Catholic Weddings

Questions

2»

Re: Questions

  • I agree with the inappropriate attire being a pet peeve, but strapless dresses (if they cover everything) don't bother me and I actually think they can be more flattering than other cuts depending on the body type. Although I do think it is nice to have a wrap or something for a church ceremony. I also gave my bridesmaids the option to pick their own dress style (just same color and fabric) and 2/3 did pick strapless for themselves.

    image
  • In Response to Re: Questions:
    I agree with the inappropriate attire being a pet peeve, but strapless dresses (if they cover everything) don't bother me and I actually think they can be more flattering than other cuts depending on the body type. Although I do think it is nice to have a wrap or something for a church ceremony. I also gave my bridesmaids the option to pick their own dress style (just same color and fabric) and 2/3 did pick strapless for themselves.
    Posted by Tami87
    I had three choices for my bridesmaids, one strapless, one v-neck, and one halter-style.  The halter-style had bare shoulders but had the most coverage as far as cleavage, and all the girls ended up choosing it.

    I'm nervous about the BM dress for my friend's wedding in September.  It's really cute, but I had to order two sizes up because the wedding is 2 months after my due date and I have no idea what size I'll be.  It has one shoulder and I can already tell the chest is going to need a LOT of alteration.  =(
    Anniversary

    image

    image

  • I only have two requirements for someone to pull off a strapless dress:  no back fat hanging over the edges, and for the love of God, a person must be able to resist pulling it up every two seconds!  One of the purposes of straps is to hold up your dress so you don't have to do that!
    image
    So this is the miracle that I've been dreaming of...
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • Wedding gowns that are strapless don't actually bother me nearly as much as most other strapless dresses. I think it is primarily because a wedding dress is the one time in most people's lives that they get something altered to perfection, so it actually fits right, looks good, doesn't need to be adjusted, etc. I do think brides should have a covering or strap of some kind in church, but don't mind if she pulls it for the reception, because her dress actually fits right. I personally hate ever wearing anything strapless (to the point that when my sister got married, she made a point of telling me I was welcome to use the optional spaghetti straps on the BM dress she chose), so it is also just a personal bias.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I also agree that strapless dresses - as long as they're well fitted - can be very tasteful.  I originally thought I wanted something with straps/sleeves, but when I tried them [on I felt like I was being swallowed by fabric.  My strapless dress was very well made with a corset/boning in the top, so that sucker was not moving at all, even during dancing.

    I intended to give my BMs choices, but they either told me they didn't care and to just pick what I wanted, or they all loved the picture of the dress that was my favorite so they didn't want other options - it was a one shoulder, tea length dress, plenty of coverage for cleavage and looked great on all of them.

    Now I want to go back and look through all my wedding pictures, I'm getting nostalgic just thinking about it all :)
  • Okay, so this is an honest thought: I don't get it when people say that bridesmaids shouldn't be expected to throw the shower, etc.  First, the word "maid" IS in your title...lol.  But seriously, who throws a shower?  Your dearest friends.  Who are your BMs?  Your dearest friends.  If I asked my very best 3 friends, for example, to be BMs, and they didn't want to throw my shower, I probably wouldn't say a word about it.  But my feelings would be very much hurt, and I might doubt how much I mean to them.   

    You (should) only have one wedding, and a shower is (at least, to me) a really exciting and wonderful way to celebrate getting married.  Maybe it has more to do with my "love language," but I have thrown about 30 showers, and not because it's super enjoyable for me.  I do it because I love my friends and sisters, and I want their special events -- wedding or baby -- to be fully celebrated. 

    Okay, now all  you anti-shower ladies can flame me!

     

  • In Response to Re: Questions:
    Okay, so this is an honest thought: I don't get it when people say that bridesmaids shouldn't be expected to throw the shower, etc.  First, the word "maid" IS in your title...lol.  But seriously, who throws a shower?  Your dearest friends.  Who are your BMs?  Your dearest friends.  If I asked my very best 3 friends, for example, to be BMs, and they didn't want to throw my shower, I probably wouldn't say a word about it.  But my feelings would be very much hurt, and I might doubt how much I mean to them.    You (should) only have one wedding, and a shower is (at least, to me) a really exciting and wonderful way to celebrate getting married.  Maybe it has more to do with my "love language," but I have thrown about 30 showers, and not because it's super enjoyable for me.  I do it because I love my friends and sisters, and I want their special events -- wedding or baby -- to be fully celebrated.  Okay, now all  you anti-shower ladies can flame me!
    Posted by Resa77

    "Maid" is referring to maiden... the fact that traditionally, they were young women.  Nothing to do with "maid" as in domestic servant.

    And I think the point is the to be a BM is an HONOR, not a chore.  My two BMs are my sister, who is like a best friend, and a long time girl friend of mine.  Neither have the time or money to be throwing me a shower.  I don't think that reflects on them or how much they care about me at all.

    I also am just not really into showers though, to be honest.  Sitting around a room with women while they watch me open up presents doesn't sound fun at all.


    SaveSave
  • IMHO, the problem with showers/bachelorette parties (I'm lumping them together because my issue with them is the same) is when the bride gets demanding with her expectations. "I want my shower to be at this restaurant with this many people and this theme and and and then I want you to pay for a bachelorette party weekend in Las Vegas (and if you don't have the money, maybe I should kick you out of my wedding party) and and and!!!!1!!" Extreme example, but you get my drift. I mean, those people do exist.

    I have given showers when I'm not in the wedding. I have given showers or helped with showers when I was. I have just been a guest at showers when I've been in the wedding.

    Both my wedding shower and my baby shower were hosted by a conglomerate of my sister (MOH), aunt, cousin (BM) and family friends. I am blessed to be in a circle that, as soon as an event (engagement, pregnancy) is announced, there is a clamor to host the shower. I call this blessed, not because of an "ooooh, I get stuff" mentality, but because those people genuinely love me and want to celebrate with me.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Resa that makes complete sense if you expectations for a shower aren't extravagant and if your friends all live close to where you do, but if you have friends and family living many different places it can make things trickier. In my case none of my bridesmaids lived in the same state as me (and none were closer than a 7 hour drive). Plus our family was spread out across the country. This made planning things like showers pretty difficult, because I think it is unreasonable to expect anyone to buy a plane ticket to attend a shower.

    So I ended up only having one shower hosted by H's Aunt in his hometown where the wedding was and where all his family is. My MOH did host my bachelorette party in her hometown (where I used to live and where many of my college friends still live). But one of my bridesmaids couldn't make it because she was at grad school in another state which was completely understandable.

    My pet peeve is where people pass up close friends or family to be in the wedding party only for the reason that they don't live close by and can't be there for everything. Or think OOT bridesmaids are bad friends if they can't travel home for everything. Yes if my friends lived close to me they would have likely been much more involved and I would have loved to be able to go dress shopping etc with them. But that wasn't the way things worked out. These were all women I have been friends with for 10+ years and I wasn't going to pick a local friend I am not as close with just to have someone who could be around more.
    image
  • Maybe I'm the only one who had this problem, but when I was given showers, there was a lot of emphasis placed on appearances with regard to who hosted.

    Example: My MIL's friends threw us an engagement party, which was so nice.  But there were 20 couples listed as "hosts" on the invitation.  And not to sound ungrateful, but 20 hostess gifts gets expensive no matter how you twist it.

    Example 2: My bridesmaids threw a shower, hosted at my husband's SIL's house.  MIL called me at one point and let me know that SIL (her daughter) was apparently very hurt that she was not included in the planning for this shower.  MIL kept saying, "Is there any way that you can just put her name on the invitation?"  I passed this info along to my MOH, who planned pretty much the whole thing, and who (rightfully) did not want to just include someone on an invitation without getting some help, was happy to ask my SIL to take care of one or two things.  Well, the shower rolled around and I don't think my SIL was even there.  Which didn't bother me at all, because I know she's really busy.  But at the same time I wondered why it was so important to just have the "status" of hostess.
    Anniversary

    image

    image

  • I agree that it wouldn't be reasonable to expect, for instance, an OOT BM to throw a shower.  I just don't think it's always unreasonable/rude/whatever for a bride to expect that her BMs will throw her shower.  And just like Biblio said, it's not because "oooh, I want lots of gifts!"  It's because it shows that someone cares about you if they throw a party in your honor. 

    I DEFINITELY think there are brides out there who are nutso...they have all sorts of demands where basically each BM is expected to pony up $1000 at the end of the day.  I don't think that's being a good friend, to demand that of your BMs.  If asked, a bride can mention things she'd like for her shower or BP, but otherwise, it's not her choice and she should graciously and gratefully accept the party they throw. 

     

  • monkeysipmonkeysip
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    edited April 2013
    In Response to Re: Questions:
    I agree that it wouldn't be reasonable to expect, for instance, an OOT BM to throw a shower.  I just don't think it's always unreasonable/rude/whatever for a bride to expect that her BMs will throw her shower.  And just like Biblio said, it's not because "oooh, I want lots of gifts!"  It's because it shows that someone cares about you if they throw a party in your honor.  I DEFINITELY think there are brides out there who are nutso...they have all sorts of demands where basically each BM is expected to pony up $1000 at the end of the day.  I don't think that's being a good friend, to demand that of your BMs.  If asked, a bride can mention things she'd like for her shower or BP, but otherwise, it's not her choice and she should graciously and gratefully accept the party they throw. 
    Posted by Resa77
    That's like saying you expect someone to throw you a birthday party.  No one should expect these things, they're gifts.  Expecting a gift kind of ruins the point of a gift, you know?  

    And you seem to imply that if people don't throw a shower for you, they don't care about you as much.  As someone without a shower, I can't help but feel a little offended.  And no, my BMs aren't really OOT.

    SaveSave
  • In Response to Re: Questions:
    In Response to Re: Questions : DH & I were just invited to a couples shower for his cousin.  There were 5 couples hosting the shower, and my first reaction (as a recent bride) was "wow, that's a lot of hostess gifts!!!"
    Posted by TXKristan
    Husband's SIL (who has helped me learn how to "handle" the crazy that sometimes emerges on my husband's side of the family) said her mother looked at the list of hostesses and said, "Now that is just a mean thing to do to Professor."
    Anniversary

    image

    image

  • I think it's fair to "hope" someone will throw you a shower, and fair to feel disappointed if you don't have one. But I don't think it is fair to "expect" one, or to be upset at your friends/family for not throwing one. You can always host a "ladies luncheon" yourself if you want to get all the women together before your wedding. But this would not be a gifting occasion.
  • Not trying to offend anyone, sorry!  I'm just speaking about my feelings, and not anyone else's feelings or intentions. 

     

  • In Response to Re: Questions:
    I think it's fair to "hope" someone will throw you a shower, and fair to feel disappointed if you don't have one. But I don't think it is fair to "expect" one, or to be upset at your friends/family for not throwing one. You can always host a "ladies luncheon" yourself if you want to get all the women together before your wedding. But this would not be a gifting occasion.
    Posted by Riss91
    I think I see where you're coming from here - if a bride is someone who loves parties/socializing/get-togethers, and is very involved in planning them for others, I see no reason why she can't hope that others will do the same for her when it's her time to be a bride, and I can definitely understand being disappointed if it doesn't happen.  Kinda like, the bride would hope that her friends know her well enough to plan at least something (even if its a low-key, small get together) rather than none at all because that's what she would enjoy most - and a bride who doesn't like showers would hope that her friends would know her well enough to NOT plan one, because she wouldn't enjoy it.
  • 1.  What is your biggest wedding pet peeve?    Dollar dances, Receiving line, especially when I hardly know anyone but the bride....  bouquet toss, nothing makes you feel so inadquate as when you are single and other people are screaming at you to participate, gee I have to go to the bathroom at this exact moment, sorry!


    2.  What's an etiquette rule that you don't think is a big deal? Not handwriting invitations. I'm sorry, I work full-time and don't have the prettiest of handwriting, especially when I'm stressed and at the end of the day I'm not paying a calligrapher to hand write my addresses when the recipient is just going to toss it at the end of the day.


    3.  What is your favorite part of the whole wedding experience, as a guest? Love seeing the bride for the first time and seeing the groom's reaction!  Love dancing the night away!



    4.  What's your "I don't get it" when it comes to weddings?  (Different than pet peeve because it doesn't have to really annoy you, as much as you don't understand the fascination about it). 

    Unity sand ceremonies?  Sorry if anyone's doing this, but I made sand art in elementary school...

    Favors- especially the random things that you'd never in your life need/want, but the Bride thought it went with her theme so well she couldn't pass it up! 

    Pittsburgh cookie tables...  I'm not originally from Pitt and I get the side-eye or the look of sheer shock and horror when I tell people "No, I'm not having a cookie table...."
2»
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards