Jack and Jill Request = Muppet Explosion

MuppetFan · May 2013

2 diff conversations. 1 is with the MOH and the other is with Noah.

Everyone we know is judging whether they should get married so immediately. Even the MOH and the rest of the wedding party that we know (they all work together).

I think they have every reason to wait a bit longer, until he has no doubts at the very least!!!!!!

lisabeats · May 2013

It seems like this is FAR too novel of an idea for the couple involved, sadly!

kerbohl · May 2013

I'm confused. First, I have no problem with attending Stag and Does (I have no plans to have one myself, but do enjoy going to them), but they tend to be for people who need money to cover costs for their wedding. But here is my confusion . . . this is a potluck wedding, so this bride isn't paying for food, which is one of the major costs. But why does she then need the Stag? Is this "fundraiser" for the wedding, or is this for the honeymoon which she has already paid for? Or is she just using the wedding as an excuse to have this fundraiser so she can get cash off of people? She is already having people pay for her wedding food by having potluck - that is asking enough out of people.

PrettyGirlLost · May 2013

@MuppetFan "He and Noah are meeting tomorrow because Noah is expressing concerns about going through with the wedding at all, or postponing it. There's a lot we want to say about this whole thing but we've been biting our tongues for months."

I think that is wise, and I'd continue to do so. If I were your FI, I wouldn't have this conversation with Noah. . . even though they are best friends, I don't really think any good will come of it. If Noah's FI finds out about any of what was said, or just they the two of them had a parley, and Noah ends up going through with the marriage, it could end very badly for your FI.

wrigleyville · May 2013

Hold up. Chick is in her mid-forties and wants to have a baby? Even if she can get pregnant without IVF and such, does she know how risky that is? And, Noah is going through bankruptcy while they're asking everyone to pay for their wedding because they're broke and running up bills - so what, exactly, makes them think they can afford a child? Are they going to ask all of their friends to support the baby too?

Also, by the time they have the reversal done AND get pregnant, Noah could be 50/51/52. He might not even live to see Babby graduate from high school.

This couple is crazy, and I can't wait to hear more.

PrettyGirlLost · May 2013

@wrigleyville I was thinking all of that too. Does Noah even honestly want to have another child? I'm thinking if he got snipped during the 1st marriage then the answer is no.

I'm sorry Muppet for your FI. . . Noah may be his best friend but it doesn't sound like he is thinking with his brain right now

Good luck to him and your FI!

JennaMichelle88 · May 2013

MuppetFan · May 2013

kerbohl said:

I'm confused. First, I have no problem with attending Stag and Does (I have no plans to have one myself, but do enjoy going to them), but they tend to be for people who need money to cover costs for their wedding. But here is my confusion . . . this is a potluck wedding, so this bride isn't paying for food, which is one of the major costs. But why does she then need the Stag? Is this "fundraiser" for the wedding, or is this for the honeymoon which she has already paid for? Or is she just using the wedding as an excuse to have this fundraiser so she can get cash off of people? She is already having people pay for her wedding food by having potluck - that is asking enough out of people.

Exactly. Their only wedding expenses: Tux rental, Dress, rings, and whatever the VFW costs. She paid for "honeymoon" while with her ex already. She told us last month that they don't have much money so they are doing pot luck. Wait more than a few months to get married? But Ok whatever... . And now she said that she wants the Jack and Jill Fundraiser now. We feel she's looking to profit off her wedding.

MuppetFan · May 2013

@cmsciulli I totally understand what you're saying, and that's why he's being careful about it. The first thing I said to him last night was I think he's going to go home and tell his fiance whatever you say so be careful and maybe just advise for postponing until Noah is comfortable getting married. I think as his friend, he needs to be there, especially when specifically asked to be. I also really wish that when I said I was having second thoughts about my wedding, that someone talked to me about it instead of telling me I had cold feet and that everything would work out...because I wanted a divorce 3 months later.

@wrigleyville We totally agree. My best friend is a doctor and thinks this chick is nuts to want to do this. She's already high risk with her weight and diabetes and bp issues. I am not about to approach a discussion where another woman's biological clock is concerned, but I will judge from the sidelines.

We DID ask him if he's up for a baby at his age. He said "sure". His kids are having kids (he's 2 grandkids and one on the way) and he's enjoying them. We said yeah, but then when you are done with them, you can give them back. If I was almost 50, I would be bothered by being 70 when my kid was in college. .

And I *believe* he got snipped after his second or third marriage. This is his 4th.

PrettyGirlLost · May 2013

MuppetFan said:

@cmsciulli I totally understand what you're saying, and that's why he's being careful about it. The first thing I said to him last night was I think he's going to go home and tell his fiance whatever you say so be careful and maybe just advise for postponing until Noah is comfortable getting married. I think as his friend, he needs to be there, especially when specifically asked to be. I also really wish that when I said I was having second thoughts about my wedding, that someone talked to me about it instead of telling me I had cold feet and that everything would work out...because I wanted a divorce 3 months later.

@wrigleyville We totally agree. My best friend is a doctor and thinks this chick is nuts to want to do this. She's already high risk with her weight and diabetes and bp issues. I am not about to approach a discussion where another woman's biological clock is concerned, but I will judge from the sidelines.

We DID ask him if he's up for a baby at his age. He said "sure". His kids are having kids (he's 2 grandkids and one on the way) and he's enjoying them. We said yeah, but then when you are done with them, you can give them back. If I was almost 50, I would be bothered by being 70 when my kid was in college. .

And I *believe* he got snipped after his second or third marriage. This is his 4th.

Holy Shite! Aw, I'm sorry for him that it hasn't worked out for him yet

I wonder what his kids think about their Dad wanting to have another child. . . I mean, that child will be their sibling, and will be old enough to be their own child, lol!

NantucketBride12 · May 2013

I don't think boys talk to each other like that. It would make them good communicators. I think the translation into man would be "Dude, you're being a tool."

MuppetFan · May 2013

@cmscuilli well, what we know is that his son was the one he was originally asking to be best man. His son is not in the wedding, and is no longer his facebook friend. Also, since his kids are currently living with their mother, he no longer goes there to visit them because he doesn't think seeing his ex (divorced for over 15 years i think...maybe longer) is fair to his fiance. We think the translation is that his current fiancee is jealous.

@nantucketbride12 Over a year ago, he wanted to leave his previous wife for cheating on him and they had a heart to heart. I think they are both taking it seriously, though yah, it's not going to come out as anything like what women would say to each other...which is prob better if he goes home and tells her everything

keochan · May 2013

In regards to the Jack and Jill, I'm a blunt person and the first thing outta my mouth would have been "What for?"

As the for kids, obviously I'm an adult (23) and my dad and stepmom decided to have one more kid, he'll be three next week, I can provide at least some insight. It was a high risk pregnancy because my stepmom was 38 and overweight but she took the proper precautions and even still we almost lost her and my brother in the delivery room. I wouldn't wish that on anybody. My dad is turning 48 this year and having a little one is definitely different than when he was in his 20's and 30's. Having a baby at that age is something to seriously discuss at length, (which my parents did) and the reality of the obstacles they'll face should be taken seriously, much more than 'Why not"

kipnus · May 2013

Aw, I feel really bad for your FI and his friend! I hope their conversation goes well.

Also, I'm Canadian and had never heard of any kind of wedding fundraisers before seeing them mentioned on TK.

MuppetFan · May 2013

wrigleyville said:
This couple is crazy, and I can't wait to hear more.

While I really like our best man, and aside from how offended I've been, I realllllllllly want to go to this wedding to document it... there's got to be something I can do with it. If we add zombies to the story, I got a hit TV show.

MuppetFan · May 2013

Update:
( I love this feature so I don't have to retype everything...yay) So FI met with Noah today. Noah specially requested this meeting so that he can go over his concerns with my FI but apparently no longer had any.

They talked, FI only asked questions for the most part based on Noah's comments and did not offer his opinion or give it when asked. Noah seems mentally clear that he wants to marry her and do it in July. He doesn't understand why she wants to do it so fast but he's "going with the flow" about that and having kids. Actually, he added "he just wants to get it over with".

Great attitude to have about your wedding. And apparently all 3 of his adult kids are not talking to him right now. He thinks its because he doesn't want to marry their mother. I think (since I know his kids) that they fully accepted their parents break up 15 years ago and are upset that he refuses to go to their house to see them because she lives there and also because of how fast this is happening. I think this is harsh on their part because he's excellent to them...so I hope they get over this part at least.

So, FI did his part and listened. No more anxiety for him about this conversation. At least Noah has thought about everything... and..so the only update anyone who cares about this trainwreck will prob get is what the results are about the Jack and Jill Conversation until July when they marry.

Hopefully.

MuppetFan · May 2013

holy moly this got a lot of "views"

MuppetFan · May 2013

I forgot to update that part about his conversation. The baby isn't going to happen. His vasectomy happened too long ago and can't be reversed. I feel a lot better about that part of it now at least.

A lot of my friends while i was growing were the "oops" kids and their siblings were at least 10 years older than they were. One of their father's was married before and had adult kids when she was born and she had nieces and nephews that were a few years older than her. It was awkward for her. The major issue with a lot of those friends is that as we entered our late 20s/early 30s, their parents are elderly, putting them in a really rough position to take care of them or to bury them just as their lives with their own families are starting out (That specific girl's dad is close to 80).

They are talking about adoption now I guess but I'm not sure they will. He seems to be turned off by the process. I don't know anything about adoption but I guess they have to go through the foster parent approval process and take classes. I don't really see what is problematic about that and I wonder if that's a reflection on them if they see issues with that process. It's not like adopting a dog.

kmmssg · May 2013

I would think his bankruptcy might make the adoption harder? I"m sure they go over financials with a fine tooth comb. At least a baby won't happen, and adoption can take years. By that time his age may play against him too.

I was an oops - my mom was 35 when she had me and my brothers were 15, 12, and 9 1/2 yrs older than me.

My son is an oops and I had him at 35. His sisters are 32, 31, 29, and 26. He grew up like an only child just like I did. In hindsight, DH and I have said many times we wish we would have had another one right away so he would have grown up with a sibling.

My mom was "older" in thought and dress than she needed to be. I was jealous at times of my friends having young moms. I have tried to not be an "older" mom like my mom was. It seems to have worked out so far. My mom would have never done the things with me I do with him.

It is something a parent should think about for sure. Especially if they are planning on that child rather than being "surprised" as we were.

MuppetFan · May 2013

I honestly know nothing about adoption or what they go through on the financial side really so I don't know what is affected.

How old is your youngest?

MuppetFan · May 2013

I honestly know nothing about adoption or what they go through on the financial side really so I don't know what is affected.

How old is your youngest?

kmmssg · May 2013

MuppetFan said:

I honestly know nothing about adoption or what they go through on the financial side really so I don't know what is affected.

How old is your youngest?

He will be 18 next month and graduates in 2 weeks!

Kate61487 · May 2013

I loved having a young mom; she was 23 and 26 when she had my brother and I. Now she's raising my 13 yo cousin (I'm almost 26) and is in the "old mom" shoes. She's still very active and vibrant, but she's definitely not friends with his friends' parents like she was with ours.

I'm glad to hear Noah won't be guilted into conceiving a kid. the adoption process can be very long and arduous; and with him already having adult kids that will work against him. Hopefully they'll both be happy with wherever they end up.

kmmssg · May 2013

Ella, I've waited along time for this. He also has Asperger's so he will be with us for a bit longer than most kids as he grows into different levels of responsibility and maturity. We have a college plan for him that involves him living at home for probably the next 5 years or so.

I actually got my picture in the school district's newspaper a couple of weeks ago. The PR person for the district is an old acquaintance of mine and I was telling her that this was my final parent/teacher conference after having kids in this school district continually since 1985. That's 27 years of conferences! It will be wierd not to have a kid in public school anymore - I've never known anything else.

He got his driver's license (big Yippee there) last Thursday. He hasn't been geeked to get it but he is more than capable and we practice a lot. It will be one more baby step for me in freeing up my time, and a baby step for him in working towards independence.

We have grandkids too! They are 11, 10, 9, 7, 6. and 4.

MuppetFan · May 2013

Today's Gtalk Conversation Between FI and I after he talked to the MOH today. They all work together. (I replaced bride's name with BRIDE):

FI: The girl that is helping plan for the party for them had no idea what a jack and jill was and talking to her she does not believe they intended it to be a traditional jack and jill. BRIDE told her she does not want gifts

me: jack and jills arent about gifts they are about money

FI she gets that

me: thats what she wants?

FI: Yes but the girl doesn’t think people will pay either. The only thing BRIDE wants to do now is a tree that would have things on it that people can buy if they want

me: lol

like at christmas for poor people?

FI basically lol

me: wtf

southernbelle0915 · May 2013

MuppetFan · May 2013

Right, right???

keochan · May 2013

All I've been thinking for this whole thread

MuppetFan · May 2013

I'm starting to think this is how she normally thinks. I only met her when the guy started dating her a few months ago. I have to see her on Monday for a BBQ I'm hosting. I've been forbidden by FI on making any comments...EVEN if she brings up this tree idea. It'll be muppet explosion part 2 if I can't comment on that.

MuppetFan · May 2013

We are in the northeast, I've always known Jack and Jills to be a fundraiser. I've never heard of a Stag and Doe before TK. I mentioned it to a bunch of people and no one else I know has either. I love hearing about regional differences in general.

I've been to 3 in my life. The third was my first as an adult and it made me really uncomfortable. I got invited to one a few years ago with my ex bf that was a CASINO NIGHT. Gah. We didn't go but I'm told that it was at a hall and that guests paid for their dinner, but it wasn't catered or nicely done, it was a few crock pots and some finger sandwiches. Then, they did their own alcohol but charged like $5 for a beer....and then you had to buy chips. Most of the people we talked to didn't think it was rude, they thought it was a great idea. Gah.

Yes, BSC. I was updating my best friend on this story yesterday at a party and suddenly the entire room got silent and were listening. We're having a BBQ tomorrow and we're all waiting to hear the next installment from them.

Jack and Jill Request = Muppet Explosion

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