Bridal party/title suggestions needed!
Hello! Well, my fiancee and I have determined that we're having 3 groomsmen and 3 bridesmaids for our wedding - I want the numbers to match when we're standing up there.
However, I have several friends who want to help and that I want involved. I originally was going to have 2 attendants - Friend 1 is an old buddy from HS, and Friend 2 has volunteered to be my go-to for decorating help, etc and would be somewhat of a wedding coordinator (she's also doing our cake). I have another, newer friend (her hubby is one of the groomsmen) who will be there and who I have grown very close to in the past few months. She'll be around for everything because of her hubby, and has really been a help to me - I'd like to honor her as well.
Would it be ridiculous for me to have 3 bridesmaids and 3 attendants - and have the attendants do my readings during the ceremony? In all reality, I would love for friends 2 and 3 to be bridesmaids (and that seems to be more of the role they're taking on voluntarily), but my fiancee doesn't want any other groomsmen.
Thoughts are welcome, as well as other title suggestions! Special Assistant? Bride Wrangler? I've seen the title "honorary bridesmaids" somewhere also, I didn't know if those would apply?
Re: Bridal party/title suggestions needed!
[QUOTE]Hello! Well, my fiancee and I have determined that we're having 3 groomsmen and 3 bridesmaids for our wedding - I want the numbers to match when we're standing up there. However, I have several friends who want to help and that I want involved. I originally was going to have 2 attendants - Friend 1 is an old buddy from HS, and Friend 2 has volunteered to be my go-to for decorating help, etc and would be somewhat of a wedding coordinator (she's also doing our cake). I have another, newer friend (her hubby is one of the groomsmen) who will be there and who I have grown very close to in the past few months. She'll be around for everything because of her hubby, and has really been a help to me - I'd like to honor her as well. Would it be ridiculous for me to have 3 bridesmaids and 3 attendants - and have the attendants do my readings during the ceremony? In all reality, I would love for friends 2 and 3 to be bridesmaids (and that seems to be more of the role they're taking on voluntarily), but my fiancee doesn't want any other groomsmen. Thoughts are welcome, as well as other title suggestions! Special Assistant? Bride Wrangler? I've seen the title "honorary bridesmaids" somewhere also, I didn't know if those would apply?
Posted by kandacelant[/QUOTE]
What is riduculous is believing that numbers are more important than people.
http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_what-do-i-call-the-girls-in-my-house-party
Have your 3 'attendants" be either bridesmaids or guests. There is nothing in between. Please dont treat them like second class friends by calling them attendants or your house party
If none of those options appeal, just have them be guests. Asking them to be attendants is rude and will make them feel like "second best".
I'm from a different area, but "attendants" are actually very common here. I've actually never been to a wedding without attendants. I've been an attendant in 2 weddings and a planner in a 3rd and never felt "2nd best". I actually felt very honored. In both weddings where I was an attendant, the brides had their sisters as bridesmaids and friends as attendants and that was noted in the program. I actually preferred being an attendant as I didn't have to worry about the cost of the dress, but was involved as much as a bridesmaid - including pics with the group as a whole.
I'd honestly love for them to be bridesmaids - but I guess I wasn't exactly clear on the even number issue. Yes, I would prefer for there to be an equal number of girls and guys for practicality - I've been the odd bridesmaid out and it was awkward walking by myself and having nobody to dance with for the wedding party dance. I'd prefer to save others that same awkwardness. Additionally, the front area of where we're having our ceremony simply isn't wide enough for 6 or 7 girls, us in the middle, and 3 guys.
I'd like to add that I would think they would find it far more insulting if I didn't thank them. Sorry, but me and my friends aren't snotty, we don't talk behind each-other's backs, and I'm simply trying to find some way to thank them specially for all that they're doing and have them involved.
Now, I am going to have them involved somehow. If you want to leave a helpful comment please do, but take negativity and judgment elsewhere.
Also, we're anything but traditional and could really care less about wedding traditions as we're having our wedding in a way that's personal to us. I'm just looking for title names or ideas on a way to thank/honor/mention them in the program.
Also, WP dances are not very popular on this board, as I'm sure you'll see. Many guests find them awkward and would rather just be eating/drinking/chatting/dancing. You could consider making all of your girls bridesmaids, have the groomsmen each walk out two ladies in the procession, and have everyone sit in the front row except the best man and MOH who could be standing up with you. Then just scrap the WP dance and you'll be able to include everyone without anyone being an odd man out.
[QUOTE]"Also, we're anything but traditional and could really care less about wedding traditions as we're having our wedding in a way that's personal to us." The rest of your post completely suggests otherwise. Write your helpful friends a thank you card for their help. That's so much better than just giving them a random title. If it's done in your area and you were called an attendant and a coordinator, why not just call them that?
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]
I don't understand how it suggests it either way? My point is that if I think Bride Wrangler is a good title, that's what I'll call them (it was intended as a joke). I was just wondering if someone had a more creative title that we could use that I hadn't thought of. Attendant and Coordinator will work - when I was each it was nice to be noted in the program. I just wondered if someone had a more "fun" title.
[QUOTE]Then, again, like I previously said, make them readers. It's a great job and a nice way to honor people. If that doesn't work for you, put a special "thank you" section in the program saying something like "a special thanks to my girls amy, brenda, and cara - I couldn't have done this without you!" Still ask them to any prewedding stuff you want. But they don't need to be given any duties or titles. The other two options are fine. Also, WP dances are not very popular on this board, as I'm sure you'll see. Many guests find them awkward and would rather just be eating/drinking/chatting/dancing. You could consider making all of your girls bridesmaids, have the groomsmen each walk out two ladies in the procession, and have everyone sit in the front row except the best man and MOH who could be standing up with you. Then just scrap the WP dance and you'll be able to include everyone without anyone being an odd man out.
Posted by vonclancy[/QUOTE]
Finally, nice suggestions :-)
The 2 girls to a guy would work, except for the lack of space in our venue. It's a long, narrow space without any kind of elevation up front (so using rows wouldn't work) and there's just no way they could all fit on one side.
I'm learning that unpopular ideas on here are apparently met with hostility (not from you). I guess I preferred having a title when I was in their spot, so I assumed they would also. What can I say, I'm weird. I liked being more than just a guest, in that I knew that the bride wanted to me be a special part in everything.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Bridal party/title suggestions needed! : I don't understand how it suggests it either way? My point is that if I think Bride Wrangler is a good title, that's what I'll call them (it was intended as a joke). I was just wondering if someone had a more creative title that we could use that I hadn't thought of. Attendant and Coordinator will work - when I was each it was nice to be noted in the program. I just wondered if someone had a more "fun" title.
Posted by kandacelant[/QUOTE]
Okay...
You listed a bunch of traditions. And said you were doing these traditions. But then you said you aren't traditional. Are you very clear, now, on why I said that your statement "we're anything but traditional and could really care less about wedding traditions" does not ring true?
Let's move on....
You just said, "I'd like to add that I would think they would find it far more insulting if I didn't thank them." when I suggested in my previous post that you could write them thank you cards. Don't act like no one said you shouldn't thank them. To quote myself:
"You can write them sweet thank you notes for their help, if you want."
I gave you a couple of "nice" suggestions. Just because you didnt' like them, doesn't mean they weren't <em>nice</em>.
Listen, you think a "fun" title is better than a traditional title? Call yourself something other than the traditional "bride."
<strong>The 2 girls to a guy would work, except for the lack of space in our venue. It's a long, narrow space without any kind of elevation up front (so using rows wouldn't work) and there's just no way they could all fit on one side. </strong>
Don't let space be your enemy or your excuse. You can have the bridal party sit when they reach the front. A lot of venues are doing that now because, if anything, people prefer to sit.
I'm not sure why using rows wouldn't work. How many people across can sit in a row? Sit them in two rows. It's fine.
You can also still have these other people come up as readers. They can be sat pretty much anywhere in the space they want to and can be called up when needed.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal party/title suggestions needed! : Finally, nice suggestions :-) The 2 girls to a guy would work, except for the lack of space in our venue. It's a long, narrow space without any kind of elevation up front (so using rows wouldn't work) and there's just no way they could all fit on one side. I'm learning that unpopular ideas on here are apparently met with hostility (not from you). I guess I preferred having a title when I was in their spot, so I assumed they would also. What can I say, I'm weird. I liked being more than just a guest, in that I knew that the bride wanted to me be a special part in everything.
Posted by kandacelant[/QUOTE]
I think I might not have been clear but I didn't mean having them stand in rows. Have them walk to the front. When they get there, have them sit in the front row or rows of pews/seats/whatever, the same way that any guests would seat themselves (or if you want family in the front row, have them sit in the second). Just have the MOH and BM standing up with you. When the ceremony ends, the bridal party just gets up and processes out after you, before the rest of the guests get up and go.
It's nice that you thought it was special to be included as an attendant but it really can be taken wrong and it's a risk that people will be offended. While it is a way to "include" people, it also subtly says "yeah, you're awesome, but not good enough to be in my top three." So, if you do it, I hope your friends have the same attitude as you, but be prepared for some possible hurt feelings because not everyone will feel that way.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal party/title suggestions needed! : I would call them <strong>W edding Coordinators.</strong> About the bold my friends are the SAME way as we are not snotty and do not talk about each other behind their back...
Posted by ans3f[/QUOTE]
a wedding coordinator is someone you hire and pay for their services. So unless you intend to pay your friends, this title doesnt work.
[QUOTE]I don't understand why you say in your OP that "thoughts are welcome" and then later tell people to "take [their] negativity and judgment elsewhere" when they don't embrace your idea with unicorns and glitter. In the future, you shouldn't encourage people to leave their thoughts if you don't REALLY want them and only wanted validation.
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]
I just feel there are different ways to respond. If you disagree with what I want to do, there are nice ways to do it, other than being snarky and somewhat condescending. Not singleing you out on this or saying yours was a nasty response, just some REALLY seemed to be that way. I figured this would be a fairly supportive site, but some of the replies I got back were just kind of nasty - as well as a lot of the replies I have since seen to similar questions from other brides.
[QUOTE]Also a wedding party dance is completely out dated and boring to sit through. Let your wedding party doance with their signnificant others.
Posted by KatWAG[/QUOTE]
I actually had originally planned to skip it, but the girls really want to do it. They'll be joining us halfway through our dance.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal party/title suggestions needed! : I think I might not have been clear but I didn't mean having them stand in rows. Have them walk to the front. When they get there, have them sit in the front row or rows of pews/seats/whatever, the same way that any guests would seat themselves (or if you want family in the front row, have them sit in the second). Just have the MOH and BM standing up with you. When the ceremony ends, the bridal party just gets up and processes out after you, before the rest of the guests get up and go. It's nice that you thought it was special to be included as an attendant but it really can be taken wrong and it's a risk that people will be offended. While it is a way to "include" people, it also subtly says "yeah, you're awesome, but not good enough to be in my top three." So, if you do it, I hope your friends have the same attitude as you, but be prepared for some possible hurt feelings because not everyone will feel that way.
Posted by vonclancy[/QUOTE]
Thanks for the clarification - makes sense, and that's pretty much what I was thinking.
As I was an attendant in two of their weddings, and I know the 3rd one had attendants also . . . I'm not worried about them being insulted. I really can't believe the huge uproar my suggestion caused. Honestly, if they would be that insulted by not being bridesmaids I wouldn't be friends with them.
[QUOTE]Oh gosh, now that you've told me off, and how wonderful you are, I see the error of my ways. You couldn't possibly hurt anyones feelings ever, and all your ideas are made of diamonds encrusted with platinum. Take me to your leader, oh supreme being who can do no wrong. I see now that worrying about your friends' feelings was 'nasty', and trying to supply correct etiquette was terrible. I recind my evil ways and shall never question your supreme greatness again, oh unquestionable one.
Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]
I'm fairly certain I didn't single anybody out or tell anybody off? But if you feel that I was directing anything towards you, then that's fine. As far as "wedding etiquette" . . I think it's outdated, but to each their own. Enjoy your day.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal party/title suggestions needed! : I actually had originally planned to skip it, but the girls really want to do it. They'll be joining us halfway through our dance.
Posted by kandacelant[/QUOTE]
The girls would rather dance with these groomsmen, instead of their significant others?
How to the groomsmen feel about this? Honored the girls are choosing them over their significant others?
Either way, if all the girls wanted to throw cake, would you be, like, "I wasn't going to have a cake toss, but the girls really want to do it...."
If you want to have the bridal party dance, have it, but don't throw your girls under a bus. Own your choices. You <em>want</em> to have it, otherwise you would have just skipped it.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal party/title suggestions needed! : The girls would rather dance with these groomsmen, instead of their significant others? How to the groomsmen feel about this? Honored the girls are choosing them over their significant others? Either way, if all the girls wanted to throw cake, would you be, like, "I wasn't going to have a cake toss, but the girls really want to do it...." If you want to have the bridal party dance, have it, but don't throw your girls under a bus. Own your choices. You want to have it, otherwise you would have just skipped it.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]
I guess I'm more ambivelant about the WP dance - I don't really care enough one way or another, but if they want to have a special dance with us why not. The groomsmen are their significant others, with the exception of married GM/single BM. If they wanted to throw cake, I'd probably be in on it since that actually sounds kind of fun. The WP dance isn't what I posted about, however.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal party/title suggestions needed! : I guess I'm more ambivelant about the WP dance - I don't really care enough one way or another, but if they want to have a special dance with us why not. The groomsmen are their significant others, with the exception of married GM/single BM. If they wanted to throw cake, I'd probably be in on it since that actually sounds kind of fun. <strong>The WP dance isn't what I posted about, however. </strong>
Posted by kandacelant[/QUOTE]
To quote what YOU posted:
I've been the odd bridesmaid out and it was awkward walking by myself and having nobody to dance with for the wedding party dance. I'd prefer to save others that same awkwardness.
So we suggested skipping the wedding party dance.
We give suggestions, you make excuses. That's pretty much how this thread has gone. Except your excuses have all been about "that's how things are done here" and "that's what our girls want." The only thing that you have said you <em>want</em> to do is have even sides.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal party/title suggestions needed! : I actually had originally planned to skip it, but the girls really want to do it. They'll be joining us halfway through our dance.
Posted by kandacelant[/QUOTE]
So the girls want to do it but what about the guys? Their feelings should be taken into account as well.
Also, you cannot control how people respond to your posts. Everyone responds differently. If you get easily offended by what others posts then the internet probably isn't the best place for you. In addition, we like to be supportive to brides but we don't support bad ideas. Placing even numbers above your friends is a bad idea. And just because you felt honored to be an attendant doesn't mean that your friends will feel the same way. There are loads of possible solutions to your situation so that you can ask all of your friends to be BM rather than BMs and Attendants. Others have given you great suggestions about how to work out having a larger bridal party in a smaller space.
:points at Maggie's post above: