Cheap Guest

ryanchase · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_cheap-guest-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:19afd5af-4d31-4d39-bf5c-466baac8c4d5Post:75646eb4-e945-47e7-aa1c-ff40e382e496">Re: Cheap Guest</a>:
[QUOTE]Wait, I have a question: Were the cupcakes like your cake?
Posted by krizzo17[/QUOTE]

<div>um yes. they were little mini cakes in the shape of a tiffany box.</div>

ryanchase · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_cheap-guest-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:19afd5af-4d31-4d39-bf5c-466baac8c4d5Post:01c96c19-d27e-4fe6-aaf9-87069f68c6c3">Re: Cheap Guest</a>:
[QUOTE]Contact your guests, that were cheap, via passive-aggressive thank you note style. Dear Cheapy Cheapy Pockets Guests: Thank you so much for eating all of our food and drinking all of our alcohol and giving us a lousy gift. Enclosed is your $10, and please send us back our crappy cookie from Hawaii because we don't want you to have it anymore. Sincerely, Mr and Mrs. Precious Snowflake After sending this note, expect that your other guests and the rest of society will look down on your actions. I suppose that you invited all of your guests to come to fund your wedding instead of celebrating a special time in your lives. You should be ashamed of yourselves.
Posted by ladytori[/QUOTE]

<div>Not that I really need to explain myself but we served over the top food, steak and chicken together etc. Not going into major details and we weren't looking for our guest to pay for our wedding. But let me ask you something if somebody screws you over why is it so bad to call them out? People like this have done it in the past and have hurt many. I know people give nothing and we had several guest travel far and join us which was a gift in itself. But when people dress like stippers and are disrepectful at your weddign and eat like snobs whats' wrong with calling them out. I mean if somebody went over to your cake and tooka slice of it even before you walked in wouldn't you be upset? I think 100% of brides on this site would be. It's the disrepectful thing that gets me. I don't care if people eat as much as they want. We treated our guests like royal people. I'm just saying on here again why is it so bad to call somebody out they obviously don't have respect for the weddign they are at. And also if they can't afford a wedding simply decline. These are work people that I have worked with for 5-9 yrs and they all know I'm not cheap so why disrepect my wife and I acting the way they did. I can on here just to find out if anything has happen like this and people ideas not to be bashed but see people don't take the time to think they just start writing things to hurt others. Granted I have hurt their feelings calling them out but don't you think anybody with some sense over the age of 21 knows what's right vs wrong expecially at a wedding. That's all I'm saying</div>

ryanchase · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_cheap-guest-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:19afd5af-4d31-4d39-bf5c-466baac8c4d5Post:e3d8b71a-4115-444c-8e32-27344c856675">Re: Cheap Guest</a>:
[QUOTE]Also, why do you need advice or to talk about this. From your own posting you already were a tacky SOB who confronted the guest.
Posted by PMeg819[/QUOTE]

<div>I was looking for quick advise and I guess I like drama who knows. But haven't you ever been screwed over and called anybody out? I mean eveyone says let it go move on while people keep scewing others around. I mean these people had the idea to do it so why is it so wrong to call them out. Our wedding was in Hawaii and I wanted my bride to have a reception, not looking for handouts just a nice time without a slap in the face. We had many people give little amounts and we knew we were losing money and watched out budget but for somebody to insult you like this is absurd. I mean if they had common sense if they simply couldn't afford to be there then decline. I mean if I'm a tacky SOB so be it but I'm not going to let people walk over over my wife and I like that. It's a life lesson and a hard one for these "guests" of mine. Of course I don't know everyone situation and I don't expect others to know mine. But again I came on here for a quick answer but I should understand people like to take crap behind the compouter and make rude comments.</div>

LnR70707 · April 2013

Dude, $10 was generous if these poor suckers have had put up with you in a work environments for "5-9yrs".

PMeg819 · April 2013

OP, you invited the guest. It's your decision to do that and I Stan day my initial statement that this person probably acted like this before the wedding. You invited these people, you accept their sh!tty behavior. And seriously, is this just how you live your life? Any perceived wrong doing by someone else you just jump all over them and get angry? Because if you don't learn to let sh!t go, you are in for a miserable life. If this really chaps your a$$ so bad, cut this person out of your life.

VarunaTT · April 2013

Newsflash buddy: YOU WEREN'T SCREWED OVER. No one is obligated to get you a damn thing for attending your wedding. They aren't. You've invited guests....do you meet guests at the door to your home and demand to see their gift before letting them in? No? Weddings aren't any different. Yes? You're an azzhat in the first place and I'm amazed anyone ever attended.

I don't care how she acted/dressed. Are you saying that if she gave $250, acting/dressing how she did would've been looked over? Then you're even more rude and greedy than I imagined you to be. Also, if you called out a co-worker, you're just trying to make life more difficult for yourself.

I imagine a nice new gift of a flaming bag of excrement is going to be the makeup gift.

Wzz · April 2013

what was the average value of your gifts? i'm sure you know what other people gave.

*Barbie* · April 2013

OP: since it's been almost 7 years since I got married, and I can't think of a single guest, other than my parents, that actually covered the cost of their plate with their gift, do you think that I should be billing them for the difference + interest at this point? Should I be using the 2006 rates or today's rates? Should it be compounded? They're obviously well past their 1 year post-wedding grace period.

also, looking towards the future, what will your expected baby shower gift be, if/when you start a family? Do you base that on your est. cost of labor and delivery, or the national average to raise a child until they're 18?

tawillers · April 2013

Don't forget the housewarming party, Barbie.

6fsn · April 2013

We did a dual entrée steak and chicken. It was $13 pp

I still contend this was the guests way of giving the middle finger.

thejucheidea · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_cheap-guest-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:19afd5af-4d31-4d39-bf5c-466baac8c4d5Post:195ad7ca-91d2-42b8-b4da-6d504f3e904c">Re: Cheap Guest</a>:
[QUOTE]People are liars if they said they don't count gifls. LIARS. Everyone documents gifts, whether they want to or not. Regulars are holier than thou here and pretend they are better than everyone else when they are just as tacky.
Posted by Iamanonniemouse1[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I document gifts... so that I can write thank you notes for every gift. I'm thankful for every gift I receive because people are not required to give gifts, so if they give something, I'm very happy.

Also your cakes sounds stupid, OP. Mini cakes in the form of a Tiffany's box? Really? Are regular cupcakes not good enough for you? Is anything good enough for you, for that matter?

*Barbie* · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_cheap-guest-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:19afd5af-4d31-4d39-bf5c-466baac8c4d5Post:c3c5ec1d-6f23-4453-b326-6e9435797371">Re: Cheap Guest</a>:
[QUOTE]Don't forget the housewarming party, Barbie.
Posted by tawillers[/QUOTE]

<div>DAMN!!!! You're right. We've purchased 2 houses and never had a housewarming party. </div><div>
</div><div>My ILs bought us a lawnmower and some other outdoor tools for the PA home, but didn't do anything when we moved to TX. I think my parent brought a badminton set the first time that they came to visit in PA. </div><div>
</div><div>I think I'm going to skip the yearly Christmas cars and just start sending our friends and families itemized bills. Maybe I can get a few new bags or some shoes out of this... ;-) </div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

Wzz · April 2013

it could always be worse:

http://theministerofcommonsense.blogspot.com/2008/08/hosting-weddings-sucks.html

kerbohl · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_cheap-guest-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:19afd5af-4d31-4d39-bf5c-466baac8c4d5Post:5d71817e-2b4f-47d0-98d5-f5d5ed7a3da9">Re: Cheap Guest</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cheap Guest : <strong>Yeah, I document gifts... so that I can write thank you notes for every gift.</strong> I'm thankful for every gift I receive because people are not required to give gifts, so if they give something, I'm very happy. Also your cakes sounds stupid, OP. Mini cakes in the form of a Tiffany's box? Really? Are regular cupcakes not good enough for you? Is anything good enough for you, for that matter?
Posted by ahstillwell[/QUOTE]

Yeah, that's why I would document a gift, not how much it cost. But I just read the link in the post above mine, and apparently people are doing that now? Well then I'm screwed - I've got a wedding after Christmas and people might get some good Boxing Day deals when they buy a wedding gift, so how can I judge how much they spent and therefore whether or not they "covered their plate"? Whatever shall I do . . .

But yes, I do see the argument that some guests abuse the wedding couples good wishes and just come to drink the booze and have a free party. That's why you sort of have to be careful on who you invite and make sure that it is people you love and who love you that are at your wedding, and not the people who are looking to take advantage.

s-aries8990 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_cheap-guest-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:19afd5af-4d31-4d39-bf5c-466baac8c4d5Post:18d8e15e-4125-4185-badb-3bcf68d2fcd2">Re: Cheap Guest</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cheap Guest : I was looking for quick advise and I guess I like drama who knows. But haven't you ever been screwed over and called anybody out? I mean eveyone says let it go move on while people keep scewing others around. I mean these people had the idea to do it so why is it so wrong to call them out.<strong> Our wedding was in Hawaii </strong>and I wanted my bride to have a reception, not looking for handouts just a nice time without a slap in the face. We had many people give little amounts and we knew we were losing money and watched out budget but for somebody to insult you like this is absurd. I mean if they had common sense if they simply couldn't afford to be there then decline. I mean if I'm a tacky SOB so be it but I'm not going to let people walk over over my wife and I like that. It's a life lesson and a hard one for these "guests" of mine. Of course I don't know everyone situation and I don't expect others to know mine. But again I came on here for a quick answer but I should understand people like to take crap behind the compouter and make rude comments.
Posted by ryanchase[/QUOTE]

Wait, so you had your guests FLY TO HAWII and are mad that they can't give you MORE money after they probably dropped several hundred dollars ALREADY?

And whether you have lobster or lasagna from the freezer, I'm going to give you however much I want to. I wouldn't have even given you a card becaue you're being a butthead.

winelover123 · April 2013

This was epic. Thanks for the fun read Ryan! I'm considering this MUD because otherwise my hope for humanity has fallen a little bit more.

arrippa · April 2013

My brother's wedding was in Hawaii and out of the 50 guests who attended only four gave gifts. You know what, for all my brother's faults I never heard him once complain about that. Weddings are not making making opportunities. If they are, then I am doing it wrong. BTW, my FI and I are paying for the whole thing. Neither of our families are chipping in at all.

button6004 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_cheap-guest-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:19afd5af-4d31-4d39-bf5c-466baac8c4d5Post:e0c9c098-a510-425d-9c6f-7eefa155356b">Re: Cheap Guest</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cheap Guest : <strong>Not that I really need to explain myself but we served over the top food, steak and chicken together etc</strong>. Not going into major details and we weren't looking for our guest to pay for our wedding. But let me ask you something if somebody screws you over why is it so bad to call them out? People like this have done it in the past and have hurt many. I know people give nothing and we had several guest travel far and join us which was a gift in itself. But when people dress like stippers and are disrepectful at your weddign and eat like snobs whats' wrong with calling them out. I mean if somebody went over to your cake and tooka slice of it even before you walked in wouldn't you be upset? I think 100% of brides on this site would be. It's the disrepectful thing that gets me. I don't care if people eat as much as they want. <strong>We treated our guests like royal people.</strong> I'm just saying on here again why is it so bad to call somebody out they obviously don't have respect for the weddign they are at. And also if they can't afford a wedding simply decline. These are work people that I have worked with for 5-9 yrs and they all know I'm not cheap so why disrepect my wife and I acting the way they did. I can on here just to find out if anything has happen like this and people ideas not to be bashed but see people don't take the time to think they just start writing things to hurt others. Granted I have hurt their feelings calling them out but don't you think anybody with some sense over the age of 21 knows what's right vs wrong expecially at a wedding. That's all I'm saying
Posted by ryanchase[/QUOTE]

Oh Ryan. Ryan, Ryan, Ryan.

Steak and chicken on a plate together is probably one of the last things I would call "over the top food," considering thats what I had at my prom. And I find it hard to believe you treated your guests like "royal people" when you are acting this way.

As far as your cupcakes, let me tell you a brief story. I went to a wedding once where there was a bucket of root beer bottles on the tables at the reception. Being that it was a warm day in late May, all of us dug right in and enjoyed cold root beer. 20 minutes later, the DJ informs us to "not drink the root beer because it is for the 'champagne' toast." If multiple people swiped a cupcake before dinner, I'm going to go out on a limb and guess they probably didnt know they were super special cuppycakes for the super special snowflake couple.

You should seriously be ashamed of yourself. Your posts are an exhibition of what is probably the most classless behavior I have ever seen on these boards.

ladytori · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_cheap-guest-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:19afd5af-4d31-4d39-bf5c-466baac8c4d5Post:e0c9c098-a510-425d-9c6f-7eefa155356b">Re: Cheap Guest</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cheap Guest : Not that I really need to explain myself but we served over the top food, steak and chicken together etc. Not going into major details and we weren't looking for our guest to pay for our wedding. But let me ask you something if somebody screws you over why is it so bad to call them out? People like this have done it in the past and have hurt many. I know people give nothing and we had several guest travel far and join us which was a gift in itself. But when people dress like stippers and are disrepectful at your weddign and eat like snobs whats' wrong with calling them out. I mean if somebody went over to your cake and tooka slice of it even before you walked in wouldn't you be upset? I think 100% of brides on this site would be. It's the disrepectful thing that gets me. I don't care if people eat as much as they want. We treated our guests like royal people. I'm just saying on here again why is it so bad to call somebody out they obviously don't have respect for the weddign they are at. And also if they can't afford a wedding simply decline. These are work people that I have worked with for 5-9 yrs and they all know I'm not cheap so why disrepect my wife and I acting the way they did. I can on here just to find out if anything has happen like this and people ideas not to be bashed but see people don't take the time to think they just start writing things to hurt others. Granted I have hurt their feelings calling them out but don't you think anybody with some sense over the age of 21 knows what's right vs wrong expecially at a wedding. That's all I'm saying
Posted by ryanchase[/QUOTE]

So you work with these people? And you see them on a daily basis and want to tell them how you really feel about their gift? You didn't treat your guests like royalty because you are still harboring negative feelings towards them.

If you want to send them a passive agressive email or confront them, you go ahead, but the rest of the office will not favor that attitude.

GeraldoRivera · June 2013

If you only budgeted for exactly one cupcake per guest, you're actually the cheap one here.

And it doesn't matter if they went on a road trip, went out to bars, or blew all their money on hookers and booze. It's none of your business how other people spend their money. It's not your money - you are not entitled to it. You are not even entitled to $10 of it.

GeraldoRivera · June 2013

The wedding was in Hawaii with only a few family members, but the gift-grab, I mean reception, for 150 people was back in Michigan.

It took about ten seconds to use Google to find all the details of their wedding.

GeraldoRivera · June 2013

I'm so upset that this is an old post

SummerGrl15 · June 2013

$10 is better than nothing so be gracious instead of greedy.

We already know a few people who cannot afford to give us gifts. We don't care. We just want them there to celebrate with us. If the money is more important then the wedding and celebrating with the people you love, there's a problem....

ETA: Crap, I just realized this was an old post... I need to start paying attention to the dates more with this new format....

NerdyLucy · June 2013

I keep waiting for a camera crew to jump out from around the corner as I read this to document my facial expression because there is no way this is real.

No. Way. This. Is. Real.

mrsconn23 · June 2013

I love that new boards put the last commented thread at the top. We would have otherwise missed the Geraldo sighting.

thejucheidea · June 2013

NerdyLucy · June 2013

Aw, crap. I didn't see that this is a sort-of old post. Daggone. I thought this was fresh drama.

ChiGirl2013 · June 2013

It's not THAT old.

Hey Ryan, what ever happened with you and your "cheap" guest? Did you confront her and demand that she sign over all her stock certificates, the deed to her house, and her first born child to you to make up for her crappy $10 gift? We need an update here!

For the record, your behavior stinks worse than a hooker's douche nozzle. Just because YOU are obsessed with money doesn't mean everyone else is as well. And even if they were, you have no right to tell them how to spend it. Personally, when I go to a wedding, the amount of money I give has a direct correlation to how much I like the person - maybe you ought to think about that. If you're as much of a peach in real life as you've been on this thread, that might explain the $10.

And because I know you'll ask, we paid for every single dime of our wedding ourselves. We had guests give us very nice gifts, as well as guests who gave us very small gifts, and some who only gave us a card. I couldn't care less about who gave what because the only gift that mattered was a signed marriage certificate saying I was finally married to the love of my life.

No, people didn't cut into our cake before dinner because it was a CAKE. You served what looked like petit fours and put them out before dinner - what did you expect? If you didn't want people to eat them, you should have had a sign on the table telling them so, or you should have had them in the kitchen and brought them out when it was time to serve them. As for 1 per person - that was just you being cheap. Your baker SHOULD have recommended 1-2 per person (we looked into individual cakes as well and every single baker suggested 1-2pp) but my guess is that you opted to cheap out and only go with 1 per person. That's on you, my man, not your guests, especially if they were on the small side. So don't whine about your overpriced Tiffany box cakes when it was YOUR fault they were eaten in the first place, and YOUR fault that you didn't order enough.

To answer your question of 'did we get screwed over on our wedding by our guests?' the answer is NO. We had no expectations of them other than to show up and have a good time. They did just that. Perhaps you should have focused a bit more on your new wife, and spent a little less time worrying about who was eating what and what people were wearing. Your eyes should have been on your wife the majority of the time, not wandering around looking for things to get mad at your guests over. I'm sure she was absolutely thrilled that you spent the entire wedding day scanning the crowd like the Terminator looking for reasons to start drama, rather than basking in her beauty and the glory of what should have been the happiest day of your lives. I'm pretty sure you owe her an apology for being more concerned with everything BUT her on that day.

jarednmegan · June 2013

This thread...wow. Thanks for resurrecting it, @GeraldoRivera. And for leading me to this:

http://www.theoaklandpress.com/articles/2013/02/09/news/local_news/doc5116bad459d2a556105561.txt?viewmode=3

@ryanchase's two other threads are just horrendous.

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/966347/cheap-guest#latest
http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/778944/nicole-michaels-bridal-formal-do-not-use#latest

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