Bridesmaidzilla

maggiem1 · March 2010

That was a very insightful answer in regard to weight. I guess sometimes people have to face reality when it comes to those issues.

My daughter has asked her Uncle Dave and her future nephew, who are both talented in photography to take pictures and she is buying their room and of course film and discs. ( That is essentially their gift to the couple). Everyone is happy with the arrangement.

Also she is creating a spot or some sort of photogenic venue with a lovely backdrop - either fabric or scene- to have couples pose for a shot if they want or with the bride and groom or other guests.

Bottom line is as another person said - make the invitation. It is then up to her sister to decide what she can accept or not. She just may have to face it. She obviously has had her own wedding so it is childish and immature to want to run her sister's. Move on and have a wonderful time. If necessary work out the anger on your own but don't let it spoil YOUR day. She will have to live with it - Maggie

Amarfa · March 2010

I had a bridesmaidzilla. She'd been my best friend for 4 years. And then she got a boyfriend and started flaking out. First, she agreed to take over a project while i was away, and she cancelled the whole thing. ( i was getting a grade for that project!!!!) Then, when it came time to pick dresses, she gave me her availability, and I would get everyone together, and then she'd take off with her boyfriend stating she'd told me she wouldn't be there. AAARGH. Then her parents called me in a panic asking if she was with me. Obviously not. (that happened twice.) Then, the last straw: Another mutual friend of ours was describing her own wedding to me, which was exactly like mine, AND she told me that my best friend had been helping her with it.

that was the last straw. I don't deal with flaky people. You're in or you're out, and if you're out, you're not coming to the wedding at all, and you're not my friend anymore. Don't agree to that responsibility and then not do it. Grow up. Get a life. Whatever it is you need to do, but first thing's first-don't mess with my wedding!!!!!

banana468 · March 2010

OP, I think PPs gave you great responses.

Tell Sis that if she wants to be in the wedding you have a spot for her and the dress is on her own.

And find a new photographer - not BIL.

Amarfa, did you really ask one of your BMs to work on YOUR graded project for you???

kids_goofy · March 2010

It is traditional for bridesmaids to purchase their dress. I don't agree with most people on here that say if she buys the dress she's in if she doesn't she is out. Because you need to know one way or the other. I would sit her down and talk to her and get an answer... yes or no. Have your friend do it. As far as pictures go. DON'T have the BIL do them. That is a recipe for disaster, I would contact the local college or a pro and see if you can do a payment plan. At the end of it all just remember it is your day!!

jdizzl734 · March 2010

Ridiculous! All of my bridemaids are buying thier dress, and accessories, no problem. Be upfront and nobody has room to complain. A couple of my good friends could not afford dresses, and neither could I. So unfortunately they could not be bridesmaids. We are in a generation where a lot of couples take on the cost of a wedding themselves. If your sister cannot understand that then she can just go on about her way. You should not have to pick up that expense.

As for the "photographer" if he finds it necessary to rent equipment you do not have to let him be in charge of the rental. $600.00 seems fishy to me. It seems as if there is extra money added to that. You have several choices.

1. Looking into renting equipment yourself, so that you are aware of competitive rates.
2. Look into actually hiring a photographer. For $600.00 you ABSOLUTELY can get a basic package from an actual photographer.
3. THE BES OPTION for your situation: go to your local community college. I have three friends who have done photography programs in school, and who produce amazing work. Bottom line their work is great and highly affordable.

No matter what choice you make just have everything in writing. Do not let this giy go and rent $600.00 worth of equipment, and just take his word for it. Also, has he ever worked with the quipment he is renting??? Sounds like a disaster to me.

bablingbrooke · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaidzilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:63a7a321-1e1c-42e7-a17a-d9ca0a9a7119Post:5865ad8e-0071-4352-a495-b31724e4ae7c">Re: Bridesmaidzilla</a>:
[QUOTE]I had a bridesmaidzilla. She'd been my best friend for 4 years. And then she got a boyfriend and started flaking out. First, she agreed to take over a project while i was away, and she cancelled the whole thing. ( i was getting a grade for that project!!!!) Then, when it came time to pick dresses, she gave me her availability, and I would get everyone together, and then she'd take off with her boyfriend stating she'd told me she wouldn't be there. AAARGH. Then her parents called me in a panic asking if she was with me. Obviously not. (that happened twice.) Then, the last straw: Another mutual friend of ours was describing her own wedding to me, which was exactly like mine, AND she told me that my best friend had been helping her with it. that was the last straw. I don't deal with flaky people. You're in or you're out, and if you're out, you're not coming to the wedding at all, and you're not my friend anymore. Don't agree to that responsibility and then not do it. Grow up. Get a life. Whatever it is you need to do, but first thing's first-don't mess with my wedding!!!!!
Posted by Amarfa[/QUOTE]
Yeah, so NOT a BM's responsibility to do your homework for you! That's cheating under any circumstances.

brandi · March 2010

For your sister, it is tacky and disrespectful to ignore repeated requests by you to get the dress situation resolved. If you asked her to stand up for you just because she is your sister then you might want to reconsider. Those people that stand up for you not only do so because they support you but also agree to certain responsibilities. Waiting until the last minute to find a new BM can be very difficult on you and the new one. Speak with your sister and get the facts on why she is being so wishy-washy. No, don't pay for the dress. She has had ample time to find/make a dress. In the end, I would just switch BM to someone who would be excited to be a part of your day.

For her photographer husband, it seems he will be as difficult as your sister. You can get cheap packages if you call vendors and tell them what you are working with, the photo student is also a great idea. Buy several disposable cameras and have guests take pics. You will probably get some great shots that way too. One more thing to consider with this issue, your photographs are all that you will have of your day (besides memories). If the husband takes poor photos for various 'issues', incorrect equipment, lighting etc. you will never be able to get that back. He sounds just as high maintenance as your sister and I think you should find more reliable alternatives other than those two.

Andrealynn821 · March 2010

it may or may not be of any help to you but you can find photographers that are great off of craigs list for like 200 dollars just ask to see some of their work... and as far as your sister give her a timeline of when everything need to be done by and if she accepts all the responsibility then she will have it done by that date... i gave my bridesmaids a specific timeline and duitys as well as the other BM's numbers so if they are not able to get the task done they could pass it off to someone else they absolutly loved that they had some structure and said that as of now this is the most organized wedding they have been in... so it may be easier for you to sit down one night and put together some things that you need help with and give each of them duitys... good luck!

dulciepulcie · March 2010

Give your older sister a deadline. Give her one more month (that's more than enough time) to find a dress or have one made. Tell her that if she does not meet the deadline, then she is not in the wedding. It has been a rule for AGES that bridesmaids pay for their own dresses unless told otherwise. Explain that since you are on a budget, you cannot afford to pay for her dress. If she dislikes your explanation, deadline, etc., then she shouldn't be in the wedding after all.

As for your photographer, make a contract with him, and have him sign it, about what is expected of him and how, when, where pictures should be taken. Or, find a close friend or other family member to take pictures. This way there will be no guilt-trips or outrageous requests.

Remember: this is YOUR wedding! Don't let other people manipulate you!

Almost Ms Daniel · March 2010

I know how you feel my friends and family acted very odd for a while but now that theres only a few months left they are doing great one of my cuzins did back out witch pissed me off cause she did it like 2 months ago aka 6 months before my big day but i found someone to take her place thank god but i did want to hit her but when it comes down to it you dont want to stress about your day being just what you want i dont know how your family is try talking to your mom but i would just tell her you dont like the way shes been acting about your wedding you didnt act like that at hers its not fair for her todo it to you and you would rather just help with other stuff!

nye6980 · March 2010

my wedding is 8/22... i took my sister and cousin for their fitting today. my cousin took a look at her dress, went to get measured and put her deposit down. my sister on the other hand, looked at her dress and said " im not wearing that i need straps" i told her the straps are optional just attach them no big deal... she started fussing about the length the price and the colors. at that point i said you know what im not going thru this with you right now either your in it or your not!she said fine im not...
this is your day... dont let anyone steal your shine! keep it DRAMA free!

bablingbrooke · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaidzilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:63a7a321-1e1c-42e7-a17a-d9ca0a9a7119Post:7c190514-2580-459b-86f7-26aedf86abbb">Re: Bridesmaidzilla</a>:
[QUOTE]my wedding is 8/22... i took my sister and cousin for their fitting today. my cousin took a look at her dress, went to get measured and put her deposit down. my sister on the other hand, looked at her dress and said " im not wearing that i need straps" i told her the straps are optional just attach them no big deal... she started fussing about the length the price and the colors. at that point i said <strong>you know what im not going thru this with you right now either your in it or your not!she said fine im not...</strong> this is your day... dont let anyone steal your shine! keep it DRAMA free!
Posted by nye6980[/QUOTE]
That is called creating drama over nothing. YOU created the drama here. Not your sister. I hope the one day is worth all the drama you caused within your family and will likely last long after the wedding.

bablingbrooke · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaidzilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:63a7a321-1e1c-42e7-a17a-d9ca0a9a7119Post:d1f41c9a-8d8a-42e1-88a3-2e853ad57b71">Re: Bridesmaidzilla</a>:
[QUOTE]I know how you feel my friends and family acted very odd for a while but now that theres only a few months left they are doing great one of my cuzins did back out witch pissed me off cause she did it like 2 months ago aka 6 months before my big day but i found someone to take her place thank god but i did want to hit her but when it comes down to it you dont want to stress about your day being just what you want i dont know how your family is try talking to your mom but i would just tell her you dont like the way shes been acting about your wedding you didnt act like that at hers its not fair for her todo it to you and you would rather just help with other stuff!
Posted by Almost Ms Daniel[/QUOTE]
That was impossible to read. Punctuation. Capitalization. Sentences.

[Deleted User] · March 2010

Is she depressed? Are their other things going on in her life? I'm the MOD in my sister's wedding and it took me forever to order the exact dress because I broke my ribs. Life happens. I need to deal with the wedding present and the bridal brunch thing and my cat and my ferret and keeping my house clean and my boyfriend and work and food. I'm doing the best that I can. But, I do agree, if she is not ready in time, she's simply not in it. Worry about yourself and let her know that if she can't deal with it, then she just can't.

PS: I bought my own dress. I think that was only fair. Her job is supposed to be making the brides life easier. But, fights happen. It's a stressful situation. It's best for everyone to keep their cool.

lcoremin · March 2010

I've seen this before. I call it "MAIDZILLA". A friend of mine is getting married in June and her cousin was being a maidzilla, she told her she either stops trying to make i her wedding or she is out. She stopped real quick.

sdcoyle · March 2010

Let A and B simply attend. Find another photographer, if you don't you will be mad forever because in ten or twenty years your pictures will still be there. If the pictures are crap, you'll still be mad about it every time you look at them, ten or twenty years later.

Your sister is rude and so is her husband.

madaline.claydon · March 2010

Ughh. you People who are just telling her "if she gets the dress she's in - if she doesn't she's out." She can't just wait and see if her sister does get the dress, because she needs to know if she needs to ask someone else to be in the wedding. She can't just wait and then last-minute ask someone to be in the wedding. It's not that simple.

madaline.claydon · March 2010

it was A's Husband.

megandjay · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaidzilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:63a7a321-1e1c-42e7-a17a-d9ca0a9a7119Post:9e368821-7c24-4a3b-9c3e-39cc7b58d5ee">Re: Bridesmaidzilla</a>:
[QUOTE]Ughh. you People who are just telling her "if she gets the dress she's in - if she doesn't she's out." She can't just wait and see if her sister does get the dress, because she needs to know if she needs to ask someone else to be in the wedding. She can't just wait and then last-minute ask someone to be in the wedding. It's not that simple.
Posted by madaline.claydon[/QUOTE]

Why would she have to ask someone else? I could understand needing to know before printing programs, or just <em>wanting </em>to know. But, she does not need to replace her, she can just have an MOH!

vdriskill · March 2010

hello there, i read your comment and pretty much going though the same things here.. I asked my only sister to be bridesmaid few weeks ago.. I went go my dress along with two other bridesmaid and i ordered and paid for hers. with in mins she called my mom to find out who else was in the wedding party. So because she didnt like a few that was in my wedding she dropped out .. I cant cancel order . so i screwed out of 100 bucks.. she was very nasty about it posting personal info on facebook. so i refuse to talk with her. Well last weekend i shot a babyshower(im photographer) she was there. And asked when will her dress be in OMG been 3 weeks and i after all she did she wants the dress now. Well to late i gave the dress to my moh daughter.. It would be mean to take it back and i refuse to do so. So i called her and told her if she wants to be in the weding she needs money up front and ill order her a new dress!! she dont stress out on ur sister things will work out.. she want s to play game just dont go to her level . keep head up its YOUR day!!
Vanessa

Kara Baxter · March 2010

Gosh, your MOH and BM sounds like my two daughters. One is the bride, one is the MOH.

The MOH was not commital cus the bride was wishy washy. But the bride thinks she's not wishy washy. yea bride knows what she doesn't want, but not what she wants..lol

And the bride is always coming back with "ITS MY WEDDING! I WILL DO WHAT I WANT".

which the MOH isn't very financially well off to afford an elabrate dress. So she's hesitant to have bride pick out a dress for her.

Now, regarding your situation - I understand it cus it sounds like my family. As for words of wisdom - I don't know....other than be nice to your sisters, don't be all demanding - ask nicely and talk nicely to them.

If they want to do something you don't want - simply state "I will think about it, and talk to groom"...that gives you an easy way out and its not confrontational.

Also, you can ask BM what she wants to wear. - Just get ideas and her opinion, which she will be happy you considered her feelings.

Then try to get a plan in place - then impliment a deadline. If BM comes thru, great. If she doesn't - get a back up plan- with another person.

I agree with the other person who said BM doesn't want to be in your wedding...And it could be because of $$ - or it could be because she wants to get back at you or play games with you - sisters sometimes do that - since its all about you and not about her...sometimes they get jealous. Such is the case with my two.

Good luck! and Best wishes!

millyd2005 · March 2010

It's NEVER as easy as "if she gets a dress, she's in"! No matter what, she is still your sister, and while weddings are about the bride and groom, they are a family affair, and in 20 years, I know I'd rather have my sister as my BM (which she is) then even my best friend if I was forced to choose. Blood is thicker then water.

I'm also, personally, realizing that while this wedding is one of the biggest events of my life, other people don't necessarily give it the respect and authority that I do. I understand that, to a point - I'm still harping on 2 groomsmen who need to get measured for their tuxes, and 2 bridesmaids who need to pick up their dresses.

You are NOT being too controlling, if anything, I suggest you stay on top of your sister's actions and decisions now, because they effect YOU in the long run. If she waits too long to fess up, she's affecting the programs, the seating chart, the rehearsal, etc. She needs to suck it up, STAND BEHIND YOU, and be your sister.

sunnygurl · March 2010

My deepest sympathy to you for having a situation that you really shouldnt have to deal with. Unfortunately, you have multiple problems.

1. Give your sister a deadline. I would have suggested at least 6 mths (but it seems like my deadline for you has already passed). But if you're willing to work with a different deadline, you have to tell her immediately. If she doesnt have a dress by the time you've set, then its understood by both of you she's not standing in the wedding. And please dont stress yourself out or worry about it- weddings tend to make ppl "crazy", not just brides- but everyone! There are alot of other things that you need to exert your energy on, don't waste it on this!

2. Ideally, i would suggest saving for a professional photographer- your wedding photos can't be replaced or retaken.
Unfortunately, you've expressed a lack of finances in this area to hire a professional or to rent equipment.
The idea for the photography student is one that it sounds like you will pursue.
Another is to have, as a wedding present, a bank account where your guests can donate funds for wedding pictures so you can hire someone who will do professional job.

3. Remember, financial bind or not, it is NOT your responsibliity to buy your bridesmaid gowns, accessories, etc. unless you made an agreement with them to do so (although it would be nice to pay for/have someone you know do their make-up b4 the ceremony). but you're not obligated to. I'm sure you asked them way in advance which would have given them time to save. Yes, you are the one getting married but these are the persons who are dearest and nearest to you who should be willing to make that sacrifice because they love and cherish you that much.
I stood as MOH in my best friend's wedding which was in another country- she told me a year in advance, so i saved and i had to pay for my own dress, shoes, hair, air fare & hotel. And i still hosted her bridal shower. It was a hell of alot and initially i thought she should be paying for me to come down there-she's the one getting married; but she also had thousands of dollars to spend on ceremony and reception; and she was near and dear to me- someone well worth the sacrifice. And i know when its my turn to walk down the aisle, the favor will be returned...(hopefully!!) but even if its not, i have no regrets!

Good luck with the rest of your planning; and plan well- it will save you lots of stress as the time draws nearer. And don't stress yourself out- this isn't a perfect world we live in, so everything isn't going to be perfect, but it should be to you and your future husban's satisfaction!

ashleyreneaw · March 2010

I totally see where this girl is being a bridesmaidzilla! Your wedding is stressful enough without others adding to the load. I agree that if she gets the dress then fine, if she doesn't then fine. Absolutely do not pay for it. And get a student or other friends to do the pics. If it's a hassel, avoid it. That's my motto. Just tell the BIL that you don't want to inconvenience him. He'll probably get all wierd about it anyway. At least this way you will have decent pics of your wedding and not the possibility of owing a family memeber for bad pictures.

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