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Just Engaged and Proposals

bad proposal

My fiance and I have been doing things backwards from the start. We have been together since high school so getting married for us was just a matter of time. Anyway, his dad got sick, so we decided to get the ball rolling. He insisted on not proposing until he had "the ring I deserved."

Throughout our relationship he would tease me about how his proposal was going to be epic. So after the wedding planning began I started dreaming of these horrible proposals! Most of them consisted in him just doing it at the spur of the moment because he didn't want to wait anymore and there was nothing special to it, or the ring would be hideous, etc. I would tell him about these dreams and he just laughed because he said that I had no idea how great the moment was truly going to be.

Well, the other night (a Tuesday) we get home from my mothers and are just about ready to go to bed and I turn around and he's on one knee. He just did it. I feel horrible, but I was so disappointed! Then he told me all about this amazing elaborate plan he had worked out for the weekend, involving all our friends and my mom, but he said he just couldn't wait anymore!!! Just like my dreams!!!
I was so confused because he knew I had those dreams and he has been building this moment up for years, and he ended up just doing it.
I feel horrible that this is even a big deal to me, and now he feels bad too. What went wrong?
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Re: bad proposal

  • in my opinion you set yourself up to fail....

    you were so focused on the enagement and guess what he said the proposal would be epic

    he proposed how he felt was right - hopefully taking you by surprise, but it seems like you were planning the proposal...

    guess what i probably had a "horrible proposal" according to you - he did it in the plane with none of my friends or family involved or in a public place...he didn't take me out to an expensive meal either...

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  • Maybe he thought just doing it would be epic. I know what you mean though, you had built this up in your head and were expecting something different. Just try to think of it as now you are engaged which is the big, exciting thing!!!
  • Not to sound bitter, but I never had a proposal at all.  We just decided on a date one day and that was that.  You are in love and marrying the man of your dreams.  Be thankful for all that you have and be excited that you get to plan your wedding and marriage!  Congrats!
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  • Maybe he thought it was more special. You don't need an audience for that. Be happy you have a man that loves you so much he couldn't wait any longer. Who needs a big production in front of people?
  • You should have kept your mouth shut and not expressed your dissappointment...I bet he feels great now!
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  • If you ask me, there is no such thing as a bad proposal. Unusual, maybe. Unplanned, yes. But the way I see it, no matter how it happened you get to spend the rest of your life with the man you love. How the engagement happened is not the point. It's the engagement itself. The man wants to marry you. He couldn't wait to propose to you. He was so exciting at the thought of being your fiance he just had to do it. I don't see anything wrong with that.
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  • I went to my BF house after work one day.  I had only eaten a granola bar all day and was starving.  So I grabbed some munchies out of the kitchen and sat down to watch tv and play on fb while he finished up what he was doing in WOW so we could get some dinner.  Then he started saying he had to ask me a question and I was like ok ask.  And then he said it was 2 and that I had to look at him (he had moved to the couch).  I turn and there he is holding a ring.  The questions were "will you marry me and does this fit".  I said "yes" to both.  No bended knee, no candles, no music, no wine.  The epic greatness of the moment is when you agree to spend the rest of your life with the person you love. 

    You just built it up to be too much in your head.  And so did he.  And you may have very different ideas about what "epic" means. 
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  • Thanks! I think you all have a good point. I did set  myself up, but only because of how he built it up. I guess we had different ideas in our head!
    But I am very greatful that we have each other, and this is such a small moment in our lives, it doesn't matter. We have so much more to look forward to!


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  • I do agree with an above pp, you set yourself up for failure.

    My fiance did the same thing as yours did. And in my opinion it was more then I could ever ask for. I had just gotten out of the shower (still wrapped in a towel). he got down on one knee and asked if i would marry him. I didn't answer as i was crying to hard. I just pulled him up so he was standing and kissed him. I couldn't speak. One of my favorite things about this was that he really suprised me. (he isn't good at keeping suprises, a suprise)

    I am marrying the love of my life, that is enough for me to remember that moment for the rest of my life. (he as well had something planned but he "couldn't wait")
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  • I think a lot of girls are disapointed in their proposal.  But it really is a silly thing to feel bad about.  Look at the positive:  he got down on one knee and you have a great ring!  It takes a lot of courage to propose and I'm sure he was very nervous.  It sounds like you have a great man and you should put your energy towards planning a spectacular wedding and look forward to spending your lives together.  Go give him a hug and kiss right now!
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  • My FI did the same thing, totally built it up. Than on the 4th of July with both our entire families present he proposed, bended knee and all. But he forgot everything he wanted to say and there we were in awkward silence until I whispered "you can get up now" , haha was it everything I thought, not even close! But it was perfect and we even got it all on film!
  • My FI did the exact same thing. Literally, exact same. It was our anniversary night and we had went to this great restaurant here and came back home. We were going to bed and as I was already laying in bed, closing my eyes, he jumped up and got the ring and proposed. It was really unexpected and unusual, but that's just the way he is. I know that our bedroom and our time together is special to him and he wanted to propose when we felt the most comfortable. I don't regret not having a huge grand proposal, as this one was small and special in its' own right.
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  • About 3-4 months into my relationship with my FI he told me under the stars at the beach one night that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I was totally caught of guard, but I realized that I too wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Of course this was more of a commitment to one another, and not a proposal. 

    Well after almost three years of dating I had sort of thought he would propose at the same place and it would be epic and I would cry hysterically and say yes.

    About a month ago I came home after being in class for 8 hours (I'm a grad student going to class on the weekends) completely exhausted (as he always knows I am after class) about to begin a short paper I needed to do for my class the next day (FI knew I had to write this paper after class) to a note from FI telling me to meet him in the bedroom. I go in the bedroom to him on one knee with candles spelling out will you marry me holding a box with a ring. He then goes into his little speech (I was so shocked I was barely listening) It felt like a dream. I didn't cry like I thought I would and never thought he would do it in our apt, but you know what it was still the most sweetest thing EVER and it was incredibly romantic. 

    So while it wasn't how I imagined (it was actually better) in the end we are engaged and that is way more important than how or where he did it :-)
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  • Reading all of these responses, I feel so guilty! I was in so much shock when he did it, I wasn't even sure if he was serious or not. But then he got the ring out and put it on my finger. At that moment we were dressed in a pg-13 attire and I asked him how we should tell our friends. Then he got really embarrased and he apologized and he even wants to do it over because he said he told all his friends this elaborate plan he had for Saturday. But I feel like I need to make it up to him before he goes out and proposes again!

    I don't want another proposal! I just needed to get my head out of the clouds! I learned my lesson. Any good ideas to make it up to him?
  • I know some girls get gifts for their FI after they become engaged. You could also propose to him with a gift or without something.

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  • Me: if we are going to get married next year we need to start looking at venues because they book up fast.
    Him: okay - let's starting taking a look

    yup that's my proposal - do I hate it? nope - that's us. We are both in our thirties together for 4 years and living together for 3 - we just took it as two adults making an adult decision.

    My girlfriend was peeling potatoes if that makes you feel better :) 
  • One of my friends was looking for a tampon in her suitcase while they were in a parking lot for a rest stop on a road trip.  That's when he proposed.  Now there's a story to tell the kids.  :) 

    Fastforward they just celebrated their 10th anniversary and she is pregnant with their 3rd child. 
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  • My proposal wasn't ANYTHING like I planned, but it was very us.  Of course I had dreamed of candles, carriages, and flowers .... but I got pizza, Rock Band, and family ...

    Our families live close by each other and so its not unusual for them to get together, so when Eric said were all getting together to hang out and eat pizza, I thought nothing of it.  Fast forward to my guy telling me to come sing Dirty Little Secret by the All American Rejects on Rock Band ... I totally kill the song by the way, and so I went over, did my thing, and couldn't understand why he kept failing out, so I kept saving him, until he completely failed out, threw the guitar, knowing I would say pick it up.  When I did as he predicted, he said something to the effect of what, this?  aaaaaaand said he had a dirty little secret: he loved me and wanted to know if I'd marry him.  Now, I won't tell you ladies that I said I hated him and called him a colorful name before he pointed out I needed to answer. 

    Nothing like I expected, but it was very very us, and in the end, thats all that mattered :)

  • I think girls always dream of how their proposal will happen (or at least hope it will happen), and we just have to understand that guys don't always think in the romantic way we do. 

    My proposal wasn't what you would see in movies with roses all over the house and petals spelling out "Will you marry me," but I wouldn't change it for a thing.  It was perfect in my eyes, and I think that's the way you should try looking at it, too. 

    As for feeling bad about how it happened or how your fiance feels about your disappointment, all you can do is tell your fiance your reasons for feeling the way you do and apologize.  Just think about it; how would you feel if it were the other way around?  I hope you feel better about it all soon!
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  • had it been perfect and everything you wanted, there would have been no funny stories to tell later in life.  At least someday you can look back on this and realize the irony of the situation and how funny it really kinda is (not laughing at you, but more at the irony - please don't think I'm poking fun).  My future step mom in law said this about our upcoming wedding date:
    you've worked so hard to make everything perfect, seat everyone with people they may like, and when it goes exactly the perfect way you planned, what stories will you tell?  Q: How was your wedding?  A: It was quite literally just how I planned.  Wouldn't it be more fun to say, Aunt Sam got drunk and danced on the table, the ring bearer ran back down the aisle, and we laughed and enjoyed ourselves the whole time? 
  • I loved my proposal.  It was so us.  Our morning routine while I was in school consisted of the same thing every morning. Part of it was sitting on the couch and watching tv (it takes both of us a long time to wake up). We were on the couch, and he asked me if I wanted my birthday gift now or later.  (It was my 25th birthday). My answer naturally was now. So he said to close my eyes.  When he told me to open them he was still sitting on the couch but with my ring.  I still don't remember to this day saying yes because I was so shocked. I knew it was going to happen at some point in the very near future. Just never thought it would happen on my birthday.  And the entire proposal was at 715am.  At 730am i called my little sister, and she was the first to find out!
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  • I was a little disappointed in mine as well. He pulled over when we were getting ready to go in a bar, and handed it to me.  It wasn't where it was that bothered me, but the fact that he didn't even say anything nice or even ask.

    While he was holding it out to me, I literally had to say, "is there something you want to ask me?!"
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  •  My proposal wasnt great either..it definelty wasn't what i expected and my fiance didnt have the ring at the time. Instead, he wrapped blue ribbon around my finger..which stills sits under my engagement ring now. I was really upset about it at first and even hinted that he should do it again when he had my ring but he didnt..and when he got the ring, he just slipped it on my finger before we went to bed. To add to the story, he only asked for my parents blessings, a year after the fact..prolonging our engagement to 2 yrs instead of one and making me crazy in the interim. Alas..our hopes and expectations for the proposal and engagement are always clouded by the fairytales we see on television but ive come to learn that when 2 people decide they love each other so much that they want to spend the rest of their lives together, that in itself is the real fairytale.

    Congrats ladies on all your fairytales coming true!
  •   Tell him how much you love him and that the proposal he gave you was perfect, you never saw it coming and he completly suprised you and you cant wait to spend the rest of your lives together!!!!
  • Mine was a bit disappointing as well. We had talked about getting engaged and gone ring shopping once or twice so I knew it was in the works. We were just laying there in the dark and he asked me. No ring in hand, no bended knee, I think I was even in old PJs. I had to ask if he was serious because I really didn't know. He'll be the first to admit he messed it up by not doing something a little more special. I wished I could've seen his face at least.

    It turned out kinda funny though because when he got the ring back from being sized he decided he had to sort of redo it so he got down on one then.

    I agree an amazing proposal isn't not the most important thing but having a great story to tell all your friends and family when they ask how he proposed would be great.

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  • It was the 4th of July (this year) and we're sitting on the beach with 4 good friends watching the fireworks. I am laying down with my head in his lap enjoying the display of lights. He tells me his legs hurt and asks me to sit up. I go to sit up and cuddle up next to him and the fireoworks finale starts. He asks me to stand up with him... I tell him "No! Nobody behind us will be able to see anything!" This argument pretty much repeats for the next minute or so. Finally he's like "Just stand up for one second, and then if you want to sit right back down, then you can." So I stand up, immediately cross my arms over my chest and say "Oh my god, we are being SOOO rude right now!". He whips out the ring/box and goes "I dont Care.. this is more important!" and knelt down on one knee. I was so shocked that I just stood there and stared at him. It just hadn't sunk in yet lol So then he realized I wasn't doing anything and had to actually say "will you marry me?" and then I just kissed him as an answer lol

    This was SO us. My birthday is on the 3rd of July and I always tell him that the fireworks are "just for me" lol and he knows the beach is my most favorite place in the world. So he put the two together and made for a super cute proposal. Add that with the fact that we always harass each other... it just really made the moment more "us" that I was giving him a hard time about standing up (as he later told me that he knew I would lol).

    It wasn't what I expected...and it was a few years later then I expected, but it was amazing none the less. and not because it was at the beach. not because we had friends there. not because people were watching us and we had an amazing fireworks display behind us (that we both admitted we didn't see 1 second of)...but because the man of me dreams porposed to me. He picked ME. He loves ME. That's what made it special. Had he done it the day before in the apartment the same way your FI did to you...I would have loved the proposal no matter what. & I am with others when they say that it is adorable that he just couldn't wait to ask you. Oh and later going through the mcdonalds drive-thru at 2am I asked him if he had even thought of doing a speech. He said he had but then got really nervous when the fireworks started and forgot all of it lol So right there in the mcdonalds drive-thru he rehearsed the sweet words that were meant for earlier that day lol
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  • I am only disappointed in my response to the proposal!  FI took me to a park overlooking Seattle (we were visiting for the weekend) and proposed just after the sun set.  It was great.  However, as I was expecting this at least four months later, I didn't even know what to say.  I just gaped at him and then said "of course."  I cry about EVERYONE'S proposals, but I couldn't even muster any emotion about my own because I was so shocked!  He seemed a little let down that I hadn't burst into tears and skipped around or something LOL.  I was and am obviously excited though, I just sometimes wish I could have that moment back and savor it instead of totally blanking and forgetting everything he said because I was in such a state of shock!  Oh well...I will get emotional enough during the ceremony to make up for it haha.
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  • I don't think my proposal was very creative, but instead of telling him that I didn't like it and upsetting him, I asked him to propose every year on our anniversary. Hopefully he'll put some creativity into some of them, and it will be a sweet way to renew our committment to each other. He said he'd love to go along with that plan -- as long as he doesn't have to buy me a new ring each year!
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  • Lindseroo, I know exactly how you feel! Hearing my friends' proposals and seeing them on tv/movies I always tear up, and always thought I would when it was my turn, but I was in such a state of shock I couldn't even muster any tears. When I told my friends and family the romantic way he did it they all cried for me.

    Like PP have said woman are naturally more romantic than men, also the majority of women have dreamed about their future proposal long before they meet "the one". My FI told me he hadn't really thought about how he would do it until about 12 hours before he did... oh well, the important thing is that we are spending the rest of our lives together :-)
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  • Like you, my now fiance and I have been together all through high school. I had dreamed of what our life would be like and getting married but I never really though about the proposal until after all my friends started spilling their proposal stories. I began to think about how boring my proposal story was and then I though about all the meaning behind it. It doesn't really matter how it happened, just that he loves me enough to go through the ring buying process and asking my parents if he could marry me.

    Try to think about that part and don't worry too much about not having the proposal of your dreams. Besides, he said he couldn't wait any longer to ask you! I'm sure that makes you smile, right?
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