice to prevent you from making a mistake.

    One of my BMs shaved her head as part of a cancer-fighting donation two years ago.  This was a few months before a wedding she was a BM in, so her hair was rather short at the time of the wedding.  The bride got angry with her for shaving her head and told her that it was going to ruin the look of the wedding.  They are no longer friends.
  • In Response to Re: Maid of Honor Dyed her hair purple!:
    I should just have my fiance talk to her. She'll probably listen to her brother, since he's not too keen on the color either....
    Posted by yakusoku82
    Listen, the reason a lot of us say what we do on this post is because it is extremely hurtful for you to ask someone to change themselves for your wedding. So having your FI talk to her doesn't make the situation any better. You asked her to be a MOH, and she is one, but by telling her to change it could really upset her. Going back on the weight think (and yes they may be a little different but the outcome is about the same) if someone asked you to be in your wedding party and you except, then after a vacation and a few family events you put on a few pounds, I bet you would be a bit hurt if the bride came up to you and asked you to loose the weight because your back fat won't look good in the pictures. Just let her do what she wants, it only took her 1 day to die it purple and she has awhile to change it, but if she doesn't then you need to get over it.
  • In Response to Re: Maid of Honor Dyed her hair purple!:
    Yup... cuz weddings are always about what the bridesmaids want. And I would tell my actual sister if I didn't like her hair, cuz she would tell me.  A "sister" would want you to be happy and would be supportive, not the opposite.
    Posted by yakusoku82

    DId she ask you if you liked it? Did she ask you if you thought the colour loked good on her? If she did, then yes you can give your opinion. Doesn't mean she has to accept it or do anything to change it. My guess is that she didn't ask you, therefore you get no say. For all you know, your SIL has been working up the courage to do this for a long time, and thinks it looks awesome, if you want to be supportive, don't say anything, let her have her hair anyway she wants, it will not ruin your pictures, it will not ruin your day.
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA
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    In Response to Re: Maid of Honor Dyed her hair purple!:
    It really bothers me that this bride is having to defend herself.  This is a place to vent and get advice.  If all you can do is tell a bride she has "stupid" ideas, then you need to get off this post.  That's not even what this post is about. There is nothing wrong with asking your MOH or BMs to have a more natural hair color for the wedding.  There is a big difference in a natural hair color and having purple hair! 
    Posted by BeamingBride22Be
    Yes, there absolutely is something wrong with that.  What in the world gives you the idea that you have the RIGHT to control someone else's appearance and how they style their hair?  You're getting married.  You're not the Queen of Sheba.



  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
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    In Response to Re: Maid of Honor Dyed her hair purple!:
    I have no issues with the advice, but the way it has been conveyed is RUDE. You don't call a bride stupid when she is genuinely worried about something. You don't tell her, in the final weeks before her wedding, that she's made a "mistake". There are better ways to say these things. how about " It must have been a shock to see purple hair on your maid of honor. Can understand how you must feel right now. It may not turn out as bad as you think, but talking to her might cause more issues than just the color of her hair. good luck with whatever you decide" or maybe an idea of a good way to talk to her about it. if she would even consider it. Would all of you truly do whatever you wanted without even considering what the bride thinks at all !? Heck, if she was getting married and wanted us to have blue hair i would do it. not permanently, but it would be blue.
    Posted by yakusoku82
    1.  Only someone who agrees with that sentiment would say that.  Scolding people who don't agree that they understand you freaking out about someone else's hair choices for not lying and saying that they understand your freak out is absolutely ridiculous.  If you only want to hear what you've decided you want to hear, go have a conversation with a mirror.  If you ask a question on a forum you're going to hear what people ACTUALLY think, not what you wish they would think.  If you can't deal with that, the interwebs are not for you.

    2.  Yup, I'd do whatever the hell I want with my body and hair because it's MY damn body and hair.  The only one who has to like what I do with it is me.  If my supposed friend and loved one - or future in-law - thinks they get to dress me up like a kewpie doll and dictate my hair color, or length, or my weight, or how tan I am, or whether or not my tattoo is showing, they can go to hell and buy a mannequin to take my spot.  We're talking about PEOPLE here, not items of decor.



  • It's absolutely appalling that people think they can treat their loved ones this way.  This is family, she's not going to go away.  If you think this is perfectly okay, no wonder she doesn't like you.  If you think it's okay to destroy a relationship over the sake of a six hour party and some pictures that you won't even look at six months after it's done, well, good luck keeping anyone in your life when things get bad and you actually need them.  Have fun being rightfully abandoned by the people you abuse.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • I just wanted to add if someone told me to change my hair color...I would think they were a controlling b*tch and do something even more drastic. If you do decide to ask your MOH to change her hair I hope she does do something more drastic, she deserves too. I guess some people are more accepting. My MOH just got a new tattoo know what I told her? I told her she best not cover it up! Honestly I dont care what my bridesmaids look like as long as they are standing up next to me supporting my marriage. That is the most important thing, but I feel you forgot about that.
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  • Well, then you really wouldn't have appreciated what I did 3 days before I was in a wedding last weekend.  I cut my hair super short and dyed it bright red and blonde.  Andplusalso, my tattoos were showing in the dress I was wearing *clutches pearls*.  When I told the bride what I was planning, ya know what she said to me?  Not a damn thing.  Because I am one of her closest friends and she loves me, for me.  I promise you my red hair and tattoos did not take one single bit away from how gorgeous she will be in her pictures. 
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
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    If one of my BMs dyed their hair purple I wouldn't have cared in the slightest.  In fact, they would have coordinated even more with my purple and green color scheme and would have been showing their true and undying love for the Baltimore Ravens whose stadium we got married in.

  • pkontkpkontk
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    I agree with everyone (except the person who told you to tell the bridesmaid to dye it back).  Say nothing.  She's about to be your sister, and in your life forever, and you want to cause issues over her hair color?  Not a good idea.  Stage is right, if you tell her to dye it back it might cause her to dye it an even brighter color.
  • In Response to Re: Maid of Honor Dyed her hair purple!:
    In Response to Re: Maid of Honor Dyed her hair purple! : And possibly making her decide to keep the purple hair if she IS planning to dye it back, just to spite you.
    Posted by StageManager14
    This is probably what I would do, especially if she doesn't like you that much to begin with.

    OP- you can ask her to change it, but I can almost guarantee it won't go over well.  She either won't change it just to spite you, or she'll change it and she'll hold a grudge against you for a very long time.  I guess if her appearance at your little 6 hour party that's supposed to be about you and your FI, not her, is more important to you than getting along with your in-laws, then by all means, be rude and ask her to change it.  Just don't come here whining about how your new family doesn't like you anymore.
    Anniversary
  • I'm truly entertained by the tone here.  Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but dang, ladies...... 

    OP - look, it's a sh*tty thing to ask someone to change her hair color/lose weight/wear a padded bra/not get pregnant/whatever.  Your wedding isn't about this girl's hair.  You'll have a blast anyway.  The photos from your wedding that you'll cherish are the ones of you and the DH anyway.  And no one will remember a thing about your MOH.  They're remember that you looked beautiful, the Dj was awesome, the chocolate fountain was delish... you have so many other things that are going to stress you out.  If your FSIL is really trying to get under your skin, the best thing you can do is ignore it.  and if she's not, you don't want to risk creating a family rift before you're even family.

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    Green Tree Country Club

    New Rochelle, NY

  • In Response to Re: Maid of Honor Dyed her hair purple!:
    Well, then you really wouldn't have appreciated what I did 3 days before I was in a wedding last weekend.  I cut my hair super short and dyed it bright red and blonde.  Andplusalso, my tattoos were showing in the dress I was wearing *clutches pearls*.  When I told the bride what I was planning, ya know what she said to me?  Not a damn thing.  Because I am one of her closest friends and she loves me, for me.  I promise you my red hair and tattoos did not take one single bit away from how gorgeous she will be in her pictures. 
    Posted by gurrlballa10

    Cheers! 
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    Green Tree Country Club

    New Rochelle, NY

  • Well, you have a couple choices here: 

    1) Ask her to change it. This may possibly start a fight with her, and possibly have people think you're micromanaging/biitchy/wedding-obsessed/whatever. She may change it and say shhiit behind your back or even to your face. She may change it and not say anything to you, but she might feel hurt or insulted that you told her that her looks would "ruin" your wedding.

    2) You can ignore it. She might change it on her own before the wedding. Or she might not, and then she'll have purple hair in your wedding photos. And your reactions to her purple hair in your wedding photos can be:
    a) You can get mad at the photos, talk shhiit about her to other people, have them airbrushed and then risk hurting her feelings or starting a fight if she sees the airbrushing.
    b) You can ignore it and be glad that she was there with you and that you're not fighting with her.

    I would go with 2b, if nothing else just to avoid drama and stress (which I'm sure you're dealing with now, since you're planning a large event). All talk to politeness, family harmony, and common manners aside ... why make things any harder on yourself than they need to be?

    Really. It's HAIR. Nobody is going to give a shhiit about HAIR. Is purple hair really worth an argument? Are you going to be so obsessive over your photos that you'll be crying over purple hair that won't even be in most shots? My photos have been sitting on Facebook and in an album for two years, and after the first couple weeks they were basically never touched or looked at again. I can promise you that unless you're a wedding-obsessed weirdo, it really is not. going. to. matter. in the long run. You'll have to deal with this girl for decades, but the photos will be "important" for maybe a month, if that.
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  • LOL oh boy...

    I think its fine to ask her to change her hair back to a normal color. When you asked her to be your MOH, her hair didnt look like sh*t. if it did, thats a different story. except it didnt, so its totally ok.


    Knottie1458072946
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