October 2013 Weddings

Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck

Hey Ya'll 
My name is Amber, soon to be Mrs. Swanson! (yahhoooo!!!)

My fiance and I are planning a very off beat wedding. 

First of all, we live in Washington. Our Location has been chosen for the NorthWest Trek in Eatonville, Wa. for Sometime in October (Still finalizing a date),

Our Wedding is going to be outdoors, (Renting a 3000sqft tent to keep our guests dry and warm) and we are planning to do a Pot luck for our reception.

Each family will bring a Dish that Represents their heritage. our families hail from all over the world (Philippians, Ireland, Scotland, germany, south africa, etc). 
I, of course, will order a beautiful cake, alcohol, water in glass bottles, etc 
Our eating utensils and plates will all be biodegradable, our cups will be recycled mason jars.
Our center peices will be mason jars with water and floating candles, flowers, and lemons etc 

We're using picknic tables as well (putting white or light green as the table cloth and burlap as the table runners.
Our wedding is planned to be very simplistic, family oriented, and as eco friendly as we can get it.
we'll be using more candles for lighting as we can so we reduce the amount of electrcity that we're using. Of course, we cant go compltely electricty free as our wedding will be in the evening. 

My question is, Is it too much to ask our guests to prepare a dish from home or from the venue (there is a rentable cafe that I will be renting out for the evening and 95% of our guests are local) that represents their individual family heratige, write a small paper on where that food comes from, whats in it, and how is it made? Me and aj my fiance are huge into family, history, and heratage and that would be something we would love to do (not only to save money, but to learn about others).


Thank you!!!


«1

Re: Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_off-beat-wedding-pot-luck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:b67bb7b7-e2f2-42f8-bacb-536650a1e7c5Post:57345d41-486a-46ad-9b40-a0823a6ee875">Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hey Ya'll  My name is Amber, soon to be Mrs. Swanson! (yahhoooo!!!) My fiance and I are planning a very off beat wedding.  First of all, we live in Washington. Our Location has been chosen for the NorthWest Trek in Eatonville, Wa. for Sometime in October (Still finalizing a date), Our Wedding is going to be outdoors, (Renting a 3000sqft tent to keep our guests dry and warm) and we are planning to do a Pot luck for our reception. Each family will bring a Dish that Represents their heritage. our families hail from all over the world (Philippians, Ireland, Scotland, germany, south africa, etc).  I, of course, will order a beautiful cake, alcohol, water in glass bottles, etc  Our eating utensils and plates will all be biodegradable, our cups will be recycled mason jars. Our center peices will be mason jars with water and floating candles, flowers, and lemons etc  We're using picknic tables as well (putting white or light green as the table cloth and burlap as the table runners. Our wedding is planned to be very simplistic, family oriented, and as eco friendly as we can get it. we'll be using more candles for lighting as we can so we reduce the amount of electrcity that we're using. Of course, we cant go compltely electricty free as our wedding will be in the evening. <strong> My question is, Is it too much to ask our guests to prepare a dish from home or from the venue (there is a rentable cafe that I will be renting out for the evening and 95% of our guests are local) that represents their individual family heratige, write a small paper on where that food comes from, whats in it, and how is it made?</strong> Me and aj my fiance are huge into family, history, and heratage and that would be something we would love to do (not only to save money, but to learn about others). Thank you!!!
    Posted by MrsSwanson369[/QUOTE]

    YES. You are the host, not your guests. You supply the food, drinks, dessert, not your guests.

     

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_off-beat-wedding-pot-luck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:b67bb7b7-e2f2-42f8-bacb-536650a1e7c5Post:081013e6-1e73-4353-97da-39af44fe9553">Re: Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck : YES. You are the host, not your guests. You supply the food, drinks, dessert, not your guests.
    Posted by Stina51286[/QUOTE]

    <div>Agreed.</div>
  • SimplyME22SimplyME22 member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_off-beat-wedding-pot-luck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:b67bb7b7-e2f2-42f8-bacb-536650a1e7c5Post:081013e6-1e73-4353-97da-39af44fe9553">Re: Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck : YES. You are the host, not your guests. You supply the food, drinks, dessert, not your guests.
    Posted by Stina51286[/QUOTE]


    Etiquette-wise, you are the host and should be providing the food/drinks/etc. as a thank-you to your guests.  That being said, I understand that some families may have traditions (in Pittsburgh they do cookie tables and guests bring dozens of cookies to share- I'm not doing this but then again I'm not originally from Pitt, so I don't understand this tradition...), I encourage you to talk this through with close family and friends on both sides and try to get their feedback.

    But also consider, this puts a lot of stress on your guests, especially if they are travelling! You want them to cook a dish to feed your other guests and write a paper on it.  It's a wedding not a school course.
  • Yes it is rude to invite people to your wedding and ask them to bring their own food essentially.  
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_off-beat-wedding-pot-luck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:b67bb7b7-e2f2-42f8-bacb-536650a1e7c5Post:e350b56e-1b84-4bb0-a82d-5b6fb794660f">Re: Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck : Etiquette-wise, you are the host and should be providing the food/drinks/etc. as a thank-you to your guests.  That being said, I understand that some families may have traditions (<strong>in Pittsburgh they do cookie tables and guests bring dozens of cookies to share- I'm not doing this but then again I'm not originally from Pitt, so I don't understand this tradition...</strong>), I encourage you to talk this through with close family and friends on both sides and try to get their feedback. But also consider, this puts a lot of stress on your guests, especially if they are travelling! You want them to cook a dish to feed your other guests and write a paper on it.  It's a wedding not a school course.
    Posted by SimplyME22[/QUOTE]

    <div>I don't either! :) (Lived in Pittsburgh for about 9 years) Although, I've thought it's typically just the B&G + their immediate families that provide the cookies? I've heard some people actually bake the suckers and others will order them from a bakery. It's not uncommon for the tables to have upwards of 500-600 cookies on them, from what I have seen...</div>
  • We are doing the cookies.  Where our wedding is is right near the PA border and my mother's family is from PA.  However we are ordering the cookies, and only my mom and sister are helping me bake a few specialty cookies that FI requested.  There is no way I would ask guests to bring any food.  We are baking and ordering all our cookies from a bakery.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_off-beat-wedding-pot-luck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:b67bb7b7-e2f2-42f8-bacb-536650a1e7c5Post:2ed7656b-a5b4-4401-97cc-02297e48a92d">Re: Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck</a>:
    [QUOTE]We are doing the cookies.  Where our wedding is is right near the PA border and my mother's family is from PA.  However we are ordering the cookies, and only my mom and sister are helping me bake a few specialty cookies that FI requested.  There is no way I would ask guests to bring any food.  We are baking and ordering all our cookies from a bakery.
    Posted by libby18bell[/QUOTE]


    That totally makes sense to buy cookies ahead, I'm sure your guests will appreciate it!

    I know so many people in this area that bake for weeks and freeze them ahead of time to prep for weddings, but they love to do it. It's accepted and expected for some of these familes. That's the only reason I told OP to talk to their family about it in advance.  Though it sounds like this isn't a tradition, if it were, I doubt she'd have to ask anyone else's opinion...
  • Yes, please do not do this. Not only is it rude to ask your guests to bring food to an event you are hosting, consider the food safety issues! You will have no idea how the food has been stored, how long it has been out of the fridge for, etc. Not only that, if any of them are travelling, think of how difficult it would be to make a dish in a hotel room/someone else's house! A case of food poisoning is the LAST thing you want to send guests home with (not to mention yourself on your honeymoon)!
  • One of the nicest weddings I have ever been to had a pot luck reception. No one there felt offended. I know that this is against etiquette, but it was fun to try other people's creations. They provided cake and drinks (alcoholic and non). That being said, I think if you have a lot of people coming from out of town, that puts a stress on them.
  • We are using the cookie tables as a way to incorporate our different family backgrounds.  FI is Italian, German, Irish and a bunch of other stuff.  I'm Irish and Polish.  Rather than have tons of different foods, we are having a huge variety of cookies.

    So since we are on the cookie conversation, and the cookies are being made by my mom, my sister and myself, along with ordering from a bakery what are some of your ladies favorite cookies?  

    By the way OP, you may want to post this on the E board if you think we are the only ones that don't agree with the potluck reception idea.  It's highly against etiquette and just comes off rude to me at least.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_off-beat-wedding-pot-luck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:b67bb7b7-e2f2-42f8-bacb-536650a1e7c5Post:1eff61ea-5dcd-4059-be5f-d0e338a21757">Re: Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck</a>:
    [QUOTE]We are using the cookie tables as a way to incorporate our different family backgrounds.  FI is Italian, German, Irish and a bunch of other stuff.  I'm Irish and Polish.  Rather than have tons of different foods, we are having a huge variety of cookies. So since we are on the cookie conversation, and the cookies are being made by my mom, my sister and myself, along with ordering from a bakery what are some of your ladies favorite cookies?   By the way OP, you may want to post this on the E board if you think we are the only ones that don't agree with the potluck reception idea.  It's highly against etiquette and just comes off rude to me at least.
    Posted by libby18bell[/QUOTE]

    There are also people who say a BBQ reception and not a plated, fancy, sit down meal is rude.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_off-beat-wedding-pot-luck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:b67bb7b7-e2f2-42f8-bacb-536650a1e7c5Post:f5446fa2-e53a-4446-9c26-87b4e01aeedf">Re: Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck : Mine is chocolate chip and my FI's is a waffle cookie.  His mom makes it and it is cooked with a waffle iron. I used to love no-bakes and buck eyes, but can't eat those anymore :(
    Posted by snippet17[/QUOTE]


    what is a buck eye?
  • FI requested Chocolate Chip, and we are ordering the Italian styel waffle cookies pizelles, biscotti and canolies.  I know our limitations and I don't want to screw up some of the Italian specialty cookies.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_off-beat-wedding-pot-luck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:b67bb7b7-e2f2-42f8-bacb-536650a1e7c5Post:950d716a-e6a6-4620-9784-bca9002a082e">Re: Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck : No matter what pot luck is rude since you are required to host your guests.  Also, there is a higher chance of food poisining.  Another thing, if I knew a wedding was pot luck.  Between FI's peanut and treenut allergies and me being a vegetarian I just would not want to risk it.  Buck eye - has peanut butter and chocolate and looks like a buckeye.
    Posted by snippet17[/QUOTE]


    Oh, I've seen those before. Thanks!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_off-beat-wedding-pot-luck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:b67bb7b7-e2f2-42f8-bacb-536650a1e7c5Post:1828c998-77bc-43f7-957e-3fd8224e27f8">Re: Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck</a>:
    [QUOTE]One of the nicest weddings I have ever been to had a pot luck reception. No one there felt offended. I know that this is against etiquette, but it was fun to try other people's creations. They provided cake and drinks (alcoholic and non). That being said, I think if you have a lot of people coming from out of town, that puts a stress on them.
    Posted by redcoatfollower[/QUOTE]

    You also take the risk of people getting food poisoning.

     

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_off-beat-wedding-pot-luck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:b67bb7b7-e2f2-42f8-bacb-536650a1e7c5Post:0bc21614-f878-44d0-8c2d-46197e746eac">Re: Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck : There are also people who say a BBQ reception and not a plated, fancy, sit down meal is rude.
    Posted by redcoatfollower[/QUOTE]

    Never heard of this, unless you request people to bring food and/or don't provide enough seating for everyone.

     

  • Pot luck parties can be fun for a bbq or a casual get together with friends, but having a pot luck as a reception for your guests at your wedding is rude.  Your friends are traveling whatever distance to celebrate with you and wish you a congratulations.  Asking them to bring their own food is just rude.  Even though the idea of showing different backgrounds is great, you are still again asking people to feed you and themselves, why would your guests bring you food, does that make sense?

    No one in our group is allergic to nuts thank goodness, but we are having two tables ones just in case of peopl with nut allergies.  So buck eyes will now be on the peanut table, thanks snippet.
  • edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_off-beat-wedding-pot-luck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:b67bb7b7-e2f2-42f8-bacb-536650a1e7c5Post:44f2f88f-869a-4813-8c01-fec975bc2b9d">Re: Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck : You also take the risk of people getting food poisoning.
    Posted by Stina51286[/QUOTE]

    I keep kosher, so I get food restriction stuff. I'm just saying I didn't feel offended by it. *shrugs* To each their own though!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_off-beat-wedding-pot-luck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:b67bb7b7-e2f2-42f8-bacb-536650a1e7c5Post:22ef5a19-b700-4c37-8dba-e2e0e9b54382">Re: Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck : Never heard of this, unless you request people to bring food and/or don't provide enough seating for everyone.
    Posted by Stina51286[/QUOTE]

    Really? In another community (not here) I posted that we wanted to have a BBQ reception and people tore me a new one. I thought it was a good idea!
  • Ro041Ro041 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_off-beat-wedding-pot-luck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:b67bb7b7-e2f2-42f8-bacb-536650a1e7c5Post:5dbd4aaf-cb22-4a19-bb10-951418536850">Re: Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck : Really? In another community (not here) I posted that we wanted to have a BBQ reception and people tore me a new one. I thought it was a good idea!
    Posted by redcoatfollower[/QUOTE]

    <div>Can you link this?  I have NEVER heard that BBQ receptions were rude.  It's food!  And it's paid for!  And it's a meal!  What was their problem?</div><div>
    </div><div>OP - yes - a pot luck reception is very rude.  If I was your guest I would have to miss your ceremony to make sure my food stayed warm for the reception.  And because of that, I would probably not bother to go.  </div>

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_off-beat-wedding-pot-luck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:b67bb7b7-e2f2-42f8-bacb-536650a1e7c5Post:5dbd4aaf-cb22-4a19-bb10-951418536850">Re: Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck : Really? In another community (not here) I posted that we wanted to have a BBQ reception and people tore me a new one. I thought it was a good idea!
    Posted by redcoatfollower[/QUOTE]

    <div>Really?  I want to know where...  I think there is nothing wrong with BBQ as long as it's catered and matches the look of the wedding...</div><div>
    </div><div>Now, if it was a black tie reception with BBQ, that would be strange</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_off-beat-wedding-pot-luck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:b67bb7b7-e2f2-42f8-bacb-536650a1e7c5Post:5dbd4aaf-cb22-4a19-bb10-951418536850">Re: Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck : Really? In another community (not here) I posted that we wanted to have a BBQ reception and people tore me a new one. I thought it was a good idea!
    Posted by redcoatfollower[/QUOTE]

    I think as long as it fits the formality of the event, it's okay. I wouldn't want to be dressed in really fancy clothing and be eating something messy like BBQ, but one of my friends is having a BBQ dinner for her wedding and it's nbd. People like BBQ around here, so it's good.

    I wouldn't have a potluck though. It might just be because I'm the daughter of an event planner/caterer, so I'd be afraid of health code violations, but... no.

  • edited April 2013
    I will try to find it, when I get home from work. I joined a bunch of wedding communities, so I will have to remember which one it is. Honestly, I may have deleted it after the crazy comments. People were basically saying that a wedding was supposed to be a classy event. Anyway, I'll try to find it. I thought it was kind of crazy myself.
  • Besides BBQ food is beyond tasty when done right.  
  • I'm late to the party, and I'm totally in the minority, but I see no problem with this.

    I'm in NJ - wedding receptions are typically $150 per person and include a cocktail hour, sit down dinner with multiple courses and open bar the entire time.

    Although the above "NJ reception" is what I am "used to" I see no issue with a rustic, outdoors wedding that is "advertised" as such. Your venue location, invite style and other choices let guests know what type of event it is going to be - outside, nature, picnic style, etc.

    And, your gift to a couple should NEVER be determined by the price of the event, but I am even willing to say that your gifts might be a "smidge" smaller if people are preparing food as well. As in, they have x amount to spend on a wedding, and if some of that goes towards food prep, the gift might be a bit smaller. That would be the one negative I see, and it makes me a bit of a jerk in even pointing that out, but it's true.

    So, in my area, this type of event is not done. But, I actually would really enjoy being a guest at this type of event.  As long as you weren't trying to make it sound like a really fancy, formal event and then requiring the guests to bring food, and everyone knows from the start that it is pot-luck, I see no issue.

    You know your family and friends better than an internet board - and honestly, unpopular opinions often get attacked.  But, has this been done before in your family? Do you friends do this often? Do you think it is something they would enjoy?  Only you can answer those questions - and if you think your guests are fine with it, then go for it.  (You also wouldn't believe the amount of food wasted at some of the events I have been to - it makes me sick. I would much rather have a manageable amount of food where all is eaten rather than an ostentatious spread where most is thrown out.)

    Getting sick from food prepared by family members? Not buying it as a reason not to have it. I have been to many family parties and bbqs before where food is prepared by family members and friends I don't know and have never gotten sick.

    If pot luck is not something you are not totally 100% ok with - what about cake and punch in the church basement after a ceremony? Or, an informal bbq with hot dogs and hamburgers in the same park? There is nothing that says that an outside of the box event can't be pleasant - except other people who are judging for no reason. But, do let guests know this by your invite choice  - set the mood. Don't use formal invites, make guests think they are getting a 4 course meal, and then not serve dinner, ya know? That would be the only thing that makes it not a good idea...
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_off-beat-wedding-pot-luck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:b67bb7b7-e2f2-42f8-bacb-536650a1e7c5Post:3e2549fd-413a-46b5-943b-134123ca1a9e">Re: Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm late to the party, and I'm totally in the minority, but I see no problem with this. I'm in NJ - wedding receptions are typically $150 per person and include a cocktail hour, sit down dinner with multiple courses and open bar the entire time. Although the above "NJ reception" is what I am "used to" I see no issue with a rustic, outdoors wedding that is "advertised" as such. Your venue location, invite style and other choices let guests know what type of event it is going to be - outside, nature, picnic style, etc. And, your gift to a couple should NEVER be determined by the price of the event, but I am even willing to say that your gifts might be a "smidge" smaller if people are preparing food as well. As in, they have x amount to spend on a wedding, and if some of that goes towards food prep, the gift might be a bit smaller. That would be the one negative I see, and it makes me a bit of a jerk in even pointing that out, but it's true. So, in my area, this type of event is not done. But, I actually would really enjoy being a guest at this type of event.  As long as you weren't trying to make it sound like a really fancy, formal event and then requiring the guests to bring food, and everyone knows from the start that it is pot-luck, I see no issue. You know your family and friends better than an internet board - and honestly, unpopular opinions often get attacked.  But, has this been done before in your family? Do you friends do this often? Do you think it is something they would enjoy?  Only you can answer those questions - and if you think your guests are fine with it, then go for it.  (You also wouldn't believe the amount of food wasted at some of the events I have been to - it makes me sick. I would much rather have a manageable amount of food where all is eaten rather than an ostentatious spread where most is thrown out.) Getting sick from food prepared by family members? Not buying it as a reason not to have it. I have been to many family parties and bbqs before where food is prepared by family members and friends I don't know and have never gotten sick. If pot luck is not something you are not totally 100% ok with - what about cake and punch in the church basement after a ceremony? Or, an informal bbq with hot dogs and hamburgers in the same park? There is nothing that says that an outside of the box event can't be pleasant - except other people who are judging for no reason. But, do let guests know this by your invite choice  - set the mood. Don't use formal invites, make guests think they are getting a 4 course meal, and then not serve dinner, ya know? That would be the only thing that makes it not a good idea...
    Posted by SewInLoveWithDMB[/QUOTE]



    It's not that we are judging with no reason. We have good reasons, and etiquette that we are trying to help her see.

    Consider this: if you had friends or family help you move, would you take them to dinner and make them pay, or have them over and then ask them to cook? Prolly not, because the meal is a thank you for their help. A reception is a thank you to the guests for attending your special moment (which is the ceremony). A thank you should never come with a request.

    And as to the food risks, if it were a home cooked meal at a backyard party or luncheon, people would start eating right away and the food could be stored immediately after. At a wedding, the ceremony would require the food to sit out for some amount of time, and pictures could make that longer, then there is the however many hours the reception lasts (plus travel time). Also there are the allergies. Will everyone remember to label all the allergens: peanuts, dairy, gluten? Some people forget gluten, and its in almost everything unless you purposefully make something without it. If it weren't mentioned my FFIL could be put in the hospital by it...
  • OP, Please come back and answer the questions! Respond!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_off-beat-wedding-pot-luck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:b67bb7b7-e2f2-42f8-bacb-536650a1e7c5Post:a5450e3a-8d53-4cf0-b2f7-6ab0e7d170ec">Re: Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck</a>:
    [QUOTE]Receptions are FOR THE GUESTS, not the couple.  That's why it's called a RECEPTION. The couple RECEIVES the guests who attended their ceremony, and offers hospitality in the form of food and drinks, since no one ever hosts a social function (and the ceremony is a social function) without serving appropriate refreshments for the time of day. Receptions are not, and never have been, an after-wedding party for the bride and groom.  That's why you sent out invitations. It is rude to invite your guests to an event and then ask THEM to cater it. This has nothing to do with being an "offbeat" or "non-traditional" bride.  Etiquette and tradition are two entirely different things.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    So you posted this in budget, what was the point in coming over here and posting it? Just curious..

     

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_off-beat-wedding-pot-luck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:b67bb7b7-e2f2-42f8-bacb-536650a1e7c5Post:93206685-c4e1-4f2e-aa01-23804f87f398">Re: Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Off Beat Wedding- Pot luck : So you posted this in budget, what was the point in coming over here and posting it? Just curious..
    Posted by Stina51286[/QUOTE]

    <div>Probably just to point out that I'm wrong, which is fine with me.</div>
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

    image 293 (Adults) Invited
    image198 Yes (+ 12 children and 3 babies)
    image95 No
    image0 Unknown

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