• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
Military Brides

Confessions...

Any confessions out there?

I have one and it's been on my mind lately. I can't really tell anyone in real life because I know it probably makes people not know what to say.

I am having a hard time being on facebook and seeing everyones' babies. We have been trying for 4 months and we haven't gotten pregnant yet. I know, I know, it's supposed to be "normal" but when people get pregnant their first month or people who are having their second babies post, it's hard to see. I am happy for them but it also makes me sad. A college friend, who got married 2 weeks after I did, posted that she was pregnant and it made my heart hurt.
image BabyFruit Ticker
«13

Re: Confessions...

  • BinxRoseBinxRose member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry! I can't say I know what it's like to be in your position, but I can appreciate how you feel. One of the wives here wasn't trying with either of her babies (both "surprises," if you will. They decided to get married after discovering the second pregnancy). Meanwhile, one of the other wives had been trying for two years. I know she was trying to be happy for wife #1, but was also frustrated. And now wife #2 is due in January! I know it's not fair, but I promise, it will happen! My sister had been trying for 13 months. It turns out she had something similar (less severe) to diabetes which affected her fertility. But after getting it under control, they were able to get pregnant. She is due a week after my wedding! Just keep on trying, HAVE FUN, and if after a year no results, then you both can get checked out. I think it's ok to tell people IRL, just not those who are pregnant. Your mom? A sister? They will understand! MY CONFESSION: we are so broke w/o BAH and my hours at work were cut, so I need to get another job. I tell my FI I've been looking really hard, but truth be told, I'm only half-heartedly looking. I like having more time at home to do the laundry, wash the dishes, make food, clean, etc....
    image
  • edited December 2011
    Hike- I know what you mean.  We are not trying now.  Geographically impossible but I do have a friend that has been trying forever and it some times makes me sad for her when all of our common facebook friends are posting they are going to have another baby.  Good news for one of our other friends that has also been trying forever she just found out that she is pregant.  I so happy for her since her doctors told her that she was going through early menopause.  I use her as my inspiration. 

    Confession:  I think that I am still 21 years old but my body does not agree.   I totally blew my diet this weekend with all of the "fun" we had. 
  • LetsHikeTodayLetsHikeToday member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Thanks Binx and Crown.

    The thing is, I don't want to tell anyone in real life because I don't want questions.

    It's hard because I'm a pretty determined person. Anything I want, I put my mind to it and work until I get it. This isn't something I can't control so it's hard.

    Binx- I understand how you feel. Sometimes I wish I could quit my job JUST to stay on top of household things.

    Crown- I know how you feel!
    image BabyFruit Ticker
  • YoungDuoYoungDuo member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Hike I honestly can't say I know how you feel but I can imagine your frustration. I hope that things will turn around for you and H and we will be hearing about a future little Hike running around in the next little bit! Confession: I'm getting married in 33 days and I'm freaking out. Not because of the marriage part because of everything else. I'm moving 2 hours away from the town that I grew up in, I have no job lined up, only 1 Army wife friend so far and I'm leaving my best friend (my MOH) and all this is really starting to upset me. I guess it's just all the emotions running through me with this big change coming up. And it kills me to have to be totally financially dependent on FI. I know it will probably just be for a couple months, but what if I can't find anything? I started babysitting when I was 12 and had a real job when I was 16. I've always worked for my money and now I won't have a job come Oct 31. I guess I will just have to keep looping and keep my fingers crossed!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image 204 made the cut image 122 are ready to party image 65 are being lame
    image 17 can't find the mailbox
    RSVP Date: October 20
  • LetsHikeTodayLetsHikeToday member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Young-

    Don't worry! You will figure it all out. 2 hours isn't that long and you can go home any weekend to visit!

    Hang in there. :-)
    image BabyFruit Ticker
  • IrishcurlsIrishcurls member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Young, I know for myself anyway, when things start sliding a little, the whole world sort of goes haywire you know? I was soooo stressed the month before my wedding--crying at work stressed, and I wasn't even moving to a new place with no job prospects. So first, *hugs!!!!* but secondly, you can definitely go home to visit anytime, like Hike said!! And as for job hunting, it sucks and takes forever, but you only need one!! So hopefully that will fall into place smoothly! Just enjoy the next month and then live it up at your wedding! 
    image
  • edited December 2011
    I confess that I will probably become "That Girl" when I move into FI's house after we're married.

    You know, the one who changes everything to the house after she moves in.  I'm not going to make it girly or anything, but it is definitely a bachelor pad right now.  I was vacuuming while he was at drill this weekend and it is just filthy.  No base boards, cobwebs everywhere, tumbleweeds of dog hair.  I get the feeling, slowly but surely, I will be making changes and improvements to that home after we're married.  Especially if we ever want to have company over.
    Photobucket
  • edited December 2011
    Awwww Hike :( :*( My heart breaks a little for you.. I don't know what that feels like because we don't want kids for a loooooong time (5-7 years) but I bet you will be an incredible mother, so you deserve way more than a lot of those people I'm sure. <3 I understand not wanting to tell people IRL .. They would ask 10000000 questions and tell you all the stories of how their friend's sister's friend couldn't get pregnant for 2 years but then suddenly it just happened and everything worked out so just stick it out and blahblahblah. You don't need to hear that. You know that. I feel ya.

    Binx- aww I'm sorry. I understand... H begged me to quit my job last yea beforehe got home from deployment because I had been working more than full time (which included weekends) plus full time school and we didn't get that much time together.. He wanted me to focus on school and be home on the weekends. I do not look forward to the day I have to go back to work now. hahaha.... I mean.. I want a career, but man I love having time to clean and cook all I want. It's so nice.
     
    Oh Young!!
    That is scary and exciting all together! 2 hours away is nothing.. I know it's scary but at least it's not across the country so you will still be able to spend weekends with your friends and family and whatnot. It'll be great to move far enough away that you and FI can be your own couple, but close enough to family still to spend time with them whenever you want. Don't stress the job... enjoy the cleaning and cooking for a bit ;) haha plus the unpacking and organizing will take a while.. ugh.

    My confession: I think now that H and I are married I'm more worried about him leaving or cheating :/ Not because I think he is that person or doesn't love me enough, and I don't make a big deal about it or anything... But family doesn't really ... stick to their marriages well, and my dad cheated on my mom multiple time, then married the women he cheated on her with (one of them anyway) when I was about 2-3. I know he's not H, but it still sits there.. It's hard to think that I'm really truly deserving of H. I'm worried that a day will come soon when he realizes I'm not all that great and he made a mistake marrying me :/
  • edited December 2011
    Young try not to worry.  I right now live only about 3 hours from my mom and tons of friends.  I see them about twice a month or even more.  I just really make time to go and see them.  I have lived a much as 10 hours away from my family and friends.  I moved to a place where I knew no one.  I found that I made really good friends over my time there and I am still in touch with many of them.  Try to find something to get involoved in.  I am sure you will meet some great people in no time.

    As far as job search goes, it just sucks.  I hate that the most but like Irish said you just need ONE! 

    Good luck!!!
  • IrishcurlsIrishcurls member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Oh Spiff, ditto. Well sort of. We've been living together for almost two years and I haven't changed a thing--other than the stuff we've bought together and a piece of artwork I had up in my apartment. 

    So we're all married and happy now and moving in 8ish months anyway and THEN I will decorate, hopefully in a bigger space. But I already told H I'm planning on stopping at Homegoods after the gym today. Sorry buddy but that shower curtain has GOT to go. And I'd like a stemware rack. And all white dishes. Hehe
    image
  • LetsHikeTodayLetsHikeToday member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    First-

    I know exactly how you feel. I get into those funks too. I'm sorry you think that way. I wish there was a way to make you see that it won't happen or make you feel better about it.

    Do you talk to your H about it? My H knows that I feel that way sometimes but he also know it isn't about him, it's about my issues. Anytime I feel that way, I bring it up and he reassures me. He knows it's how I am and I just need to talk it out and hear him tell me over and over again.
    image BabyFruit Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    OH YEAH. Hahaha.. H and I talk about EVERYTHING.. so he knows very very well. He doesn't take it personally.. He knows it's not him, and he's really amazing with comforting me when I get into those funks.. .I just hate it when those funk hit while he's gone so he can't comfort me :/ boooo
  • LetsHikeTodayLetsHikeToday member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Confessions...:
    [QUOTE]OH YEAH. Hahaha.. H and I talk about EVERYTHING.. so he knows very very well. He doesn't take it personally.. He knows it's not him, and he's really amazing with comforting me when I get into those funks.. .I just hate it when those funk hit while he's gone so he can't comfort me :/ boooo
    Posted by firsttimersluck[/QUOTE]

    Oh yeah! I didn't even think of times that he is away. I'm glad you're able to talk to him though. :-)

    And you're pretty great- there would be no reason for him to even think about it.
    image BabyFruit Ticker
  • YoungDuoYoungDuo member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thanks ladies! I'm just stressing over this last minute wedding stuff and my emotions are everywhere. I started crying in the car a couple nights ago and I think FI thought I had lost my mind. I have to just keep thinking that everything will be ok.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image 204 made the cut image 122 are ready to party image 65 are being lame
    image 17 can't find the mailbox
    RSVP Date: October 20
  • BinxRoseBinxRose member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    FTL- Wow, I think we are "life twins"! That was exactly what happened with my parents. My dad married the last woman he was cheating with when I was 2 1/2. I love my dad and stepmom dearly, but it still makes me angry sometimes that they hurt my amazing mom like that. And my dad's actions have had the same effect on my thoughts. I know my FI isn't the type to cheat on me, but there's still that nagging thought in the back of my mind.
    image
  • edited December 2011
    Here's my confession: I don't think I am good enough for FI :/

    This weekend we hung out with a few of his classmates, and S/Os, all of who are med or dental students. And here I am, with my silly little cosmetology and insurance "degrees", hanging out with people who totally judge people like me. I try to play up what I do because I love it so much, and I know I am fortunate to even be in this position without a degree, but you could just tell that these people judged the crap outta me. Honestly, they were really judgy people anyway, and I do not care for them at all after all of the crap they talked about people and their lifestyles and ethnicities (They had the NERVE to start talking crap about Mexicans in front of me, and yes, they knew.) They also had the nerve to tell my FI not to get "too cocky" about being a captain when he graduates, because he isn't fighting for our country, he's just fixing teeth! WHAT THE HELL!? They only reason FI is even going into the Army is to help out the men and women that serve our country, he knows damn well that he is no better than anyone else, and has huge respect for everyone who does protect our country!

    Anyway, needless to say, this weekend with his classmates was a complete bust, and even though I have felt this way before, I feel it even more now.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Confessions...:
    [QUOTE]Any confessions out there? I have one and it's been on my mind lately. I can't really tell anyone in real life because I know it probably makes people not know what to say. I am having a hard time being on facebook and seeing everyones' babies. We have been trying for 4 months and we haven't gotten pregnant yet. I know, I know, it's supposed to be "normal" but when people get pregnant their first month or people who are having their second babies post, it's hard to see. I am happy for them but it also makes me sad. A college friend, who got married 2 weeks after I did, posted that she was pregnant and it made my heart hurt.
    Posted by LetsHikeToday[/QUOTE]
    HIke, I have an irrational fear of not being able to conceive. I've never tried, but IDK, I just feel like I will have trouble for whatever reason. So, I feel you on this. But, try not to get frustrated, it will happen for you. And you'll be an amazing mother. All of my friends are all having kids, too. I mean we are at that age :/ but just try and be positive and think about when you DO find out about being pregnant, and how amazing that will feel! When you see someone post about having a baby, think about how amazing she must feel, and think "that WILL be me soon!" I've been doing this for myself, and I can tell you that it really works. :)
  • LetsHikeTodayLetsHikeToday member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Confessions...:
    [QUOTE]Here's my confession: I don't think I am good enough for FI :/ This weekend we hung out with a few of his classmates, and S/Os, all of who are med or dental students. And here I am, with my silly little cosmetology and insurance "degrees", hanging out with people who totally judge people like me. I try to play up what I do because I love it so much, and I know I am fortunate to even be in this position without a degree, but you could just tell that these people judged the crap outta me. Honestly, they were really judgy people anyway, and I do not care for them at all after all of the crap they talked about people and their lifestyles and ethnicities (They had the NERVE to start talking crap about Mexicans in front of me, and yes, they knew.) They also had the nerve to tell my FI not to get "too cocky" about being a captain when he graduates, because he isn't fighting for our country, he's just fixing teeth! WHAT THE HELL!? They only reason FI is even going into the Army is to help out the men and women that serve our country, he knows damn well that he is no better than anyone else, and has huge respect for everyone who does protect our country! Anyway, needless to say, this weekend with his classmates was a complete bust, and even though I have felt this way before, I feel it even more now.
    Posted by CAB1217[/QUOTE]

    Screw that CAB. F them and their attitudes. Be proud of yourself for having a passion and working toward a career in that passion.
    image BabyFruit Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Confessions...:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confessions... : Screw that CAB. F them and their attitudes. Be proud of yourself for having a passion and working toward a career in that passion.
    Posted by LetsHikeToday[/QUOTE]

    Sighhh... thanks. I know, it's sooo stupid to feel this way, but these snots really got to me!
  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Hike- I'm sorry you feel that way.  You should definitely consider talking to someone about it, like Mil1Source, or FFSC if these feelings continue.  I know 4 months feels like forever when you're on the waiting end of it, but try not to get to discouraged or upset about it.  Even if you don't realize it, you're probably super stressed with the upcoming move, finding a job, finding a home, etc.  All of that can take a toll on your fertility as well, so just try not to think about it too much, and know that your perfect baby will come to you soon.

    Young - I was where you are, and I was more stressed about moving right after the wedding than I was about the wedding.  Right after the wedding I moved to H, which was 2 hours away from my family and friends.  A month later we moved across the country.  I went from having a full time teaching job with a great salary to being completely dependent on H.  It takes some getting used to, but marriage is all about for better or worse, and loving and supporting eachother, which is exactly what these situations are.  It will get easier, you'll make friends once you move, and it will be easier than you're expecting it to be.

    First - I can't imagine what it's like having a history like that in the back of your mind all the time, but just know that it's not your H who did that, and that it's completely different.  Histories like that can either repeat themselves, or it makes someone completely against that.  Both of H's parents have been divorced twice and are a mess, so I used to be afraid that H would think nothing of divorce or marriage.  But because of their messes he takes marriage even more seriously, and is adamently against divorce.  Your H loves you, and to him you are perfect and his world, so stop thinking otherwise!  

    CAB - It's not you that aren't good enough for your FI, it's his "friends" that aren't good enough for either of you.  Hopefully he realizes that and stops subjecting you both to that ridiculous snottiness.  
    image BabyFruit Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Confessions...:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Confessions... : HIke, I have an irrational fear of not being able to conceive. I've never tried, but IDK, I just feel like I will have trouble for whatever reason. So, I feel you on this. But, try not to get frustrated, it will happen for you. And you'll be an amazing mother. All of my friends are all having kids, too. I mean we are at that age :/ but just try and be positive and think about when you DO find out about being pregnant, and how amazing that will feel! When you see someone post about having a baby, think about how amazing she must feel, and think "that WILL be me soon!" I've been doing this for myself, and I can tell you that it really works. :)
    Posted by CAB1217[/QUOTE]
    I have this fear too.

    Hike-I definitely don't blame you for feeling the way you do and I don't blame you for talking to friends and family around you either.  Just keep your head up and hopefully good things will start coming your way :)

    CAB-I agree with Hike.  Don't let them get you down.  If FI had a doubt in his mind that you weren't good enough for him I don't think he would have asked you to marry him.  After hanging out with his friends he is probably MORE happy that you're nothing like them anyways!
        I think about that sometimes with the age difference between FI and myself. (6 years).  There are things that I can't relate to because he is older than me and sometimes I feel like I'm letting him down because I can't relate.  If he was that upset that I couldn't relate though, he'd have left me four years ago I'm sure.
    Photobucket
  • LetsHikeTodayLetsHikeToday member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Thanks Beach. :-)

    I asked you in another post but think it got lost in the middle of it but are you guys headed to VA beach area? Or DC area? I'm excited to hear about how house hunting goes for you!!
    image BabyFruit Ticker
  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Norfolk/VA Beach area.  We are going house hunting next month, and I'm dying for it to just get here already!  We have been sent some houses in our criteria from the realtor, but with H not being here it's annoying trying to look at them together because everything is through email.  I'm excited for him to get home so we can just sit and look at them together.  
    image BabyFruit Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Confessions...:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Confessions... : HIke, I have an irrational fear of not being able to conceive. I've never tried, but IDK, I just feel like I will have trouble for whatever reason. So, I feel you on this. But, try not to get frustrated, it will happen for you. And you'll be an amazing mother. All of my friends are all having kids, too. I mean we are at that age :/ but just try and be positive and think about when you DO find out about being pregnant, and how amazing that will feel! When you see someone post about having a baby, think about how amazing she must feel, and think "that WILL be me soon!" I've been doing this for myself, and I can tell you that it really works. :)
    Posted by CAB1217[/QUOTE]

    Ditto here too!  I sometimes think that I will be to old when we start to try.  There is an automatic "lack of trying time" given to us for a while.  No way of changing it. 

    OH yeah and CAB, please don't let people make you feel that way.  I sometimes will get like that too but then I tell myself that I am happy with what I am doing and try to block it out. 
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks guys. When I told FI that they weren't my favorite people to hang out with, and why, he was totally supportive and even asked if "he should get new friends". I told him that he has to deal with these people for 4 years, so since he has to deal with them, he shouldn't shut them out completely. I also said I'd give them another shot, cause I'm trying to be fair, but he totally gets where I am coming from; I doubt he will take me up on that second chance.
  • melbelle24melbelle24 member
    Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Confessions...:
    [QUOTE]Here's my confession: I don't think I am good enough for FI :/ This weekend we hung out with a few of his classmates, and S/Os, all of who are med or dental students. And here I am, with my silly little cosmetology and insurance "degrees", hanging out with people who totally judge people like me. I try to play up what I do because I love it so much, and I know I am fortunate to even be in this position without a degree, but you could just tell that these people judged the crap outta me. Honestly, they were really judgy people anyway, and I do not care for them at all after all of the crap they talked about people and their lifestyles and ethnicities (They had the NERVE to start talking crap about Mexicans in front of me, and yes, they knew.) They also had the nerve to tell my FI not to get "too cocky" about being a captain when he graduates, because he isn't fighting for our country, he's just fixing teeth! WHAT THE HELL!? They only reason FI is even going into the Army is to help out the men and women that serve our country, he knows damn well that he is no better than anyone else, and has huge respect for everyone who does protect our country! Anyway, needless to say, this weekend with his classmates was a complete bust, and even though I have felt this way before, I feel it even more now.
    Posted by CAB1217[/QUOTE]

    CAB, that sucks. I think it sounds like your FI needs to find some other classmates to be friends with! I'm in med school right now, and while I know there are some people in my class that are like that, there are so many more that aren't! Surely it's the same for his class, they can't all be such world-class jerks!
    image
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Confessions...:
    [QUOTE]Norfolk/VA Beach area.  We are going house hunting next month, and I'm dying for it to just get here already!  We have been sent some houses in our criteria from the realtor, but with H not being here it's annoying trying to look at them together because everything is through email.  I'm excited for him to get home so we can just sit and look at them together.  
    Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

    So jealous that your buying in my hometown (VB) :)

    Hike - I can understand where your coming from. I have a fear that I won't be able to concieve at all. Just hang in there and I hope things look up for you soon, and that it won't be long till we hear your wonderful news! I secretly felt that way often when friends were getting engaged, and I wasn't.

    My Confession:
    I compare myself too often to others, and I really have started to feel like a failure about my school situation. I took a break until I realized what I want to be. I only have a semester and a half left before getting my AA but with some huge financial issues playing into role it's been stressful for me and thats been turning into some anxiety issues. I also really worry that FI is going to realize that I'm too much for him, or he doesn't want to deal with me anymore and leave. It'll work out, I guess. I've just been in a bit of a funk lately.
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Confessions...:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confessions... : CAB, that sucks. I think it sounds like your FI needs to find some other classmates to be friends with! I'm in med school right now, and while I know there are some people in my class that are like that, there are so many more that aren't! Surely it's the same for his class, they can't all be such world-class jerks!
    Posted by melbelle24[/QUOTE]
    I've met a lot of his classmates who I've really liked, it's just this one bunch that we actually hung out with that rubbed me wrong. Otherwise, he has tons of cool people we could hang out with! I am not sure why he chose this couple and their friends as our first "outside of school" group to hang with. I guess because they're newly married? Meh, good couples are hard to find :)
  • BinxRoseBinxRose member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Confessions...:
    [QUOTE]Norfolk/VA Beach area.  We are going house hunting next month, and I'm dying for it to just get here already!  We have been sent some houses in our criteria from the realtor, but with H not being here it's annoying trying to look at them together because everything is through email.  I'm excited for him to get home so we can just sit and look at them together.  
    Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

    That's where I am!
    image
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Confessions...:
    [QUOTE]Any confessions out there? I have one and it's been on my mind lately. I can't really tell anyone in real life because I know it probably makes people not know what to say. I am having a hard time being on facebook and seeing everyones' babies. We have been trying for 4 months and we haven't gotten pregnant yet. I know, I know, it's supposed to be "normal" but when people get pregnant their first month or people who are having their second babies post, it's hard to see. I am happy for them but it also makes me sad. A college friend, who got married 2 weeks after I did, posted that she was pregnant and it made my heart hurt.
    Posted by LetsHikeToday[/QUOTE]

    I have a fear that we will have trouble or be unable to get pregnant. Both sets of my parent's have siblings that are unable to have kids so I worry about it. Although my sister had no problems and got pregnant while on the pill LoL so we know she is mega fertile.

    I don't know what you guys are trying because the obviously act, but I have heard wonderful things about the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler. It's a natural charting process that can be used to either aid getting pregnant or to avoid getting pregnant. I know successes on both. I've also spoken to lots of Military Wives that have taken longer to get pregnant because their schedule doesn't match with Husbands being home etc. However, this process is based on getting your timing down, and won't help if the reason is his swimmers. :)
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards