To walk or not to walk

manateehugger · June 2013

Yep, he was my absolute favorite teacher. And he taught chemistry, which I hate. (Sorry Hoboken, I think you are a chem teacher right?). I always remember that the periodic symbol for gold is "AU" because he used to shout "Eh, You! With the gold teeth?"

And yeah, actually, he doesn't do it anymore. I ran into him a couple years ago and he basically said he doesn't get to have much fun in the classroom anymore.

runpipparun · June 2013

LingerLonger1 said:

Look here's the thing: In life sometimes you will lose. That's just life. We can't all win all the time. If you've lived your entire life being told no matter how poorly you do you'll be pushed through, and you'll get all the benefits of having won, you're not going to be prepared when life hands you a shit hand as an adult. We're doing our children a disservice by not allowing them to learn how to handle losing.

When we teach our children that they can do no wrong, we end up with douchebags in the workforce that refuse to do anything and then refuse to take responsibility for doing nothing, which just hurts society as a whole. Children need to learn early on that life isn't always fair and you can't always win.

That's not to say I don't feel for kids that can't walk. Does it suck? I have no doubt. However, we're creating a world of monsters and when our society crumbles because no one wants to do anything we have no one to blame but ourselves because we TAUGHT THEM its okay to be lazy.

So true, and applying that elsewhere (sports, hobbies), when every kid gets a trophy, he never learns whether he is truly successful at something, whether he could improve at something, or whether he... you know... ought to take up ceramics or synchronize swimming (not knocking it, my mother did it) instead. I don't know about anybody else, but if I'd stuck with every stupid activity I'd ever tried because some adult had told me I was a "winner," I'd have a whole bunch of mediocre hobbies. Instead, my parents said, "Hmm, tennis doesn't seem to be your thing. You're good at the running. Let's try track." And I have a lot to show for it and something I'm passionate about. Whereas parents I know today are afraid to "criticize" their kids for damaging little Johnny's self-esteem, and they don't want anyone else giving constructive criticism either.

ETA: It REALLY bugged me in high school basketball that my coach never cut anyone because he didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. We practiced with over 30 girls every day, some people who had never played basketball before in their lives. And then he'd scream derogatory things at them when they struggled. WTF?

MrsMack10612 · June 2013

So I'm curious what the age range of the folks posting on this thread are.

My friend I was talking to last night is about 10 years younger than I am and grew up during the time when the everybody wins mentality sort of started.

I was wondering if the opinions of the folks on here is a generational thing.

manateehugger · June 2013

I'm 24.

I do think it's slightly a generational thing. Many of my peers tend to think opportunities should be planted at their feet - with little to no effort from them.

When I graduated from college, I was shocked at the number of people who didn't have jobs or plans for grad school. But talking to those people, I realized that most of them had thrown out only a couple applications and seemed to assume that someone should hire them. I think it's kind of "This is how life goes" mentality.

I also had an acquaintance turn down a $40K offer in her career field (for St. Louis metro area, this is a pretty good starting offer for a BA) because she thought she deserved more. Mind you, she didn't attempt to negotiate for more money, she just turned it down.

MrsMack10612 · June 2013

@lingerlonger1 - I too fall into the old category.

@PDKH - you are actually younger than my friend.

From only two (so far) responses on the age question, I'm going to say it is generational, but perhaps it also has to do with upbringing - how/where you were raised.

runpipparun · June 2013

On the far side of 30.

manateehugger · June 2013

@kjhowd

I like to complain about "my generation" a lot. I always have trouble deciding if it's because we're still young and stupid or if it's an actual generation mentality. I was an accident baby - my three older siblings are all in their 30's. So I like to think that makes me more mature - probably dumb arrogance on my part haha.

I agree about upbringing, but it's all cyclical. Every time I see a lazy parent fail to properly discipline their kid, I get worried for the next generation.

manateehugger · June 2013

LingerLonger1 said:

kjhowd said:

@lingerlonger1 - I too fall into the old category.

@PDKH - you are actually younger than my friend.

From only two (so far) responses on the age question, I'm going to say it is generational, but perhaps it also has to do with upbringing - how/where you were raised.

Without a doubt. My youngest sister is in her very early 20s. She busts ass and has never wanted anything handed to her. A friend of mine is the same age and thinks he should get everything on a silver platter. The 3 of us were raised in the same area, but his mom let him get away with a lot more than our parents did. I can't tell you how many stories he has about his mom saving him from various problems. My sister might have one or two.

I think the expectations you were raised with has a LOT to do with this, but it definitely is generational as well.

Yeah I agree with this too. For example, at 16, my mom cut us all off from clothes, gas, movies, etc. We didn't have to get a job, but if we wanted to go anywhere or do anything, it was up to us to pay for it - AKA get a job. It was a good lesson.

MrsMack10612 · June 2013

LingerLonger1 said:

kjhowd said:

@lingerlonger1 - I too fall into the old category.

@PDKH - you are actually younger than my friend.

From only two (so far) responses on the age question, I'm going to say it is generational, but perhaps it also has to do with upbringing - how/where you were raised.
Without a doubt. My youngest sister is in her very early 20s. She busts ass and has never wanted anything handed to her. A friend of mine is the same age and thinks he should get everything on a silver platter. The 3 of us were raised in the same area, but his mom let him get away with a lot more than our parents did. I can't tell you how many stories he has about his mom saving him from various problems. My sister might have one or two.

I think the expectations you were raised with has a LOT to do with this, but it definitely is generational as well.

I think this example shows exactly that there are a lot of factors that play into how/why this happens. I'm sure my siblings who range in age difference 5-8 years older than me think that I had it way easy compared to them; yet we all have the same expectation that nothing will be handed to us.

misshart00 · June 2013

FWIW, I'm 23. A lot of people my age think they deserve everything handed to them. It drives me crazy. But I was also raised that you don't always get what you want. Even when you work hard. And you definitely don't get it if you don't work.

kerbohl · June 2013

I'm 26. I went to private schools, and there were no participation trophies given. So maybe that changes how the people I know are, but we would never do what this girl is doing. I had a teacher that was a horrible teacher. His teaching style catered to people who already had a grasp of the material, so if you didn't you were a little screwed. So I asked him for private tutoring. That didn't help - he knew I didn't get it but still used this over-my-head teaching style. So I stepped it up, read extra, worked harder on the assignments, and I was an above-average student in that class by the end of it. Yeah, it would have been nice if he had been the type of teacher that could actually help students that were struggling, but we don't always get those awesome teachers.

Also, my mother stepping in on any of my issues? Laughable. It's not that she doesn't care, but she expected me to do it myself. I cannot understand these people who think everything should be handed to them.

swimmy1988 · June 2013

I'd be embarrassed to walk if I was in that position. I mean, everyone knows she really failed.

She shouldn't be entitled to walking if she didn't do the work or get the grade. If she had trouble with math, she should've asked for extra help or found a tutor.

It just seems like this is the teenage version of a PPD, except for graduations. It's all for show and not really truthful.

ETA: I'm 25. I was told I had to work for things if I really wanted it. My parents didn't have to bother me to do my homework, I did it on my own. And when I failed a physics test in grade 11, I asked my teacher for help, and then my dad when I still didn't get it.

WinstonsGirl · June 2013

@HoorayForSoup @LingerLonger1 - 50% has always been a pass, at least in my School District, even from when I was in elementary school. DH says it was like that in Quebec too, so maybe it's a Canadian thing?? I had never heard of 50% not being a pass until I did a year of school in England where a pass was 40% or higher.

I'm 33, and I think it's both generational and parenting. I've never seen entitlement before in University until this current course I'm taking. It's a physical activity course for a Physical Education degree. I've taken a ton of these courses and the point is how good are you at this particular sport. People in this class are upset cos they are being graded on how well they do yoga poses when they can't physically do one (injury, body awareness, whatever the excuse) and will potentially get a lower mark. But that is how you are assessed in these classes, and we know this from day 1. There's a reason why I never took the basket-ball version. I'd fail. hey also want to hand in assignments/do presentations late cos they already had plans for the scheduled date, etc. Not medical, but concerts, mini-trips, etc. I love my Prof for saying nope and not budging

Jen4948 · June 2013

If she didn't pass, she doesn't get to walk. If she dreamed of it so much and is such a "good kid," she should have studied and passed. End of story.

Anastasia517 · June 2013

I'm 21 and graduated high school in 2009. FI is a year older and was a grade ahead. We both had teachers who would mark honestly (a guy finished my Civics class with an 8%), offer to skip really advanced kids, and would hold people back if they flunked. I actually can't think of a single teacher in my high school who coddled.

As far as I know, 50% has always been a pass in Canada, even for most university courses. However, I was told that professors are supposed to aim for a class average of 65% (15% above failing, 15% below keeping entrance scholarships) so that has to be considered.

To walk or not to walk

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