Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?

JNwedding31 · April 2013

Sort of an offbeat bride, but w/ traditional friends & family. I've never liked the traditional bridal shower- for me they're boring & outdated, how many times can you play bridal bingo & watch a bride open gifts for 2 hours? That's just me.

So for mine- do I get a say? Or do I have to just smile & love every minute of the inevitable traditional shower my mother is planning? (Overheard my mom & MOH discussing plans).

Fi & I own home- don't really need anything. We registered for a few small things, and then for the honeymonn on honeyfund.com. I'd just prefer less of the gift opening/game time and more of mingling/music/hors d'oeuvres- even a wine tasting hour or dance portion. The more offbeat the better.

But like I said, I don't know if I get a say in it or not.

I've read many discussions on here that registries & showers & all this wedding hoopla is part of the grand marketing scheme that makes us THINK we are supposed to do things a certain way.. so I'm assuming that applies to the shower as well. I'd love to put a fun spin on my shower & maybe inspire others who attend to do the same for theirs. Most of all I want my mom to be happy, but there has to be a way to make her happy while not going down the traditional path. Or am I totally out of line? (Please be honest, not down-right mean lol).

Thanks!

Pookieson · April 2013

Honeymoon registries are super tacky. See the honeymoon board. If you don't want a shower, you can decline the shower, or ask that they just host a luncheon so that guests know it is not a shower.

Edited to add that if you would prefer cash, when asked, state that you have a small registry but are saving for your honeymoon. Guests will figure it out.

misshart00 · April 2013

It really is up to the host of your shower what you do, but I don't see anything wrong with asking her if you could do a bridal luncheon or wine tasting instead of a shower because people don't generally bring gifts to those. If you do a shower, you should really open gifts and thank the giver in person and with a thank you note. Or you could decline the shower all together.

MuppetFan · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-wrong-to-not-want-a-traditional-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:251b71c1-c500-484b-b6e2-5b9792219be8Post:cc89355a-3a35-410f-82fb-5276449eb8a4">Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]Sort of an offbeat bride, but w/ traditional friends & family. I've never liked the traditional bridal shower- for me they're boring & outdated, how many times can you play bridal bingo & watch a bride open gifts for 2 hours? That's just me. So for mine- do I get a say? Or do I have to just smile & love every minute of the inevitable traditional shower my mother is planning? (Overheard my mom & MOH discussing plans). Fi & I own home- don't really need anything. We registered for a few small things, and then for the honeymonn on honeyfund.com. I'd just prefer less of the gift opening/game time and more of mingling/music/hors d'oeuvres- even a wine tasting hour or dance portion. The more offbeat the better. But like I said, I don't know if I get a say in it or not. I've read many discussions on here that registries & showers & all this wedding hoopla is part of the grand marketing scheme that makes us THINK we are supposed to do things a certain way.. so I'm assuming that applies to the shower as well. I'd love to put a fun spin on my shower & maybe inspire others who attend to do the same for theirs. Most of all I want my mom to be happy, but there has to be a way to make her happy while not going down the traditional path. Or am I totally out of line? (Please be honest, not down-right mean lol). Thanks!
Posted by JNwedding31[/QUOTE]

My take is that if someone throws you a shower, you can decline it if you don't like it. If you accept a traditional shower, you should register for gifts at a store.

If someone wants to do something for you, you can request a luncheon or a recipe party or spice party .... so it's not gift grabby.

Honeymoon funds are considered very rude because you are essentially asking for money. You are about to get a lot of comments about it.

AddieCake · April 2013

If you don't want a shower, decline the offer. Have a luncheon or something instead if it will make your mom happy. And delete your honeymoon registry. It's always in poor taste to ask for money.

itzMS · April 2013

I was offered 6 (yes six) showers and I poltely declined them all.

I come from a very traditional family (and so does DH), but it's okay to not have a shower.

QueerFemme · April 2013

I declined all showers. And ditto PP. Get rid of your honeyfund and just have a very small registry to upgrade things like towels or sheets. If you have a small registery and spread by word of mouth only that you are saving for the honeymoon, you'll likely get mostly cash gifts. But honeyfunds are tacky.

antibride2013 · April 2013

Agree with PP. Decline all showers, delete the honeymoon registry. As everyone said, honeymoon registries are very rude and tacky. Your situation is not unique. Asking for money in any form is very very rude.

JNwedding31 · April 2013

Thank you all... Love the luncheon idea esp b/c no gifts are required. I just want to spend time with ppl I love, not open a bunch of stuff.

Much of the advice I was given is that honeymoon registries will soon be the norm. A gift is a gift- whether it will be sitting in a kitchen cabinet until the 1 time of year I use the gadget - (which to many is a complete waste of money,) or if it's a giftcard or check to enjoy an excursion on my homeymoon- (which is much more useful.. the money is going towards something you will remember the rest of your life... instead of some knife set).

I prefer giving honeymoon gifts when I go to showers b/c I hate the pained look on a bride's face as she's opening another set of towels or bowls, telling herself she's supposed to be excited about this excess of "essentials."

My Fi's family actually suggested the honeymoon registry & my family supports the idea due to our low funds (we're paying for wedding & have nothing towards HM) and the fact that we don't need another blender or salad plate. Didn't realize this particular community regards it as tacky. But if I have a luncheon of course I will not be requesting them to visit my honeyfund page. Like I said - I want memories, not $tuff.

MuppetFan · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-wrong-to-not-want-a-traditional-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:251b71c1-c500-484b-b6e2-5b9792219be8Post:a1224dd0-79cf-49eb-b3ca-76cb9fda9f2f">Re: Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you all... Love the luncheon idea esp b/c no gifts are required. I just want to spend time with ppl I love, not open a bunch of stuff. <strong>Much of the advice I was given is that honeymoon registries will soon be the norm. </strong>A gift is a gift- whether it will be sitting in a kitchen cabinet until the 1 time of year I use the gadget - (which to many is a complete waste of money,) or if it's a giftcard or check to enjoy an excursion on my homeymoon- (which is much more useful.. the money is going towards something you will remember the rest of your life... instead of some knife set). I prefer giving honeymoon gifts when I go to showers b/c I hate the pained look on a bride's face as she's opening another set of towels or bowls, telling herself she's supposed to be excited about this excess of "essentials." My Fi's family actually suggested the honeymoon registry & my family supports the idea due to our low funds (we're paying for wedding & have nothing towards HM) and the fact that we don't need another blender or salad plate. Didn't realize this particular community regards it as tacky. But if I have a luncheon of course I will not be requesting them to visit my honeyfund page. Like I said - I want memories, not $tuff.
Posted by JNwedding31[/QUOTE]

This is bad advice. My mom suggested it to me originally and I thought it was a great idea but I now fully understand why it is in poor taste.

I am not having a shower. I chose not to. I am not registering. Most people will give money as their gift. If our parents are asked what we want, they will tell them that we are trying to save for our honeymoon or improvements to our house.

misshart00 · April 2013

In Response to Re:Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?:[QUOTE]I prefer giving honeymoon gifts when I go to showers b/c I hate the pained look on a bride's face as she's opening another set of towels or bowls, telling herself she's supposed to be excited about this excess of "essentials." Posted by JNwedding31[/QUOTE]

I'm not going I touch on the honeymoon registry but I agree with PPs.

I know you probably don't mean it this way, but this paragraph sounds very judgemental. I actually really enjoyed my shower and was genuinely excited to receive my gifts. I also enjoy going to other people's showers and seein hem open my gifts.

As for the 'essentials' part. No one said their gifts are essential. They can be fun stuff too. But if you think registries are for essential stuff, a honeymoon isn't exactly needed either.

MuppetFan · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-wrong-to-not-want-a-traditional-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:251b71c1-c500-484b-b6e2-5b9792219be8Post:df522ec0-353d-4e2a-907e-5c64a5d8d9cb">Re:Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?: I'm not going I touch on the honeymoon registry but I agree with PPs. I know you probably don't mean it this way, but this paragraph sounds very judgemental. I actually really enjoyed my shower and was genuinely excited to receive my gifts. I also enjoy going to other people's showers and seein hem open my gifts. As for the 'essentials' part. No one said their gifts are essential. They can be fun stuff too. But if you think registries are for essential stuff, a honeymoon isn't exactly needed either.
Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]

I must've skimmed past that pargraph. For my first wedding, *I* registered for those essentials and was delighted to receive them and I still use them.

I chose not to register this time because I feel awkward about having had a shower previously and I don't need anything.

antibride2013 · April 2013

Very bad advice as Muppet said. I am not registering, and spreading the word via family that we do not want any gifts of any sort. We have everything we need as well. I am sorry, but it is not your guests responsibility to pay for your vacation. It is very poor taste. And honeymoon registries being "the new norm", is a bunch of crap. There is not and will never be a proper way to ask for money. EVER. It is very poor taste.

It is apparent you did not do any research on honeyfund. your guests are not getting you a "experience", you are getting a check minus fees given to you in the end, so you are deceiving your guests on top of being rude. Just trust everyone, delete the honeymoon registry. You don't want to be rude and tacky.

Kate61487 · April 2013

ditto PPs. If you like to give money towards honeymoon / an experience you are more than welcome to do so. It's perfectly acceptable to write a check and say "use this towards your honeymoon!" or even to contact the hotel the couple is staying at directly and pay for an upgrade. asking for money (which is what a HM registry is doing) and on top of it deceiving your guests by making them think they're actually buying you a snorkeling trip when in reality you're just getting a check (for less than what they paid, on top of it) is just tacky.

Pookieson · April 2013

My family (who I consider to be very polite and mostly etiquette conscious people) also told me a money dance isn't tacky, registry info should go in the invitation and that it is fine to ask for cash. Just because family and friends say THEY wont be offended, doesn't mean your guests wont, and trust me, they will be, they just wont tell you about it. The honeymoon registries are not the norm and are not becoming the norm. Everyone you know may be doing it, but it's still tacky. My neighbor just called me exclaiming, "Omg, did you know so and so has a honeyfund??? eh, so tacky." People will gossip, but they'll tell you it's a great idea, that's what people do.

JNwedding31 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-wrong-to-not-want-a-traditional-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:251b71c1-c500-484b-b6e2-5b9792219be8Post:4085c3ab-267c-4108-822c-3f52ec383e2f">Re: Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]Very bad advice as Muppet said. I am not registering, and spreading the word via family that we do not want any gifts of any sort. We have everything we need as well. I am sorry, but it is not your guests responsibility to pay for your vacation. It is very poor taste. And honeymoon registries being "the new norm", is a bunch of crap. There is not and will never be a proper way to ask for money. EVER. It is very poor taste. It is apparent you did not do any research on honeyfund. your guests are not getting you a "experience", you are getting a check minus fees given to you in the end, so you are deceiving your guests on top of being rude. Just trust everyone, delete the honeymoon registry. You don't want to be rude and tacky.
Posted by antibride2013[/QUOTE]

<div>I <strong><u>did</u></strong> the research. It's the only registry that doesn't charge a fee if someone wants to give a gift, and they get to personally hand it to you - it's not a paypal/credit card thing.</div><div>
</div><div>This is the link I was sent when Fi's family suggested HM registry- <a href="http://www.honeyfund.com/Etiquette#ans2" rel="nofollow">http://www.honeyfund.com/Etiquette#ans2</a></div><div>
</div><div>Reading that and asking around (not on this particular community) I was told there is no difference in asking for money and asking for gifts. If you ask for a blender that costs $50, you are asking for $50 any way you look at it. It's $50 towards something you need. Not only that, but the gifter has to go out to the store and get that blender, use gas, stand on line.. essentially asking more of them. Some people like to do that knowing they are going out of their way for the couple - and that's fine. But those who claim HM registries are tacky don't really make sense. If it's tacky to register for HM, then it's tacky to register for gifts. Either way the gifter is giving you their money in some form. No ppl shouldn't have to pay for a vacation, but they shouldn't have to pay for flatware either. It's a gift - whether it's napkin rings or a check for a couple's massage - it's a <u>gift.</u> </div><div>
</div><div>The HM registry is there as an option in addition to the few items registered for at Macy's. The HM registry is not a requirement - not asking for money, it's an <u>option</u>. Some people want to do something out of the norm or special, and the option is there if they want it. But if I am declining a traditional shower anways, then we don't even have to go there :)</div>

JNwedding31 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-wrong-to-not-want-a-traditional-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:251b71c1-c500-484b-b6e2-5b9792219be8Post:0352fe92-6965-4782-82e4-5cb61bb6018a">Re: Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]My family (who I consider to be very polite and mostly etiquette conscious people) also told me a money dance isn't tacky, registry info should go in the invitation and that it is fine to ask for cash. Just because family and friends say THEY wont be offended, doesn't mean your guests wont, and trust me, they will be, they just wont tell you about it. The honeymoon registries are not the norm and are not becoming the norm. Everyone you know may be doing it, but it's still tacky. My neighbor just called me exclaiming, "Omg, did you know so and so has a honeyfund??? eh, so tacky." People will gossip, but they'll tell you it's a great idea, that's what people do.
Posted by Shannon1401[/QUOTE]

<div>This is obviously something I have to take into consideration b/c you're right. The only ppl telling me this so far (& I've been engaged a year & a half) is this forum. Thanks for the kind advice. And yes, ppl do gossip. </div>

itzMS · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-wrong-to-not-want-a-traditional-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:251b71c1-c500-484b-b6e2-5b9792219be8Post:34b4e575-a988-47fc-9234-ec24049c6cb9">Re: Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower? : I did the research. It's the only registry that doesn't charge a fee if someone wants to give a gift, and they get to personally hand it to you - it's not a paypal/credit card thing. This is the link I was sent when Fi's family suggested HM registry- <a href="http://www.honeyfund.com/Etiquette#ans2" rel="nofollow">http://www.honeyfund.com/Etiquette#ans2</a> Reading that and asking around (not on this particular community) I was told there is no difference in asking for money and asking for gifts. If you ask for a blender that costs $50, you are asking for $50 any way you look at it. It's $50 towards something you need. Not only that, but the gifter has to go out to the store and get that blender, use gas, stand on line.. essentially asking more of them. Some people like to do that knowing they are going out of their way for the couple - and that's fine. But those who claim HM registries are tacky don't really make sense. If it's tacky to register for HM, then it's tacky to register for gifts. Either way the gifter is giving you their money in some form. <strong>No ppl shouldn't have to pay for a vacation, but they shouldn't have to pay for flatware either</strong>. <strong>It's a gift - whether it's napkin rings or a check for a couple's massage - it's a gift.</strong> The HM registry is there as an option in addition to the few items registered for at Macy's. The HM registry is not a requirement - not asking for money, it's an option . Some people want to do something out of the norm or special, and the option is there if they want it. But if I am declining a traditional shower anways, then we don't even have to go there :)
Posted by JNwedding31[/QUOTE]

This is where your logic is twisted.

MuppetFan · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-wrong-to-not-want-a-traditional-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:251b71c1-c500-484b-b6e2-5b9792219be8Post:34b4e575-a988-47fc-9234-ec24049c6cb9">Re: Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower? : I did the research. It's the only registry that doesn't charge a fee if someone wants to give a gift, and they get to personally hand it to you - it's not a paypal/credit card thing. This is the link I was sent when Fi's family suggested HM registry- <a href="http://www.honeyfund.com/Etiquette#ans2" rel="nofollow">http://www.honeyfund.com/Etiquette#ans2</a> Reading that and asking around (not on this particular community) I was told there is no difference in asking for money and asking for gifts. If you ask for a blender that costs $50, you are asking for $50 any way you look at it. It's $50 towards something you need. Not only that, but the gifter has to go out to the store and get that blender, use gas, stand on line.. essentially asking more of them. Some people like to do that knowing they are going out of their way for the couple - and that's fine. But those who claim HM registries are tacky don't really make sense. If it's tacky to register for HM, then it's tacky to register for gifts. Either way the gifter is giving you their money in some form. No ppl shouldn't have to pay for a vacation, but they shouldn't have to pay for flatware either. It's a gift - whether it's napkin rings or a check for a couple's massage - it's a gift. The HM registry is there as an option in addition to the few items registered for at Macy's. The HM registry is not a requirement - not asking for money, it's an option . Some people want to do something out of the norm or special, and the option is there if they want it. But if I am declining a traditional shower anways, then we don't even have to go there :)
Posted by JNwedding31[/QUOTE]

You realize you are suggesting we take the advice of the company's marketing people, right?

Honeyfund DOES have fees. It processes through PayPal. I did the same research.

Asking for money is rude, registering for gifts is not. You were told incorrectly.

misshart00 · April 2013

Honeyfund doesn't have fees if you don't use PayPal. The problem is that someone buys your gift then they et a pop up that says please mail your check to this address. My higher has always been, why not just skip the middleman to avoid offending people. Instead of saying, we're registered at honeyfund.com, you can just say we are saving for our honeymoon. Everyone wins.

JNwedding31 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-wrong-to-not-want-a-traditional-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:251b71c1-c500-484b-b6e2-5b9792219be8Post:52c32d44-10ff-478c-8c92-a1b5121adff0">Re: Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower? : This is where your logic is twisted.
Posted by itzMS[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>It's not <u>my</u> logic... it's how it was explained to me.

</div>

JNwedding31 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-wrong-to-not-want-a-traditional-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:251b71c1-c500-484b-b6e2-5b9792219be8Post:dd5bbe2f-7f3b-4637-88b7-36bb29892521">Re: Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower? : You realize you are suggesting we take the advice of the company's marketing people, right? Honeyfund DOES have fees. It processes through PayPal. I did the same research. Asking for money is rude, registering for gifts is not. You were told incorrectly.
Posted by MuppetFan[/QUOTE]

<div>I am not suggested you take the advice- if you read what I wrote I said this is what was sent to me when Fi's family suggested to HM registry.</div>

JNwedding31 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-wrong-to-not-want-a-traditional-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:251b71c1-c500-484b-b6e2-5b9792219be8Post:2f52862d-b3f0-4ec0-ae31-6b1911014500">Re:Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]Honeyfund doesn't have fees if you don't use PayPal. The problem is that someone buys your gift then they et a pop up that says please mail your check to this address. My higher has always been, why not just skip the middleman to avoid offending people. Instead of saying, we're registered at honeyfund.com, you can just say we are saving for our honeymoon. Everyone wins.
Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]

<div>Agreed!!</div>

misshart00 · April 2013

In Response to Re:Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?:Honeyfund doesn't have fees if you don't use PayPal. The problem is that someone buys your gift then they et a pop up that says please mail your check to this address. My higher has always been, why not just skip the middleman to avoid offending people. Instead of saying, we're registered at honeyfund.com, you can just say we are saving for our honeymoon. Everyone wins.Posted by misshart00Agreed!! Posted by JNwedding31[/QUOTE]

FYI, I wasn't agreeing with you. Did you even read the second part of my post? You can still tell people you're saving for a honeymoon without being tacky about it.

MuppetFan · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-wrong-to-not-want-a-traditional-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:251b71c1-c500-484b-b6e2-5b9792219be8Post:e97cf000-78d5-4d80-9d09-46316af4a4ca">Re: Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower? : I am not suggested you take the advice- if you read what I wrote I said this is what was sent to me when Fi's family suggested to HM registry.
Posted by JNwedding31[/QUOTE]

Ok....just seemed like you were writing it as proof that it's not tacky.

MuppetFan · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-wrong-to-not-want-a-traditional-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:251b71c1-c500-484b-b6e2-5b9792219be8Post:2f52862d-b3f0-4ec0-ae31-6b1911014500">Re:Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]Honeyfund doesn't have fees if you don't use PayPal. The problem is that someone buys your gift then they et a pop up that says please mail your check to this address. My higher has always been, why not just skip the middleman to avoid offending people. Instead of saying, we're registered at honeyfund.com, you can just say we are saving for our honeymoon. Everyone wins.
Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]

The fees come from Paypal.

ETA. If someone gives you $100, you won't be receiving $100.

misshart00 · April 2013

In Response to Re:Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?:Honeyfund doesn't have fees if you don't use PayPal. The problem is that someone buys your gift then they et a pop up that says please mail your check to this address. My higher has always been, why not just skip the middleman to avoid offending people. Instead of saying, we're registered at honeyfund.com, you can just say we are saving for our honeymoon. Everyone wins.Posted by misshart00The fees come from Paypal. Posted by MuppetFan[/QUOTE]

I know. But you don't have to use PayPal.

JNwedding31 · April 2013

My original question was answered... I will decline BS or ask for luncheon- sans gifts. Word of mouth is enough for HM. The attacks on the HM registry can now cease. It was suggested to me - I get what you're saying (well preaching, really).. but take a deep breath, it's not the end of the world ladies

Thanks for those who answered my question and gave kind advice.

Pookieson · April 2013

It is not the same. I may be able to get a blender that was originally $50 but I have coupons or it's on sale and I save $15. It is incredibly rude to ask for money. Wedding guests know money is an option and they are smart enough to figure out that you would prefer money if you have a small registry (or no registry). Tell your family members you have everything else you need but you and FI are saving for a honeymoon, they will pass the info along, but you can not say, "we'd prefer cash" EVERYONE I know that isn't involved in my wedding would frown on this. Your family tends to overlook things that are etiquette breeches because it's their baby girl's pretty princess day. Everyone else will care and put on their best pair of judgey pants.

Kate61487 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-wrong-to-not-want-a-traditional-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:251b71c1-c500-484b-b6e2-5b9792219be8Post:34b4e575-a988-47fc-9234-ec24049c6cb9">Re: Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE].....I was told there is no difference in asking for money and asking for gifts. If you ask for a blender that costs $50, you are asking for $50 any way you look at it. It's $50 towards something you need. Not only that, but the gifter has to go out to the store and get that blender, use gas, stand on line.. essentially asking more of them. ....
Posted by JNwedding31[/QUOTE]

There's absolutely a difference. You don't need to register for money b/c money is money. There's no size, color, brand, or style difference. Your friends and relatives are likely bright people, they know that money makes a good gift; they do not need you to tell them this. A traditional registry isn't asking for gifts; it is simply saying "if you want to give us something here are some things we could use". The lack of a registry, or a small registry tells your guests you have what you need, thus leaving money as a great alternative. Registering for the universal gift just makes it seem like you think they're idiots and can't write you a check on their own.

JNwedding31 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-wrong-to-not-want-a-traditional-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:251b71c1-c500-484b-b6e2-5b9792219be8Post:bd11f2ff-caf3-46cb-982c-439eca666792">Re:Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?: FYI, I wasn't agreeing with you. Did you even read the second part of my post? You can still tell people you're saving for a honeymoon without being tacky about it.
Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]

<div>That's the part of your post I agreed with!</div>

Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?

Re: Is it wrong to not want a traditional bridal shower?

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