How Long Did You Date Your BF/SO Before....

ShallowSeas · May 2013

you were really wanting him to propose? I'm interested, how long after you started dating your SO did you start thinking about marriage and hoping for a proposal? I'm especially interested in those who have been married in the past.

I read in an article that guys know if they want to marry a girl after about 3 months of dating...so I wonder what's true about women.

bethsmiles · May 2013

We started talking about getting married about 9 months into the relationship but at that point it was really just future talk. I've been really hoping for a proposal for the past year or so, after we'd been together for four years.

thelamarrs · May 2013

Not married in the past, but we've been together for almost 6 years.

I went all crazy when I was 17/18 wanting him to propose but am glad that it obviously didn't happen. We had been dating for about three years.

Now I'm just happy we're happy and almost done with school. I'm not concerned with marriage.

s-aries8990 · May 2013

It was 6 years for me and BF a few weeks ago. First I was in HS, then college, then I had some crazy family stuff that is just NOW coming to a close a year and a half later.

I'm now just getting to the point where it'd be nice if he proposed like NEXT year. For the past 6 years, it just hasn't been the right time.

buddysmom80 · May 2013

I think when we were at the two year mark I got a little ansy. We talked about it when we were celebrating our 2nd anniversary and were on the same page. Now I'm not so ants in the pants about an engagement, it's going to happen so why should I get all crazy about it?

[Deleted User] · May 2013

I've never been married but FI started talking about marriage with me about 7-8 months into our relationship. We were both pretty comfortable talking with each other about it but I found myself getting antsy when he would discuss rings or if he asked me how I would want to be proposed to. I hated those questions because I wanted it to be a surprise and I wanted him to pick out the ring himself. All the while, it made me really excited because I knew it was on his mind.

FI proposed to me after we had been together for about a year. He bought the ring a month before he proposed.

Belle2188 · May 2013

We talked mutually about it starting pretty early on, but just as a future thing.

I didn't start getting antsy until I moved across the country for him, and that was about 3 years into our relationship. That's when he started talking seriously about it as well.

peekaboo2011 · May 2013

We seriously discussed timelines around our one year anniversary. We revisited them about a month ago when he got bitten by the "I need to buy a house" bug, and I explained to him that I need to be either engaged or close to it in order to sign mortgage documents. He was confused at first, but we've since discussed the financials of it, and he's on board. It's still a future thing, but I have a feeling I'll get antsy when we're ready to start actually looking at houses.

CLoGreenEyes · May 2013

Same as buddysmom - about two years in was the point at which I thought, "This is definitely right and I am ready." I knew BF wasn't yet, and we were both in school at the time besides, so I was able to relax until he graduated last year around this time. For a while we were talking very seriously about getting engaged that fall and married around now, so sadly, some BSC ensued on my part. BF was very kind and honest about the pressure I ended up putting on him (this was around four years together), so I backed wayyyyy off and we are happier for it. It has ended up that we probably will wait another year to get engaged (at least) due to finances, school, and deciding whether to stay in MD or go somewhere with slightly less strangling taxes. And I still have my moments of, "....Can you just put a ring on it nowwwww, I've been such a good girlllll," but I am really good at keeping it to myself and snuffing it out. Thank goodness.

ShallowSeas · May 2013

I am enjoying reading everyone's comments

I'm definitely keeping my mouth shut on this issue with him because I dont want to sound crazy or like I just want a wedding or a ring, thats not it at all. But every time he brings it up, which is about once every other week, I wanna be like, "JUST DO IT ALREADY! I PROMISE I'LL SAY YES!" haha. I had dated my ex-husband for 7 years before he proposed (we were 13 and 15 when we started dating), moved in after 8 1/2 years, and married on our 10 year anniversary of being together...and the marriage lasted 16 months before divorce papers were filed, so I dont believe that there's a right amount of time. When you know, you know.

RWS2011 · May 2013

My FI was married before, and because of his divorce, he wanted to take his time dating to make sure about the relationship before getting married again. He proposed after we had been together almost 4 years. By the time we get married, we will have been in a relationship for almost 6 years. I also had reasons for not rushing into marriage. I was/am a single parent and I wanted to make sure of the person I was with before even letting him into my daughter's life at all. It was also important to me that they have a positive relationship. As a result of taking things so slowly, she has been well adjusted to every stage: the dating, moving in, and now, getting married.

If I could make one comment about your situation, it would be that being friends and being a couple, particularly a married couple are very different relationships. Even though you have known him a long time, people are different as friends than they are as partners. It is still worth taking your time dating before worrying about getting married. Just because "you know" someone is right for you doesn't mean you have to be married right-this-second. Enjoy dating, and let the rest come naturally.

minskat30 · May 2013

We talked about it pretty early on (about 7 months in), seriously talked about it about a year in (i.e., discussing rings, etc.), and got engaged about a year and four months in. That said, we are both in our 30s and had had serious relationships before where we knew this relationship was it for both of us.

labro · May 2013

I think we first broached the subject of "where are we taking this" about 5 months into our relationship. It was our first trip together and we had gone to attend his first homecoming at his alma mater since graduation and afterwards we stayed with his parents for a couple of days. This was my first time meeting and interacting with his family in person. His mom laid it on pretty thick with both of us separately and on our car ride home he brought it up. We've been together for two years now and had multiple conversations about marriage, children, our life goals, etc. and now we're in the process of buying our first home. I think once we get settled in and get our finances back in some sort of order we'll get engaged. He's told me it will be soon and while I'm so incredibly excited I'm also trying to not go BSC over waiting just a few more months.

Blue & White · May 2013

We started our relationship in a pretty serious manner, just because we both had to dedicate a significant amount of MONEY to maintaining a long distance relationship at the get-go.

However, we didn't really talk about MARRIAGE until maybe a year in or so. We moved in together after about 2 years. And got engaged after 5.

We're getting married at about 6.5 years of dating

And he COMPLETELY proposed out of the blue. I had no idea he had actually looked at rings let alone had bought one. I didn't even know what was happening, haha.

CLoGreenEyes · May 2013

Also, I dunno if I believe that guys "know" at 3 months. What is everyone else's experience? BF knew he liked me three weeks after meeting me. After 7 months of being best friends, he totally skipped asking me on a date to, "Please be my girlfriend," he was so sure. And somewhere between 1.5 and 2 years together he knew he wanted me for life. At just about five years he wants to get married but wants to have certain stuff in place first. I can't wait until we can finally take that step, but in the meantime it is great to know we are mating for life

ShallowSeas · May 2013

I'm not sure if I believe the 3 month thing either...seems a bit soon, but i do know a few guys, my brother-in-law included, who proposed after 4-5 months of dating. I would love to do a poll with engaged and married men about when they "knew". That would be interesting...maybe I will do that

bethsmiles · May 2013

Amapola14 said:

Also, I dunno if I believe that guys "know" at 3 months. What is everyone else's experience?

I think it would be silly to believe all men are the same. At 6 months BF said I love you. At 9 months he said he wanted to marry me. I have no idea when he "knew" but I can only imagine that everyone's experience is different.

minskat30 · May 2013

Agree with Beth...I think it depends on the individual and not just the individual themselves but where they are in their life (i.e., life experiences, age, goals, etc.).

I think H said he loved me about 3 months in to the relationship (I don't think he had ever said it in a relationship before...and he had had year-long relationships before me). 7 months in he said he knew he found in me the person he had to spend the rest of his life with. That was a pretty powerful moment and I could tell he was dead serious. Luckly, I was on board with that plan.

[Deleted User] · May 2013

FI and I have been together about 6.5 years...we got engaged about a year ago and our wedding is in about a month.

I could see myself marrying him pretty early on. Maybe about the 3-6 month range? I am glad we spent so much time dating though. It has been a wonderful period of learning about each other, getting to know families and seeing how we each choose to live in our own homes. I think transitioning into marriage now will be very smooth and uneventful (in a great way!) because we already know each other so well and we've already been through some of the hurdles married couples face: big joint purchases, vacations, family trips, holidays, job layoffs, etc.

Even though you've known each other for years, you haven't been a couple for years. It's great that you're feeling so excited about the future of your relationship...but what's the rush? I think culturally women in America are always wanting to hurry up and get to the wedding. While that may work out wonderfully for many, I've really valued the time I had with FI before we got engaged. Just my two cents!

RWS2011 · May 2013

Am I the only one who has a problem with the the following formula?

BF loves me + I love BF = OMG let's get married now... book the ice rink!

It takes a lot more than love, or "just knowing" (gag) to have a successful marriage. In the years that people spend getting to know one another and date, they learn how to solve problems together, face challenges, work out joint finance issues, how to keep romance going, and so much more. Most of what we did in the first few months of dating was have fun and lots of sexy time. We were slowly getting to know one another as well, and I knew right away that he was a good man, and different than a lot of other men I have dated in the past. But, there is no getting around the fact that it takes time to really know how you function in a relationship past the honeymoon phase, and that it takes more than love to succeed in marriage.

sweetpookielove · May 2013

I went BSC ( bat shit crazy? ) between 4 and 5 years. The first time I laid eyes on him, I thought to myself, " I could marry this guy. " Not because he was "hot", but because he had the kindest eyes and face I had ever seen. Sounds weird, I know. I was 20 at the time and marriage was not something I really thought about beyond "one day" and typical girl daydreams, so despite that first thought, I wasn't thinking about heading to the altar then.

We became official boyfriend/girlfriend very quickly, and he asked me to move in the first month of the relationship. We didn't actually move in until a few months later. I knew I truly loved him at one year, and it took me two years to really get to know him, I think. Now we are going on year 7, and I think he is almost caught up with me in readiness. I wouldn't advise less than 1.5 years or so of dating before marriage, but everyone is different. I've never been married, so I am not an expert.

During the first few months of our relationship, we were so nervous around each other. I remember thinking I couldn't wait to fast forward a year so I could relax in his presence and know everything about him. How silly is that? Now those days seem magical to me. : )

thelamarrs · May 2013

RWS2011 said:

Am I the only one who has a problem with the the following formula?

BF loves me + I love BF = OMG let's get married now... book the ice rink!

It takes a lot more than love, or "just knowing" (gag) to have a successful marriage. In the years that people spend getting to know one another and date, they learn how to solve problems together, face challenges, work out joint finance issues, how to keep romance going, and so much more. Most of what we did in the first few months of dating was have fun and lots of sexy time. We were slowly getting to know one another as well, and I knew right away that he was a good man, and different than a lot of other men I have dated in the past. But, there is no getting around the fact that it takes time to really know how you function in a relationship past the honeymoon phase, and that it takes more than love to succeed in marriage.

I definitely agree with you here. BF and I have been working on my immediate financial issues and are planning on working on the issues we'll face once he's done with school. We've agreed and made a plan to move in together in a year and then continue working like hell and saving. I don't even want to think about paying off his student loans let alone thinking about paying for a wedding.

Peaseblossom55 · May 2013

FI & I were together over 3 years before he proposed. I knew at around 6 months or so, not sure when he knew. I starting itching for it around 2 years but he is a procrastinator...

CLoGreenEyes · May 2013

@RWS2011, I totally agree. For me, "knowing" definitely entailed things like financial compatibility, similar goals (e.g. family, owning a house), agreement on some general life philosophies, and just being friends and a real team together. All I really knew after 3 months is that I was into him, and the learning to be a successful couple together will never stop even after decades. Very good distinction *snaps*

@bethsmiles - Also an important distinction, lol. I dislike it when guys all put women in one lump generalization, so yeah, they certainly vary among themselves too. *snaps to you*

loves2shop4shoes · May 2013

H and I started discussing marriage around 2-2.5 years in. We got engaged 3 years in. We got married 5 years in.

loves2shop4shoes · May 2013

LivLeighton said:

I've been with B for 6 months. I'm pretty sure that I "just knew" around a month in that this could (and hopefully WOULD) be it for me. It took him until about 4.5 months to tell me he loves me. We're discussing moving in together but we need to fix the situation with our dogs and he said that he feels like 6 months would be slightly too fast for him, even though he spends 5 nights a week at my place (the other two nights he works overnights). I'd say yes to him if he asked me tomorrow, but realistically I think we're looking at another year, year and a half until I start to get SUPER antsy. I guess I'm the BSC one. As a side note, we're 29 and 31.

You can blame me for your BSC. Realistically, most of your BSC may very justifiably be blamed on me.

Hangs head in shame.

Hummingbird125 · May 2013

We didn't talk about it until at least a year of dating. We've only talked about marriage briefly, a few times total and we've been together for over 2 years. He has told me he wants to marry me and he knows I want to be married within the next few years, so I don't feel the need to pressure him just yet....

Vintagelove4 · May 2013

FI and I were friends for ten years and best friends for eight years. We dated for a month shy of two years before we got engaged. We had our first serious talk about marriage at about five months in, I remember it started with him saying he wanted to marry me. So it was rather reversed with him being the BSC one (he'd already bought my ring).

I'm glad we waited a year and a half longer but I sometimes wish we'd even waited a bit longer. I mean I know he's not going anywhere and I know I'm not going anywhere so why rush it.

cwop0123 · May 2013

It was 5 months into our relationship when we first casually looked at rings. We have been together for 2 years and 8 months and I am SO ready to be engaged. Not pressuring him though. So any day now would be awesome! We are both financially ready and love each other a lot so I wonder to myself what is he waiting for?!?! His sister just got married in August and was with her BF for 6 years before he proposed so I hope he isn't using that as a time frame!

motoLyn · May 2013

To be honest it wasn't until he mentioned looking at rings which was like almost a year after we started dating that I felt the desire for him to propose. So in other words I was enjoying my relationship JUST the way it was.

Shiroyasha · May 2013

It was around the 6 month mark when I knew that if he asked me, I'd say yes. Two and a half years later, it's still the same. We've talked about it a bit lately, more than we've talked about it before. We would like to be a little better off financially before we seriously consider it though.

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