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Waiting on a woman

I'm planning on having 4 bridesmaids and 4 groomsmen but one of my bridesmaids is commissioning as a 2LT in the Hawaii national Guard in December( wedding will be in Michigan in June) so proud of her, love her to death and really hope she can be a bridesmaid but I don't want to force her too soon to make her decision if she can do it or not. I talked to her about it and told her I don't want her to feel obligated, I mean it's a big commitment to take off work fly here and then have to get back and so I want to be understanding and patient but then I want to start bridesmaid dress shopping and I have a friend that is a spare in case I need her (she of course doesn't know she's my b list bridesmaid) but I'm kinda wanting things to settle... How do I talk to my friend and say I need an answer before whenever or should I just continue to be patient and give her time to figure it out....
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Re: Waiting on a woman

  • In Response to Waiting on a woman:
    [QUOTE]I'm planning on having 4 bridesmaids and 4 groomsmen but one of my bridesmaids is commissioning as a 2LT in the Hawaii national Guard in December( wedding will be in Michigan in June) so proud of her, love her to death and really hope she can be a bridesmaid but I don't want to force her too soon to make her decision if she can do it or not. I talked to her about it and told her I don't want her to feel obligated, I mean it's a big commitment to take off work fly here and then have to get back and so I want to be understanding and patient but then I want to start bridesmaid dress shopping and I have a friend that is a spare in case I need her (she of course doesn't know she's my b list bridesmaid) but I'm kinda wanting things to settle... How do I talk to my friend and say I need an answer before whenever or should I just continue to be patient and give her time to figure it out....
    Posted by MeganMichele1989[/QUOTE]

    This. Also, people are not props so having a B list is not well liked around here.

     

  • In Response to Waiting on a woman:
    [QUOTE]I'm planning on having 4 bridesmaids and 4 groomsmen but one of my bridesmaids is commissioning as a 2LT in the Hawaii national Guard in December( wedding will be in Michigan in June) so proud of her, love her to death and really hope she can be a bridesmaid but I don't want to force her too soon to make her decision if she can do it or not. I talked to her about it and told her I don't want her to feel obligated, I mean it's a big commitment to take off work fly here and then have to get back and so I want to be understanding and patient but then I want to start bridesmaid dress shopping and I have a friend that is a spare in case I need her (she of course doesn't know she's my b list bridesmaid) but I'm kinda wanting things to settle... How do I talk to my friend and say I need an answer before whenever or should I just continue to be patient and give her time to figure it out....
    Posted by MeganMichele1989[/QUOTE]

    FYI - B list anything is rude as all hell and really kind of mean: I didn't really want you here but I need another warm body.

    Tell her that you would love it if she were your BM.  If she can make it great.  If she can't list her as an honorary BM in your program.  Then, wait and do not ask anyone else just to fill a space.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
  • To be honest the wedding is just a performance my marriage is what actually counts. So yes planning on having 4 beautiful woman that I love may seem like theyre just gorgeous props but lets be honest every girl has some friends she's closer with than others, if I had every friend in my wedding party it would look a little silly. Everyone narrows down their bridesmaids I'm just brutally honest about how I did it.
  • It's not like the other girl knows when I asked my others, as far as she would know she was first draft with the other 3... It's not rude at all if she doesn't know she was asked after another girl couldn't do it
  • In Response to Waiting on a woman:
    [QUOTE]I'm planning on having 4 bridesmaids and 4 groomsmen but one of my bridesmaids is commissioning as a 2LT in the Hawaii national Guard in December( wedding will be in Michigan in June) so proud of her, love her to death and really hope she can be a bridesmaid but I don't want to force her too soon to make her decision if she can do it or not. I talked to her about it and told her I don't want her to feel obligated, I mean it's a big commitment to take off work fly here and then have to get back and so I want to be understanding and patient but then I want to start bridesmaid dress shopping and I have a friend that is a spare in case I need her (she of course doesn't know she's my b list bridesmaid) but I'm kinda wanting things to settle... How do I talk to my friend and say I need an answer before whenever or should I just continue to be patient and give her time to figure it out....
    Posted by MeganMichele1989[/QUOTE]
    The bolded part is soooo wrong. You don’t need even sides. Why can’t you ask both of them?  
  • In Response to Re: Waiting on a woman:
    [QUOTE]To be honest the wedding is just a performance my marriage is what actually counts. So yes planning on having 4 beautiful woman that I love may seem like theyre just gorgeous props but lets be honest every girl has some friends she's closer with than others, if I had every friend in my wedding party it would look a little silly. Everyone narrows down their bridesmaids I'm just brutally honest about how I did it.
    Posted by MeganMichele1989[/QUOTE]

    If you want 4 girls, then ask four girls and leave it at that. If one drops out don't replace her. If you want this "spare" friend as a bridesmaid, then have 5 girls. Being brutally honest about how you narrowed down your bridesmaid choices is fine, but treating your friends as replaceable objects so your pictures look good is wrong. If I were either friend, I would drop out.
     
    A ceremony is a symbol. It should be meaningful and appreciated, not just what looks prettiest.
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In Response to Re: Waiting on a woman:
    [QUOTE]To be honest the wedding is just a performance my marriage is what actually counts. So yes planning on having 4 beautiful woman that I love may seem like theyre just gorgeous props but lets be honest every girl has some friends she's closer with than others, if I had every friend in my wedding party it would look a little silly. Everyone narrows down their bridesmaids I'm just brutally honest about how I did it.
    Posted by MeganMichele1989[/QUOTE]

    Wow you are a gem. I hope you B list firend find out what you really think of her.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • In Response to Re: Waiting on a woman:
    [QUOTE]To be honest the wedding is just a performance my marriage is what actually counts.
    Posted by MeganMichele1989[/QUOTE]

    So why don't you just go to the courthouse?
  • Wow...thankfully, I don' have any friends who act like this.  Seriously, you're coming off really badly.  I had six friends who I couldn't have imagined getting married without.  So, I asked those six.  That's not a hard concept and it really saves you from looking like an asshole, even if the other girl doesn't know she is a second place friend. 
  • In Response to Re: Waiting on a woman:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Waiting on a woman : So why don't you just go to the courthouse?
    Posted by renegade gaucho[/QUOTE]


    I honestly wouldn't mind that at all, but the expectation is to have a picture perfect wedding and that's just what I'm trying to do, I didn't mean to come off as mean or rude... but the ceremony to me is just a big production.  I just to marry my man and live happily ever after.  Weddings are expensive :/ 
    also I live in the military world, things have to match and be perfect and even, 5 girls and 4 guys would drive me crazy lol it's just the way we're programmed
  • forget expectations. Your wedding is about you, not what is expected. If you'd rather just go down to the courthouse, then do it. Don't categorize your friends into tiers just because of an arbitrary idea that you HAVE to have a big wedding ceremony.
  • In Response to Re: Waiting on a woman:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Waiting on a woman : I honestly wouldn't mind that at all, but the expectation is to have a picture perfect wedding and that's just what I'm trying to do, I didn't mean to come off as mean or rude... but the ceremony to me is just a big production.  I just to marry my man and live happily ever after.  Weddings are expensive :/  also I live in the military world, things have to match and be perfect and even, 5 girls and 4 guys would drive me crazy lol it's just the way we're programmed
    Posted by MeganMichele1989[/QUOTE]

    I live in the military world, too, and I think this is a load of crap.
  • In Response to Re: Waiting on a woman:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Waiting on a woman : I honestly wouldn't mind that at all, but the expectation is to have a picture perfect wedding and that's just what I'm trying to do, I didn't mean to come off as mean or rude... but the ceremony to me is just a big production.  I just to marry my man and live happily ever after.  Weddings are expensive :/  also I live in the military world, things have to match and be perfect and even, 5 girls and 4 guys would drive me crazy lol it's just the way we're programmed
    Posted by MeganMichele1989[/QUOTE]

    and I cannot take seriously anyone who uses this phrase.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
  • Oh, I also got married in a courthouse, as did my sister.  Some people would have preferred that we had the stereotypical big wedding, but that's not what we wanted so we didn't do it.  Easy peasy!
  • In Response to Re: Waiting on a woman:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Waiting on a woman : I live in the military world, too, and I think this is a load of crap.
    Posted by renegade gaucho[/QUOTE]


    clearly you don't... being a military spouse doesnt really count or just being a military brat.  Both of which I am but If you actually serve as I have you see things differently... and if you don't there is something seriously wrong with you
  • In Response to Re: Waiting on a woman:
    [QUOTE]Oh, I also got married in a courthouse, as did my sister.  Some people would have preferred that we had the stereotypical big wedding, but that's not what we wanted so we didn't do it.  Easy peasy!
    Posted by renegade gaucho[/QUOTE]


    thanks thats actually helpful :)
  • I hope you're going to include on your invitations that this event is a meaningless production so your guests have the opportunity to decide whether they want to bother taking time out of their lives and buying you a present.
  • In Response to Re: Waiting on a woman:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Waiting on a woman : clearly you don't... being a military spouse doesnt really count or just being a military brat.  Both of which I am but If you actually serve as I have you see things differently... and if you don't there is something seriously wrong with you
    Posted by MeganMichele1989[/QUOTE]

    I'll be sure to tell my husband, who was putting down riots in Bosnia when you were in elementary school, that there's something wrong with him because he doesn't treat people he presumably cares about as props.
  • In Response to Re: Waiting on a woman:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Waiting on a woman : I'll be sure to tell my husband, who was putting down riots in Bosnia when you were in elementary school, that there's something wrong with him because he doesn't treat people he presumably cares about as props.
    Posted by renegade gaucho[/QUOTE]


    military spouse, I kind of figured....
  • You can condescend to me all you want- you're still a douche.
  • P.S. Your age is showing.
  • In Response to Re: Waiting on a woman:
    [QUOTE]There is so much wrong going on here.   You're blaming the military on why it's ok to be an asswhole to your friends?  Awful.
    Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

    No I'm explaining why symmetry is importat, something my friends would actually understand, I don't know why I would expect any of you to... my friends know me and expect nothing less than for things to look structured and squared away.  
  • I'm IN the military. I planned on having 4 people on my side, his had 3. We ended up having 3 and 2. I was not bothered. At all. Having the people I care about was more important than even sides. Don't use military training to justify treating people like props. 

    And don't be a snot to spuses of military, either. They sacrifice too. 
  • In Response to Re: Waiting on a woman:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Waiting on a woman : No I'm explaining why symmetry is importat, something my friends would actually understand, I don't know why I would expect any of you to... my friends know me and expect nothing less than for things to look structured and squared away.  
    Posted by MeganMichele1989[/QUOTE]

    Well, then, just tell all of your friends that they are merely props for your stage production and you're sure they understand that appearances trump actual friendships.
  • In Response to Re: Waiting on a woman:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Waiting on a woman : clearly you don't... being a military spouse doesnt really count or just being a military brat.  Both of which I am but If you actually serve as I have you see things differently... and if you don't there is something seriously wrong with you
    Posted by MeganMichele1989[/QUOTE]

    I'll make sure to tell my dad that because he doesn't treat people like second class citizens, that something is wrong with him.
  • edited October 2012
    In Response to Re: Waiting on a woman:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Waiting on a woman : military spouse, I kind of figured....
    Posted by MeganMichele1989[/QUOTE]

    I might be tolerant of this kind of condescending attitude if you were talking about what it is like to be in a war zone.  This claiming that symmetry is more important to the military than anything, however, is BS and I would love to know how you'd react if someone dismissed your FI's opinion like this.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
  • In Response to Re: Waiting on a woman:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Waiting on a woman : I honestly wouldn't mind that at all, but the expectation is to have a picture perfect wedding and that's just what I'm trying to do, I didn't mean to come off as mean or rude... but the ceremony to me is just a big production.  I just to marry my man and live happily ever after.  Weddings are expensive :/  also I live in the military world, things have to match and be perfect and even, 5 girls and 4 guys would drive me crazy lol it's just the way we're programmed
    Posted by MeganMichele1989[/QUOTE]
    I'm pretty sure this is the post that will pisss me off the most today.  Condescending much?  I spent 26 years IN the miltitary and find this to be unimaginable BS.  Being the in the military all those years never taught ME to treat people like crap or props.
    No, being the in military does NOT mean your sides have to be even, it doesn't mean they have to match, and it doesn't give you free reign to have backup bridesmaids which is another rude post all on its own.
    BS.  Condescending BS.
  • Yay!  I was hoping you would show up here, kmmssg!
  • I have never met a service man or woman who so quickly dismisses the sacrifice their spouses, children and family make. And I would never dismiss the sacrifices my FFIL (Air Force Major), FMIL (military wife) or my FI have made in their lives.

    Being anal retentive about symmetry is a pre-existing trait, not a learned habit. My FFIL is inately less "square" than either me or his wife is. And yet, I know not to treat a human being like a prop, regardless of how bad it bothers my obsessive compulsive tendencies.
  • In Response to Re: Waiting on a woman:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Waiting on a woman : military spouse, I kind of figured....
    Posted by MeganMichele1989[/QUOTE]


    Nope, I was wrong, THIS is the post that will piss me off the most.  You are one bratty, condescending little snot.  DO NOT try to say this is because you are in the military.  You are worried about your wedding looking symmetrical and squared away, not about your friends?  Not at all what I learned in my 26 years.  
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