Funny Kid

MuppetFan · May 2013

My aunt just called to ask me if she can bring a salad for my party on Monday and my 5 year old cousin (our FG) demanded to get on the phone because she had a question for me:

"Are you going to throw up on your wedding day??"

I sure hope not.

Share a funny kid story!

harper0813 · May 2013

MuppetFan said:

My aunt just called to ask me if she can bring a salad for my party on Monday and my 5 year old cousin (our FG) demanded to get on the phone because she had a question for me:

"Are you going to throw up on your wedding day??"

I sure hope not.

Share a funny kid story!

It's rude to tell people how to post.

J/K. What a funny question. Kids are hilarious, aren't they?

I worked at a childcare center in college and there was an adorable boy named George in my class who loved the song "The Itsy Bitsy Spider". Except he mistook the word "Spider" for "Fighter" - and even at the age of 2, he somehow knew what a "fighter" was. When our class sang songs, we would insert a second verse that would go "The GREAT BIG spider went up the water spout..." and he would always stand up and yell the second verse and punch the air while singing "The GREAT BIG FIGHTER WENT UP THE WATER SPOUT". Thankfully he never punched a classmate.

krizzo17 · May 2013

My friend and I were going with her 2 year old daughter to the Maryland Sheep and Wool festival (don't judge me). I showed her daughter pictures on my phone I had taken last year, of a sheep. She looks at it and says "Eat. Dinner. Yum...."

BostonGIrl4732 · May 2013

My cousin was riding around with my uncle one day doing errands. Someone cut him off, so my uncle swore. Then he told B, "We don't have to tell Mommy about this." Later my aunt was sitting with B and asked him what he had done for the day.

"Well, first we went to get gas. And then we went to Dunkin Donuts and Daddy let me have a donut with frosting! And then we went for a ride in the car. And then Daddy said Shit!, and then we went to Home Depot and Daddy bought paint..." She was like "WHAT DID DADDY SAY?"

Sold out by his kid who just kept going with the story...

harper0813 · May 2013

mrskaiser22 said:

After FI proposed (at my family Christmas party in the middle of 12 Days of Christmas), everyone was coming up and hugging me and I was sobbing like a child.

My little 7 year old cousin comes up and says, "this is just embarrassing. You should be embarrassed."

HAHAHA!

QueerFemme · May 2013

My funny kid story is about my partner's six year old niece. it went something like this:

Zoe: Christina, are you Mexican?

me: no, Zoe, I'm not.

Zoe: <insert horrified look here> What!?? Well, you sure are lucky that you finally WILL be once you marry my Tia G.

me: Um........

[Deleted User] · May 2013

This isn't mine, but stolen from a friend:

He was recently in a car accident, so he's not very mobile. He called his little girl over and said "Lil, go tell Mommy 'I love you.'"

"Hey, Mommy. Dad Loves me."

"What about me?!"

"Oh.. you love me, too."

BostonGIrl4732 · May 2013

My flower girl got a Barbie set for Christmas. It had a bride, groom, bridesmaid, and flower girl in it. I called her to wish her a Merry Christmas and to "see if Santa came" and she told me she got new Barbies. A bride and "that guy she's going to marry". I got a kick out of it!

MuppetFan · May 2013

I got mine a disney princess set like that

TKzilla · May 2013

One of my flower girls said that our wedding was "her very best wedding ever". Meant a lot coming from a three-year-old who'd never been to a wedding.

My nine-year-old junior bridesmaid stormed off during the garter toss. DH didn't use his teeth or anything ridiculous, and really didn't even have to reach that far up my dress (I may or may not have placed the garter just above my knee). She stomped over to her mom and said "Can you believe what he is doing? That is just disgusting. THERE ARE KIDS HERE!"

Also, today the same three-year-old flower girl showed me how she can scratch her nose with her toes. I SO wish I'd gotten a picture of that at the wedding.

LyannaStark · May 2013

To this day we still don't know how she knew it, but when my little sister was about 2 we were in the car trying to decide where to eat. My stepmom is a fiend for hot wings, so she mentioned Hooters.

From the backseat: "Huh huh. Boobies."

[Deleted User] · May 2013

here is a card my cousin made for my brother:

[Deleted User] · May 2013

Finally, I called my brother a "fucking asshole" back when I still looked like this:

TKzilla · May 2013

LMc0322 said:

Finally, I called my brother a "fucking asshole" back when I still looked like this:

Well was he being a fucking asshole? LMAO

[Deleted User] · May 2013

Yes, I'm pretty sure he was. I used it in the correct context, for sure. I don't know how my parents didn't just burst out laughing.

[Deleted User] · May 2013

@TXKristan - I'm glad we both posted pictures of us as children clutching onto alcohol. That child version of me would be proud of the grownup version.

MrsGandthebeag · May 2013

Wow, we can swear on here now?

MrsGandthebeag · May 2013

Wow, I'm impressed with the knot for once.

[Deleted User] · May 2013

TXKristan said:

show previous quotes

MrsGandthebeag said:

Wow, we can swear on here now?

fuck yeah!

Perfect response!

QueerFemme · May 2013

TXKristan said:

show previous quotes

MrsGandthebeag said:

Wow, we can swear on here now?

fuck yeah!

Stop cussing Kristan ! It's freaking me out !

AddieCake · May 2013

My dad lost an arm in Vietnam. The daughter of a woman my brother used to date asked where his arm was, and he told her he lost it. She said, "Is it in the dryer?" (Since things go missing in the dryer).

MuppetFan · May 2013

When I was a kid (maybe 4 or 5), my grandmother kept putting food on my plate and I was full. She put a third scoop of rice pilaf before me and I said I didn't want it. She told me "But, you like rice pilaf. I made it for you. Think of all the poor people in China!"

I thought about them...and I didn't think they were very far because when I yawned, my mom would say "wow, I can see all the way to china" and when I was digging in the yard, I'd get asked if I was tunneling to China...

So I said to Gramma "You can send it to them!" I thought I was being very thoughtful so imagine my surprise when she threatened to wash my mouth out with soap for being fresh and told on me to my mother.

jenn5628 · May 2013

My first year teaching my sweetest little grade 2 student asked me
Ocean: 'Miss D are you married?'
Me: 'no'
Ocean: 'That means you're single... You should get cats'

I'll never for get that one. Ocean had many other gems that year!

smalfrie19 · May 2013

I remember once I had gone to my sisters house with my FI and I ended up staying so my sister and I could go shopping and my FI left. Well Ayden (my 2.5 y/o nephew) comes out of his room and goes "where did uncle david go?" and we told him he went bye bye. Well he just starts BAWLING! Luckily he had just walked out. So I ran out the door and stopped him and told him he HAD to come back in and say good bye to Ayden.

This is also the kid who every time he sees me "aunty ashley, wheres uncle david?" without fail.. im like seriously kid! I am your aunt!

erinlin25 · May 2013

My 3 yr old nephew was in the car with my mom and the song "girl on Fire" from Alicia Keyes was on the radio. My nephew said "Grammy, the girl is on fire! We need to help her!."

my favorite is my best friends son-- when he was two he was afraid of the drive thru car washes. They took him in the car to go through one and wanted to record it so he could look back and see how fun it was. Well my friend and her husband are trying to be positive and fun; singing songs about teh carwash so he was not scared, but he was freaking out. As the video is recording he keeps saying Go, Dad Go! and then he says Go, Dad, Fucking Go! and he kept saying it. My best friend and her husband were in tears laughing so hard. and course sent us all the video.

cbleighb · May 2013

We just took my fiance's 5 year old niece for ice cream last week. She had just woken up and wasn't her usual chatty self. When we were all loaded in the car she said, "I have a question and I don't think either of you will like it." We asked what it was and she said with great exasperation in her voice, "When are you guys getting married already?"

:-)

wittykitty14 · May 2013

I know I've got so many of these, but this is all I've got for now

Two of my nephews are really close in age. They were in the car together when they were about 4 and 5 years old. I was driving them somewhere. One of them found a quarter on the floor and got all excited. He was in his car seat, so he couldn't pick it up right away. I told him we'd get it when we stopped. He responded with "IT'S MY MONEY AND I NEED IT NOW!". I just about lost my shit. Thank you JG Wentworth.

wittykitty14 · May 2013

I knew I'd think of another before long. Unfortunately I didn't witness this.

My brother and his family were on vacation in Florida and took their family to sea world. My youngest nephew was 4 at the time. He was really excited about his new hat he got there. They sat down in the splash zone for a dolphin show, and got DRENCHED when a dolphin did a trick. My nephew's new hat got soaked, which upset him. So he said "STUPID WHALE!", with an expression that I can't properly type out in words. My brother and SIL were dying of laughter. I wish I could have seen this.

TKzilla · May 2013

When my junior bridesmaid was about 3 or 4, there was a woman that came to my house who had to be like 17 months pregnant. I mean she was a tiny little woman with a HUGE beach ball belly. So kiddo looks at her and without a second thought says "Hey, why is your belly so big?" The woman just smiles and rubs it and says "Oh, I have a baby in there!"

Kiddo takes three HUGE steps back and hides behind me. She says "OH MY GOD YOU ATE A BABY?!"

Kid logic: the only way to get something into your belly is to eat it. Kiddo was worried she'd be next.

lmhluckadoo · May 2013

I had in hair gel and had scrunched my hair earlier that day.

My younger cousin: "Um, why is your hair so crunchy?????"

Another one, another younger cousin had just graduated kindergarden and I was carrying some of her presents to the car, among them a bag of candy. I told her if she wasn't careful, I'd eat her candy when she wasn't looking. Her response: "You monster.."

And when I adopted my guinea pig, the lady who worked at the rescue mission also worked at a daycare and that's where I met her at. When I was walking out with Petunia, one of the little boys yelled "Bye, rat!!!!!!"

rel1988 · May 2013

This is one of my favorite things on the internet ever:

Funny Kid

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