Note from the mod

HobokensFury · April 2013

Since you want a statement or my head here it goes. Yesterday was April fools today. Much to my disappointment many of my regulars whom I considered friends decided to create AE's and spam the boards. I awoke to many PMs about this problem. When I asked what I should so about it I was told that trolling is not allowed even on April Fools Day so I banned the AE's that I saw. I did not know who these AE's were and was surprised when I found out. Is it possible I missed some yes, is it possible I didn't ban some because I couldn't be 100% sure yes, but I'm only human. Some of you are acting like I directly targeted you. That couldn't be further than the truth as I do enjoy chatting with your regular selfs. Just as you made the conscious decision to create the AEs and faux posts (which I am now aware the new TOS wording isn't clear on), I made the conscious decision to enforce the rules as I understand them.

Since you have decided I'm the bad guy I am considering resigning as mod because you guys don't want a mommy and only want a mod when you see fit. But in all honestly they way some of you have been acting today suggest otherwise. WIth that being said I'm not going to take it out on any of you but I do need to remove myself from this for at least the time being. No final decision has been made but I will let you know if/when I do decide. Until then I will be around to ban the spammers which apparently is the only thing I'm good for.

Be Well.

RamonaFlowers · April 2013

I've been way too busy lately to actually follow most of the crap that goes down on TK, but here's the deal:

April Fool's Day always has AE's and trollings. Everybody that's been on the internet for more than 5 seconds knows this, so as long as nobody's using the AE's to say things like "Your wedding dress is ugly, you're fat and your FI has jacked teeth" (Things that constitute actual personal attacks-which is really the main thing the TOS prevents against, not semantical bs), then banning them strictly because they're an obvious AE is just being a Buzz Killington.

Hoboken, I like you, but seriously, you've been around long enough to know how a post like this was going to be received. Regardless of your intent, it looks like you're looking for everybody to validate you getting your panties in a twist and beg you to stay on as mod. This many people would not be calling you to the carpet if they actually felt you were in the right. And you know damn well what the response is when anybody "threatens" to GBCK around here.

peekaboo2011 · April 2013

Stage, Summer and GLB said it way better than I could. All I have is snark.

And I'd like to point out that my question about NEY still has not been answered.

J&K10910 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_note-from-the-mod?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e95b042d-eaf0-4a73-a581-eae7e2644314Post:2c0844a7-7983-4601-a21d-e48ef4023508">Re: Note from the mod</a>:
[QUOTE]Hoboken - I avoided TK yesterday because it was April Fool's Day and I didn't have the time or energy to be dealing with all of the jokes and AEs that happen every single 04/01 . Looking around, I think all of the mods except you did the same thing. I would honestly be stunned if any of the regs felt like they were being targeted for their jokes on this one day . I trust that everyone knew not to take things too far and if they did, KI and KJ are pretty good at sticking their noses in where they are often not needed so no doubt they would have shut down anything completely out of line. This long drawn out will she or won't she GBCK is beneath anyone with a ban button. Own your decisions and either stand behind them or apologize. Don't start a post designed to guilt people into begging you to stay because if you really know your regs, you know that this kind of manipulation does not go over well.
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

Except for all the people that pandered to her and jumped right on the begging train. Which was gross.

peekaboo2011 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_note-from-the-mod?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e95b042d-eaf0-4a73-a581-eae7e2644314Post:1d9b0e05-4ca8-4789-82d0-8cfdbeb184c7">Re:Note from the mod</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Note from the mod: Technically, mine never was either. And the irony is that wasn't even upset about my AE being banned. I was simply confused. If my question had been answered at 10am yesterday morning, I would have said "okay" and moved right along. Agree or disagree, it wasn't my call. I'm not a mod and previous to this I always thought Hoboken was a great one. But this is some straight up Banana style crap. I simply do not think it is too much to ask "what made you decide to ban X and not Y". All I have ever asked from a Mod is transparency in their decision making process, so we know what to expect.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div>Exactly. I don't think transparency is too much to ask, and I wouldn't have any issue with her having run over to NEY if she'd done the same for other boards she doesn't mod, or if people had been PMing her and paging her complaining that NEY was completely overrun. It wasn't. There was one post. Did I get a little snippy with someone who tried to kill the joke? Yes. But I think that's honestly beside the point since AEs were under fire and not my actual account.</div>

J&K10910 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_note-from-the-mod?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e95b042d-eaf0-4a73-a581-eae7e2644314Post:1d9b0e05-4ca8-4789-82d0-8cfdbeb184c7">Re:Note from the mod</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Note from the mod: Technically, mine never was either. And the irony is that wasn't even upset about my AE being banned. I was simply confused. If my question had been answered at 10am yesterday morning, I would have said "okay" and moved right along. Agree or disagree, it wasn't my call. I'm not a mod and previous to this I always thought Hoboken was a great one. But this is some straight up Banana style crap. I simply do not think it is too much to ask "what made you decide to ban X and not Y". All I have ever asked from a Mod is transparency in their decision making process, so we know what to expect.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

You know what was funniest? How you laid out all your questions in the AF post, and then Manager Jackie came in and said "oh, I'd be happy to answer your questions! What are they??" Um, duh. Did you READ the thread? All right there, in this thread you're commenting in. In the posts you'd have to have read to know that I had questions.

cu97tiger · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_note-from-the-mod?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e95b042d-eaf0-4a73-a581-eae7e2644314Post:55bf8826-1899-48aa-bad6-97083b713d61">Re: Note from the mod</a>:
[QUOTE]And I'd like to point out that my question about NEY still has not been answered.
Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]

<div>That is what I didn't get about this whole situation... why Hoboken felt she needed to come to other boards to tell them to crack down. I don't necessarily agree with the Knot Gods thinking they needed to ban some harmless AEs, but you (Hoboken) running around calling yourself the 'mom' and paging a mod on a board you don't even participate on was AWish and just plain annoying.</div><div>
</div><div>Also, Hoboken, if you are allowed to use your judgement as mod, maybe you could have just avoided the boards for a day. </div>

Stina51286 · April 2013

Im sorry Hoboken, but I do not buy this "Im the victim" card. Several people have asked you questions, ones that you can answer, yet, you fail to come back and answer them.

You went to NEY, why didn't you go to others. My AE was in WP. We had a few AEs come over and give mine horrible advice. Some caught on, but some of us were able to steer them away to thinking mine was real. What directed you to NEY? It was one post in there. Was it Kmbryant? Thats my guess. Things got a little fiesty with her in the AE thread on NEY, she posts here regularly now since about 2 weeks ago. She probably saw what was going on in CC and came running to you.

No harm was done, but yet you put on the mom jeans and start telling other Mods what to do.

peekaboo2011 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_note-from-the-mod?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e95b042d-eaf0-4a73-a581-eae7e2644314Post:f2f58f22-8cd5-463b-940d-d25ad62339cd">Re: Note from the mod</a>:
[QUOTE]Guys you have to post links to shenanigans like this. Some of us don't wander far from this board. The NEY thread where Hoboken told the Mod there to ban anything with AE in the SN is linked here. Honestly Hoboken if this is so "annoying" to you maybe you SHOULD take your leave of the position. No harm was done by any of the AEs but you got yourself so worked up over fcuking April Fool's pranks? Come on now.
Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

<div>Sorry Linger. I keep forgetting not everyone wanders around.</div><div>
</div><div><a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bf-screwing-around-on-me">The other NEY thread where Hoboken asks KI if they can start mass bannings is here</a></div>

KatWAG · April 2013

Wow. It was a joke. On April Fool's Day. I think Hoboken has blown it way out of portion and it is time to move on.

But I am not a "reg" and didnt have an AE, so just my 2 cents/

Peledreamsofrain · April 2013

In Response to Re:Note from the mod:[QUOTE]Wow. It was a joke. On April Fool's Day. I think Hoboken has blown it way out of portion and it is time to move on. But I am not a "reg" and didnt have an AE, so just my 2 cents/ Posted by KatWAG[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I definately got the feeling that something was going on that we weren't seeing. She may not have gotten official word to take action, but this doesn't taste free of outside pressure and influence. That's why I'm willing to judt focus on the TOS here. We all have days where we come out looking like asswholes. It would be nice to get an apology for the escalation though. That's the adult thing to do with a 'I didn't do awesome' day.

kmbryant2413 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_note-from-the-mod?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e95b042d-eaf0-4a73-a581-eae7e2644314Post:fd391c5c-9d38-48b2-b8d4-a8aa7fcb7b73">Re: Note from the mod</a>:
[QUOTE]Im sorry Hoboken, but I do not buy this "Im the victim" card. Several people have asked you questions, ones that you can answer, yet, you fail to come back and answer them. You went to NEY, why didn't you go to others. My AE was in WP. We had a few AEs come over and give mine horrible advice. Some caught on, but some of us were able to steer them away to thinking mine was real. What directed you to NEY? It was one post in there. Was it Kmbryant? Thats my guess. Things got a little fiesty with her in the AE thread on NEY, she posts here regularly now since about 2 weeks ago. She probably saw what was going on in CC and came running to you. No harm was done, but yet you put on the mom jeans and start telling other Mods what to do.
Posted by Stina51286[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I did not get my feelings hurt enough to run to the mod, Stina. I apologized profusely and saw no reason to go get the mod to sweep up AE's. In fact, I tried to remove my posts with the statement that I wanted the joke to keep going. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

RWolff · April 2013

I know that I am probably going to get flamed for this, but how are all of your reactions to Hoboken's post NOT bullying? We established that intent behind the whole rooster debacle didn't matter - what mattered is that LiLe felt attacked and that things got out of hand.

While the whole AE joke was not intended to hurt anyone or be more than a joke, it obviously caused some issued when the mod, you know, acted as a mod and carried out her duties as she understood them. It doesn't matter if you meant to hurt Hoboken or if she is overreacting. The fact is that Hoboken felt attacked, and then you all made fun of her for feeling that way.

AddieCake · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_note-from-the-mod?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e95b042d-eaf0-4a73-a581-eae7e2644314Post:cbbab8d5-da92-4e13-8712-589ee27c3559">Re: Note from the mod</a>:
[QUOTE]I was NOT amused by the AE thing. It wasn't funny -- lame and infantile are a better description - and created a lot of extra work for us.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
I don't really see how it created extra work.

GoodLuckBear14 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_note-from-the-mod?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e95b042d-eaf0-4a73-a581-eae7e2644314Post:58a9b6f1-985f-4be0-b711-12a19a8cee32">Re: Note from the mod</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Note from the mod : I don't really see how it created extra work.
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

Neither do I. For Gawd's sake it was April 1. People know it is April Fool's Day. Take the freakin day off from modding because anyone who has been on these boards since at least 04/01/2012 knows that it is the one day the inmates take over the asylum. And anyone coming here for the first time, seeing the joke threads and answers and never coming back is, I'm sorry, too damn dumb to be helped anyway.

Maggie0829 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_note-from-the-mod?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e95b042d-eaf0-4a73-a581-eae7e2644314Post:58a9b6f1-985f-4be0-b711-12a19a8cee32">Re: Note from the mod</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Note from the mod : I don't really see how it created extra work.
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

I found the first few posts funny but after that I just ignored them.

And I am a mod over on Attire and Accessories and even though no AEs were over there, there would have been no extra work for me to do. Giving bad advice to newbs as posters were doing is not really against the TOS. Now if one of the AEs was attacking posters or spamming the forum with weird links to random sites on ever single board then that would cause me to ban them. But honestly the AEs were not doing anything against the TOS (that I saw). There is no rule in the TOS that states that posters will be banned for giving bad advice.

ETA: I actually found many of the SN of the AEs very amusing and quite creative.

RWolff · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_note-from-the-mod?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e95b042d-eaf0-4a73-a581-eae7e2644314Post:c310625c-a19b-4ac2-8bf0-206373eaa5b5">Re: Note from the mod</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Note from the mod : No we did not in fact establish that fact. We established that that thread was actually meant to be an attack on LiLe given the content of other recent posts. Try to keep up.
Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

<div>So you're just going to ignore the fact that Hoboken felt bullied by reactions to the AE situation, and then you all proceeded to again bully her? Doesn't anyone have any middle school stories to share, or does that only apply when in defense of certain people?</div>

RamonaFlowers · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_note-from-the-mod?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e95b042d-eaf0-4a73-a581-eae7e2644314Post:58a9b6f1-985f-4be0-b711-12a19a8cee32">Re: Note from the mod</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Note from the mod : I don't really see how it created extra work.
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

Yeah, does not compute.

Keeping the boards free of personal attacks and actual spam (Like the fake passports people, vendors, contest vote solicitations) is run-of-the-mill mod work. That's what you guys are here to do, and it's awesome that you do that.

Actively hunting down a bunch AE's that weren't doing any real harm to anyone and just having some AF fun only created "extra work" for people drunk on "TK power" that decided to make it "extra work".

Swazzle · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_note-from-the-mod?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e95b042d-eaf0-4a73-a581-eae7e2644314Post:d9127a67-b2d4-4608-9772-e40e98224538">Re: Note from the mod</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Note from the mod : So you're just going to ignore the fact that Hoboken felt bullied by reactions to the AE situation, and then you all proceeded to again bully her? Doesn't anyone have any middle school stories to share, or does that only apply when in defense of certain people?
Posted by RWolff[/QUOTE]

<div>Asking for an explanation and answers to questions =/= bullying. Get a dictionary.</div>

Peledreamsofrain · April 2013

In Response to Re:Note from the mod:[QUOTE]I know that I am probably going to get flamed for this, but how are all of your reactions to Hoboken's post NOT bullying? We established that intent behind the whole rooster debacle didn't matter what mattered is that LiLe felt attacked and that things got out of hand.While the whole AE joke was not intended to hurt anyone or be more than a joke, it obviously caused some issued when the mod, you know, acted as a mod and carried out her duties as she understood them. It doesn't matter if you meant to hurt Hoboken or if she is overreacting. The fact is that Hoboken felt attacked, and then you all made fun of her for feeling that way. Posted by RWolff[/QUOTE]

Disagreeing isn't bullying. If everyone involved in the rooster debacle had openly disagreed with Lile instead of turning it into snide inside joke namecalling, that would have been an adult conversation. Has everyone been glitter and rainbows about disagreeing? No. But we're not Wedding Bee, and don't run off sobbing when someone says 'um, could you justify your reasoning? I don't agree with what you did.'

GoodLuckBear14 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_note-from-the-mod?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e95b042d-eaf0-4a73-a581-eae7e2644314Post:d9127a67-b2d4-4608-9772-e40e98224538">Re: Note from the mod</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Note from the mod : So you're just going to ignore the fact that Hoboken felt bullied by reactions to the AE situation, and then you all proceeded to again bully her? Doesn't anyone have any middle school stories to share, or does that only apply when in defense of certain people?
Posted by RWolff[/QUOTE]

You have less than 200 posts. For those of us calling Hoboken out on overreacting, this is not our first rodeo nor are we just now getting to know her. Hoboken is the last mod I would have expected this behavior from because she seemed to be one with common sense and the ability to see real problems from fake ones.

Maggie0829 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_note-from-the-mod?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e95b042d-eaf0-4a73-a581-eae7e2644314Post:58a9b6f1-985f-4be0-b711-12a19a8cee32">Re: Note from the mod</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Note from the mod : I don't really see how it created extra work.
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

It didn't. I am a mod over on A&A and even though no AEs were over there (to my knowledge anyways) I still wouldn't have had to do anything extra.

The AE's were not doing anything against the TOS. They weren't spamming the boards or attacking anyone. All they were doing was giving "rainbows and gummy bear" advice to newbs, which is not against TOS policy the last I checked.

I think this whole situation has been blown way out of proportion. Unless TK Gods come back and include a line in the TOS that says trolling is a no-no then they really should not be banned. 90% of the time if you don't feed the troll then they will get bored and go away.

I feel like with the Hoboken situation that there was some outside pressure to ban the AEs. If this was the case I think it was very wrong of TK Gods to put that on a mod. If they don't like what is going on then they should have stepped in and done something and not have made it the mods job. They knew there would be backlash and unfortunately Hoboken got the crappy end of it.

Now if that is not how it went down, I have a funny feeling we will never really know the full story, then I don't know what to think.

As for the AE's on Aril 1st I did get quite a kick out of the creativity of the SNs.

ETA: Seriously TK IT is now going to get mucked up. I am sorry for the semi-double post. The first post didn't even show up even after I refreshed my browser twice so I posted again. Grrrr.

RWolff · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_note-from-the-mod?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e95b042d-eaf0-4a73-a581-eae7e2644314Post:2352b393-5933-482b-8e5a-8f64958cf82c">Re:Note from the mod</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Note from the mod: Disagreeing isn't bullying. If everyone involved in the rooster debacle had openly disagreed with Lile instead of turning it into snide inside joke namecalling, that would have been an adult conversation. Has everyone been glitter and rainbows about disagreeing? No. But we're not Wedding Bee, and don't run off sobbing when someone says 'um, could you justify your reasoning? I don't agree with what you did.'
Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]

<div>So now you get to decide what is an is not bullying? Hoboken felt that the comments were an attack and that things got out of hand. WHo are you to tell her that her feelings are wrong? I'm disappointed that you would play the "I was bullied" card yesterday, only to turn around and defend the actions of another group of bullies.</div>

GoodLuckBear14 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_note-from-the-mod?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e95b042d-eaf0-4a73-a581-eae7e2644314Post:0a2172b2-d853-4fc8-8915-9d6ae08b9096">Re:Note from the mod</a>:
[QUOTE]So someone getting their feelings hurt is now bullying even if there is no logical reason for the reaction? You SURE you want to lobby for that precedent, Retread? I'm willing to put your "bullying" up against mine any day if that is the way we are defining it now.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Did Retread say anything about bullying? I must have missed that.

Summer2011Bride · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_note-from-the-mod?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e95b042d-eaf0-4a73-a581-eae7e2644314Post:695770c6-c180-4bd3-a8f6-48679a8971d6">Re: Note from the mod</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Note from the mod : Yeah, does not compute. Keeping the boards free of personal attacks and actual spam (Like the fake passports people, vendors, contest vote solicitations) is run-of-the-mill mod work. That's what you guys are here to do, and it's awesome that you do that. Actively hunting down a bunch AE's that weren't doing any real harm to anyone and just having some AF fun only created "extra work" for people drunk on "TK power" that decided to make it "extra work".
Posted by RamonaFlowers[/QUOTE]

All of this. I think it became extra work for the mods who made it extra work, who took it upon themselves to run all over the boards trying to ban as many AEs as possible, when in reality the AEs (that I saw) were completely harmless. If we're going to start banning people just because they give bad advice, then TK will have a lot less users come tomorrow. Whether or not you personally think the AEs were funny or annoying should not come into play as a mod. Mods should not be banning things just because they find them annoying in the first place. It seems to me it's a lot more work to keep track of all the spammers and advertisers and ban THEM and that IS in fact your job as a mod.

As far as "bullying" goes, disagreeing with someone and saying they need to just own up to what they did is not in fact bullying. Bullying would be calling her names and making personal attacks. Bullying is a problem in the world today, but I think that has just given people the ammo to call "ZOMG bullying" whenever someone disagrees with someone else. That is not bullying at all. We're not here just to blow smoke up each others' butts. That is not reality. If you do something questionable, especially in a position of "authority" like a mod, users should be calling you out.

RWolff · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_note-from-the-mod?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e95b042d-eaf0-4a73-a581-eae7e2644314Post:21bed4ff-b525-460a-b060-6a17c44e4924">Re: Note from the mod</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Note from the mod : You have less than 200 posts. For those of us calling Hoboken out on overreacting, this is not our first rodeo nor are we just now getting to know her. Hoboken is the last mod I would have expected this behavior from because she seemed to be one with common sense and the ability to see real problems from fake ones.
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

<div>Does my number of posts somehow invalidate my evaluation of a situation? And does your experience with Hoboken make it ok to interact with her however you see fit? I don't think so. I respect the fact that you ladies have been around for longer than I have, but that can create blind spots. It is easier to see a situation from a more objective place, as many regs have pointed out to new posters. The reason it can be valuable for someone to come to TK and ask for opinions is that a bride can get very bogged down in the details and history of a situation.</div><div>
</div><div>I am simply pointing out that the way you are treating Hoboken now would not be tolerated by the regs in a different situation.</div>

GoodLuckBear14 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_note-from-the-mod?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e95b042d-eaf0-4a73-a581-eae7e2644314Post:8defa70e-7cd9-4e3b-8d13-2ad00cdcf19a">Re:Note from the mod</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Note from the mod : So now you get to decide what is an is not bullying? Hoboken felt that the comments were an attack and that things got out of hand. WHo are you to tell her that her feelings are wrong? I'm disappointed that you would play the "I was bullied" card yesterday, only to turn around and defend the actions of another group of bullies.
Posted by RWolff[/QUOTE]

You seem to be completely ignoring the fact that Hoboken offended a lot of people by her actions. These people are calling her out which =/= bullying.

RWolff · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_note-from-the-mod?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e95b042d-eaf0-4a73-a581-eae7e2644314Post:6103c834-1428-4068-951e-fcbba073911d">Re:Note from the mod</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Note from the mod : You seem to be completely ignoring the fact that Hoboken offended a lot of people by her actions. These people are calling her out which =/= bullying.
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

<div>Hoboken is a mod. She acted as a mod. That seems to compute to me.</div>

Peledreamsofrain · April 2013

In Response to Re:Note from the mod:In Response to Re:Note from the mod:In Response to Re:Note from the mod: Disagreeing isn't bullying. If everyone involved in the rooster debacle had openly disagreed with Lile instead of turning it into snide inside joke namecalling, that would have been an adult conversation. Has everyone been glitter and rainbows about disagreeing? No. But we're not Wedding Bee, and don't run off sobbing when someone says 'um, could you justify your reasoning? I don't agree with what you did.'Posted by PeledreamsofrainSo now you get to decide what is an is not bullying? Hoboken felt that the comments were an attack and that things got out of hand. WHo are you to tell her that her feelings are wrong? I'm disappointed that you would play the "I was bullied" card yesterday, only to turn around and defend the actions of another group of bullies. Posted by RWolff

Well ok, if I can just randomly decide that, then I'm pretty close to deciding that you are singling me out based on my past, and trying to use it to intimidate me, which is a form of bullying. We can play that game if you want.

You are completely ignoring the fact that I actually have been careful to be kind about the situation. To the point that I took heat for it. But now I'm suddenly your public enemy number one? Personal agenda much? Did I put a red sock in your whites or something?

AddieCake · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_note-from-the-mod?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e95b042d-eaf0-4a73-a581-eae7e2644314Post:bb67a4f0-004d-4961-9df6-7b3b43c5f7c6">Re: Note from the mod</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Note from the mod : I found the first few posts funny but after that I just ignored them. And I am a mod over on Attire and Accessories and even though no AEs were over there, there would have been no extra work for me to do. <strong> Giving bad advice to newbs as posters were doing is not really against the TOS. Now if one of the AEs was attacking posters or spamming the forum with weird links to random sites on ever single board then that would cause me to ban them. </strong> But honestly the AEs were not doing anything against the TOS (that I saw). There is no rule in the TOS that states that posters will be banned for giving bad advice. ETA: I actually found many of the SN of the AEs very amusing and quite creative.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]
Well, that's what we thought. And the plan from the get go was to just validate bad ideas and give out dumb advice (some that we invented and some that real posters give out around here daily). It came from someone mentioning in an FFF a few weeks ago that it would be funny if we just validated bad ideas all day one day. Maybe it was lame and juvenile, but we never claimed it to be the prank of the century. It was just some silly nonsense for a day and now it's blown up into this mess where it should have just had people rolling their eyes and moving on. <div>
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GoodLuckBear14 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_note-from-the-mod?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e95b042d-eaf0-4a73-a581-eae7e2644314Post:a86bb051-e48f-419d-8dcc-791d8ef4431a">Re: Note from the mod</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Note from the mod : Does my number of posts somehow invalidate my evaluation of a situation? And does your experience with Hoboken make it ok to interact with her however you see fit? I don't think so. I respect the fact that you ladies have been around for longer than I have, but that can create blind spots. It is easier to see a situation from a more objective place, as many regs have pointed out to new posters. The reason it can be valuable for someone to come to TK and ask for opinions is that a bride can get very bogged down in the details and history of a situation. I am simply pointing out that the way you are treating Hoboken now would not be tolerated by the regs in a different situation.
Posted by RWolff[/QUOTE]

I don't recall seeing you on CC before. Would you ever get in the middle of an argument you saw going on IRL between a group of women? I seriously doubt it but that is exactly what you are doing here. Being Mod does not make you "Mom" who gets to say "Because I said so."

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