Facebook Invite and it's a Potluck!

[Deleted User] · June 2013

On the defense of the mother that made people use portable toilets instead of the bathrooms in the house, there may be a logical reason for that. My sister is having a large event at her home. It's an outdoor event and they are expecting anywhere from 50-100 people (I don't know what final head count is). She has 2 1/2 bathrooms so in theory enough to accomodate everyone. The problem is that she has a septic tank and I from what I've been told that septic tanks can't handle that much potential waste in such a sort time frame, that it could cause plumbing issues in the middle of the event. That would be embarassing. So she rented portable toliets. Now I'm sure since this is a family event that if there are any parents that need to deal with diaper issues or taking small children to the bathroom, they will be allowed inside. Still ackward situation asking people to use a portable toilet but better that then the bathrooms becoming inoperable and having no where to go at all.

lyndsay782 · June 2013

Erikan73 If that was the case, I'd understand. But she wasn't letting anyone (parents w/small children included (which my friends were)) in the house, and she was in the middle of a reasonably big town, so it wasn't on a septic tank. It was that she didn't want anyone in her home. She also had one pretty full porta potty for 150+ people in the middle of July, in the California Heat. It was a smelly situation from what I heard...

Jen4948 · June 2013

versdirtyhippy said:

versdirtyhippy said:

My mother is very insistent that I have a potluck reception. She brings it up every time I call, and every time it's "No Mother, we are not doing that" She won't give up. She says she's just trying to help us save money. Last time I laid out several reasons why not including, food allergies, food poisoning, not knowing how long the dish had been out of temperature range, possible breaking of someone's dishes, not knowing what people would be bringing ect. She won't accept "It's tacky" She says that people will understand that we are all trying to save money.

Instead of getting defensive about it, you may have to be very firm and blunt: "Mom, we are not doing a potluck reception. I will not discuss this with you again, so stop bringing it up."

I did that, two phone calls ago. It didn't sink in. So I laid out reasons. Hopefully she won't mention it again.

I wouldn't have given her reasons, It does make you look like you're defending yourself and that can be construed as weakness by personality types like your mother's. Also, she clearly doesn't care what the reasons are. I'd just shut her down with "I'm not discussing it further."

allispain · June 2013

Got any random condiments you don't plan on using? As wonderful as some of the other ideas have been (I was going to say "blood sausage" myself), I'd be tempted to just show up with a bottle of ketchup or something. Or use it to get rid of the "happy birthday" paper plates I have somewhere from a party several years ago.

[Deleted User] · June 2013

lyndsay782 said:

Erikan73 If that was the case, I'd understand. But she wasn't letting anyone (parents w/small children included (which my friends were)) in the house, and she was in the middle of a reasonably big town, so it wasn't on a septic tank. It was that she didn't want anyone in her home. She also had one pretty full porta potty for 150+ people in the middle of July, in the California Heat. It was a smelly situation from what I heard...

Given those details, I totally agree, rude and she didn't accomodate her guests well either.

michellemayawheeler · June 2013

Potluck was often done back in the day by close family and friends. So I do not have a problem with a pot luck wedding if it family and friends and organized. If it Thanksgiving or Easter, a family gathering. I know quite few people who have married that way, stories when I was little girl.

So....facebook...I would do a simple letter or a fill in the blank wedding invite.

manateehugger · June 2013

michellemayawheeler said:

Potluck was often done back in the day by close family and friends. So I do not have a problem with a pot luck wedding if it family and friends and organized. If it Thanksgiving or Easter, a family gathering. I know quite few people who have married that way, stories when I was little girl.
So....facebook...I would do a simple letter or a fill in the blank wedding invite.

Again, tradition doesn't make a potluck wedding ok. Family gatherings are a completely different story than a formal hosted event.

lyndsay782 · June 2013

michellemayawheeler

If someone other than the couple was organizing it (or it was a family holiday type event), then it wouldn't be as offensive. But that's not the case.

It's a reception, that they should be hosting, and feeding their guests on their own dollar.

and as @PDKH said, tradition doesn't make it acceptable.

ashleyandchance · June 2013

Ok, normally I am the first to fuss at people for being so etiquette...ish, but this is ridiculous! I'm all for cash bars and cutting cost (and I don't need everyone telling me how wrong it is) but seriously?!? Bring your own food? There are so many ways around that it's crazy! It is definitely tacky. I hope everyone shows up with nothing. Maybe they'll get hungry enough to realize their mistake.

Jen4948 · June 2013

ashleyandchance said:

Ok, normally I am the first to fuss at people for being so etiquette...ish, but this is ridiculous! I'm all for cash bars and cutting cost (and I don't need everyone telling me how wrong it is) but seriously?!? Bring your own food? There are so many ways around that it's crazy! It is definitely tacky. I hope everyone shows up with nothing. Maybe they'll get hungry enough to realize their mistake.

If you're all for it and don't need everyone telling you how wrong it is, don't post about it on an etiquette board.

painterlt · June 2013

Wow, just wow. so she is super excited to plan... Pintrest Boards and all.... for a half assed wedding (pardon my French). I can forgive a pot luck style if you only ask family....but the Facebook invite is TACKY. Traditionally, 2nd and 3rd wedding tend to be more low key, but it doenst excuse poor manners. Yes you should provide food for your guests, if it is in a backyard then have a bbq.... that doesn't cost a ton on money. Homemade invites can even be accomplished! Weddings can be expensive but manners cost nothing!

TheBaysideBride · June 2013

Given how many times they've each done this (with 5 weddings between them), they're basically treating it like a birthday party. Which is exaclty how you should treat it. Bring some cookies, have some drinks and let your presence be the present.

rel1988 · June 2013

I would bring a bag of stale Doritos.

Facebook Invite and it's a Potluck!

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