NWR: First Communion Gift

OwningAHome1981 · April 2013

What's the norm for gift-giving at communions now-a-days? Last time I went to one I was 8. FI's cousin is making her communion next weekend and I said he should just give $$ but he said "she is 9. I'm not giving her $$" but I explained that $$ is generally what people give and the parents put it in an account for the child. Am I wrong? Is there something else that people are giving these days in lieu of cash? (I always thought cash was the staple for these types of things).

Someone please correct me if I'm wrong. Also what is a good amount to give if we do the cash route? Thanks!

AdeleDazeem · April 2013

I'd give a savings bond, personally.

GoodLuckBear14 · April 2013

Cash + a small gift from a religious store.

JillianNJohn · April 2013

Maybe an engraved bible?

nda8414 · April 2013

Cash. IMO, religious gifts are probably not going to be used

Simply Fated · April 2013

I love the idea of a savings bond! Maybe a gift card to a bookstore or educational toy store or something? A gift certificate to get her nails done with her mom?

GoodLuckBear14 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-first-communion-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:38fc3169-750e-43a6-9f5f-76c0b49319bbPost:536402f7-a1c0-4d48-bd5b-7e07bab686b7">Re: NWR: First Communion Gift</a>:
[QUOTE]Cash. IMO, religious gifts are probably not going to be used
Posted by nda8414[/QUOTE]

That's a really broad statement. A cross that I received for my first communion all of those years ago still hangs in my old bedroom. They prayer book I was given was used every week. I'd read it while in grade school when I was bored during sermons. My rosary is still used to this day. I still have my religious medals. It is a First Communion. There is supposed to be a religious aspect to any gifts given.

J+A 2013 · April 2013

We give cash. Apparently it's quite complicated to give savings bonds these days.

loca4pook · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-first-communion-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:38fc3169-750e-43a6-9f5f-76c0b49319bbPost:b0ccc9c5-bdd9-4ad5-b3b3-c29ad55a8aaa">NWR: First Communion Gift</a>:
[QUOTE]What's the norm for gift-giving at communions now-a-days? Last time I went to one I was 8. FI's cousin is making her communion next weekend and I said he should just give $$ but he said "she is 9. I'm not giving her $$" but I explained that $$ is generally what people give and the parents put it in an account for the child. Am I wrong? Is there something else that people are giving these days in lieu of cash? (I always thought cash was the staple for these types of things). Someone please correct me if I'm wrong. Also what is a good amount to give if we do the cash route? Thanks!
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

cash is fine, or some type of religious item..

btw, savings bonds are kinda hard to get these days. You have to give our social security numbers to get them, from what I hear

fuerst37 · April 2013

For a first communion, I would give either a rosary/cross or a bouquet of flowers. It is supposed to be about a child's relationship with God, not about buying the next video game. That's just me, though. It would probably not thrill a child.

doiexist1987 · April 2013

Personally I would get the child something they can enjoy. I have been to a few first communions and at that age many children look at the religion thing as either a positive thing that they want to do to appease their parents, or as a horrible thing that they are doing just to appease their parents. I understand it is supposed to be about the child's relationship with the christian diety but realistically at that age they don't know enough about themselves, the world, or their place in the world to have the sort of relationship and commitment that the event is meant to signify. The child has gone through a great ordeal (hours upon hours of class, sermons that may or may not make sense to them, etc.) just to placate their parents that they deserve something they can enjoy.

nda8414 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-first-communion-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:38fc3169-750e-43a6-9f5f-76c0b49319bbPost:4504d7bc-92bf-4b52-b9ba-0bffd9bddb2f">Re: NWR: First Communion Gift</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR: First Communion Gift : It is a religious occasion, so hopefully she will use it.
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

I hated religiously themed things when I was a kid, so I was just speaking to what the 9 year old me would have wanted. I'm also always afraid to get a special bible or cross necklace/bracelet because I thought that grandparents and/or godparents bought those things.

GoodLuckBear14 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-first-communion-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:38fc3169-750e-43a6-9f5f-76c0b49319bbPost:8750af4c-6a9c-4d74-9267-8d9db6016525">Re: NWR: First Communion Gift</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR: First Communion Gift : I hated religiously themed things when I was a kid, so I was just speaking to what the 9 year old me would have wanted. I'm also always afraid to get a special bible or cross necklace/bracelet because I thought that grandparents and/or godparents bought those things.
Posted by nda8414[/QUOTE]

Thankfully, nine year olds do not dictate what appropriate gifts are.

Simply Fated · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-first-communion-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:38fc3169-750e-43a6-9f5f-76c0b49319bbPost:39307861-44ab-43b9-9d17-28fbafd97d4a">Re: NWR: First Communion Gift</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR: First Communion Gift : But what does money say?? "Congrats on accepting our Lord and Savior in the Eucharist; here's some dough??" I don't think I got any gifts for my first communion, but my sister still has the cross that she was given for hers (and she's 28). Encourage them to grow in their faith.mm
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]
It's the same with anytime you get a monetary gift. <div>Just because a kid gets cash, doesn't mean they're going to head straight to the toy store to squander it on Pokemon cards or that it underplays their religious feat. I put my cash gifts from my Bat Mitzvah into the bank.<div><div>As far as religious gifts go... My grandmother had given me a Jewish star necklace before she died. My mother kept it and gave it to me just before my bat mitzvah. I already had my beloved prayer book from religion school. I think a few people planted trees in my name in Israel lol. </div></div><div>How many Bibles and Jewish stars/Crosses can a person possibly own? </div></div><div>I'm not saying that cash is a great gift all the time, but it's also not the devil's gift you're making it out to be. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

J+A 2013 · April 2013

In FI's family, religious occasions like this are very big - the last baptism we went to had a 4 hour reception with probably around 100 people. We are also invited to a First Communion and Confirmation this spring. These aren't siblings or first cousins of ours, so giving a religious gift would not feel genuine or meaningful (especially coming from me - I am an atheist). It's understood that cash gifts are for a child's college savings. We did like giving savings bonds, but like a PP mentioned, it's much more involved these days and requires knowing SS numbers and the recipient needs to have an account to access the bonds.

From what I've seen, gifts like crosses are very personal and either come from the godparents or parents. When FI became a godfather, part of his gift was a cross for his godson. The one my FI wears is one he got from his mom for a religious occasion (I don't know which one). He has others, but this one is THE one he wears daily. The others just sit in a drawer.

OwningAHome1981 · April 2013

Thank you all. My family is jewish, i really had no idea what is given at these sorts of things. This family is not super religious, so I dont know how I feel about getting a religious item. Are savings bonds becoming obsolete these days? Like similar to travelers cheques? I also am pretty sure if we gave cash the parents would put it in the bank for her instead of letting her spend it on a toy so I'd be ok with cash but I dont think FI wants to do that. This is his first cousin. Thanks ladies!

lyndausvi · April 2013

I always gave cash. At least in my family grandparents and godparents seem to give the religious gifts.

The cross I received from my godfather is hanging up in my living room (and i'm old). I also still have the rosary beads my grandmother gave me. DH's received a beautiful set of wood rosary beads from his grandmother that sits around our gear shift in our car. We never use them, but we still have them. We never go to church either.

Calypso1977 · April 2013

it really depends upon the family.

these days, sadly, many people only show up to church on sacrament days (baptism, 1st communion, confirmation and wedding day) so yes, a religious gift will probably be lost on them if church/faith isnt a regular part of their lives.

but, some families do go every sunday and church/religion is a big part of their lives and a religious gift would be expected/anticipated/desired.

so i would just think about the family and child and what their situation is, and then proceed with getting a gift based on that.

Simply Fated · April 2013

In Response to Re:NWR: First Communion Gift:[QUOTE]"How many Bibles and Jewish stars/Crosses can a person possibly own?"

I actually have a collection of about 15 crosses that I have arranged on a wall in our home. I write on the back the occasion for receiving it.

DH I share a Bible, and I have 3 extras of my own. One NIV, one NASB, and one RSV that is small and I take with me when I travel.

I also treasure Rosaries as gifts. I normally pray with my Grandfather's Rosary or the one a former student bought for me, blessed by Pope Benedict.

when I taught Confirmation, the teens who took it more seriously were the ones who appreciated the gifts of faith. For an event as significant as First Communion, I think a gift that will encourage her on faith is more appropriate. Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

It's great that you treasure them, but do you use them often? Or would the extra Bibles be put to good use in the hands that have none?
How often do you wear the crosses, which was the gift givers' intentions?
It sounds like your extras are being used for sentimental decoration, but never for actual use, or am I misinterpreting your post wrong?

GoodLuckBear14 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-first-communion-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:38fc3169-750e-43a6-9f5f-76c0b49319bbPost:0bc50611-ef12-4c13-8aaa-12198b5d79ef">Re:NWR: First Communion Gift</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:NWR: First Communion Gift: It's great that you treasure them, but do you use them often? Or would the extra Bibles be put to good use in the hands that have none? How often do you wear the crosses, which was the gift givers' intentions? It sounds like your extras are being used for sentimental decoration, but never for actual use, or am I misinterpreting your post wrong?
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

A wall cross is for decoration.

happyfor25 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-first-communion-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:38fc3169-750e-43a6-9f5f-76c0b49319bbPost:66f86c7f-977b-42cf-8728-df64918cf6ee">Re: NWR: First Communion Gift</a>:
[QUOTE]Like Stage, I received a cross ring for my Confirmation and I still have it (doens't fit my chubby fingers anymore ...). Are we talking about a Catholic girl? Here's a good place to start -- <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.catholiccompany.com/FirstCommunionGifts.cfm">http://www.catholiccompany.com/FirstCommunionGifts.cfm</a> This is a jewelry company based out of Texas that has great gifts for religious occasions. I've filtered it for gifts under $50 - <a rel="nofollow" href="http://search.jamesavery.com/?i=1&q1=Gifts&q2=Gift+for+Baptism+or+Confirmation&q3=Under+%2450&searchtext=*&snp=1&top_menu=1&x1=tab.top_nav&x2=tab.drop_down&x3=metal.pricerange">http://search.jamesavery.com/?i=1&q1=Gifts&q2=Gift+for+Baptism+or+Confirmation&q3=Under+%2450&searchtext=*&snp=1&top_menu=1&x1=tab.top_nav&x2=tab.drop_down&x3=metal.pricerange</a> There is a First Communion charm you could have engraved. Keep in mind, this gift should help her grow in her faith and inspire her to continue in her journey as a Christian. I would strongly discourage giving money.
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

Thanks for the links! I'll be attending my cousin's little girl's first communion this month and I just found a beautiful engraved music box with space for her photo on top at The Catholic Company. I think is a great gift for a little girl as she can store her mementos in it such as rosaries, jewelry, etc.

kaos16 · April 2013

@Stage- What is a pocket cross? I assume it's a cross that you carry in your pocket, but is there any symbolism to it? I haven't heard of it before.

Simply Fated · April 2013

In Response to Re:NWR: First Communion Gift:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:NWR: First Communion Gift:In Response to Re:NWR: First Communion Gift: It's great that you treasure them, but do you use them often? Or would the extra Bibles be put to good use in the hands that have none? How often do you wear the crosses, which was the gift givers' intentions? It sounds like your extras are being used for sentimental decoration, but never for actual use, or am I misinterpreting your post wrong?Posted by Simply FatedA wall cross is for decoration. Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]
She didn't say they were wall crosses, just crosses. I totally pictured a jewelry collage of some sort. Sorry!

I still maintain that there are more creative gifts out there instead of 10 of the same things. Barnes and Noble has a religion section for kids, stocked with books, toys and games all religion based and perfect for 8 year olds who are interested in learning more about the choice they made. Just because the gift is cash, a gift card, or a toy, doesn't mean it's a meaningless or an inappropriate gift.

GoodLuckBear14 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-first-communion-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:38fc3169-750e-43a6-9f5f-76c0b49319bbPost:adf7d09e-ccdd-4db3-91b6-5db5f63d2f77">Re:NWR: First Communion Gift</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:NWR: First Communion Gift: She didn't say they were wall crosses, just crosses. I totally pictured a jewelry collage of some sort. Sorry! I still maintain that there are more creative gifts out there instead of 10 of the same things. Barnes and Noble has a religion section for kids, stocked with books, toys and games all religion based and perfect for 8 year olds who are interested in learning more about the choice they made. Just because the gift is cash, a gift card, or a toy, doesn't mean it's a meaningless or an inappropriate gift.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

Cash is okay but there should always be some sort of religious element to the gift also. Anyone who has been in a Catholic gift store knows that there is actually a pretty big selection of things that you can give. Religious books and games are fine - that would fall in the category of religious element.

courtski2004 · April 2013

When I received the Rites of Communion and Confirmation, the two gifts that really stick out that I still have and cherish are a rosary from my Grandmother and a religious Precious Moments figurine (style: communion girl). Personally, I would give a gift that relates to the occasion rather than cash.

s-aries8990 · April 2013

I'm glad this thread popped up, I have one to attend next month. I asked my grandmother and she said cash, but I know this little boy has plenty of toys, etc.

For my first communion I recieved a precious moments cross, prayer book, pin, rosary and coin purse and a scapular. I use the rosary on occasion, the precious moments cross was displayed in my room until recently, and my scapular hangs in my car (i know that's not what it's meant for, but it makes me feel safe).

For my confirmation I recieved a cross necklace that I have worn almost daily (that's when the chain isn't broken) and a Vera Bradley purse along with some cash/checks.

And this weekend we were going through our mountains of old books in the attic and I rediscovered a great series my mother bought us - "Waldo, tell me about God." It's this little boy who asks his dog about God and Heaven, etc. It's really wonderful.

STARMOON44 · April 2013

I stay away from cross jewelry etc because usually the grandparents have done that. I like to give something to recognize the occasion as a step to adulthood, so yes, cash sometimes, but more frequently a good book that helped me grow up. I think it would be rather odd to expect, for example, a Jewish guest to run out and find a rosary. If the occasion is really just about the sacrament, I think inviting 100 people to a party is off myself.

kaos16 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-first-communion-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:38fc3169-750e-43a6-9f5f-76c0b49319bbPost:33d0b807-7d62-4ab8-9987-cd1a87025de8">Re:NWR: First Communion Gift</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:NWR: First Communion Gift: It is exactly that. If you search "pocket cross" you can find tons of them in all manner of style, materials, and price ranges. Mine is a simple stainless steel one, but you can get them with JESUS or various sayings on them, or gold/silver ones with engravings. Mine was given to me by the leader of our youth group with a small notebook that had Phillipians 4:13 on the cover. It isn't a worship artifact so much as something to carry as a little reminder and comfort for a bad day. I was always a bit of a Tom boy and didn't wear jewelry except on special occasions so it was great for me because I could carry it with me day to day and only wear my pretty cross necklace when I was forced to dress up. I actually have carried it off and on throughout my life up until I got my current job, where I wear slacks mostly that don't have pockets.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I love the sentiment of that. Thank you for explaining it to me.

Peledreamsofrain · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-first-communion-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:38fc3169-750e-43a6-9f5f-76c0b49319bbPost:39307861-44ab-43b9-9d17-28fbafd97d4a">Re: NWR: First Communion Gift</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR: First Communion Gift : But what does money say?? "Congrats on accepting our Lord and Savior in the Eucharist; here's some dough??" I don't think I got any gifts for my first communion, but my sister still has the cross that she was given for hers (and she's 28). Encourage them to grow in their faith.mm
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

x200

I received a beautiful cross necklace for mine, and it was very very dear to me for years. It was the first 'real' piece of jewelry I'd ever gotten (gold with a tiny diamond in the center). I still keep it in my safety deposit box so no harm will come to it, and it is sentimental even if I no longer participate in the original purpose of it's giving.

If I had been left to just blow cash at that age? Pffft, a tweeny CD just isn't the same.

doiexist1987 · April 2013

Just becuase you view the occasion as sacred doesnt mean that the child does or will in the future, sure you may hope for it, but who are you to dictate a intimate relationship with the diety of your choosing for another person. At 9 years old they don't know enough about the world, who they are, or where they belong in the world to have first communion be this major accomplishment in your organization's culture that it is touted to be by parents and assorted relatives. The parents subjected thier child to hours of indoctrination that the child could have used to grow as an idividual and experience life. This sacrifice by the child should be rewarded with things that the child can enjoy.

lilphillips14 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-first-communion-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:38fc3169-750e-43a6-9f5f-76c0b49319bbPost:4e18e861-1142-4087-b2aa-7ef5369dd735">Re: NWR: First Communion Gift</a>:
[QUOTE]Just becuase you view the occasion as sacred doesnt mean that the child does or will in the future, sure you may hope for it, but who are you to dictate a intimate relationship with the diety of your choosing for another person. At 9 years old they don't know enough about the world, who they are, or where they belong in the world to have first communion be this major accomplishment in your organization's culture that it is touted to be by parents and assorted relatives. The parents subjected thier child to hours of indoctrination that the child could have used to grow as an idividual and experience life. This sacrifice by the child should be rewarded with things that the child can enjoy.
Posted by doiexist1987[/QUOTE]

Even though on a personal level I, on the whole, agree with the general sentiment of this, I do have to wonder was this whole entire rant necessary?

If it were me, I would leave very personal religious gifts to immediate friends and family, and perhaps give a card congratulating the young person on their step forward in their celebration, etc, and then give a gift of a bookmark with a religious verse on it or some kind of book or special something. Something that marks the occasion without stepping into personal territory if you're not comfortable with it.

Just my two cents!

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