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Wedding Etiquette Forum
I need advice
I've asked on of my closest friends to be my MOH, lately she's been hitting on the soon to be groom (asking him to go away for a weekend with her, without me, asking him to come help her with things around the house ect. and on about 6-7 different occassions). She has not bought anything for the wedding yet as it's still about a year away. Can I uninvite her to be part of the bridal party, or demote her to a bridesmaid? I mean she even got drunk and tried to kiss him infront of me! (he ignores her, blocked her calls and made it clear he wants nothing to do with her. What should I do?
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Re: I need advice
I think you need to take the wedding out of the equation. You need to talk to her as a friend and have a serious conversation about her behavior. Screw the MOH, BM, bridal party bullcrap. Her basically trying to come on to your FI over and over again is a bigger issue.
Sit her down and tell her that she needs to cut the crap or you and her are done as friends. I don't know about you but I would certainly not want to keep a friend who kept trying to get with my H. Because that is a sucky ass friend.
I have said something to her before about how it makes me feel uncomfortable and i don't like that she wants to spend time alone with him, and that she should at least let me know she needs his help. But it still hasnt stopped.
I would have a talk about this behavior with your friend, without bringing the wedding into it. Tell her that you are uncomfortable with her jokes about going away together, and especially about her trying to kiss him. If she blows you off and is insensitive to your feelings about it, I would just stop talking to her (end the friendship), and being removed from your wedding will be a side effect.
If she is apologetic and stops behaving this way, do you still want to continue your friendship with her? If so, you should give her a chance to do that. Kicking someone out of your bridal party will usually end the friendship due to hurt feelings on both sides. And demoting her to bridesmaid wouldn't accomplish anything (there is no big difference between MOH and a BM, so I can't see what demoting her would help).
How have you talked to her before? Were you forceful? You need to bring the bitch out a bit. Her behavior is beyond rude. You have every right to be forceful in your tone when you talk to her. I wouldn't be too concerned about hurting her feelings because she needs to know that this shit doesn't fly.
"Friend, you need to seriously cut this shit with FI. You have crossed a major line by hitting and trying to kiss my FI. You are making my FI uncomfortable and are acting like a shitty friend to me. If you continue acting this way you and I are done. Period."
And then you actually have to stick with your word. If she continues that is it. Cut her off.
OP, you have indicated you have talked to her about this. Can you tell us what her response to you way? What reason did she give for her behavior?
Don't get me wrong there is no excuse for this behavior whatsoever but I am interested to hear what she had to say for herself.
And I agree, take wedding out of the whole equation. I would not continue a friendship with somebody who was throwing herself at my fiance.
Ultimately, a "friend" who keeps coming onto your fiance is NOT your friend. She's not even a frenemy. She's a wolf in sheep's clothing; she's someone who truly believes the mantra of "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer."
Kick her to the curb.
Also, have you talked with your FI about this?
Tell her "Either this stops NOW, or the friendship does. Your choice."
Then stand by it. The very next transgression,systematically cut her out of your life.
She just blows it off, and basically said its not a big deal and she'll do what she want. her eact response was "It's not a big deal, god youre being over the top on this. If i want to be friends with him i will"
Me and the FI have talked about it and he gets annoyed with it and avoids her at all costs because he thinks she's rude and hes even told her "i don't like you at all not even as a person, leave me alone"