Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?

[Deleted User] · April 2013

Your FI's family has well intentions but they are wrong. Delete your honeymoon registry. Some of my friends had a Honeyfund registry as well. When they brought it up to me I let them know that it was no one's business, much less their financial responsibility, to pay for their "sex vacation" except for the bride and groom.

misshart00 · April 2013

In Response to Re:Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?:In Response to Re:Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?: FYI, I wasn't agreeing with you. Did you even read the second part of my post? You can still tell people you're saving for a honeymoon without being tacky about it.Posted by misshart00That's the part of your post I agreed with! Posted by JNwedding31[/QUOTE]

If you agree with it, then you would get rid of the honeymoon/cash registry and only spread it by word of mouth when people ask.

JNwedding31 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-wrong-to-not-want-a-traditional-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:251b71c1-c500-484b-b6e2-5b9792219be8Post:8f7aee37-3bba-46de-8c34-0af47886daeb">Re: Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]It is not the same. I may be able to get a blender that was originally $50 but I have coupons or it's on sale and I save $15. It is incredibly rude to ask for money. Wedding guests know money is an option and they are smart enough to figure out that you would prefer money if you have a small registry (or no registry). Tell your family members you have everything else you need but you and FI are saving for a honeymoon, they will pass the info along, but you can not say, "we'd prefer cash" EVERYONE I know that isn't involved in my wedding would frown on this. Your family tends to overlook things that are etiquette breeches because it's their baby girl's pretty princess day. Everyone else will care and put on their best pair of judgey pants.
Posted by Shannon1401[/QUOTE]

<div>Haha judgey pants. Well said!</div>

JNwedding31 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-wrong-to-not-want-a-traditional-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:251b71c1-c500-484b-b6e2-5b9792219be8Post:4142a114-317a-4e61-8fd5-6b35634df65b">Re: Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower? : There's absolutely a difference. You don't need to register for money b/c money is money. There's no size, color, brand, or style difference. Your friends and relatives are likely bright people, they know that money makes a good gift; they do not need you to tell them this. A traditional registry isn't asking for gifts; it is simply saying "if you want to give us something here are some things we could use". The lack of a registry, or a small registry tells your guests you have what you need, thus leaving money as a great alternative. Registering for the universal gift just makes it seem like you think they're idiots and can't write you a check on their own.
Posted by Kate61487[/QUOTE]

<div>DEF a good way to look at it. Thanks! </div>

Pookieson · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-wrong-to-not-want-a-traditional-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:251b71c1-c500-484b-b6e2-5b9792219be8Post:542b2391-52e6-44c2-adff-52c6b571e2e0">Re: Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]My original question was answered... I will decline BS or ask for luncheon- sans gifts. Word of mouth is enough for HM. The attacks on the HM registry can now cease. It was suggested to me - I get what you're saying (well preaching, really).. but take a deep breath, it's not the end of the world ladies Thanks for those who answered my question and gave kind advice.
Posted by JNwedding31[/QUOTE]

So you are still doing the registry or not??? Or are you just doing this:
<a id="photoset_link_27749356822_4" href="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7jtr9om3H1r8egomo4_500.gif" class="photoset_photo" rel="nofollow"><img style="width:245px;" src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7jtr9om3H1r8egomo4_250.gif" alt="" /></a>

QueerFemme · April 2013

You are using a link from honeyfund to defend that honeyfun isn't tacky? As if they would say "hey, you know this is totally tacky and rude, right?"

By the way, no one here is preaching and I'm sure everyone is breathing. But, people here are trying to deter you from making a huge etiquette mistake. I'm sure out of 100 people, at least 5-10 will say "yes, a honeymoon registry is fine! Don't worry about it". But, you posted to a specific etiquette forum and posted that you were doing something that is totally against etiquette.

No one here has anything to gain or lose by telling you that what you are planning is tacky. If you proceed with the honeyfund, no one here will lose any sleep or get offended, because we aren't invited to your wedding. And, we don't have any investment if your feelings get hurt or not. Your friends and family won't come out and say "you know that's tacky as hell, right?" because they don't want to hurt your feelings (or, they don't know any better). We don't have the same concerns.

AddieCake · April 2013

I registered for "essentials" and was thrilled with the things we got. If I hadn't wanted them, I wouldn't have registered for them.

JNwedding31 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-wrong-to-not-want-a-traditional-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:251b71c1-c500-484b-b6e2-5b9792219be8Post:ab44000d-75a5-428f-ad3c-d597dcb59537">Re: Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower? : So you are still doing the registry or not??? Or are you just doing this:
Posted by Shannon1401[/QUOTE]

<div>LOL! No- I think word of mouth will suffice.</div>

JNwedding31 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-wrong-to-not-want-a-traditional-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:251b71c1-c500-484b-b6e2-5b9792219be8Post:22e0142e-94d8-4916-8326-3e767a8a78e8">Re:Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?: If you agree with it, then you would get rid of the honeymoon/cash registry and only spread it by word of mouth when people ask.
Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Yes- that is what I'm doing. I was simply explaining what I was told before speaking to you all. Word of mouth will suffice.

</div>

misshart00 · April 2013

In Response to Re:Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?:In Response to Re:Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?: If you agree with it, then you would get rid of the honeymoon/cash registry and only spread it by word of mouth when people ask.Posted by misshart00Yes that is what I'm doing. I was simply explaining what I was told before speaking to you all. Word of mouth will suffice. Posted by JNwedding31[/QUOTE]

Good. I'm glad.

Just only if people ask. Don't go around telling everyone you need money for your honeymoon. Lol

Pookieson · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-wrong-to-not-want-a-traditional-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:251b71c1-c500-484b-b6e2-5b9792219be8Post:44655f7f-4010-44ad-b566-aa26ba1dade5">Re:Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower? : Yes- that is what I'm doing. I was simply explaining what I was told before speaking to you all. Word of mouth will suffice.
Posted by JNwedding31[/QUOTE]

<img src="http://media.tumblr.com/871077f6830726fec33a94ead171517d/tumblr_inline_mkz2o5GgzE1rw2lg6.gif" alt="" />

JNwedding31 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-wrong-to-not-want-a-traditional-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:251b71c1-c500-484b-b6e2-5b9792219be8Post:d6a71589-001f-4e49-9acd-7bf03ce7f6e9">Re: Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]You are using a link from honeyfund to defend that honeyfun isn't tacky? As if they would say "hey, you know this is totally tacky and rude, right?" By the way, no one here is preaching and I'm sure everyone is breathing. But, people here are trying to deter you from making a huge etiquette mistake. I'm sure out of 100 people, at least 5-10 will say "yes, a honeymoon registry is fine! Don't worry about it". But, you posted to a specific etiquette forum and posted that you were doing something that is totally against etiquette. No one here has anything to gain or lose by telling you that what you are planning is tacky. If you proceed with the honeyfund, no one here will lose any sleep or get offended, because we aren't invited to your wedding. And, we don't have any investment if your feelings get hurt or not. Your friends and family won't come out and say "you know that's tacky as hell, right?" because they don't want to hurt your feelings (or, they don't know any better). We don't have the same concerns.<div>Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]</div><div>
</div><div>Again- if you read my post I said this is the link that was sent to me when the HM registry was suggested to me (they pointed out the article in the New York Times featured on that page)... I am not trying to sway anyone using honeyfund's ads. Advice is appreciated... some of it though is taken a little too seriously. What I mean is it's not the end of the world if someone DOES use a HM registry. My original question was is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower. I believe that was answered.

</div>

Pookieson · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-wrong-to-not-want-a-traditional-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:251b71c1-c500-484b-b6e2-5b9792219be8Post:9ccfbb47-4983-41b3-8019-7f95afb73587">Re:Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?: Good. I'm glad. Just only if people ask. Don't go around telling everyone you need money for your honeymoon. Lol
Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]

Ha! yeah, don't do that either. Just to clarify, that is also tacky.

JNwedding31 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-wrong-to-not-want-a-traditional-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:251b71c1-c500-484b-b6e2-5b9792219be8Post:9ccfbb47-4983-41b3-8019-7f95afb73587">Re:Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?: Good. I'm glad. Just only if people ask. Don't go around telling everyone you need money for your honeymoon. Lol
Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Haha of course not. ;)

</div>

JNwedding31 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-wrong-to-not-want-a-traditional-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:251b71c1-c500-484b-b6e2-5b9792219be8Post:d92e7fb9-e9bb-4570-ba2c-d561f8d5597b">Re:Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower? :
Posted by Shannon1401[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Lol.. success!!!

</div>

Pookieson · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-wrong-to-not-want-a-traditional-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:251b71c1-c500-484b-b6e2-5b9792219be8Post:4704e08f-4a29-4cda-8faa-f4e87929b57d">Re: Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower? : Again- if you read my post I said this is the link that was sent to me when the HM registry was suggested to me (they pointed out the article in the New York Times featured on that page)... I am not trying to sway anyone using honeyfund's ads. Advice is appreciated... some of it though is taken a little too seriously. <strong>What I mean is it's not the end of the world if someone DOES use a HM registry</strong>. My original question was is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower. I believe that was answered.
Posted by JNwedding31[/QUOTE]

No, it's not the end of the world, but it is seriously frowned upon. I don't care who says it's a fabulous idea. Everyone has had sh!tty ideas validated, doesn't mean they were right.

QueerFemme · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-wrong-to-not-want-a-traditional-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:251b71c1-c500-484b-b6e2-5b9792219be8Post:ceb8a86a-0642-4b7b-9f4c-ddad93d8f9d1">Re: Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower? : No, it's not the end of the world, but it is seriously frowned upon. I don't care who says it's a fabulous idea. <strong>Everyone has had sh!tty ideas validated, doesn't mean they were right.</strong>
Posted by Shannon1401[/QUOTE]

that's my point.

OP - By the way, just because you asked one question, and that question was answered, doesn't mean the rest of your post gets ignored. I'm glad you changed your mind, but changing your mind or trying to deter you from a tacky idea isn't the only goal of people posting to these forums. It's also to give information for other brides who may search these forums later.

Fancypantsamy · April 2013

Congratulations on seeing the light, OP. We received thousands of dollars in cash gifts from our guests without even spreading the word that we were saving up for a honeymoon. Your guests can figure out basic gift giving. It will be okay.

As a small point of advice - while you're right that a etiquette breach like a honeymoon registry isn't the end of the world, you yourself expressed some extremely judgmental attitudes towards things other brides do. Whenever you do that, be prepared that people like your Fiance's best friend's girlfriend or your cousin or other not as close people you invite to your wedding will be judging you just as hard for any etiquette breaches you might commit. It's fine to be off-beat. I had a really off-beat wedding. But etiquette and tradition are not one in the same, and you can still be polite and be your fun self. Maybe read apracticalwedding.com for some ideas about being a gracious bride while still being true to you.

Coghoot12 · April 2013

PPs have already covered the honeyfund issue.

OP, to address the rest of your post, I did not want a traditional shower either but knew that it was important to my sister to host one. She knew I wanted to do something a little more fun so we came up with a wine tasting theme.

She bought bottles of wine from wineries near where we grew up, nearby where I lived at the time, and nearby homes of family members. She prepared a "menu" of the wines so people knew what each one was then set up complementing food next to the tasting portions. So a cheese that went well with one, a chocolate that went well with another, ect.

While I was opening gifts, people were still milling around and tasting wines. Someone would announce whose gift I was opening so if that person was tasting they didn't miss it. But those who wanted to watch gifts could do that, those who wanted to drink could do that. The floor plan of this room was open so it worked really well.

Just a suggestion.

JENNIFERANDMATT2012 · April 2013

At my bridal shower, the host had everyone introduce themselves and say how they know the bride and for how long as we all ate. I really enjoyed this because it helped people know who was who and we got lots of laughs from it because many added stories that included myself and the guest. I found this more fun and meaningful than playing games. I've been to several bridal and baby showers and never once did this at any of them. I just wanted to share since it was a memorable experience from my shower and a great introduction for everyone.

hoffse · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-wrong-to-not-want-a-traditional-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:251b71c1-c500-484b-b6e2-5b9792219be8Post:5c250ae8-47cc-4b22-88c7-dc6bf039e86c">Re: Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]Avoiding the honeymoon registry issue, I just wanted to address something on having a "luncheon" instead of a shower. This seems like a new thing and I don't get how a guest knows that they aren't supposed to bring a gift to the luncheon. I would not know that if I got an invitation and I would absolutely still bring a gift. That's what Mom taught me. And you aren't supposed to put no gifts on invitations. So overall I just don't get how that would work.
Posted by scribe95[/QUOTE]

<div>This is not a new thing. In fact, bridal luncheons are as old as showers. They are also heavily traditional in many circles, so I'm sort of chuckling here that the offbeat "untraditional" bride wants a luncheon. I had both a shower and a brunch (the morning of the wedding). In the south they are often called bridesmaid luncheons or brunches, and they are typically the day of the wedding or the day before. They are lovely events, and it's a nice way to honor both the bride and her attendants. Nobody would think to bring a gift to these - that's not what they are for. The point is to have a smaller, intimate event for the bride's nearest and dearest female friends and family before she has to walk down the aisle. Like I said, this is heavily traditional where I am from - more than half the ladies who attended my brunch still use calling cards FFS.</div><div>
</div><div>OP, I'm glad you have seen the light on the HM registry. The only other point I would make that nobody has brought up - and this is relevant whether you have a HM registry or not - is to plan the vacation you can afford without cash gifts from your guests. You mentioned that you don't have the funds for a HM right now. That's fine. But then you need to delay it or make it a one-year trip after you have some time to save and you can generate a precise budget. The biggest concern about HM registries in general is that it convinces people to plan a vacation they absolutely can't afford because they are just certain they'll get enough cash to cover it. H and I received many lovely gifts - but not enough cash to even cover our flights (frankly, that's why I recommend a registry so that you don't get white elephant gifts, but that's another topic altogether). So however you plan to pay for it, just be certain you can actually pay for it independent of any cash gifts you receive, or else wait to plan it after the wedding is done and checks are cashed.</div>

OwningAHome1981 · April 2013

In Response to Re:Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?:[QUOTE]Avoiding the honeymoon registry issue, I just wanted to address something on having a "luncheon" instead of a shower. This seems like a new thing and I don't get how a guest knows that they aren't supposed to bring a gift to the luncheon. I would not know that if I got an invitation and I would absolutely still bring a gift. That's what Mom taughtnbsp;me. And you aren't supposed to put no gifts on invitations. So overall I just don't get how that would work. Posted by scribe95[/QUOTE]

You are very right. If I got an invite to a luncheon, after I was like WTF is a luncheon, I'd go out and get the bride a gift.

hoffse · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-wrong-to-not-want-a-traditional-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:251b71c1-c500-484b-b6e2-5b9792219be8Post:9c4b34ed-8b0f-4438-94ed-bc52818563d8">Re:Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?: You are very right. If I got an invite to a luncheon, after I was like WTF is a luncheon, I'd go out and get the bride a gift.
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

<div>FFS. A shower is a gift giving event. A luncheon is exactly what it sounds like - a luncheon. You eat. You socialize. That's all. They are lovely because they are typically small. Mine had 15 people, including myself and my mother, and it was in a tearoom. We had quiche, fruit, muffins, coffee, and tea.</div>

OwningAHome1981 · April 2013

In Response to Re:Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?:[QUOTE]At my bridal shower, the host had everyone introduce themselves and say how they know the bride and for how long as we all ate. I really enjoyed this because it helped people know who was who and we got lots of laughs from it because many added stories that included myself and the guest. I found this more fun and meaningful than playing games. I've been to several bridal and baby showers and never once did this at any of them. I just wanted to share since it was a memorable experience from my shower and a great introduction for everyone. Posted by JENNIFERANDMATT2012[/QUOTE].

I would not like that at all. I do not like being put on the spot.

OwningAHome1981 · April 2013

In Response to Re:Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?:In Response to Re:Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?: You are very right. If I got an invite to a luncheon, after I was like WTF is a luncheon, I'd go out and get the bride a gift.Posted by OwningAHome1981FFS. nbsp;A shower is a gift giving event. nbsp;A luncheon is exactly what it sounds like a luncheon. nbsp;You eat. nbsp;You socialize. nbsp;That's all. nbsp;They are lovely because they are typically small. nbsp;Mine had 15 people, including myself and my mother, and it was in a tearoom. nbsp;We had quiche, fruit, muffins, coffee, and tea. Posted by hoffse[/QUOTE].

I would still bring a gift to a luncheon bc I feel it's the right thing to do. I think a lot of people would feel funny about showing up empty handed.

I do not agree with the purpose if a shower being for gift giving. To me its purpose is to show your love and support. Gift giving is secondary to that... IMO.

OwningAHome1981 · April 2013

In Response to Re:Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?:In Response to Re:Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?:I do not agree with the purpose if a shower being for gift giving. To me its purpose is to show your love and support. Gift giving is secondary to that... IMO. Posted by OwningAHome1981 Yes, we know. But your opinion is still the opposite of society's and etiquette's. So unless OP plans to go to every person she knows and explain how this one chick named OwningAHome on this one message board feels that showers aren't about gifts, it's kind of pointless. Also, if it's not about gifts, WHY would you feel like you "needed" to bring one to a luncheon? Why would it feel "wrong" to show up without one? Posted by StageManager14 Because giving a gift is the proper thing to do but I dont feel thats what the sole purpose of a shower is. I'm the kind of person who gives gifts for everything but I am not the kind of person who expects them or wants them. So yes if I was invited to a luncheon, even if the invite said no gifts, I'd still bring bc I love giving people gifts. I feel also that a lot of people not just me would feel this way and a handful of others wouldnt even know the difference btwn a luncheon and shower anyway. BTW I'm on the website on my phone and there are a lot of things it doesnt let you do, like hypens or parenthese, so sorry if the writing is so crappy, eek.

JNwedding31 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-wrong-to-not-want-a-traditional-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:251b71c1-c500-484b-b6e2-5b9792219be8Post:00cad156-ff94-4257-8130-99eed2262191">Re: Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]Congratulations on seeing the light, OP. We received thousands of dollars in cash gifts from our guests without even spreading the word that we were saving up for a honeymoon. Your guests can figure out basic gift giving. It will be okay. As a small point of advice - while you're right that a etiquette breach like a honeymoon registry isn't the end of the world, you yourself expressed some extremely judgmental attitudes towards things other brides do. Whenever you do that, be prepared that people like your Fiance's best friend's girlfriend or your cousin or other not as close people you invite to your wedding will be judging you just as hard for any etiquette breaches you might commit. It's fine to be off-beat. I had a really off-beat wedding. But etiquette and tradition are not one in the same, and you can still be polite and be your fun self. Maybe read apracticalwedding.com for some ideas about being a gracious bride while still being true to you.
Posted by Fancypantsamy[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Yes, thank you. I am well versed in the art of being gracious & polite, even if I don't particularly care for something. Me stating that I don't enjoy or want a traditional shower that (<strong>to me</strong> - not necessarily others-) is boring - that was me stating that in this forum, expressing my concern for my bridal shower.. of course I wouldn't say that to invited guests or friends/family in the same way described here. If I do end up having to sit on the white wicker chair & open a few things, I'm sure I can muster up a smile ;) In all seriousness I will be delighted, b/c the few things on my registry are things that truly will be useful to me.

</div>

JNwedding31 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-wrong-to-not-want-a-traditional-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:251b71c1-c500-484b-b6e2-5b9792219be8Post:76f22290-81d2-426d-9e44-2f2c5e08a981">Re: Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]PPs have already covered the honeyfund issue. OP, to address the rest of your post, I did not want a traditional shower either but knew that it was important to my sister to host one. She knew I wanted to do something a little more fun so we came up with a wine tasting theme. She bought bottles of wine from wineries near where we grew up, nearby where I lived at the time, and nearby homes of family members. She prepared a "menu" of the wines so people knew what each one was then set up complementing food next to the tasting portions. So a cheese that went well with one, a chocolate that went well with another, ect. While I was opening gifts, people were still milling around and tasting wines. Someone would announce whose gift I was opening so if that person was tasting they didn't miss it. But those who wanted to watch gifts could do that, those who wanted to drink could do that. The floor plan of this room was open so it worked really well. Just a suggestion. <div>Posted by Coghoot12[/QUOTE]
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</div><div>GREAT suggestion!! That is exactly what I would want!! My MOH suggested something similar in the form of a game- guessing the wines & winning points, etc. Fabulous idea, thanks!!</div>

JNwedding31 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-wrong-to-not-want-a-traditional-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:251b71c1-c500-484b-b6e2-5b9792219be8Post:fd6c7d93-d81f-45be-b12b-ad502a969a43">Re:Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]At my bridal shower, the host had everyone introduce themselves and say how they know the bride and for how long as we all ate. I really enjoyed this because it helped people know who was who and we got lots of laughs from it because many added stories that included myself and the guest. I found this more fun and meaningful than playing games. I've been to several bridal and baby showers and never once did this at any of them. I just wanted to share since it was a memorable experience from my shower and a great introduction for everyone.
Posted by JENNIFERANDMATT2012[/QUOTE]

<div>LOVE THIS IDEA!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you so much! That would totally take care of the same old "games" part that I'm not a fan of haha. How cute :)</div>

JNwedding31 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-wrong-to-not-want-a-traditional-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:251b71c1-c500-484b-b6e2-5b9792219be8Post:799584e0-ac57-4f4a-90ba-df203375d8a6">Re: Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower? : This is not a new thing. In fact, bridal luncheons are as old as showers. They are also heavily traditional in many circles, so I'm sort of chuckling here that the offbeat "untraditional" bride wants a luncheon. I had both a shower and a brunch (the morning of the wedding). In the south they are often called bridesmaid luncheons or brunches, and they are typically the day of the wedding or the day before. They are lovely events, and it's a nice way to honor both the bride and her attendants. Nobody would think to bring a gift to these - that's not what they are for. The point is to have a smaller, intimate event for the bride's nearest and dearest female friends and family before she has to walk down the aisle. Like I said, this is heavily traditional where I am from - more than half the ladies who attended my brunch still use calling cards FFS. OP, I'm glad you have seen the light on the HM registry. The only other point I would make that nobody has brought up - and this is relevant whether you have a HM registry or not - is to plan the vacation you can afford without cash gifts from your guests. You mentioned that you don't have the funds for a HM right now. That's fine. But then you need to delay it or make it a one-year trip after you have some time to save and you can generate a precise budget. The biggest concern about HM registries in general is that it convinces people to plan a vacation they absolutely can't afford because they are just certain they'll get enough cash to cover it. H and I received many lovely gifts - but not enough cash to even cover our flights (frankly, that's why I recommend a registry so that you don't get white elephant gifts, but that's another topic altogether). So however you plan to pay for it, just be certain you can actually pay for it independent of any cash gifts you receive, or else wait to plan it after the wedding is done and checks are cashed.
Posted by hoffse[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I was considering the idea of a luncheon in lieu of a bridal shower, not a wedding day thing. Luncheons are not traditional here - bridal showers are. Bascially I don't care what the event is- I just don't want a traditional bridal shower with 4 hours of bridal bingo & gift opening. I want my mom to be happy ultimately so if I go with a shower I will just keep my small Macy's registry NO HM reg) and ask that it include different activities like PPs mentioned (wine tasting, stories with the bride, etc.)</div><div>
</div><div>Very good point on the HM itself, thanks!

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Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?

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