Just Engaged and Proposals

Frustrated already!

I need to vent about this, sorry ladies!! My FI and I got engaged about 2 weeks ago. He is 36 & I am 28. We have been together for a little over 5 yrs, have a daughter together and my daughter from a previously relationship but he considers her his daughter, and we bought a house together. I know we just got engaged but we need to do a wedding on a budget. I keep asking my FI to sit down with me to talk about a budget and how much we can realistically save before we set a date. Everytime I bring the wedding subject up, he doesn't really want to talk about it. I try talking to his sister, who is in my wedding party, and basically tells me not to bug him. My sisters don't seem that interested in it either. It is sooooo frustrating!!! I have contacted vendors and caterers to get some idea of the cost and I tell him this but he simply replies " I am not ready to book anything yet" but that's not what I am trying to do either. I simply want to get some idea of pricing so we can figure out realistically how much we can save and spend on the wedding.  He tells me that we just got engaged and don't need to start planning yet, um HELLO!!!! Females get excited about being proposed to and want to start planning right away!!! I feel like handing the ring back and saying ask me again when you are seriously ready (I mean I guess I was putting the pressure on him to propose but still.) WE got into an argument about it last night and I basically told him that I wont talk about the wedding anymore until he is ready! So as of right now, my engagement is not as exciting as I thought!! Sorry ladies I needed to vent, it was killing me!
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Re: Frustrated already!

  • kmbryant2413kmbryant2413 member
    1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_frustrated-already?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:6748677a-cc1a-467f-b742-3dc8f5a3ee6dPost:1b4fd11a-7e93-4df5-98c1-9e690a0dc035">Frustrated already!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I need to vent about this, sorry ladies!! My FI and I got engaged about 2 weeks ago. He is 36 & I am 28. We have been together for a little over 5 yrs, have a daughter together and my daughter from a previously relationship but he considers her his daughter, and we bought a house together. I know we just got engaged but we need to do a wedding on a budget. I keep asking my FI to sit down with me to talk about a budget and how much we can realistically save before we set a date. Everytime I bring the wedding subject up, <strong>he doesn't really want to talk about it</strong>. I try talking to his sister, who is in my wedding party, and basically tells me not to bug him. My sisters don't seem that interested in it either. It is sooooo frustrating!!! I have contacted vendors and caterers to get some idea of the cost and I tell him this but he simply replies "<strong> I am not ready to book anything yet</strong>" but that's not what I am trying to do either. I simply want to get some idea of pricing so we can figure out realistically how much we can save and spend on the wedding.  He tells me that we just got engaged and don't need to start planning yet, um HELLO!!!! Females get excited about being proposed to and want to start planning right away!!!<strong> I feel like handing the ring back and saying ask me again when you are seriously ready (I mean I guess I was putting the pressure on him to propose but still.</strong>) WE got into an argument about it last night and I basically told him that I wont talk about the wedding anymore until he is ready! So as of right now, my engagement is not as exciting as I thought!! Sorry ladies I needed to vent, it was killing me<div>Posted by ecrowe1218[/QUOTE]</div><div>
    </div><div>Alright. First, no one is as excited about your wedding as you. I think you are seeing this by now. So quit exploding from the mouth every time you see someone.</div><div>
    </div><div>Second, the bolded parts. Are you seeing a pattern, here? It really, truly sounds like he handed you something sparkly to get you to shut up. I would really, REALLY read the reddit thread that is linked in here.</div><div><a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_why-pressuring-for-engagement-is-a-bad-idea">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_why-pressuring-for-engagement-is-a-bad-idea</a></div><div>
    </div><div>Third: You guys need some counseling. You need to figure out whether he really wanted to marry you, or just wanted you to quit pestering him. Don't do anything before you do that.</div><div>
    </div><div>ETA: Just because you bought a house, have a kid, etc., doesn't mean that logically he's ready to get married. Some people just *aren't*. Some people are completely fine with cohabitation and really truly love each other. Reading over it again, it still sounds like you just pressured him into it. You guys need a sit down and a long talk.

    </div>
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  • Obivously nobody is going to be as excited as I am, I know that!  And I am not "exploding at the mouth" as you say but at least they could even show a little happiness about it. I am not asking them to jump up and down and scream with excitment.  I even asked him if he did it because he wants to get married or because I pressure him. He said because he does want to get married but now he doesn't act like it.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_frustrated-already?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:6748677a-cc1a-467f-b742-3dc8f5a3ee6dPost:9675fead-c31f-4268-b99e-70992c320268">Re: Frustrated already!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Obivously nobody is going to be as excited as I am, I know that!  And I am not "exploding at the mouth" as you say bu<strong>t at least they could even show a little happiness about it.</strong> I am not asking them to jump up and down and scream with excitment.  I even asked him if he did it because he wants to get married or because I pressure him. He said because he does want to get married but now he doesn't act like it.
    Posted by ecrowe1218[/QUOTE]

    <div>Nobody has to be excited about your wedding. Seriously. Your words sound entitled and snotty. You guys need marriage counseling. The thought of you wanting to give the ring back until he 'really' asks you, should tell you a lot about what direction your wedding/marriage is going to go. Counseling is the only advice I have for you.</div>
    my blog - for the love of ein
    'Next time, just fart.' - BriSox81
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  • It has NOTHING to do with being snotty or entitled. When someone I am close with gets engaged, I am THRILLED for them and love hearing updates with the planning and what not. I wanted to vent and don't need some little girl telling me I need counseling, are you even engaged? 
  • kmbryant2413kmbryant2413 member
    1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_frustrated-already?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:6748677a-cc1a-467f-b742-3dc8f5a3ee6dPost:316bfb43-8978-43cd-8148-55a400db5b6b">Re: Frustrated already!</a>:
    [QUOTE]It has NOTHING to do with being snotty or entitled. When someone I am close with gets engaged, I am THRILLED for them and love hearing updates with the planning and what not. I wanted to vent and don't need some little girl telling me I need counseling, are you even engaged? 
    Posted by ecrowe1218[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Just because you are thrilled when others get engaged does not mean that the feeling is always reciprocated. I like hearing it too, but not everyone does. Many of the regulars around here will advocate pre-marital counseling as it helps you get on the same page about many fundamental issues with your future spouse, even some that you might not have thought of previously.</div><div>
    </div><div>I am not engaged. I have been married, but as you'll see on these boards, the lovely ladies that do give great advice are sometimes single, married, divorced, or engaged. Addie gives great advice on this board in particular and she has been married for a year now.</div><div>
    </div><div>If you didn't want someone to tell you you were possibly making a wrong move, I'm not sure why you came to seek advice. Sounds to me like you wanted someone to tell you that you were justified, and wanted someone to vilify your fiance'. The ladies here are blunt and honest, and not necessarily all puppies and rainbows. </div><div>
    </div><div>I'm sure someone else will come along to this thread to tell you that your fiance is being silly and everything sounds right on track. You can wait for them, but I gave you honest advice and to call me a little girl just shows <em>your</em> age. No need for name calling here.</div>
    my blog - for the love of ein
    'Next time, just fart.' - BriSox81
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  • You don't need to tell me I am being snotty or entitled. I am very close with my sisters & his and to act as if they could care less about wedding planning and such boggles my mind. My FI would NEVER go to counseling, he is too "manly" for that. I didn't come on here looking for "OMG your FI is being obnoxious and you are soo totally right" responses. I simply wanted to vent because if I even mention "wedding" to him, my sisters or his, I get the eye roll and simply have nobody to really vent to. So I apologize for the name calling, I am just irritated. 
  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 Washington, DC member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_frustrated-already?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:6748677a-cc1a-467f-b742-3dc8f5a3ee6dPost:932a232b-414f-4bf6-9772-314d78337a17">Re: Frustrated already!</a>:
    [QUOTE]You don't need to tell me I am being snotty or entitled. I am very close with my sisters & his and to act as if they could care less about wedding planning and such boggles my mind. <strong>My FI would NEVER go to counseling, he is too "manly" for that.</strong> I didn't come on here looking for "OMG your FI is being obnoxious and you are soo totally right" responses. I simply wanted to vent because if I even mention "wedding" to him, my sisters or his, I get the eye roll and simply have nobody to really vent to. So I apologize for the name calling, I am just irritated. 
    Posted by ecrowe1218[/QUOTE]

    <div>Firstly, calm down.  KM offered good advice.</div><div>
    </div><div>Secondly, it sends up a little red flag that you and your FI can't seem to have an honest conversation about how you're both feeling - you're ready to plan a wedding since you're engaged, and he isn't.  If he isn't willing to suck it up and go to counseling, then you have some bigger issues.  What happens when you want kids and he's not ready?  Sit down, talk about it, figure out where you are, why he's not ready, and what the next steps are.  If you can't do that, don't get married.</div><div>
    </div><div>Thirdly, I get needing to vent, but you have to also realize that you came on to a board of internet strangers venting about how your FI isn't ready to plan a wedding and you pressured him into an engagement.  We can only give advice on what you tell us, and your reaction to KM did come off as childish and entitled.  No one has to care about your wedding except you and your FH.  Your sisters and FSIL have lives outside of your wedding.  They probably don't care to listen to every little detail, that's what your FI is for.</div>
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited April 2013
    Thanks, KM!

    Whoa. This has exploded for no reason at all. 

    OP. I agree with Peek and KM. I am not sure why you are surprised that he doesn't want to plan the wedding just yet when you admittedly pressured him into an engagement. How is your FSIL in your wedding party? You don't even have a date set, so how do you have a wedding party? 

    Maybe people are not excited b/c maybe they sense he was not ready for this. I can't answer that for sure, obviously, b/c I don't know your friends and family. Just try to relax and enjoy your engagment, and if you want to talk wedding stuff, that's what we're here for!  We love wedding talk here. 

     If you came on to vent, did you just want people to respond with "There, there...." ?????  You vented and people have opinions about it. That's how it works. Welcome to the boards!


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • We have both talked about wedding ideas and such before he proposed - it was a mutual thing. So I guess "pressured" was the wrong term. I would hint to him about getting engaged and the type of ring I would want but that was about as far as I would go. We would talk about destination wedding or having a wedding locally etc. Now that he has actually proposed, he doesn't seem to want to talk - not sure if it is a guy thing or just him. Now that we are engaged, I have been saying things like we need a budget, we need to think about how much we can save, and it basically goes to me getting pissed off because it is never a convenient time to talk about it - we are paying 100% for the wedding and like I mentioned we have kids and a house, etc so spending $20k on a wedding is not ideal for me. I want to talk to him to see how we can realistically begin to save any money. I am a "NOW" type of person, he proposes, I accept, I begin to plan, he should know me by now. I know his sister isnt as excited because she is going through a divorce. The day we did get engaged she was excited now it is like back off of him a little. I am closer to my FSIL than he is. I know who is in my wedding party because they are siblings - it is a given (For us anyway). 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_frustrated-already?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:6748677a-cc1a-467f-b742-3dc8f5a3ee6dPost:296dfa04-32f0-4140-91f5-addd389c1dd3">Re: Frustrated already!</a>:
    [QUOTE]We have both talked about wedding ideas and such before he proposed - it was a mutual thing. So I guess "pressured" was the wrong term. I would hint to him about getting engaged and the type of ring I would want but that was about as far as I would go. We would talk about destination wedding or having a wedding locally etc. Now that he has actually proposed, he doesn't seem to want to talk - not sure if it is a guy thing or just him. Now that we are engaged, I have been saying things like we need a budget, we need to think about how much we can save, and it basically goes to me getting pissed off because it is never a convenient time to talk about it - we are paying 100% for the wedding and like I mentioned we have kids and a house, etc so spending $20k on a wedding is not ideal for me. I want to talk to him to see how we can realistically begin to save any money. I am a "NOW" type of person, he proposes, I accept, I begin to plan, he should know me by now. I know his sister isnt as excited because she is going through a divorce. The day we did get engaged she was excited now it is like back off of him a little. I am closer to my FSIL than he is. I know who is in my wedding party because they are siblings - it is a given (For us anyway). 
    Posted by ecrowe1218[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Alright. Work on some paragraphs. Just because you and your FI love each other and work well does not mean that your 'NOW' attitude has settled with him. I am a very NOW person as well, and my BF still isn't 'used' to it. Maybe you are overwhelming him with the way you are approaching things. Maybe try working on a budget on your own and asking him a few questions to get him interested, instead of something like 'Look. We need to plan this now so I can get started on everything.' If you know that sometimes you are difficult or very proactive, then take a different approach and see how he reacts.</div><div>
    </div><div>Stop talking wedding planning to his sister. I've been through a divorce. I wanted to punch anyone who said anything about engagements, weddings, etc. for a long time after my divorce. It is a very personal and painful process, no matter who is divorcing who. Spend some (more) time with her and when she wants to talk about your wedding, she will, IF She wants to at all.</div><div>
    </div><div>I am glad that you know who is in your wedding party, but if you spend 20 minutes browsing the 'Wedding Party' board, you will see that all sorts of disasters happen by asking too early, EVEN WITH your own family members.</div><div>
    </div><div>It really, truly just sounds like you need to cool it for a little while, and maybe look at yourself and how YOU are reacting to this wedding. I'm not saying that you are the problem, but if you want to see changes, you have to start with yourself. 

    </div>
    my blog - for the love of ein
    'Next time, just fart.' - BriSox81
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  • First, some guys just don't get thrilled about weddings, even their own. Maybe your Fi is just not excited about flowers, chicken vs. beef, church vs. no church, etc. Second, let him have a little while to enjoy being engaged to you. Think about it. He proposed to you, you said yes, you're thrilled to be marrying him. He's found a woman who he loves more than life itself and she feels the same way about him. He probably just wants to enjoy his accomplishment.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_frustrated-already?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:6748677a-cc1a-467f-b742-3dc8f5a3ee6dPost:b7e60a1f-63aa-44a8-a10d-5bd7676ce741">Re: Frustrated already!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Frustrated already! : Alright. Work on some paragraphs. Just because you and your FI love each other and work well does not mean that your 'NOW' attitude has settled with him. I am a very NOW person as well, and my BF still isn't 'used' to it. Maybe you are overwhelming him with the way you are approaching things. Maybe try working on a budget on your own and asking him a few questions to get him interested, instead of something like 'Look. We need to plan this now so I can get started on everything.' If you know that sometimes you are difficult or very proactive, then take a different approach and see how he reacts. Stop talking wedding planning to his sister. I've been through a divorce. I wanted to punch anyone who said anything about engagements, weddings, etc. for a long time after my divorce. It is a very personal and painful process, no matter who is divorcing who. Spend some (more) time with her and when she wants to talk about your wedding, she will, IF She wants to at all. I am glad that you know who is in your wedding party, but if you spend 20 minutes browsing the 'Wedding Party' board, you will see that all sorts of disasters happen by asking too early, EVEN WITH your own family members. It really, truly just sounds like you need to cool it for a little while, and maybe look at yourself and how YOU are reacting to this wedding. I'm not saying that you are the problem, but if you want to see changes, you have to start with yourself. 
    Posted by kmbryant2413[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Ok Grammar police! Maybe I am overwhelming him with wedding planning but I am excited! Am I not supposed to be??</div><div>
    </div><div>My FSIL was excited at first - she was telling people the news before I even got the chance. But now she is not as enthused?! I was spending time with her yesterday and all I asked was "how do you feel about a certain color?" </div><div>
    </div><div>I haven't officially asked anyone to be in our wedding party - I have 2 sisters, he has 1 - we are very close to all 3 plus I have 2 daughters, 1 neice and 1 nephew. They will all obviously be in the wedding party. 

    </div><div>I don't obviously see what I am doing wrong per say, I guess being overly excited about planning a wedding & marrying my love is wrong?! All I tell him - is we need to discuss finances. What is wrong with that?</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_frustrated-already?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:6748677a-cc1a-467f-b742-3dc8f5a3ee6dPost:00fff043-7a3d-4f20-9367-f7dd735aeaaa">Re: Frustrated already!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Frustrated already! : Ok Grammar police! Maybe I am overwhelming him with wedding planning but I am excited! Am I not supposed to be?? My FSIL was excited at first - she was telling people the news before I even got the chance. But now she is not as enthused?! I was spending time with her yesterday and all I asked was "how do you feel about a certain color?"  I haven't officially asked anyone to be in our wedding party - I have 2 sisters, he has 1 - we are very close to all 3 plus I have 2 daughters, 1 neice and 1 nephew. They will all obviously be in the wedding party.  I don't obviously see what I am doing wrong per say, I guess being overly excited about planning a wedding & marrying my love is wrong?! All I tell him - is we need to discuss finances. What is wrong with that?
    Posted by ecrowe1218[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Good luck to you.

    </div>
    my blog - for the love of ein
    'Next time, just fart.' - BriSox81
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_frustrated-already?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:6748677a-cc1a-467f-b742-3dc8f5a3ee6dPost:7dad84e0-10e1-48a0-9980-299a93b2b29c">Re:Frustrated already!</a>:
    [QUOTE]First, some guys just don't get thrilled about weddings, even their own. Maybe your Fi is just not excited about flowers, chicken vs. beef, church vs. no church, etc. Second, let him have a little while to enjoy being engaged to you. Think about it. He proposed to you, you said yes, you're thrilled to be marrying him. He's found a woman who he loves more than life itself and she feels the same way about him. He probably just wants to enjoy his accomplishment.
    Posted by Teddy917[/QUOTE]

    <div>I have been told to "enjoy my engagement" but I want to enjoy my engagement and plan my wedding, how do you balance the 2? I don't talk details - I know he could care less but I do need his input for the budget. </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_frustrated-already?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:6748677a-cc1a-467f-b742-3dc8f5a3ee6dPost:e6e4446b-1c6f-4be7-933a-04a70e202d81">Re: Frustrated already!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Frustrated already! : Good luck to you.
    Posted by kmbryant2413[/QUOTE]

    <div>Thanks for the kind words!</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_frustrated-already?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:6748677a-cc1a-467f-b742-3dc8f5a3ee6dPost:256f89ca-80c1-4cea-bb3e-a6d0fc1b465a">Re: Frustrated already!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Just relax and give your fiance a little space. You can still price venues for food and drinks. In fact that will give you solid info to use when you finally do settle down to have a budget talk. But you don't have to talk to everyone about it. Clearly your gung-ho attitude is putting off more than one person in your life... And stop telling people they are in the wedding party etc. It is way too early for that.
    Posted by scribe95[/QUOTE]

    <div>I have't told anybody they are in the wedding. </div>
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_frustrated-already?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:6748677a-cc1a-467f-b742-3dc8f5a3ee6dPost:37686073-66e0-4dac-ae9f-37d345dd6a07">Re:Frustrated already!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Frustrated already! : I have been told to "enjoy my engagement" but I want to enjoy my engagement and plan my wedding, how do you balance the 2? I don't talk details - I know he could care less but I do need his input for the budget. 
    Posted by ecrowe1218[/QUOTE]
    Perfectly understandable. However, let me approach perhaps from his side. My husband and I were engaged for over 2 years before we got married. The whole first year, I was the one not wanting to talk wedding. I absolutely wanted to marry him, but I felt very overwhelmed at the prospect of planning a wedding b/c I felt I had no idea what I was doing, what anything would cost, etc, just like you. I also had just been promoted to the head of the English department at the school I taught at, which was a huge demand on my time. I was just NOT ready to take on the task of wedding planning. Eventually, I got comfortable with it and started planning. Maybe he just needs some time, too. <div>
    </div><div>ETA: I notice that a few days ago you posted on the South Jersey board that you have a budget of 10k for the wedding and a guest list of 130. On another board, you are talking about cocktails and desserts for a reception.  So HAVE you discussed a budget with him after all? Or are these just numbers and plans you came up with yourself?</div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div>
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_frustrated-already?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:6748677a-cc1a-467f-b742-3dc8f5a3ee6dPost:453f040b-79a8-40d4-86e4-29a1ee6d5d61">Re:Frustrated already!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Frustrated already! : Perfectly understandable. However, let me approach perhaps from his side. My husband and I were engaged for over 2 years before we got married. The whole first year, I was the one not wanting to talk wedding. I absolutely wanted to marry him, but I felt very overwhelmed at the prospect of planning a wedding b/c I felt I had no idea what I was doing, what anything would cost, etc, just like you. I also had just been promoted to the head of the English department at the school I taught at, which was a huge demand on my time. I was just NOT ready to take on the task of wedding planning. Eventually, I got comfortable with it and started planning. Maybe he just needs some time, too.  ETA: I notice that a few days ago you posted on the South Jersey board that you have a budget of 10k for the wedding and a guest list of 130. On another board, you are talking about cocktails and desserts for a reception.  So HAVE you discussed a budget with him after all? Or are these just numbers and plans you came up with yourself?
    Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>$10k is the number I just came up with because I can't see myself spending much more. The guest list is the people we would like to have there but I am trying to reduce that number and eliminate the kids. Cocktails & desserts was me just coming up with ideas. </div>
  • Since you can't really move forward without a budget and he doesn't sound like he's ready to start planning yet, why don't you just look up some cool ideas. Search the Internet for decorations, cake ideas, wedding gowns, etc. Hang out on the Knot, we love hearing about weddings. And I said let "him" enjoy the engagement. It should be for him too. It takes two to get married and you both should be allowed to enjoy it. Since you both have different personalities, his way of enjoying might just be to kick back for a little while. I'm sorry for my lack of paragraphs. I Knot from my iPod and they appear when I'm typing but not once I post.
  • Slow your roll.  If everyone is fleeing before you, that's a signal to reel it back.  Come onto wedding boards and talk about your plans, colors, all the wedding thing that normally make people want to jump a cliff.  It won't scare us, and we love it.  That's why we're here.

    Get a Pintrest account too, and pin yourself unconcious with wedding stuff.  That will keep your enthusiasm up, but not overwhelm your FI with questions he's not ready for.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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    Anniversary

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_frustrated-already?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:6748677a-cc1a-467f-b742-3dc8f5a3ee6dPost:00d26d2f-c9d0-4dff-86b6-51458fa90e64">Re: Frustrated already!</a>:
    [QUOTE]You said his sister was in your wedding party. If you haven't told/asked her then you are making a big assumption... 
    Posted by scribe95[/QUOTE]

    <div>She has told me before we even got engaged that she is in my wedding party. So yes I am making a big assumption based off on conversations with her.</div>
  • Thanks ladies, sorry for the unreasonable outburst earlier - I guess I am PMSing or something lol!

    I will definitely be using the boards more often so I stop bugging others around me!!
  • Well, I was finally able to have a conversation with him and he started it! (feel like I am grade school and I am telling on him lol) Anyways, he does agree that we need to discuss a budget before we look at any vendors and figure out a way to save. Sooooo, maybe I was just pissy and blowing the whole thing out of proportion. 
  • Glad to hear it!  Sounds like you're on the right track now.  I'm also glad that you stuck around and responded to everyone's posts, instead of running away like many others do.  Good luck to you!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_frustrated-already?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:6748677a-cc1a-467f-b742-3dc8f5a3ee6dPost:fed68ec3-6d82-4be9-b518-ef2261e0df92">Re: Frustrated already!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Glad to hear it!  Sounds like you're on the right track now.  I'm also glad that you stuck around and responded to everyone's posts, instead of running away like many others do.  Good luck to you!
    Posted by wittykitty14[/QUOTE]

    <div>Yes thank goodness!!! </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_frustrated-already?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:6748677a-cc1a-467f-b742-3dc8f5a3ee6dPost:485eb44a-642e-489f-ac8a-b9846330c1ce">Re: Frustrated already!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Am I the only one who thinks "too manly for counseling" is a red flag? Anyone can benefit from that type of thing, it does not mean you are a weak, or depressed individual. Aside from that, it's great that you are now on the same page, and good luck with your planning!
    Posted by versdirtyhippy[/QUOTE]

    <div>People like to tell others to go to counseling, but from my personal experience it is not for everyone.</div><div>
    </div><div>Thank you though!</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_frustrated-already?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:6748677a-cc1a-467f-b742-3dc8f5a3ee6dPost:1b4fd11a-7e93-4df5-98c1-9e690a0dc035">Frustrated already!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I need to vent about this, sorry ladies!! My FI and I got engaged about 2 weeks ago. He is 36 & I am 28. We have been together for a little over 5 yrs, have a daughter together and my daughter from a previously relationship but he considers her his daughter, and we bought a house together. I know we just got engaged but we need to do a wedding on a budget. I keep asking my FI to sit down with me to talk about a budget and how much we can realistically save before we set a date. Everytime I bring the wedding subject up, he doesn't really want to talk about it. I try talking to his sister, who is in my wedding party, and basically tells me not to bug him. My sisters don't seem that interested in it either. It is sooooo frustrating!!! <strong>I have contacted vendors and caterers to get some idea of the cost and I tell him this but he simply replies " I am not ready to book anything yet"</strong> but that's not what I am trying to do either. I simply want to get some idea of pricing so we can figure out realistically how much we can save and spend on the wedding.  He tells me that we just got engaged and don't need to start planning yet, um HELLO!!!! Females get excited about being proposed to and want to start planning right away!!! I feel like handing the ring back and saying ask me again when you are seriously ready (I mean I guess I was putting the pressure on him to propose but still.) WE got into an argument about it last night and I basically told him that I wont talk about the wedding anymore until he is ready! So as of right now, my engagement is not as exciting as I thought!! Sorry ladies I needed to vent, it was killing me!
    Posted by ecrowe1218[/QUOTE]
    <div>
    </div><div>Well according to your profile, your wedding is OVER 2 years from now. If that date is correct, maybe that's why he's not ready to plan/book anything yet? I would have to assume that would be a big reason to not even be thinking about wedding planning at the moment.</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_frustrated-already?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:6748677a-cc1a-467f-b742-3dc8f5a3ee6dPost:4d745509-0b7e-4037-9ad1-398cf75c2a6b">Re: Frustrated already!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Frustrated already! : Well according to your profile, your wedding is OVER 2 years from now. If that date is correct, maybe that's why he's not ready to plan/book anything yet? I would have to assume that would be a big reason to not even be thinking about wedding planning at the moment.
    Posted by manjermj[/QUOTE]

    <div>The wedding date is not officially set. Also, I am not trying to plan my wedding now. Like I said, I was only trying to discuss a budget to start saving.</div>
  • I have been engaged now for a month, initially I felt the same way you did...I was ready to jump in to planning our wedding... My FI doesn’t have a problem discussing the details of the wedding, looking at venues, participants of the wedding party, etc, but he doesn’t  want to set a date.  He too said, " let’s just enjoy being engaged."  I was confused but instead of getting upset at him, I asked him why he didn’t want to set a date and he told me to look at the obvious, financial obligations (his son just started college and my son will soon be in college).  He advised me to go ahead with the planning, but just on paper and when things have settled, we can then set a date and get everything into motion.  I am ok with that, I can discuss the details of the wedding with my FI and have the joy of planning our wedding with my mom, there is no stress in our relationship..nothing but love, peace, and happiness! Kiss

  • I don't like categorizing anything as a "guy" or "girl" thing- for example, my fiance has been just as excited about planning every bit of the wedding as I have.   We've shared tasks- I'm making centerpieces and he's making out the DJ's playlist, etc.  Is he exceptionally involved?  Maybe. 

    Some people need time to ease into things.  Even in dating, my fiance and I took things slowly.  We took our time feeling things out.  We established our communication style.  If you two have been together this long, you know how he is, too, and need to take that into consideration.  It sounds like things are moving forward, and that's great.  The important thing is this is about both of you and the rest of your lives together- the rest is details.

    One more thing: please be careful about saying things like, "he's to 'manly' for counseling".  That places judgement on those who have been to counseling or consider therapy necessary.  It may not be for everyone, but to consider it beneath you?  When all of us don't know you, that may give an impression you don't want. 
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