WEDDING HAS HAPPENED UPDATE - Rude Rsvp (?) WWYD?

laradoll · May 2013

We got a RSVP from FI cousin and his family yesterday. He filled it out all proper but included a note in the envelope asking if his daughter (who is 8) could bring her 'boyfriend'

I called him and his wife no answer so I left a message. I was nice but said that unfortunately we didn't have room for their daughter to have a friend at the wedding but that there will be lots of children there for the daughter to play with (which I thought was the thinking behind it)

Today I received an email from the cousin

Very wordy but in essence saying that as we were inviting partners we should extend this to their daughter. And that their daughter did not like being around children she doesn't know and they are concerned that some members of my family may have "rough" children that may scare there daughter. So her bringing her 'boyfriend' would make her more comfortable. And that we as hosts should make all our guests welcome.

Well yeah. I have no clue how to respond and it has made me realise why FI always calls this cousin 'his mad cousin'

kmmssg · May 2013

"I'm very sorry but we can't accommodate your daughter's friend. We look forward to seeing you at the wedding."

Just to cover all the bases - is she a special needs child? If so, that could change my answer.

laradoll · May 2013

kmmssg said:

Just to cover all the bases - is she a special needs child? If so, that could change my answer.

Nope - just spoilt

NOLAbridealmost · May 2013

Stick to your guns. Frankly, I'd hope that the whole family declines due to this because they sound like peaches.

AddieCake · May 2013

I was like Stage. My dad reminds me all the time that when I was playing at the playground, if other kids came along, I would leave. I was even almost too shy to go up to Mickey and Minnie at Disneyworld.

But I agree their reasons sound ridiculous and pushy, and I would stick to your guns.

krizzo17 · May 2013

Not gonna lie, I'm a little creeped out by this girl. And by the parents, who recognize their 8 year old's "relationship". I have no advice, other than that this definitely wouldn't fly at my wedding.

wittykitty14 · May 2013

Ditto Stage and Addie. I was (and still am) shy unless I know the people well, and are comfortable around them.

But still, they don't have the right to demand this. You're not obligated to invite the daughter's friend. Besides, if you're inviting the 8 year old's boyfriend, you'd probably have to add SOs of everyone else under 18 to make it fair. Like PPs have said, stick to your guns.

[Deleted User] · May 2013

krizzo17 said:

Not gonna lie, I'm a little creeped out by this girl. And by the parents, who recognize their 8 year old's "relationship". I have no advice, other than that this definitely wouldn't fly at my wedding.

I was going to say the same thing.

Maggie0829 · May 2013

Their response is ridiculous. I would respond with "I am sorry but we cannot accomodate your childs friend." and leave it at that.

laradoll · May 2013

- their daughter will know other children at the wedding. Other of FI cousins have children as do some of FI siblings - all children that this girl will know

kmmssg · May 2013

Then stand your ground.

NYCMercedes · May 2013

Make a short and sweet reply, as other PP have suggested. You were polite when they were out of place to ask. To ask a second time is incredibly rude. Do not engage them. Continue to say no and keep it short and sweet.

Xstatic3333 · May 2013

Yikes, I would definitely stand your ground. Also, I know many children have "bf's" and "gf's" in elementary school but I find it a little disturbing that the parents are arguing this as a partner-level relationship. If they had asked if she could bring a friend since she's shy I'd still say to politely say no, but would be a lot more sympathetic.

southernbelle0915 · May 2013

You are not obligated to accommodate additional guests that you did not invite to your wedding - it's totally at your discretion. That said, IMO there's so much that's odd about this - an 8 year old bringing her 'boyfriend' as a plus one is plenty strange enough. I agree with PP that the best route is to respond to their email (obviously their preferred means of communication since they didn't return your phone call), and say something simple like, "Thanks for reaching out to us on this, but unfortunately, we cannot accommodate additional guests. Thanks for your understanding and we're looking forward to seeing you at the wedding!" Or something else polite, yet clear that this is not OK. Let them figure it out - don't let this be your burden. With any luck, they'll leave their daughter with her boyfriend's family for the weekend and everyone will be happy.

daveANDkristen · May 2013

laradoll said:

Very wordy but in essence saying that as we were inviting partners we should extend this to their daughter. And that their daughter did not like being around children she doesn't know and they are concerned that some members of my family may have "rough" children that may scare there daughter. So her bringing her 'boyfriend' would make her more comfortable. And that we as hosts should make all our guests welcome.

The bolded is flucking ridiculous. She's in grade school - the boy is not her "partner". It is always nice to accomodate a guest's request, but if you can't or simply don't want to, you are completely within your rights.

tiny speck · May 2013

Wow, that is ridiculous. A child of 8 years old does not have a "partner".

rel1988 · May 2013

The fact that this dad is considering his 8 year old to being in a "committed relationship" is really weird and creepy.

cmacch · May 2013

Every time I think I've seen/heard it all, something like this pops up. Absurd.

AddieCake · May 2013

When I was 8, I had a crush on a boy named Justin. I just wanted to share that.

annathy03 · May 2013

Wowsers. An 8 year old having a "partner". It's really creepy her parents refer to her friend that way, but I agree with Stage, don't make it about the child's "need" to have her friend because they'll just keep arguing that. If you don't want every kid to be able to bring a friend you have to stand firm.

PrettyGirlLost · May 2013

Send this all to STFU, Parents! Your FI's cousin may get a gold star for this one ;-)

musicalcanadianbride · May 2013

Don't indulge this ridiculous behaviour.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2013

I agree with Stage that knowing people at the wedding, if you are a child, is very different than LIKING them. I went to family weddings where I knew my cousins; didn't mean I liked them any better at a wedding than I did the rest of the year.

Parents who indulge a child's belief that they will do everything and anything to make her happy are setting her up for a lifetime of disappointment. I get being painfully shy (I was, too), but asking if their 8-year-old can bring her 'boyfriend'?! Oh heeeeell no. If the kid will be that unhappy, leave her at home with a babysitter.

Who takes an 8-year-old's relationship seriously?!

radleyboo · May 2013

When I was 8, I had a crush on a boy named Kevin. We used to chase each other around the playground at recess. That was the extent of our 'relationship'. I didn't want him anywhere near my house or family, though. It was just a schoolyard crush. My parents would have locked me in the basement for a decade had they known I even thought he was cute.

As a parent, I am appalled that these people think it's appropriate in any way to think that an 8 year old is mature enough to even begin to understand a boyfriend/girlfriend type of relationship. My 9 year old step-son talks about girls at school. We tell him it's fine to think that girls are cute, but we are friends with everyone. There is nothing ok about encouraging this CHILD to foster a relationship at this age! This makes my flesh crawl.

It's even worse that they are pushing you to allow this other child to attend! No way. PP's gave good advice. Stand your ground and watch out for this poor 8 year old as she grows. Sounds like she'll need additional guidance as she gets older.

zitiqueen · May 2013

Why are you responding to them at all? This is your FI's family. He should be the one dealing with them, not you.

Jen4948 · May 2013

Because she is the one who got the email.

wrigleyville · May 2013

Jen4948 said:

Because she is the one who got the email.

Doesn't matter. She should have her FI handle it. When I get emails from FI's family, I forward them to him and let him respond. Eventually, his relatives get the point.

Jen4948 · May 2013

If they keep emailing her and he doesn't handle it, she's stuck in the middle.

MuppetFan · May 2013

If their daughter can't handle it, they can find her a babysitter.

I wouldn't say that to them...but that's my rationale. Don't let them bring her friend

wrigleyville · May 2013

An eight-year old doesn't need a +1. End of story. If she's shy, she can hang with her parents all night. If they don't want to tend to their child all night, they can hire a sitter.

I was a shy kid, so I pretty much clung to my dad during weddings. He'd hold my hand as we walked around, and when I was really little, he'd pick me up and hold me so I could bury my head in his shoulder. If it was a fancy wedding, they hired a sitter. It was no big deal. They wouldn't have dreamed of asking if I could bring a friend to keep me company. It's a wedding, not a play date.

jemmini6 · May 2013

I agree with PPs, but I have to add that I find the ridiculousness of his request hilarious. I mean seriously? An 8 year old with a 'partner'. FFS these people have some screws loose.

Anyways, ditto the wording suggestions on how to reply to him, but I also recommend you save the email. It will be funnier to you when the whole situation is over.

WEDDING HAS HAPPENED UPDATE - Rude Rsvp (?) WWYD?

Re: WEDDING HAS HAPPENED UPDATE - Rude Rsvp (?) WWYD?

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