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Wedding Etiquette Forum

Buying off-registry

I'll admit it, I'm guilty of registry-stalking.  My shower is April 20th and I can't help myself from looking at our BB&B registry from time to time because it's so fun to see what we're getting!

While doing this, I happened to notice items on our registry that I didn't remember registering for (and FI said he hadn't touched the registry) and that I really don't even like (specifically kitchen towels in a pattern I don't care for), but it said people had purchased them for us.

Thinking it was a computer glitch, I talked to someone from customer service and they said guests can purchase something off-registry and basically have it added to your registry.  That explains the kitchen towels and just today, I noticed the same thing happened with a picture frame we never registered for.

So apparently, people are going to BB&B, buying things not on the registry and adding them to the registry.  Is this a common thing?

Now, I know that on the day of the shower, I will graciously accept any gift I'm given and I will express nothing but gratitude to the giver, but to be honest, I'm finding myself baffled and a little annoyed.  I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but we have a whole registry full of stuff (over 100 items) in every price point ranging from $4 to $100 and every price point in between of stuff we actually want and need that we picked out.  I just can't understand why people would go to the store we're registered at and then pick something not on the registry. 

For example, there are at least 4 different picture frames on the registry that we actually liked and took the time to pick out.  But someone picked one not on the registry and then had it added onto the registry.  I really don't want to seem ungrateful, and I promise I will be gracious and not show any dissatisfaction to any of the givers of these gifts.  I'm just trying to understand the logic behind it, because if someone had a registry, I couldn't see myself buying them something that was not on it.
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Re: Buying off-registry

  • loca4pookloca4pook member
    1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited April 2013
    I had it happen, too. My guess is that someone can't find the exact item you chose, so they picked one that was close.

    I think on some occasions, people "think" they picked something from your registry not realizing it wasn't the exact item..They might even be clueless that they did it, too because they probably didn't read the "item number", just the "brand"
  • Yeah, that's a good point.  I thought the kitchen towels were weird because we actually didn't register for any kitchen towels at all, because we have so many already.  But maybe someone thought, "They forgot to register for kitchen towels!  Everyone needs kitchen towels!" LOL
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  • Ditto pp, also sometimes if someone buys something for themselves in the same order as your gift, it will automatically show up on your registry.  Sometimes this happens with a pack of gum or whatever.  So, just because they are on there does not necessarily mean it's for you.  
  • People buy what they like and want to give as a gift, not necessarily what you picked out.

    Roll with it.  It's their money to spend as they see fit.

    I rarely shop on registry.  I find it boring.  At best, I'll pair a registry gift with something off-regsitry.  But that's me! 
  • I know for Target registries, when you print off the registry in the store, it does NOT show you pictures of the items. Just a description, and half the time that's shortened or cut off. So I agree they may be getting what they believe you registered for. 

    In the end, all you have to do is smile and send a thank you note for the item, then return it for what you want. So it's annoying, but not too horrible a situation.
  • Most likely that's not actually what happened.  Sometimes when people buy gifts off a registry and also buy stuff for themselves, the item they bought for themselves is added to the registry.



  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_buying-off-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8357dd5c-2578-496f-a56d-8ac1c092561bPost:b6649701-2158-4116-94ad-c03fa3b03763">Re: Buying off-registry</a>:
    [QUOTE]Most likely that's not actually what happened.  Sometimes when people buy gifts off a registry and also buy stuff for themselves, the item they bought for themselves is added to the registry.
    Posted by Viczaesar[/QUOTE]

    <div>This.</div>
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  • People buy what they want. I admit that until we had a registry, I would often buy without regard to it. I like to pick gifts for people. That being said, it's frustrating to spend time guiding people just to be ignored! You'll win some and lose some. Our favorite (and least favorite) gifts are ones we didn't register for.
  • I'll often get something else that "goes" with the registry thing-- if you registered for a waffle iron, I'll buy a batter dispenser too; if you registered for a pad for your baby's bath, I'll get a couple cute towels to go along. They scan it onto the registry so no one else will buy it, but you can return it just the same. For me it's just an extra something along w/the registry item. 
  • That all makes sense.  I had no idea that if you buy something for yourself in the same shopping trip it gets added to the registry!  I never would have thought of that, but it makes sense.  That's exactly what I'll do, smile, say thanks, write a nice note, and if we end up with stuff we don't want, it can always be returned.  Thanks!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_buying-off-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8357dd5c-2578-496f-a56d-8ac1c092561bPost:2a35fb6f-cb8c-4acc-ab91-a47f4c935569">Re: Buying off-registry</a>:
    [QUOTE]People buy what they like and want to give as a gift, not necessarily what you picked out. Roll with it.  It's their money to spend as they see fit. I rarely shop on registry.  I find it boring.  At best, I'll pair a registry gift with something off-regsitry.  But that's me! 
    Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

    Just wondering - what's boring about purchasing a gift from the registry?
  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited April 2013
    I know, I know.  From the reciepent perspective, it's exciting!  But from mine (the giver), it's just so dull.  I don't feel creative about scanning a registry and just ...picking something.  I can't get excited about wrapping up baking spoons and muffin tins.  I like giving gifts and putting thought into them!

    I usually try to pick something from the registry and pair it up with something else.  Like, I've given tapas pans with a gift certificate to a great tapas restaurant or the requested mugs with an assortment of hot chocolate/coffee/tea.  I once bought all the bakeware to make a pie off the registry and then put it in a basket with all the ingredients.

    But sometimes, I just go off all together.  My friends love wine so I got them a wine of the month thing.  My other friends were from Boston and Texas so I got them restaurant gift certificates from their home towns so they can get when they go home. 
  • I remember my sister and BIL had a registry with a few things that they needed such as dishes, towels etc. The majority of his side of the family brought gifts that they had from home, many that had also been used previously. It probably was a tradition that his family does. I know my sister was rather bummed about getting lots of knick knacks and used cookware but she was very gracious and thanked everyone properly for their gifts and thinking of them.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_buying-off-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8357dd5c-2578-496f-a56d-8ac1c092561bPost:9b89eb89-6c65-497d-b84f-b0929d1e6362">Re: Buying off-registry</a>:
    [QUOTE]I know, I know.  From the reciepent perspective, it's exciting!  But from mine (the giver), it's just so dull.  I don't feel creative about scanning a registry and just ...picking something.  I can't get excited about wrapping up baking spoons and muffin tins.  I like giving gifts and putting thought into them! I usually try to pick something from the registry and pair it up with something else.  Like, I've given tapas pans with a gift certificate to a great tapas restaurant or the requested mugs with an assortment of hot chocolate/coffee/tea.  I once bought all the bakeware to make a pie off the registry and then put it in a basket with all the ingredients. But sometimes, I just go off all together.  My friends love wine so I got them a wine of the month thing.  My other friends were from Boston and Texas so I got them restaurant gift certificates from their home towns so they can get when they go home. 
    Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

    I dislike buying off a registry myself. If it's a really close friend or family member, I tend to do something special that I know they will love. I got one of my best friends a weekend getaway at a B&B . I got another friend of mine a special tasting and wine tour and tickets to the wine train for their honeymoon in San Francisco.  Other times, I will buy something off the registery and couple it with something else....overall I prefer to give experiences. But, for people I'm not as close to, they get something off their registry or a gift card.
    image   imageimage
    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_buying-off-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8357dd5c-2578-496f-a56d-8ac1c092561bPost:0bc59045-e7af-4bc8-b7bd-47f6b1fd2666">Buying off-registry</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'll admit it, I'm guilty of registry-stalking.  My shower is April 20th and I can't help myself from looking at our BB&B registry from time to time because it's so fun to see what we're getting! While doing this, I happened to notice items on our registry that I didn't remember registering for (and FI said he hadn't touched the registry) and that I really don't even like (specifically kitchen towels in a pattern I don't care for), but it said people had purchased them for us. Thinking it was a computer glitch, I talked to someone from customer service and they said guests can purchase something off-registry and basically have it added to your registry.  That explains the kitchen towels and just today, I noticed the same thing happened with a picture frame we never registered for. So apparently, people are going to BB&B, buying things not on the registry and adding them to the registry.  Is this a common thing? Now, I know that on the day of the shower, I will graciously accept any gift I'm given and I will express nothing but gratitude to the giver, but to be honest, I'm finding myself baffled and a little annoyed.  I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but we have a whole registry full of stuff (over 100 items) in every price point ranging from $4 to $100 and every price point in between of stuff we actually want and need that we picked out.  I just can't understand why people would go to the store we're registered at and then pick something not on the registry.  For example, there are at least 4 different picture frames on the registry that we actually liked and took the time to pick out.  But someone picked one not on the registry and then had it added onto the registry.  I really don't want to seem ungrateful, and I promise I will be gracious and not show any dissatisfaction to any of the givers of these gifts.  I'm just trying to understand the logic behind it, because if someone had a registry, I couldn't see myself buying them something that was not on it.
    Posted by walgrrl[/QUOTE]

    Not sure if weddings work this way, but I bought something that was close to what was on someone's baby registry once because the item she wanted was out of stock or discontinued or something. They added it to the registry so that she could return it easily if she wanted to later without a receipt if I lost it.
    image   imageimage
    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.

  • In Response to Re: Buying off-registry:
    [...I usually try to pick something from the registry and pair it up with something else.  Like, I've given tapas pans with a gift certificate to a great tapas restaurant or the requested mugs with an assortment of hot chocolate/coffee/tea.  I once bought all the bakeware to make a pie off the registry and then put it in a basket with all the ingredients. But sometimes, I just go off all together.  My friends love wine so I got them a wine of the month thing.  My other friends were from Boston and Texas so I got them restaurant gift certificates from their home towns so they can get when they go home. 
    Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

    Those all sound like really nice gifts.  When I think of someone buying "off registry", I think of buying something that potentially has nothing to do with the preferences of interests of the couple...for example, buying someone a blender that they haven't registered for (unless of course you know they really want that blender), or buying bright yellow sheets for someone that you have no idea whether or not they like bright yellow.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_buying-off-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8357dd5c-2578-496f-a56d-8ac1c092561bPost:c02c104e-c649-4546-a107-18b7b24029a6">Re: Buying off-registry</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Buying off-registry : Not sure if weddings work this way, but I bought something that was close to what was on someone's baby registry once because the item she wanted was out of stock or discontinued or something. They added it to the registry so that she could return it easily if she wanted to later without a receipt if I lost it.
    Posted by MuppetFan[/QUOTE]

    I was thinking the same thing - I'd do that.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_buying-off-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8357dd5c-2578-496f-a56d-8ac1c092561bPost:81470fe8-223d-4173-bd3f-f8d200fec993">Re: Buying off-registry</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Buying off-registry : I was thinking the same thing - I'd do that.
    Posted by nda8414[/QUOTE]

    Don't purchases also accrue to a coupon or something after on towards purchase of the items that weren't bought for you off the registry? I might be wrong there, but if I'm not, I'd be adding every purchase i make.
    image   imageimage
    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.

  • OP the same thing happened to us on our registry. It's just the way the BBB system works. I also noticed a glitch where it doesnt always say the right number of items. We had an item that was fulfilled. the quantity was 2. Then like a few weeks later, the quantity was dropped down to 1. I didnt care but I was curious about it so I asked customer service about it bc I had noticed other glitches before. I asked if one if the items had bern returned, which would have been fine, but they had no record of a return so assuming we did get 2 of the item and the website is just being glitchy.
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  • I feel the same way as Joy and Muppet.  I despise buying off registries, for the same reason as Joy.  I find it absolutely boring and very impersonal to give a gift that has been pre-selected.  As like Muppet, if the gift is for a close family member or friend, I get something that I know they will like, off registry. 

    I have to wonder for the people who "don't get" buying off registry, or get irritated when something is picked out that is not on the registry, what exactly did they do when they were kids and had birthday parties?  A wedding is just another form of a party, and I do not know one kid to EVER register for a birthday.  So why get bent out of shape if gifts are given that are not pre-selected for a different party?
  • I think it's silly to think the only thing someone wants/needs in their home has to come from BBB or any other box store.  We all do registries from there because they are easy.  That does not mean someone shouldn't buy something from Williams and Sonama instead.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • I just checked my reigstry for no apparent reason, not getting married for 6 months but I noticed we had somehow registered for a teething ring! We're both in our mid 40's and no plans for babies, I'm glad I caught it before anyone else did.
    Registry stalking is now on my list of things to do.
  • <div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_buying-off-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8357dd5c-2578-496f-a56d-8ac1c092561bPost:09746104-d933-45ac-906d-c0b54d05aa57">Re: Buying off-registry</a>:
    [QUOTE]I just checked my reigstry for no apparent reason, not getting married for 6 months but I noticed we had somehow registered for a teething ring! We're both in our mid 40's and no plans for babies, I'm glad I caught it before anyone else did. Registry stalking is now on my list of things to do.
    Posted by mauraacro[/QUOTE]

    This is precisely why I despise registries.  Gifts are supposed to be a surprise.  Have you thought of maybe doing some volunteer work or charity work to better occupy your time?</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_buying-off-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8357dd5c-2578-496f-a56d-8ac1c092561bPost:5fdbbc58-ee96-4e2d-b032-f8b21de8fcdf">Re: Buying off-registry</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Buying off-registry : This is precisely why I despise registries.  Gifts are supposed to be a surprise.  Have you thought of maybe doing some volunteer work or charity work to better occupy your time?
    Posted by antibride2013[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>Wow, that was a tad uncalled for, dont you think? You have no clue what people really do with their time. </div>
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  • Yeah, surprises are my absolute favorite gifts!  I sometimes spend all year looking for the "perfect" gift for someone for their next birthday or Christmas. If I'm out, and something calls to me for my mom or FI etc...I grab it.  I have a spot in one of my closets  just for this purpose. It also helps the bank account not to have to buy them all at once come Christmas.

    For my best friend's wedding, I went antique shopping for many weekends in different areas trying to find something that they'd display in their home and be proud of because they love items with history that bring character to their house. I got them a beautiful brandy decanter set with a nice bottle of brandy and it tickles me when I go over and see it being used. She's my favorite person to buy for. She's got 10-15 yearsd worth of my gifts on display or in use that I see all the time. I also had a custom sign made for them: "The Smith Family: Established 2011" but then she decided she wasn't keeping her last name (I totally asked before having it done) and that one isn't hung so...that one might have been wrong.
    image   imageimage
    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.

  • I've bought off registry before. The options were over $100 for one single wine glass or a $15 shower curtain. Nothing in between. I think the couple was hoping for cash, but I really didn't feel comfortable giving a $30 which was all I could afford at the time, so I bought a pretty, outdooor entertaining pitcher, goblets and tray from Home Goods. If they had had things I could afford and didn't look cheap getting (I really didn't want to give them just a shower curtain....) I would have bought from the registry.
  • I just asked if maybe there was something more useful to do with time rater than constantly look at a list of pre-selected approved "gifts", and make sure no one diverted off the "approved" list. 

    I see no one still has answered why birthday parties don't have registries, and that is perfectly fine, but if someone buys off registry for a wedding, the recipient of the gift gets "irritated" as it was stated.

  • In Response to Re:Buying offregistry:[QUOTE]I just asked if maybe there was something more useful to do with time rater than constantly look at a list of preselected approved "gifts", and make sure no one diverted off the "approved" list.nbsp; I see no one still has answered why birthday parties don't have registries, and that is perfectly fine, but if someone buys off registry for a wedding, the recipient of the gift gets "irritated" as it was stated. Posted by antibride2013[/QUOTE]

    I don't see how a registry is any different than making a wish list when you were a kid of what you wanted for your birthday or Christmas.
  • <div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_buying-off-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8357dd5c-2578-496f-a56d-8ac1c092561bPost:a0a2f85e-6756-4a79-bb90-7778f7a14df2">Re:Buying offregistry</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Buying offregistry: I don't see how a registry is any different than making a wish list when you were a kid of what you wanted for your birthday or Christmas.
    Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]

    No one gets irritated as people have stated here, or "doesn't understand why people buy off registry", and gets mad if the items can't be returned.  </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_buying-off-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8357dd5c-2578-496f-a56d-8ac1c092561bPost:aef274de-e280-44cf-9698-7ee8b3df3d7e">Re:Buying offregistry</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Buying offregistry : No one gets irritated as people have stated here, or "doesn't understand why people buy off registry", and gets mad if the items can't be returned. 
    Posted by antibride2013[/QUOTE]

    <div>I dont see anyone hear "getting mad" even the OP stated she would be gracious and accept whatever gifts she was given. She was more curious if anyone had heard about this policy of adding to the registry.</div><div>
    </div>
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