Another Registry Question

lisalou402 · August 2010

Is it ok to put "no gifts please" on the invite?

I have a friend who did this, and because we are in NY, most gifts are cash, and they didn't need any cash!
What it did was prompt people to buy something more personal because they clearly didn't need the cash. Some people came with no gifts, some people did. I bought them a bottle of Dom Perignon.

I haven't seen that mentioned. Thoughts?

PirateintheSky · August 2010

GAH! I'm so over talking about this. I think some of you made good points, and I won't be putting it on my invites. I think others of you probably have such narrow views on everything that donating to something new is just a crazy idea. Either way, I thank you for your suggestions, cause I'm sure I know some crazy people too.

**Edit**
This apparently isn't working out.

PirateintheSky · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-registry-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d88c2f81-dc21-4ea6-93a0-9b7faaca9dccPost:bf637b43-0094-40d9-a3a3-1354ba790a19">Re: Another Registry Question</a>:
[QUOTE]Is it ok to put "no gifts please" on the invite? I have a friend who did this, and because we are in NY, most gifts are cash, and they didn't need any cash! What it did was prompt people to buy something more personal because they clearly didn't need the cash. Some people came with no gifts, some people did. I bought them a bottle of Dom Perignon. I haven't seen that mentioned. Thoughts?
Posted by lisalou402[/QUOTE]

Technically not, but after reading this line of arguing, I would say go for what feels right!

nhelene · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-registry-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d88c2f81-dc21-4ea6-93a0-9b7faaca9dccPost:bf637b43-0094-40d9-a3a3-1354ba790a19">Re: Another Registry Question</a>:
[QUOTE]Is it ok to put "no gifts please" on the invite? I have a friend who did this, and because we are in NY, most gifts are cash, and they didn't need any cash! What it did was prompt people to buy something more personal because they clearly didn't need the cash. Some people came with no gifts, some people did. I bought them a bottle of Dom Perignon. I haven't seen that mentioned. Thoughts?
Posted by lisalou402[/QUOTE]

Mentioning anything about gifts on or in a wedding invite implies that a gift is expected in the first place, which is why it's considered very rude despite the couple's good intentions. If someone asks you if you want gifts, just tell them you don't need anything. You'll have the same results as your friend.

I wouldn't look down on a bride for registering at a charity or two and putting that information on her website. But whether I agreed with her charities or not I'd still write her a check. And if I was the type to only give physical gifts I'd give a physical gift.

PirateintheSky · August 2010

I have to add one more thing, cause I'm insane and want to keep this going for some crazy reason...

I've had a couple friends pass away and their families asked for donations in memory of them to specific charities. I would hate to think that you would be insulted by their request.

tldh · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-registry-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d88c2f81-dc21-4ea6-93a0-9b7faaca9dccPost:06c4e215-e5bb-4ec0-a867-2b088ac745a7">Re: Another Registry Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Another Registry Question : At least someone seems to not be making this into some kind of crazy frenzy. Why would someone rather get me things I don't need than give some things to people/animals that are obviously in need. I understand I should probably not ask for donations to support my local crack mom in buying crack, or to the rise of the communist party, or the ressurection of Elvis, but seriously, there are plenty of charities that people may not be their donation of choice, but they can certainly make a "compromise" and donating to so they can both help people and give me a wedding gift. And like I said a couple times, I would LOVE a donation to pretty much anywhere (except the crack mom cause) over getting a gift I don't need. I just thought it would be nice to provide an idea of places I do encourage donations to.
Posted by PirateintheSky[/QUOTE]

I will say it again: No matter how far out of the realm of possibility, there is a chance you will have one or more guets who disagree with your charity choice - the reasons don't matter. You seem to be really sensitive about people telling you this isn't a good idea but at the same time are very judgmental of others by saying that you wouldn't want a person who doesn't support your charity to be at your wedding. How sweet.

lisalou402 · August 2010

It's all an interesting subject, and challenges you to think a little bit.

I know I would not be happy donating to an animal charity. I would be happy to donate to something that I believe in and support. I love animals, but I just think i would rather donate to a cuase that supports people.

So it's weird, it's not a crazy reaction to it, just a sort of HMMMM...i don't think i would like that.

I once got a tree branch to plant or somethingl ike that as a favor as a 'donation' to an environmental fund.. We live in the city. Almost none of us had access to anywhere to plant it. Made me sad!

tldh · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-registry-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d88c2f81-dc21-4ea6-93a0-9b7faaca9dccPost:bf637b43-0094-40d9-a3a3-1354ba790a19">Re: Another Registry Question</a>:
[QUOTE]Is it ok to put "no gifts please" on the invite? I have a friend who did this, and because we are in NY, most gifts are cash, and they didn't need any cash! What it did was prompt people to buy something more personal because they clearly didn't need the cash. Some people came with no gifts, some people did. I bought them a bottle of Dom Perignon. I haven't seen that mentioned. Thoughts?
Posted by lisalou402[/QUOTE]

No. No mention of any gifts go on the invitation. The word does not appear anywhere on the invitation.

tldh · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-registry-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d88c2f81-dc21-4ea6-93a0-9b7faaca9dccPost:506ab17c-beff-417b-adc0-cd30d0c49e25">Re: Another Registry Question</a>:
[QUOTE]I have to add one more thing, cause I'm insane and want to keep this going for some crazy reason... I've had a couple friends pass away and their families asked for donations in memory of them to specific charities. I would hate to think that you would be insulted by their request.
Posted by PirateintheSky[/QUOTE]

For a funeral, it's entirely different. People don't give gifts here, they send flowers that are going to die in a couple of days.

kikibaby · August 2010

I'm always in the minority on the charity stuff. I absolutely agree not to put it on invites, but I see no problem with asking people to donate instead of giving gifts. I would just spread it word of mouth and/or via wedding website.

If people don't like the organization, they don't have to donate, just like they don't have to give a gift at a traditional wedding. They can just give a card and leave it at that.

I just don't get the controversy over this AT. ALL.

lisalou402 · August 2010

Wedding presents and donating to a charity in honor of someone are two different things.

They are usually associated with something in the person's life...i.e. their health issue, or possibly something they were dedicated to.

If it's donated to the medical cause of death, then usually it's more about donating to help find a cure.

squirrly · August 2010

It's not acceptable to mention gifts on the invite, in any form. To do so suggests that you expected them. If people ask, you can let them know you don't want gifts, or that you'd love a donation to a particular charity.

However - please don't donate the gifts given to you by your guests, even if they give you cash. Donate your own money. Don't give away my gift to you. Maybe I like saving animals as much as you do, but I want to give YOU something. A trip. Or a blender. Or a new TV. OR - money with which to adopt 6 dogs. Whatever. But, I wanted YOU to enjoy that gift. If I'd wanted to make the donation, I would have done so of my OWN money.

Just something to keep in mind.

PirateintheSky · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-registry-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d88c2f81-dc21-4ea6-93a0-9b7faaca9dccPost:7130e08a-ad02-4688-aeca-cdd3a093e534">Re: Another Registry Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Another Registry Question : I will say it again: No matter how far out of the realm of possibility, there is a chance you will have one or more guets who disagree with your charity choice - the reasons don't matter. You seem to be really sensitive about people telling you this isn't a good idea but at the same time are very judgmental of others by saying that you wouldn't want a person who doesn't support your charity to be at your wedding. How sweet.
Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]

I hate that I can't help myself.....

I have very clearly said the opposite of that. They don't have to support my charity consistently, but if they are so AGAINST my charity (which would be one that supported abused animals, and then at least two others that we also support) that they would rather buy me something I already have or have no use for at all. And I'm not talking keepsakes, or traditions, or even just thoughtful gifts because they didn't want to donate as a gift. But that they were so AGAINST my charity. Then I wouldn't want them there.

PirateintheSky · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-registry-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d88c2f81-dc21-4ea6-93a0-9b7faaca9dccPost:61743943-4ce8-43d8-ab3e-616938cf8120">Re: Another Registry Question</a>:
[QUOTE]It's not acceptable to mention gifts on the invite, in any form. To do so suggests that you expected them. If people ask, you can let them know you don't want gifts, or that you'd love a donation to a particular charity. However - please don't donate the gifts given to you by your guests, even if they give you cash. Donate your own money. Don't give away my gift to you. Maybe I like saving animals as much as you do, but I want to give YOU something. A trip. Or a blender. Or a new TV. OR - money with which to adopt 6 dogs. Whatever. But, I wanted YOU to enjoy that gift. If I'd wanted to make the donation, I would have done so of my OWN money. Just something to keep in mind.
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

This I TOTALLY agree with. I would rather donate my old blender than give the one you gave to me away.

tenofcups4me · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-registry-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d88c2f81-dc21-4ea6-93a0-9b7faaca9dccPost:61743943-4ce8-43d8-ab3e-616938cf8120">Re: Another Registry Question</a>:
[QUOTE] However - please don't donate the gifts given to you by your guests, even if they give you cash. Donate your own money. Don't give away my gift to you. Maybe I like saving animals as much as you do, but I want to give YOU something. A trip. Or a blender. Or a new TV. OR - money with which to adopt 6 dogs. Whatever. But, I wanted YOU to enjoy that gift. If I'd wanted to make the donation, I would have done so of my OWN money. Just something to keep in mind.
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

That's one of the most ridiculous things I've ever read here. You get NO say in what the recipient does with money once they've received it. If you feel that strongly that you want to give a blender or TV or whatever, then that's what you give. Otherwise, once that money leaves your hands, it's completely out of your control. It can be used for a house down payment or a blender or to pay off credit card debt or a charity or crack or anything else.

PirateintheSky · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-registry-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d88c2f81-dc21-4ea6-93a0-9b7faaca9dccPost:12012c93-d554-4a2f-8fef-9a72708c1231">Re: Another Registry Question</a>:
[QUOTE] I just don't get the controversy over this AT. ALL.
Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]

YAY!

kikibaby · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-registry-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d88c2f81-dc21-4ea6-93a0-9b7faaca9dccPost:7d118611-a183-4df6-88dc-83aecf550551">Re: Another Registry Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Another Registry Question : That's one of the most ridiculous things I've ever read here. You get NO say in what the recipient does with money once they've received it. If you feel that strongly that you want to give a blender or TV or whatever, then that's what you give. Otherwise, once that money leaves your hands, it's completely out of your control. It can be used for a house down payment or a blender or to pay off credit card debt or a charity or crack or anything else.
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

Of course you COULD hock your gifts for crack, but the point is that you're a douchebag if you do.

nhelene · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-registry-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d88c2f81-dc21-4ea6-93a0-9b7faaca9dccPost:50df37f1-960d-44e6-b95e-f58a0545e10f">Re: Another Registry Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Another Registry Question : I hate that I can't help myself..... I have very clearly said the opposite of that. They don't have to support my charity consistently, but if they are so AGAINST my charity (which would be one that supported abused animals, and then at least two others that we also support) that they would rather buy me something I already have or have no use for at all. And I'm not talking keepsakes, or traditions, or even just thoughtful gifts because they didn't want to donate as a gift. But that they were so AGAINST my charity. Then I wouldn't want them there.
Posted by PirateintheSky[/QUOTE]

I find your whole argument ridiculous.

Since you bring up blenders so often:

I wouldn't buy you a blender if I thought you had one already. But if I thought you didn't have one and knew how much you liked making smoothies, I would think that was a thoughtful gift and might buy you one. Or if I knew you had an old, simple blender and bought you a new energy-efficient one with 30 different settings, I'd also consider that a thoughtful gift.

If I was an extremely charitable person but happened to disagree with all your charities (as innocuous as you may believe them to be) and found a blender I thought you would really really like, I'd buy it for you. I wouldn't buy you a blender as a 'F You' gift just because you asked me to donate to a charity I didn't like.

lisalou402 · August 2010

We're taking all of our gifts and buying crack for babies.

rbtrumpet · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-registry-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d88c2f81-dc21-4ea6-93a0-9b7faaca9dccPost:13a8fa05-5225-4c04-aaa9-e4fb84382ff5">Re: Another Registry Question</a>:
[QUOTE]Its not that I don't get it, I do. But then why is acceptable when people make donations to chairties in place of giving favors?
Posted by PirateintheSky[/QUOTE]

(didn't make it past here, sorry) - wanted to throw my two cents in.

I'm fine with someone asking for donations to a charity for their "registry". I have some friends who got married last weekend who had a traditional registry, and a "charity" registry, where they asked people to donate there. I liked that because people had a choice - regular gift, or charity.

I HATE charity "favors" - seriously - I went to a wedding one time where they did us a "favor" by putting our names on a donation to a charity I didn't support! I DO NOT want my name going on a donation to that charity! I would MUCH rather get no favor than get my name on something I didn't actually put my name on. Whoever thought of charity donation favors should be slapped (IMHO). (and yes, I do give to charity - don't think I'm a heartless $itch! I give to 4 different charities monthly - but there are some out there I don't agree with)
/rant

tenofcups4me · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-registry-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d88c2f81-dc21-4ea6-93a0-9b7faaca9dccPost:06b5482d-aaf6-4ce9-9f7d-05f81fde8aa2">Re: Another Registry Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Another Registry Question : Of course you COULD hock your gifts for crack, but the point is that you're a douchebag if you do.
Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]

Did you read what I was replying to? Squrrly said that if she gave cash, she still doesn't want her money used for a charity.

PirateintheSky · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-registry-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d88c2f81-dc21-4ea6-93a0-9b7faaca9dccPost:5f12dba6-eae2-45ea-adb3-aaf3a68b93a7">Re: Another Registry Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Another Registry Question : I find your whole argument ridiculous. Since you bring up blenders so often: I wouldn't buy you a blender if I thought you had one already. But if I thought you didn't have one and knew how much you liked making smoothies, I would think that was a thoughtful gift and might buy you one. Or if I knew you had an old, simple blender and bought you a new energy-efficient one with 30 different settings, I'd also consider that a thoughtful gift. If I was an extremely charitable person but happened to disagree with all your charities (as innocuous as you may believe them to be) and found a blender I thought you would really really like, I'd buy it for you. I wouldn't buy you a blender as a 'F You' gift just because you asked me to donate to a charity I didn't like.
Posted by nhelene[/QUOTE]

I would consider a blender a thoughtful gift. I would consider any gift a thoughtful gift. People don't generally buy gifts while they aren't thinking about someone. As I said to squirry, I would keep the blender she gave me and donate the other one, if someone were to give me a blender.

What my point was again, that if someone was against my charity, just didn't believe in the worthiness of helping abused animals at all, was basically Michael Vick or owned a puppy mill, I wouldn't want them there. If they were so against my charity that they refused to donate to it, and that is why they bought me a gift, it wouldn't mean their gift wasn't thoughtful, just that they weren't the kind of person I would want at my wedding.

BTW--- I totally loved your opinion earlier in this post that said that you were okay with asking for charitable donations on a website under registry info. And something else you said, but I can't remember right now. I just want to be clear on what I am saying.

PirateintheSky · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-registry-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d88c2f81-dc21-4ea6-93a0-9b7faaca9dccPost:bc23c03e-fa26-4c84-b19d-f6df09a09f40">Re: Another Registry Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Another Registry Question : Did you read what I was replying to? Squrrly said that if she gave cash, she still doesn't want her money used for a charity.
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

I must have skimmed over this part.... I know you weren't directing this toward me, but I still skimmed it over, cause I didn't see this part.

Squirrly, I will love and cherish your blender, but any cash you give me will be used for what I want to use it for. I'm sorry, but isn't that the point of giving cash?

PirateintheSky · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-registry-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d88c2f81-dc21-4ea6-93a0-9b7faaca9dccPost:c147704f-43f4-4688-bf67-4dbe0c6f001b">Re: Another Registry Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Another Registry Question : There is a HUGE difference between being "against a charity" and being against the cause. I really really hope that you understand that, but judging by the above quote, it doesn't seem you do.
Posted by jamierobin[/QUOTE]

I totally understand. What I was saying just kept being misinterpreted and so I went to the extreme to say it.

PirateintheSky · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-registry-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d88c2f81-dc21-4ea6-93a0-9b7faaca9dccPost:c147704f-43f4-4688-bf67-4dbe0c6f001b">Re: Another Registry Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Another Registry Question : There is a HUGE difference between being "against a charity" and being against the cause. I really really hope that you understand that, but judging by the above quote, it doesn't seem you do.
Posted by jamierobin[/QUOTE]

And in all actuallity I have been mostly meaning cause. Oh, diction, why have you wronged me.

nhelene · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-registry-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d88c2f81-dc21-4ea6-93a0-9b7faaca9dccPost:60fd1eb8-bde1-40f9-9a43-418da6c997e9">Re: Another Registry Question</a>:
[QUOTE] What my point was again, that if someone was against my charity, just didn't believe in the worthiness of helping abused animals at all, was basically Michael Vick or owned a puppy mill, I wouldn't want them there. If they were so against my charity that they refused to donate to it, and that is why they bought me a gift, it wouldn't mean their gift wasn't thoughtful, just that they weren't the kind of person I would want at my wedding.
Posted by PirateintheSky[/QUOTE]

Yes, if I found out one of my friends had a dog fight ring or was a pedophile or went around kicking homeless people, I wouldn't want them at my wedding. But that's completely different than being against a charity.

I wish I had thought of this earlier: Let's say you're thinking about donating to the Local SPCA. Few people could have a problem with that, right?

Well, my FSIL used to work for HER local SPCA and it was horribly, horribly managed. Bad decisions were made, the worst I heard was a litter of kittens freezing to death in June due to neglect. They might have done better with more money but the problem was very much rooted in the management.

She is on her way to making helping animals her life's work, but she would have serious reservations about donating to ANY SPCA. She would definitely give you a different gift to avoid donating to them, even though she is 100% in support of the cause.

Someone you know may have some kind of similar insight on the humane society, or any other charity you may think is the greatest ever.

squirrly · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-registry-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d88c2f81-dc21-4ea6-93a0-9b7faaca9dccPost:7d118611-a183-4df6-88dc-83aecf550551">Re: Another Registry Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Another Registry Question : That's one of the most ridiculous things I've ever read here. You get NO say in what the recipient does with money once they've received it. If you feel that strongly that you want to give a blender or TV or whatever, then that's what you give. Otherwise, once that money leaves your hands, it's completely out of your control. It can be used for a house down payment or a blender or to pay off credit card debt or a charity or crack or anything else.
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

It certainly CAN. Just like you CAN steal my car and sell it for cash. But that doesn't make it right, just because you're capable. Accepting a gift in the spirit in which it's given is part of being a gracious ricipient of a gift.

To me, giving the gift I gave you away is as bad as registering for stuff someplace that will let you return it for cash later. If you got 3 blenders - return 2. But if you registered for a pricey blender so that you could return it for cash, that's shady and deceptive, since you had no intention of accepting the gift in the spirit in which it was given.

Now, if I gave you $100 and you want to use that $100 toward completing your registry and take YOUR $100 that you would have used and donate it to charity - by all means, do so. But, if my intent was to do something nice for YOU, I'd really prefer that you accept the gesture and the gift accordingly.

No worries, ten, I won't be sending you any gifts, so neither of us will have to concern ourselves with this.

PirateintheSky · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-registry-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d88c2f81-dc21-4ea6-93a0-9b7faaca9dccPost:6f637277-ebab-4827-be19-37bc66d1fce3">Re: Another Registry Question</a>:
[QUOTE] Going back to your original question, I believe it is still highly inappropriate to request any sort of gift on your invitation, because no matter how noble it is, you are still asking for guests to bring you something. Maybe some of them wouldn't have gotten you anything, but now they feel they have to. That's not very nice. If I were you I would provide that information to anyone who asked what I wanted, because that is what you want, but you should never say anything unless they ask.
Posted by jamierobin[/QUOTE]

Seems to be the general answer. I'm going to put it on my registry info on my website.

tenofcups4me · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-registry-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d88c2f81-dc21-4ea6-93a0-9b7faaca9dccPost:44b98e72-b72a-489e-94bf-14e8e62df964">Re: Another Registry Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Another Registry Question : It certainly CAN. Just like you CAN steal my car and sell it for cash. But that doesn't make it right, just because you're capable. Accepting a gift in the spirit in which it's given is part of being a gracious ricipient of a gift. To me, giving the gift I gave you away is as bad as registering for stuff someplace that will let you return it for cash later. If you got 3 blenders - return 2. But if you registered for a pricey blender so that you could return it for cash, that's shady and deceptive, since you had no intention of accepting the gift in the spirit in which it was given. Now, if I gave you $100 and you want to use that $100 toward completing your registry and take YOUR $100 that you would have used and donate it to charity - by all means, do so. But, if my intent was to do something nice for YOU, I'd really prefer that you accept the gesture and the gift accordingly. No worries, ten, I won't be sending you any gifts, so neither of us will have to concern ourselves with this.
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

Gah, you're talking about 3 different things in this post.

1, Who said anything about registering for a gift and then returning it? I agree -- to register for something and then return it is poor form.

2. But if you give me any other kind of gift, I can choose to keep it or not, depending on whether or not I want it. Great that you decide to give me a blender. I've got one I'm quite happy with. I'll be returning yours and getting something I really want. I have no obligation to keep your gift simply because you gave it to me. I do have an obligation to thank you graciously for it. What I do with it later is my business.

3. Cash: What do you do? Give people an accepted list of what they're allowed to spend your cash gift on? How is someone supposed to know exactly what "spirit" it is that you intended that gift to go to? I certainly don't assume someone will use my cash gift to complete their registry. They can do whatever they want with it once it's theirs.

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