Wedding Etiquette Forum

Ohhh My Godddd!

My BM is causing unnecessary stress. My MOH planned my bachelorette party - a weekend away in a nearby city - for the second weekend in May. My BM offered for us to use her parents' timeshare for the weekend so the expense was going to be minimal for those attending. About 2 months ago, all BMs agreed that they could make it. Now my BM is saying she can't make it because of Mother's Day activities. Fine. 

The problem is now that she won't attend, her parents don't feel comfortable giving us the timeshare. And the other 2 BMs are saying they can't afford to rent a hotel!! So now it's just going to be me and MOH renting a hotel for the weekend?

Should we cancel it altogether? No other weekends will work, and my wedding is in June. I feel like I should approach flaky bridesmaid about covering the hotel cost. She screwed up, and she was totally wrong to promise something she couldn't deliver. I am livid and hoping she fears my wrath enough to just back out of BM duties altogether.

ETA: I don't want to alter my original post because I'm not sure if that's rude, but please know that the last part of my post was spoken in anger after just finding out this news. I will never say anything negative to my BM for this situation which is out of her control.
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Re: Ohhh My Godddd!

  • she mightve screwed up. but check travelocity or expedia.. you guys can get 1 room for the 4 of you to share and that should be cheap enough.. you can even rent a rollaway bed for like 20$ in hotels.. 
  • CALEOCALEO member
    Seventh Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    That sucks. I'm sorry.

    What about a night out in your own city?
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  • What if you guys made it a day trip instead? Or, like pp suggested, checking around for better deals.
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ohhh-my-godddd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:37fe8b8f-557e-4ce7-bdf1-9dc43bb77836Post:4e7476aa-e13d-4514-9a3e-4a544bcbeb05">Ohhh My Godddd!</a>:
    [QUOTE]My BM is causing unnecessary stress. My MOH planned my bachelorette party - a weekend away in a nearby city - for the second weekend in May. My BM offered for us to use her parents' timeshare for the weekend so the expense was going to be minimal for those attending. About 2 months ago, all BMs agreed that they could make it. Now my BM is saying she can't make it because of Mother's Day activities. Fine.  The problem is now that she won't attend, her parents don't feel comfortable giving us the timeshare. And the other 2 BMs are saying they can't afford to rent a hotel!! So now it's just going to be me and MOH renting a hotel for the weekend? Should we cancel it altogether? No other weekends will work, and my wedding is in June. I feel like I should approach flaky bridesmaid about covering the hotel cost. She screwed up, and she was totally wrong to promise something she couldn't deliver. <strong>I am livid and hoping she fears my wrath enough to just back out of BM duties altogether.</strong>
    Posted by Judell789[/QUOTE]

    I don't think your BM did anything wrong.  Your MOH chose a holiday weekend for your Bachlorette party, and then I presume family things came up for the BM in question so she had to decline.  It's her parent's choice to rent their timeshare out or not, she doesn't really have control over that.

    Check into hotel options that you and the other 3 BMs can afford, or change the Bachlorette party plans to something more local that you all can afford.  But the bolded is just ridiculous.  This woman is supposed to be one of your closest friends, and you are livid over a sinlge event, that in the grand scheme of things is pretty insignificant.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • smalfrie19smalfrie19 Home of SB XLVIII Champs member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited April 2013
    You know they are not REQUIRED to throw you a bachelorette party, and the fact that you are valuing this "weekend" over having your friend stand by your side is kind of ridiculous. That's why you have bridesmaids, not so they can throw you a party.

    Anniversary
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  • That sucks, but it's not totally her fault - and it was really nice of her to offer. She would've been fine with you guys using the place if it wasn't her parents place. Cut her some slack and think up a Plan B. :)

    Whenever I go travelling, I check out http://www.homeaway.com/ (and other apartment rental sites like Air BnB) for beach houses and villas. They're pretty affordable, especially if everyone chips in a small amount.
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited April 2013
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • smalfrie19smalfrie19 Home of SB XLVIII Champs member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ohhh-my-godddd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:37fe8b8f-557e-4ce7-bdf1-9dc43bb77836Post:abbe620e-eeac-4370-9a4e-5489710226ac">Re: Ohhh My Godddd!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Isn't OP a known troll?
    Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

    <div>After checking out her previous posts, it looks like that is so. </div>
    Anniversary
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ohhh-my-godddd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:37fe8b8f-557e-4ce7-bdf1-9dc43bb77836Post:e0590809-33db-479b-93d2-b08ccb338af6">Re:Ohhh My Godddd!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hey! I just had a brilliant idea! How about having the bachelorette party at home? I know, so boring and affordable and not friendship ending. But still, good times with good friends, celebrating a hopefully happy union.
    Posted by EllaYoung[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>You are way out of line. Cut the sarcasm. It's not just me who's upset, but my BMs as well. Having a "local" night out would be just like any other night. Not an option.

    </div>
  • I'm not a troll, but for whatever reason people seem to think that my problems are stupid. They're really not. These are things I am affected by, whether you can relate or not.
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Yeah, I thought I recognized the name from when she called us monkey humpers and insulted our moms.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Sorry if this feeds the troll....but whatever happened to a  B party being a night on the town, ya know, IN town?  Nothing wrong with OOT b-parties, but it's ridiculous to expect one or be upset if one doesn't pan out.
  • smalfrie19smalfrie19 Home of SB XLVIII Champs member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ohhh-my-godddd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:37fe8b8f-557e-4ce7-bdf1-9dc43bb77836Post:fa57639f-e4fa-4a83-868a-232e3fa26344">Re: Ohhh My Godddd!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm not a troll, but for whatever reason people seem to think that my problems are stupid. They're really not. These are things I am affected by, whether you can relate or not.
    Posted by Judell789[/QUOTE]

    <div>Why do you NEED a bachelorette party? Heaven forbid, you just go out with your girlfriends! Frankly, no one here cares about your MUD.</div>
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  • In Response to Re:Ohhh My Godddd!:[QUOTE]My BMnbsp;is causing unnecessarynbsp;stress. My MOH planned my bachelorette party a weekend away in a nearby city for the second weekend in May. My BM offered for us to use her parents' timeshare for the weekend so the expense was going to be minimal for those attending. About 2 months ago, all BMs agreed that they could make it. Now my BM is saying she can't make it because of Mother's Day activities. Fine.nbsp;The problem is now that she won't attend, her parents don't feel comfortable giving us the timeshare. And the other 2 BMs are saying they can't afford to rent a hotel!! So now it's just going to be me and MOH renting a hotel for the weekend?Should we cancel it altogether? No other weekends will work, and my wedding is in June. I feel like I should approach flaky bridesmaid about covering the hotel cost. She screwed up, and she was totally wrong to promise something she couldn't deliver. I am livid and hoping she fears my wrath enough to just back out of BM duties altogether. Posted by Judell789[/QUOTE]

    She messed up, it sucks, but it happens. People make mistakes. A
    Good friend forgives another and understands that crap happens. Maybe she forgot that weekend was mothers
    Day. And I don't blame her parents. I wouldn't let a bunch of girls I didn't know stay at my place if I wasn't there or another family member. Especially when the intent is to party for the weekend. Rearrange your plans... Do a spa day or a night out in your town with dinner and drinks. Or suck it up and pay for a hotel.


    And you hope she fears your wrath?? Seriously. You sound like a real gem. You want your friend to be scared of you? If she has to walk on egg shells and be worried about your being pissed off then you really aren't that great of a friend.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ohhh-my-godddd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:37fe8b8f-557e-4ce7-bdf1-9dc43bb77836Post:e938990c-0c83-4a69-b306-795fb5b396d6">Re: Ohhh My Godddd!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yeah, I thought I recognized the name from when she called us monkey humpers and insulted our moms.
    Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

    <div>I really am very sorry for that. Sometimes I act immaturely. I'm working on it...</div>
  • smalfrie19smalfrie19 Home of SB XLVIII Champs member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ohhh-my-godddd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:37fe8b8f-557e-4ce7-bdf1-9dc43bb77836Post:91cb8bc1-aa57-4aea-9062-793ca99361c6">Re: Ohhh My Godddd!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ohhh My Godddd! : I really am very sorry for that. Sometimes I act immaturely. I'm working on it...
    Posted by Judell789[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>This entire post is immature! You "hope she fears your wrath" over a bachelorette weekend.</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ohhh-my-godddd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:37fe8b8f-557e-4ce7-bdf1-9dc43bb77836Post:bb5c438b-8fd0-4bfd-b7d2-e9343084c045">Re:Ohhh My Godddd!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Ohhh My Godddd!: She messed up, it sucks, but it happens. People make mistakes. A Good friend forgives another and understands that crap happens. Maybe she forgot that weekend was mothers Day. And I don't blame her parents. I wouldn't let a bunch of girls I didn't know stay at my place if I wasn't there or another family member. Especially when the intent is to party for the weekend. Rearrange your plans... Do a spa day or a night out in your town with dinner and drinks. Or suck it up and pay for a hotel. And you hope she fears your wrath?? Seriously. You sound like a real gem. You want your friend to be scared of you? If she has to walk on egg shells and be worried about your being pissed off then you really aren't that great of a friend.
    Posted by SJM7538[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Thank you for the perspective. I know I need to put my anger in check. I haven't expressed any of this to her so I'm glad I came here first. </div><div>
    </div><div>I suppose a spa day could be an alternative as that is something different from what we normally do. I know I shouldn't suggest this to my MOH because I shouldn't plan my own party and maybe it's not affordable for the BMs. My MOH is at a loss, I just don't know how much I should or should not step in.

    </div>
  • SJM7538SJM7538 member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited April 2013
    In Response to Re:Ohhh My Godddd!:I'm not a troll, but for whatever reason people seem to think that my problems are stupid. They're really not. These are things I am affected by, whether you can relate or not. Posted by Judell789 They really are stupid. They're not even problems. Child hood cancer is a problem, world hunger is a problem. The fact that my dog has gas is more of a problem than this. This is you being ungrateful and unappreciative and whining bc you won't get a free weekend away.
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ohhh-my-godddd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:37fe8b8f-557e-4ce7-bdf1-9dc43bb77836Post:1196b291-04a7-47c0-af4b-66e852c1f9d3">Re:Ohhh My Godddd!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Ohhh My Godddd! : You are way out of line. Cut the sarcasm. It's not just me who's upset, but my BMs as well. <strong>Having a "local" night out would be just like any other night. Not an option.</strong>
    Posted by Judell789[/QUOTE]

    And that would be bad because. . . ?  What is supposed to happen at your B-party in this other city that is so much more awesome?

    Again, is your B-party more important to you than your friendship with your BM who cannot attend, I assume due to Mother's Day?

    Also, It doesn't appear posters here think your ideas or problems are stupid, but that your attitude is obnoxious.

    ETA: OP, I just saw your most recent response and you seem to be calming down and posting and thinking more rationally.  AND you apologized to Addie for some dumb statements in another thread- GOOD ON YA!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • vsgalvsgal member
    Eighth Anniversary 250 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    Chillax.  It is just a party.  If you and the rest of the group can't afford the trip, then you need to cancel and do something close to home.  Your BM has done nothing wrong.  She has family obligations that are more important than your party weekend.  Her family, understandably does not want a party in their timeshare if she can't be there.

     Get over it.  Don't confront her. Don't talk smack about her.  Don't make her endure your wrath so "she backs out of her duties".  You are not entitled to anything...especially a bach. party out of town.  I did not even have one.  Doesn't make my friendships or marriage less valid. 
    ROCK IS KING!!
  • She shouldn't have offered the place if it wasn't hers to give, but I'll join the chorus of suggesting doing something in your own town.  It doesn't have to be your standard Saturday night- why not try a different part of town, start the night with wine tasting, create your own bar crawl- there are lots of ways to have a fun and special night that don't scream "I'm immature and selfish"
  • Alright, alright, you all have good points. I'm over-reacting. Good to know.

    I guess now my dilemma is, am I out of line to suggest a night close to home, since planning your own party is not polite? At this point, my MOH is on the verge of cancelling and it makes me a little bit sad.

    I know I sounded obnoxious, and I'm sorry, but I really do care about handing things elegantly.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ohhh-my-godddd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:37fe8b8f-557e-4ce7-bdf1-9dc43bb77836Post:61390c25-877b-4e54-97ec-0165cf337d92">Re: Ohhh My Godddd!</a>:
    [QUOTE]She shouldn't have offered the place if it wasn't hers to give, but I'll join the chorus of suggesting doing something in your own town.  It doesn't have to be your standard Saturday night- why not try a different part of town, start the night with wine tasting, create your own bar crawl- there are lots of ways to have a fun and special night that don't scream "I'm immature and selfish"
    Posted by STARMOON44[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Thank you starmoon. That's a really good idea.

    </div>
  • In Response to Re:Ohhh My Godddd!:[QUOTE]Alright, alright, you all have good points. I'm overreacting. Good to know.I guess now my dilemma is, am I out of line to suggest a night close to home, since planning your own party is not polite? At this point, my MOH is on the verge of cancelling and it makes me a little bit sad.I know I sounded obnoxious, and I'm sorry, but I really do care about handing things elegantly. Posted by Judell789[/QUOTE]


    No it's not wrong to suggest something else. It's finding a solution to the problem. Just tell your MOH you think you can have just as much fun doing a day thing closer to home and then going out at night. And let her take it from there

    I had a say in the weekend and what we are doing for my party but the after that was decided I'm out of the planning.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ohhh-my-godddd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:37fe8b8f-557e-4ce7-bdf1-9dc43bb77836Post:f8e90fc1-f7b7-4d9e-8bfd-98c0486415f0">Re: Ohhh My Godddd!</a>:
    [QUOTE]That sucks, but it's not totally her fault - and it was really nice of her to offer. She would've been fine with you guys using the place if it wasn't her parents place. Cut her some slack and think up a Plan B. :) Whenever I go travelling, I check out <a href="http://www.homeaway.com/" rel="nofollow">http://www.homeaway.com/</a> (and other apartment rental sites like Air BnB) for beach houses and villas. They're pretty affordable, especially if everyone chips in a small amount.
    Posted by perfectisboring[/QUOTE]

    <div>Thanks so much!</div>
  • edited April 2013
    Tell your original hosts that if they want to switch to a local party you'd be thrilled. If they don't take the suggestion and run with it you don't get a b party....not the end of the world.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ohhh-my-godddd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:37fe8b8f-557e-4ce7-bdf1-9dc43bb77836Post:a66f1c2e-6755-4e38-8e4e-be71ceb178ed">Re: Ohhh My Godddd!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Tell your original hosts that if they want to switch to a local party you'd be thrilled. If they don't take the suggestion and run with it you don't get a b party....not the end of the world.
    Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]

    <div>Yeah, I know in my heart you're right. The parties are all fluff. It's just hard not to feel let down! </div>
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I think you should suggest a quiet night at your dad's funeral home, ya know, the place where you plan to store all of the food you are going to make your guests cook for your wedding reception.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ohhh-my-godddd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:37fe8b8f-557e-4ce7-bdf1-9dc43bb77836Post:0c68738d-6592-49d8-9636-3a3de84da888">Re: Ohhh My Godddd!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think you should suggest a quiet night at your dad's funeral home, ya know, the place where you plan to store all of the food you are going to make your guests cook for your wedding reception.
    Posted by OliveOilsMom[/QUOTE]

    <div>LOL good one. Don't worry, we are not doing that. </div>
  • Judell789Judell789 member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ohhh-my-godddd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:37fe8b8f-557e-4ce7-bdf1-9dc43bb77836Post:0c68738d-6592-49d8-9636-3a3de84da888">Re: Ohhh My Godddd!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think you should suggest a quiet night at your dad's funeral home, ya know, the place where you plan to store all of the food you are going to make your guests cook for your wedding reception.
    Posted by OliveOilsMom[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>It seems like a lot of people remember this, which I didn't expect, so I would just like to explain for those who want to know. I was thinking crazy back in those days. Since then I have been diagnosed with a personality disorder which is currently being treated and I'm feeling better and better everyday.</div><div>
    </div><div>I started working a second job before Christmas so that I can pay for decent catering for our guests. I want the wedding to be very enjoyable for everyone.</div><div>
    </div><div>I've unfortunately destroyed some friendships along this journey, but my FI has stuck by me even though it's been frustrating for him at times. I'm very lucky and I try hard everyday to be the person I dream to be. Thank you all for helping to keep me in check.</div><div>
    </div><div>ETA: I am not using the personality disorder as an excuse. I fully except that I am just ridiculous sometimes.

    </div>
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