I do have assets worth protecting; I built a home almost 3 years ago. I called my lawyer who told me that once we move in together/get married, unless there's a prenup, he automatically is entitled to 50% of my house should we go our separate ways in time. If I put his name on the deed, he's entitled to 75%, even though I built the thing. Scary stuff! What we talked about doing is not putting his name on the deed, and keeping the house to rent while finding something to buy together. I can't believe that someone who wasn't involved in any financials to do with it in the first place would be entitled to most of it should we divorce. That blows my mind a little.
We didn't get one, but I'm not against them either. If one of you have children from a previous relationship, significant assets, own a business or part of a family business, inheritance, etc they I think they are a great idea.
What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests. Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated.
Apparently, that's just the way it works where I'm from (in Canada).
In Response to Re: Prenup or no prenup?: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Prenup or no prenup? : I don't get this. Did your lawyer explain why he'd be entitled to 75%? Posted by HoorayForSoup[/QUOTE]
FI and I talked about it. I have some assets, but they're not big enough to really need a prenup and his name isn't going on anything. I have some other things that protect them too. FI was a little taken back when we first talked about it, but agreed that if I wanted one we'd get one. Prenups aren't exactly the most romantic thing, but they make sense.
If you're both for it and you have something worth protecting, go for it.
DH and I already had mostly shared assests by the time we got married (purchased our house together, both make about the same so didn't have all one person's money going into the marriage so there really was no point (all our money had been going into the same joint account since we moved in together long before the wedding).
I'm by no means apposed to them, however. I don't think it's bad luck or anything.
In Response to Re: Prenup or no prenup?: [QUOTE]Apparently, that's just the way it works where I'm from (in Canada). In Response to Re: Prenup or no prenup? : Posted by Alesha1978[/QUOTE]
That's weird. I would think it would still be a 50/50 split. My parents were each legally entitled to half the house money when they sold it in the process of their divorce, even though my dad made significantly more than my mother and she had been a SAHM when I was little. I'd also think he wouldn't be entitled to half of it just from moving in, unless you were somehow able to register as common-law immediately.
Obviously your lawyer would actually know the situation, but it seems very strange.
As for prenups, FI and I aren't getting one but that's because we are both young enough to have no assets and the only debt we'll owe anybody is my OSAP loan, more than 90% of which is still sitting in the bank after my BA.
In Response to Re: Prenup or no prenup?: [QUOTE]I do have assets worth protecting; I built a home almost 3 years ago. I called my lawyer who told me that once we move in together/get married, unless there's a prenup, he automatically is entitled to 50% of my house should we go our separate ways in time. If I put his name on the deed, he's entitled to 75%, even though I built the thing. Scary stuff! What we talked about doing is not putting his name on the deed, and keeping the house to rent while finding something to buy together. I can't believe that someone who wasn't involved in any financials to do with it in the first place would be entitled to most of it should we divorce. That blows my mind a little. Posted by Alesha1978[/QUOTE]
Prenup. It might not be romantic, but divorces happen. I got one. I wasn't expecting that to happen when I married my ex.
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
We did not do a pre-nup, as neither one of us had significant assets at the time. It just didn't make sense for us, but it is a good idea for some couples.
In Response to Re:Prenup or no prenup?: [QUOTE]When DH and I got married, we agreed that divorce was not an option. So, no pre nup for us. Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]
I generally like you, but I have to give you a serious eye-roll on this comment.
What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests. Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated.
In Response to Re:Prenup or no prenup?: [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Prenup or no prenup?: I knew this wouldn't be a popular answer, and I'm okay with that. But that's what we agreed on. And there is no implied judgment for couples who choose to have one. Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]
So if you DH started beating the crap about of you divorce is not an option? Or he starts sleeping around and has another family?
That is why I hate comments like that. I have no intention of divorcing my husband. But even so there is a limit to what I will take. I can't tell you the limit right now because I'm not in any situation right now to find out (well I know beating me would be a reason), but I will not make myself a doormat just because "We don't believe in divorce".
What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests. Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated.
Prenups are not a bad idea, and maybe will be better for situations down the road, or maybe you'll never it need it. I dont think I would want to know the what if's if I didnt do it and needed it.
I'm NEY but I know that I'll need one. I'm eventually going to be the legal guardian of my brother and I'll need to maintain a residence for him and financially support him.
If it wasn't for that, I don't currently see why I would need one besides maybe protection against my student loan debt.
In Response to Re:Prenup or no prenup?: [QUOTE]Lynda, I would not stay in a marriage where my safety and well being are jeopardized. Absolutely not. During our marriage prep,DH and I agreed that we are entering into a covenant and that this is for the rest of our lives. We did not find reason to discuss what legal arrangements would be made for a scenario we will not entertain in our relationship. Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]
Hence why your comment is eye-roll worthy. Divorce is indeed an option under certain situations.
It's okay not to have a pre-nup, but I just HATE the "divorce is not an option" excuse
What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests. Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated.
OP, in your situation (having built your own house pre-relationship) I dont think there is anything wrong with having a pre-nup. We are not getting one, but that is because we both dont have many assests. We havent bought a house yet and neither one of us have ties into any business. So, its not necessary for us. In some situations, it is a very good idea to have them. Always worth the protection, just in case!
In Response to Re: Prenup or no prenup?: [QUOTE]Get one. It's like fire insurance. You hope you'll never have to use it, but if you do need it, you'll be glad you have it. Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]
This 100%, although neither FI nor I ever expects that we'll divorce. Divorce, in theory, isn't an "option" for us either. But we both have assets, and should something awful and unexpected happen, we want that protection in place. In my mind it's like seatbelts or powers of attorney for end of life decisions, etc. - we all hope we won't be in an awful accident, a coma, etc. - but if something like that happens, I want protection/a say in how things play out.
I've also just seen too many people enter into marriages in which "divorce wasn't an option", who ended up getting divorced (like my very religious parents). And it was so much uglier than if there had been a prenup. So perhaps I'm jaded as well.
I want a prenup because I will be making over twice what FI makes. He makes a decent living and can easily support himself, so I basically just want a prenup that says I wouldn't pay any alimony.
I have yet to bring this up with him though, so we'll see how that conversation goes. Our wedding is still over a year away
In Response to Re:Prenup or no prenup?: [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Prenup or no prenup? : Well, it's not an "excuse". That is what we believe as a couple. That is something we said to each other several times. That is something we discussed in our marriage prep with our deacon and with our sponsor couple. And it is advice that we got from couples in our church who have marriages we respect and want to emulate. You're welcome to roll your eyes all you want. Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]
You're Catholic, correct? Forgive me if I'm remembering that incorrectly.
I'm not Catholic, but technically my mom's side of the family is, and I did do one year of Catholic school. The way marriage was explained to me (through the eyes of the church) was that divorce is not an option unless circumstances like Lynda described come up. BUT what the church seems to say about that is that if your husband beats you or cheats on you or something like that it's tantamount to you no longer being married to who you thought you were married to? Almost like the person had lied? I could be remembering that incorrectly, but if I'm not, those are the circumstances in which the church would grant, what, an anulment?
What I'm saying is that, the church basically wouldn't consider those circumstances a scenario of divorce but rather anulment; however, the law would probably disagree.
Feel free to correct me those of you with more info!
Is it popular to have a prenup when you make more than your FI? I make at least twice as much as my FI and keep progressing with my education and company but that's not something I'm considering. I don't have any assets otherwise. Serious question, didn't realize that was something people consider.
I guess I don't flame anyone's reason for not having a prenup. I'd totally have one if I had assets as someone who's been through a divorce and someone who has also been in some terrible relationships that started off peachy. In the end, if there are consequences that person has to deal with them and they made the conscious decision to go that route.
My aunt got divorced legally, but won't remarry because she is still married in the eyes of the church and won't get it anulled (even though her ex cheated on her for years and was terrible to her). She thinks that will make her kids bastards (though I know someone pointed out previously that's not accurate, she believes that). I see it as she's chosen her to follow her faith, and whether I agree with it or not, that's her life and she's the one living it.
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
In Response to Re:Prenup or no prenup?: [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Prenup or no prenup? : Well, it's not an "excuse". That is what we believe as a couple. That is something we said to each other several times. That is something we discussed in our marriage prep with our deacon and with our sponsor couple. And it is advice that we got from couples in our church who have marriages we respect and want to emulate. You're welcome to roll your eyes all you want. Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]
A lot of us just said we didnt' get one because we didn't think it was necessary. You made a point of saying "divorce is not an option" as why you didn't get one.
What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests. Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated.
In Response to Re:Prenup or no prenup?: [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Prenup or no prenup? : You're Catholic, correct? Forgive me if I'm remembering that incorrectly. I'm not Catholic, but technically my mom's side of the family is, and I did do one year of Catholic school. The way marriage was explained to me (through the eyes of the church) was that divorce is not an option unless circumstances like Lynda described come up. BUT what the church seems to say about that is that if your husband beats you or cheats on you or something like that it's tantamount to you no longer being married to who you thought you were married to? Almost like the person had lied? I could be remembering that incorrectly, but if I'm not, those are the circumstances in which the church would grant, what, an anulment? What I'm saying is that, the church basically wouldn't consider those circumstances a scenario of divorce but rather anulment; however, the law would probably disagree. Feel free to correct me those of you with more info! Posted by emeejeeayen[/QUOTE]
Another question, If someone is put in such a position like that, (beating, cheating etc...) do courts take that into consideration when processing a divorce and hearing alimony arguments? I know they do with custody arrangements...
I know some about family court but not the answer to this
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
We are Catholic too, but prenups also have to do with inheritance issues in the case of family assets. FI and I are both trustees on significant family trusts. We don't actually have access to the assets right now, but in the event of my or his passing, any next wife or children with a second spouse would be barred from inheriting from the other side's trust.
My brother's new wife was seriously offended when my parents insisted on a prenuptial agreement. She eventually came around, because all it really said was that our family's trust was our family's only, not some weird document and cutting her off from alimony and seeing future offspring.
Muppet, I think, asked whether a pre-nup is something that is often done when one spouse makes significantly more. I think sometimes. In some states, earnings are automatically 50/50 during the marriage, so if you save 500,000 from your earnings alone, if you divorce he gets 250,000. You can get a pre-nup to say my earnings are mine, and his are his.
We aren't going to have a pre-nup because neither of us has any major assets, although I do have a son ... not too worried about that for a variety of reasons.
Pre-nups can change the legal character of your assets during the marriage, not just in the event of divorce. Just saying.
In Response to Re:Prenup or no prenup?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Prenup or no prenup?:I'm NEY but I know that I'll need one. I'm eventually going to be the legal guardian of my brother and I'll need to maintain a residence for him and financially support him.
If it wasn't for that, I don't currently see why I would need one besides maybe protection against my student loan debt. Posted by sydaries
Student loans aren't currently transferable to a spouse unless they directly consign on the original loan or a consolidation or refinancing of the loan. Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
Ahh! I didn't know that, I just threw it in because another poster mentioned having debt. Good to know
In Response to Re:Prenup or no prenup?: [QUOTE]When DH and I got married, we agreed that divorce was not an option. So, no pre nup for us. Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]
We're clearly in the minority here, but I feel the same way. I wouldn't have worded it quite like that, but I agree with all your other posts on this thread. FI and I have also had these types of conversations. You're not alone! And not like it would change my opinions, but I'm Catholic too
In Response to Re:Prenup or no prenup?: [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Prenup or no prenup? : We're clearly in the minority here, but I feel the same way. I wouldn't have worded it quite like that, but I agree with all your other posts on this thread. FI and I have also had these types of conversations. You're not alone! And not like it would change my opinions, but I'm Catholic too Posted by wittykitty14[/QUOTE]
Pre-nups =/= divorce. There are many reasons to have a pre-nup that do not involve divorce. Now you might not have any of the good non-divorce reasons to have a pre-nup but it's insulting to say "we didn't get one because we don't believe in divorce". Like somehow those who do get one believe in divorce. Forget that the reason for the pre-nup are not divorce related.
What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests. Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated.
We are not getting one either. I guess I'm in the minority with Witty and TXKristan...I was born and raised Catholic but FI and I are practicing Christians now. Both of our parents are still married, and we don't have any divorces in our immediate family. We have had many talks about this and have agreed divorce is not an option for us either, not saying anyone goes into a marriage thinking it is. We have discussed infidelity and abuse and how that would change our stance but FI is literally the last person in the world I could see that being an issue with.
I do agree with lynda that there are reasons for prenups besides divorce. In our situation neither one of us are well of by any means so this isn't a factor, which is why we aren't getting one. If one of us had a significant inheritance I wouldn't be offended at all by deciding to get one.
Re: Prenup or no prenup?
In Response to Re: Prenup or no prenup?:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Prenup or no prenup? : I don't get this. Did your lawyer explain why he'd be entitled to 75%?
Posted by HoorayForSoup[/QUOTE]
April 2013 March Siggy - Bridesmaid Dress
If you're both for it and you have something worth protecting, go for it.
[QUOTE]Apparently, that's just the way it works where I'm from (in Canada). In Response to Re: Prenup or no prenup? :
Posted by Alesha1978[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE]I do have assets worth protecting; I built a home almost 3 years ago. I called my lawyer who told me that once we move in together/get married, unless there's a prenup, he automatically is entitled to 50% of my house should we go our separate ways in time. If I put his name on the deed, he's entitled to 75%, even though I built the thing. Scary stuff! What we talked about doing is not putting his name on the deed, and keeping the house to rent while finding something to buy together. I can't believe that someone who wasn't involved in any financials to do with it in the first place would be entitled to most of it should we divorce. That blows my mind a little.
Posted by Alesha1978[/QUOTE]
Prenup. It might not be romantic, but divorces happen. I got one. I wasn't expecting that to happen when I married my ex.
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
[QUOTE]When DH and I got married, we agreed that divorce was not an option. So, no pre nup for us.
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Prenup or no prenup?: I knew this wouldn't be a popular answer, and I'm okay with that. But that's what we agreed on. And there is no implied judgment for couples who choose to have one.
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE]Lynda, I would not stay in a marriage where my safety and well being are jeopardized. Absolutely not. During our marriage prep,DH and I agreed that we are entering into a covenant and that this is for the rest of our lives. We did not find reason to discuss what legal arrangements would be made for a scenario we will not entertain in our relationship.
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE]Get one. It's like fire insurance. You hope you'll never have to use it, but if you do need it, you'll be glad you have it.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Prenup or no prenup? : Well, it's not an "excuse". That is what we believe as a couple. That is something we said to each other several times. That is something we discussed in our marriage prep with our deacon and with our sponsor couple. And it is advice that we got from couples in our church who have marriages we respect and want to emulate. You're welcome to roll your eyes all you want.
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]
I guess I don't flame anyone's reason for not having a prenup. I'd totally have one if I had assets as someone who's been through a divorce and someone who has also been in some terrible relationships that started off peachy. In the end, if there are consequences that person has to deal with them and they made the conscious decision to go that route.
My aunt got divorced legally, but won't remarry because she is still married in the eyes of the church and won't get it anulled (even though her ex cheated on her for years and was terrible to her). She thinks that will make her kids bastards (though I know someone pointed out previously that's not accurate, she believes that). I see it as she's chosen her to follow her faith, and whether I agree with it or not, that's her life and she's the one living it.
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Prenup or no prenup? : Well, it's not an "excuse". That is what we believe as a couple. That is something we said to each other several times. That is something we discussed in our marriage prep with our deacon and with our sponsor couple. And it is advice that we got from couples in our church who have marriages we respect and want to emulate. You're welcome to roll your eyes all you want.
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Prenup or no prenup? : You're Catholic, correct? Forgive me if I'm remembering that incorrectly. I'm not Catholic, but technically my mom's side of the family is, and I did do one year of Catholic school. The way marriage was explained to me (through the eyes of the church) was that divorce is not an option unless circumstances like Lynda described come up. BUT what the church seems to say about that is that if your husband beats you or cheats on you or something like that it's tantamount to you no longer being married to who you thought you were married to? Almost like the person had lied? I could be remembering that incorrectly, but if I'm not, those are the circumstances in which the church would grant, what, an anulment? What I'm saying is that, the church basically wouldn't consider those circumstances a scenario of divorce but rather anulment; however, the law would probably disagree. Feel free to correct me those of you with more info!
Posted by emeejeeayen[/QUOTE]
Another question, If someone is put in such a position like that, (beating, cheating etc...) do courts take that into consideration when processing a divorce and hearing alimony arguments? I know they do with custody arrangements...
I know some about family court but not the answer to this
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
We visited the convo once upon my promting, he has more assets than me, but we mutually agreed not to do one.
My brother's new wife was seriously offended when my parents insisted on a prenuptial agreement. She eventually came around, because all it really said was that our family's trust was our family's only, not some weird document and cutting her off from alimony and seeing future offspring.
Previously Alaynajuliana
Muppet, I think, asked whether a pre-nup is something that is often done when one spouse makes significantly more. I think sometimes. In some states, earnings are automatically 50/50 during the marriage, so if you save 500,000 from your earnings alone, if you divorce he gets 250,000. You can get a pre-nup to say my earnings are mine, and his are his.
We aren't going to have a pre-nup because neither of us has any major assets, although I do have a son ... not too worried about that for a variety of reasons.
Pre-nups can change the legal character of your assets during the marriage, not just in the event of divorce. Just saying.
Edited a bit after re-reading.
[QUOTE]When DH and I got married, we agreed that divorce was not an option. So, no pre nup for us.
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]
We're clearly in the minority here, but I feel the same way. I wouldn't have worded it quite like that, but I agree with all your other posts on this thread. FI and I have also had these types of conversations. You're not alone! And not like it would change my opinions, but I'm Catholic too
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Prenup or no prenup? : We're clearly in the minority here, but I feel the same way. I wouldn't have worded it quite like that, but I agree with all your other posts on this thread. FI and I have also had these types of conversations. You're not alone! And not like it would change my opinions, but I'm Catholic too
Posted by wittykitty14[/QUOTE]
I do agree with lynda that there are reasons for prenups besides divorce. In our situation neither one of us are well of by any means so this isn't a factor, which is why we aren't getting one. If one of us had a significant inheritance I wouldn't be offended at all by deciding to get one.