Dog at Reception (Yes, I am serious)

BlueskiesE · June 2013

My wedding is July 6, and my mom and stepfather are traveling up to Ohio from Florida. My stepfather has a "service" dog that they plan on bringing with him, and they want to bring him to the indoor reception. SF is not blind and his only disability is walking with a slight limp. For those not familiar, there is a movement of people who are training "service dogs" for anyone with any disability. Once the dog has completed the course, legally, all businesses have to allow these service dogs in.

I had suggested a compromise to my mom....have SF bring the dog to the outdoor ceremony, then take the dog to my house and have him stay there during the indoor reception. My mom's response: "Well, legally, he has a right to bring him anywhere he goes." Ummm....my reception hall has a lot of regulations, and I am not sure how the owner will react to the service dog. (BTW, this dog was a stray that SF adopted and subsequently trained as a service dog, NOT one that was raised as a service dog from puppyhood).

To be honest, this dog smells and does not really behave as a service dog (barks, begs for food, etc.). If my SF was blind or had some other pressing need for the service dog, I would not bat an eyelash!! But I am not really wanting to have a dog at my indoor reception, and I think this is one occasion that "Spot" could sit out. Also, I am concerned about a relative with dog allergies being exposed to the dander. Thoughts?

bethsmiles · June 2013

Although businesses have to allow service dogs in they are allowed to reject a service dog if it is aggressive, unsafe or disruptive. Let the service dog come. If it is a problem have someone who works for your venue take care of it.

Not allowing your step-father to bring his service dog is only going to make you look bad. And people use service dogs for a variety of legitimate reasons, it's really not your place to judge if someone's disability is worthy of having a service dog.

tiny speck · June 2013

I agree with Beth. Let him bring the dog, but give the venue a heads-up (not that you don't think the dog is a "proper" service dog but that a service dog will be coming). Then on the day if there are any problems the venue can deal with them.

kmmssg · June 2013

OK - I just google service dogs and went to the Department of Justice's website for Q&A's.

Just playing Devil's advocate here for a moment but (see the bold part)

"2. Q: What is a service animal?

A: The ADA defines a service animal as any guide dog, signal dog, or other animal individually trained to provide assistance to an individual with a disability. If they meet this definition, animals are considered service animals under the ADA regardless of whether they have been licensed or certified by a state or local government.
Service animals perform some of the functions and tasks that the individual with a disability cannot perform for him or herself. Guide dogs are one type of service animal, used by some individuals who are blind. This is the type of service animal with which most people are familiar. But there are service animals that assist persons with other kinds of disabilities in their day-to-day activities. Some examples include:
_ Alerting persons with hearing impairments to sounds.
_ Pulling wheelchairs or carrying and picking up things for persons with mobility impairments.
_ Assisting persons with mobility impairments with balance.
A service animal is not a pet.
In 2010, the DOJ revised the ADA regulations to define a service dog as:
Service animals are defined as dogs that are individually trained to do work or perform tasks for people with disabilities. Examples of such work or tasks include guiding people who are blind, alerting people who are deaf, pulling a wheelchair, alerting and protecting a person who is having a seizure, reminding a person with mental illness to take prescribed medications, calming a person with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) during an anxiety attack, or performing other duties. Service animals are working animals, not pets. The work or task a dog has been trained to provide must be directly related to the person’s disability. Dogs whose sole function is to provide comfort or emotional support do not qualify as service animals under the ADA.
I'm just curious here - since SF has a mild limp, what does this dog do for him that he can't do for himself? If this dog doesn't have to do any tasks to assist your SF, your venue is not required to let it in under the ADA.

SJM7538 · June 2013

bethsmiles said:
Although businesses have to allow service dogs in they are allowed to reject a service dog if it is aggressive, unsafe or disruptive. Let the service dog come. If it is a problem have someone who works for your venue take care of it.

Not allowing your step-father to bring his service dog is only going to make you look bad. And people use service dogs for a variety of legitimate reasons, it's really not your place to judge if someone's disability is worthy of having a service dog.

I agree with this last sentence. If your sf uses the assistance of the service dog to walk then maybe it is more painful for him to walk than you are aware of.

I'm not sure what the dog being a stray has to do with anything? If he went through the training and is a legitimate service dog then you need to allow him to bring the dog.

BlueskiesE · June 2013

Thanks for honest but nice feedback, everyone. I thought about it last night and I am not willing to put a strain on our relationship by saying "no dog."

I'm just curious here - since SF has a mild limp, what does this dog do for him that he can't do for himself? If this dog doesn't have to do any tasks to assist your SF, your venue is not required to let it in under the ADA.

That's just it....I cannot really see what the dog does for him that he cannot do himself. But at the end of the day...it's not for me to judge.

Thanks, everyone!

itzMS · June 2013

Slightly OT and judgity here, but I was on an airplane once and the woman across the aisle from me had a "Service Cat" that she was allowed to have on her lap the entire flight for anxiety reasons.

The cat was longhair, and obviously was not a non-shedding cat and cat hair was everywhere. I definitely was a bit grossed out.

I agree that sometimes the service animal thing can seem a bit difficult to understand. It sounds like your Stepdad's dog may make some other guests uncomfortable, but I don't know if there's anything you can do about it.

lyndausvi · June 2013

It's a service dog. Don't judge and just let it go. A proper service dog just lays under the table or chair of their master and doesn't bother anyone. Nor should others pet the dog because it's working.

If it's not properly trained then that is a different issue.

bunni727 · June 2013

Liatris2010 said:

Some people have service dogs because of anxiety disorders and similar things, not because of a physical disability. Not saying that is why SF has one, but if it is, he might prefer to blame it on his limp than talk about a private medical condition.

I like the idea of asking mom to make sure the dog is bathed and groomed before the wedding. You can also avoid placing anyone who is fearful of dogs at the same table as your SF.

This. At least it's not a horse.

@itzMS, that is pretty judgey. Anxiety is a very real problem. Sure, she probably could have chosen a less obtrusive cat to take on the plane, but she may have already had that one as a pet before her anxiety developed, so she had her own cat certified rather than getting one specifically for that purpose. But I can definitely see where you are coming from, esp since you had to be confined n close quarters with the shedding and allergies are so common. H's grandma lets her long hair cats on the counters, even while cooking. Blehck.

ETA: Just so I'm clear, I think it's judgey, but I also think you had a reason to judge. If I had one, I would avoid taking a service animal on a plane. The quarters are close anyway, but it's not like most public spaces where there is an option to sit somewhere else and control how much your ESA is affecting those around you.

StephJean83 · June 2013

My FH's friend volunteers with a group that trains service dogs. She was telling us that for service dogs they wear a vest to alert people to them being service dogs. The group she works with doesn't train any dogs over 2 years old, so a stray dog may not be one they could train, if it is deemed too old. The cost of training a service dog starts around $8,000 and can cost up to $25,000; depending on what services the dog would need to help preform. From that viewpoint, seeing what you wrote, I do question if the dog was officially trained by a service dog group or just took obedience classes.

If it is a true service dog, he is allowed to bring it with him and as PPs said, talk to your mom about the smell and begging. If you are concerned with allergies or people being afraid, seat them away from the dog and give the venue a heads up.

southernbelle0915 · June 2013

If it's a legit service dog, you can't really say no and I think it's good that you've decided to not strain the relationship by allowing him to bring the dog.

It's really funny this came up because I JUST heard about this movement - FFIL is a lawyer and represents apartment complexes. One such complex didn't allow pitbulls. A young girl got one anyway and when they told her she needed to get rid of the dog she went online and got it certified as a service dog so she could keep it. Another funny story - I used to work for a company where the owner went a little looney tunes and bought a service animal costume for her pet dog and brought it into work. It was always barking and jumping all over people. I don't work there anymore...

lyndausvi · June 2013

I don't think anyone is going to argue that the term "service dog" needs better defining? Until that happens there is not much you can do.

harper0813 · June 2013

itzMS said:
Slightly OT and judgity here, but I was on an airplane once and the woman across the aisle from me had a "Service Cat" that she was allowed to have on her lap the entire flight for anxiety reasons.

The cat was longhair, and obviously was not a non-shedding cat and cat hair was everywhere. I definitely was a bit grossed out.

I agree that sometimes the service animal thing can seem a bit difficult to understand. It sounds like your Stepdad's dog may make some other guests uncomfortable, but I don't know if there's anything you can do about it.

Wow, I would not have been okay with this cat on the plane. I know many people with allergy-induced asthma (including FI) and that's not cool. Cat allergies are not at all uncommon. I have major anxiety issues on planes myself (I know I'm assuming here that she had a plane phobia) and I fly often, but I have other ways of dealing with it. Anyway, I know this is not how everyone feels, but I have difficulty understanding why the comfort of one person trumps the comfort of the rest of the passengers - especially in a confined space and when cat hair is wispy and "travels" easily.

But I agree with PPs that there really isn't anything to do but warn the venue of the service dog and explain that if the dog isn't well behaved (well behaved meaning - calm and lying at his feet) they may ask the owner to keep better watch on his dog and eventually ask them to take the dog elsewhere.

Jen4948 · June 2013

As PPs have said, about all you can do is give the venue a heads-up that a service dog is coming, and let your mom and stepfather know that the dog has to be properly groomed and the smell has to be dealt with, and he may be asked to remove the dog if these matters haven't been taken care of. Also, he has to keep the dog away from anyone with an allergy.

emeejeeayen · June 2013

Yeah, I treat dogs like kids and feel like they should be allowed everywhere. I get that they're not and that not everyone loves them like I do, but I wouldn't fight a service dog situation.

In other news, my dog will be at my wedding (ceremony and reception).

Simply Fated · June 2013

@zoberg
I have that problem and would not last more than an hour near a cat in an enclosed place like a plane.
It's like, to help one person's problem, problems are caused for other people. It's not fair and I think there needs to be limits.

Jen4948 · June 2013

emeejeeayen said:

Yeah, I treat dogs like kids and feel like they should be allowed everywhere. I get that they're not and that not everyone loves them like I do, but I wouldn't fight a service dog situation.

In other news, my dog will be at my wedding (ceremony and reception).

It's not always a case of "loving" dogs. I love dogs, but my mother is deathly allergic to them, and if I have to choose between her and dogs, it will be her every time.

Humans aren't allergic to other humans, but some are allergic to dogs. Not to mention that sometimes even the best-trained therapy dog can get out of control at a wedding. And sometimes venues just won't allow them.

annathy03 · June 2013

If the dog is certified there isn't really anything to do besides let the venue know, request the dog be bathed beforehand, and avoid sitting those with allergies near your SF. Based on your description of it barking and begging for food I would try to seat him in an easy exit point in case he does need to take the dog out- even a well behaved service dog may need to go out to potty, and a not so well behaved one may be a disruption to other guests on the way. Hopefully the dog will behave, and he should have his vest on if he's working. I will add if he wasn't wearing it when you've seen him bark/beg that for some service animals that vest is what indicates to them they are working, and when it isn't that indicates they are off-duty.

emeejeeayen · June 2013

Jen4948 said:

emeejeeayen said:

Yeah, I treat dogs like kids and feel like they should be allowed everywhere. I get that they're not and that not everyone loves them like I do, but I wouldn't fight a service dog situation.

In other news, my dog will be at my wedding (ceremony and reception).

It's not always a case of "loving" dogs. I love dogs, but my mother is deathly allergic to them, and if I have to choose between her and dogs, it will be her every time.

Humans aren't allergic to other humans, but some are allergic to dogs. Not to mention that sometimes even the best-trained therapy dog can get out of control at a wedding. And sometimes venues just won't allow them.

I mean sure, but I'm also allergic to pollen and no one is banning trees - nor should they.

Summer2011Bride · June 2013

I have often seen emotional support animals on planes. They are slightly different than service animals; they don't have the "clearance" to go as many places as service dogs do, but they should be wearing identification to show they are an ESA and places will typically allow them in just like they do service animals. Not saying what your SF has is an ESA, but just pointing out there are many reasons people have animals for support beyond just physical limitations. This is also probably why the one poster saw a cat on a flight.

I'm glad you've decided to allow him to bring the dog. If it is not acting appropriately and like a service animal should (barking, whining, begging, etc), have someone from the venue (not you) ask him to remove the animal. Otherwise, no harm no foul.

Jen4948 · June 2013

emeejeeayen said:

Jen4948 said:

emeejeeayen said:

Yeah, I treat dogs like kids and feel like they should be allowed everywhere. I get that they're not and that not everyone loves them like I do, but I wouldn't fight a service dog situation.

In other news, my dog will be at my wedding (ceremony and reception).

It's not always a case of "loving" dogs. I love dogs, but my mother is deathly allergic to them, and if I have to choose between her and dogs, it will be her every time.

Humans aren't allergic to other humans, but some are allergic to dogs. Not to mention that sometimes even the best-trained therapy dog can get out of control at a wedding. And sometimes venues just won't allow them.

I mean sure, but I'm also allergic to pollen and no one is banning trees - nor should they.

You're missing the point, which is that if someone is deliberately allergic to something that is moving around, that thing either needs not to be there or kept under tight control. So for tree pollen, I assume you're not having your wedding under a tree?

Same thing with dogs. Sorry, but the needs of human beings who are allergic to dogs (or anything else) are the same as those who are allergic to trees. The things they are allergic to have to be kept away from them. That means, your allergic guests' needs not to be with dogs need to take priority and trump your desire to have a dog there.

SJM7538 · June 2013

Jen4948 said:

emeejeeayen said:

Jen4948 said:

emeejeeayen said:

Yeah, I treat dogs like kids and feel like they should be allowed everywhere. I get that they're not and that not everyone loves them like I do, but I wouldn't fight a service dog situation.

In other news, my dog will be at my wedding (ceremony and reception).
It's not always a case of "loving" dogs. I love dogs, but my mother is deathly allergic to them, and if I have to choose between her and dogs, it will be her every time.

Humans aren't allergic to other humans, but some are allergic to dogs. Not to mention that sometimes even the best-trained therapy dog can get out of control at a wedding. And sometimes venues just won't allow them.
I mean sure, but I'm also allergic to pollen and no one is banning trees - nor should they.
You're missing the point, which is that if someone is deliberately allergic to something that is moving around, that thing either needs not to be there or kept under tight control. So for tree pollen, I assume you're not having your wedding under a tree?

Same thing with dogs. Sorry, but the needs of human beings who are allergic to dogs (or anything else) are the same as those who are allergic to trees. The things they are allergic to have to be kept away from them. That means, your allergic guests' needs not to be with dogs need to take priority and trump your desire to have a dog there.

I totally get the allergy thing. They suck. I just developed them this year and need to take claritan to be around my three dogs. Well worth it because I love them.

But what about the needs of the person with the disability? How is it okay to say the needs of the people that are allergic to dogs trump the needs of the person with the disability? THe people who are allergic to dogs can stay away from the dog for the night (I mean unless its running around wild or something.) But the person with the disabilty has this service dog for one reason or another. Its kind of a no win situation

Jen4948 · June 2013

SJM7538 said:

Jen4948 said:

You're missing the point, which is that if someone is deliberately allergic to something that is moving around, that thing either needs not to be there or kept under tight control. So for tree pollen, I assume you're not having your wedding under a tree?

Same thing with dogs. Sorry, but the needs of human beings who are allergic to dogs (or anything else) are the same as those who are allergic to trees. The things they are allergic to have to be kept away from them. That means, your allergic guests' needs not to be with dogs need to take priority and trump your desire to have a dog there.

I totally get the allergy thing. They suck. I just developed them this year and need to take claritan to be around my three dogs. Well worth it because I love them.

But what about the needs of the person with the disability? How is it okay to say the needs of the people that are allergic to dogs trump the needs of the person with the disability? THe people who are allergic to dogs can stay away from the dog for the night (I mean unless its running around wild or something.) But the person with the disabilty has this service dog for one reason or another. Its kind of a no win situation

Yeah, it is pretty much a no-win situation because it means that the disabled person needs to keep the dog under control and away from the allergic person-which can pretty much mean away from everyone if someone in attendance is allergic but hasn't made a general announcement of it. So that can really interfere with the disabled person's ability to socialize with others-especially those who are allergic.

Emeejeeayen, though, is talking about dogs in general, and I think the needs of everyone, allergic people especially, not to be subject to non-service dogs need to take priority over the desire to have dogs everywhere just because you (generic) love your (again generic) dogs.

Jen4948 · June 2013

A possible compromise: OP, would you be willing for there to be a human being there to assist with things that your stepfather's service dog normally does, in place of the dog? Would your stepfather?

SJM7538 · June 2013

Jen4948 said:

SJM7538 said:

Jen4948 said:

You're missing the point, which is that if someone is deliberately allergic to something that is moving around, that thing either needs not to be there or kept under tight control. So for tree pollen, I assume you're not having your wedding under a tree?

Same thing with dogs. Sorry, but the needs of human beings who are allergic to dogs (or anything else) are the same as those who are allergic to trees. The things they are allergic to have to be kept away from them. That means, your allergic guests' needs not to be with dogs need to take priority and trump your desire to have a dog there.

I totally get the allergy thing. They suck. I just developed them this year and need to take claritan to be around my three dogs. Well worth it because I love them.

But what about the needs of the person with the disability? How is it okay to say the needs of the people that are allergic to dogs trump the needs of the person with the disability? THe people who are allergic to dogs can stay away from the dog for the night (I mean unless its running around wild or something.) But the person with the disabilty has this service dog for one reason or another. Its kind of a no win situation

Yeah, it is pretty much a no-win situation because it means that the disabled person needs to keep the dog under control and away from the allergic person-which can pretty much mean away from everyone if someone in attendance is allergic but hasn't made a general announcement of it. So that can really interfere with the disabled person's ability to socialize with others-especially those who are allergic.

Emeejeeayen, though, is talking about dogs in general, and I think the needs of everyone, allergic people especially, not to be subject to non-service dogs need to take priority over the desire to have dogs everywhere just because you (generic) love your (again generic) dogs.

Ohh ok. I think I didn't catch that whole part. I think I'm 50/50 on this with you and Emeejeeayen. I see no problem with having a dog at the cermoney as long as its outside. Heck, I would be having my pug in my ceremony if we weren't getting married an hour away from where we live. The reception is a different story. Its a PITA I'm sure for some guests but also can probably be very overwhelming for the dog. IDK what I would do with my dog during the reception?

Peledreamsofrain · June 2013

Post removed due to GBCK

Jen4948 · June 2013

SJM7538 said:

Jen4948 said:

Yeah, it is pretty much a no-win situation because it means that the disabled person needs to keep the dog under control and away from the allergic person-which can pretty much mean away from everyone if someone in attendance is allergic but hasn't made a general announcement of it. So that can really interfere with the disabled person's ability to socialize with others-especially those who are allergic.

Emeejeeayen, though, is talking about dogs in general, and I think the needs of everyone, allergic people especially, not to be subject to non-service dogs need to take priority over the desire to have dogs everywhere just because you (generic) love your (again generic) dogs.
Ohh ok. I think I didn't catch that whole part. I think I'm 50/50 on this with you and Emeejeeayen. I see no problem with having a dog at the cermoney as long as its outside. Heck, I would be having my pug in my ceremony if we weren't getting married an hour away from where we live. The reception is a different story. Its a PITA I'm sure for some guests but also can probably be very overwhelming for the dog. IDK what I would do with my dog during the reception?

Not knowing that is a very good reason why dogs should not be included. From what I know about dogs, they need routine, like regular walks, grooming, feeding, etc. and they can be very uncomfortable in unusual situations, such as a big party in an unfamiliar place with lots of unknown people, some of whom may be very uncomfortable around dogs. (I'm sure dogs can pick up when people are not comfortable around them.)

Putting a non-service dog into that kind of situation is not just an unkindness to people who have allergies or other trouble with dogs, but also to the dogs themselves. So it can make situations with service dogs problematic too. So upthread I suggested that if possible, perhaps another person do for the disabled person at the wedding what the dog would normally do, but I understand that that isn't always possible either. Like we agreed, a potentially no-win situation.

poodlemom13 · June 2013

No one should have problems with Allergies unless they are petting the dog. I love dogs and will have all 3 of my at my entire wedding. I would suggest to your Mom that she makes sure the dog gets a bath the day of the wedding if it really does stink.

Jen4948 · June 2013

poodlemom13 said:

No one should have problems with Allergies unless they are petting the dog. I love dogs and will have all 3 of my at my entire wedding. I would suggest to your Mom that she makes sure the dog gets a bath the day of the wedding if it really does stink.

Allergic reactions can be triggered by less than petting the dog. Bathing it isn't enough. They shed and depending on this one does, may press against people.

misshart00 · June 2013

poodlemom13 said:
No one should have problems with Allergies unless they are petting the dog. I love dogs and will have all 3 of my at my entire wedding. I would suggest to your Mom that she makes sure the dog gets a bath the day of the wedding if it really does stink.

Not true. There are some animals I'm so allergic to, my eyes swell even being in the same room as them.

Kate61487 · June 2013

poodlemom13 said:

No one should have problems with Allergies unless they are petting the dog. I love dogs and will have all 3 of my at my entire wedding. I would suggest to your Mom that she makes sure the dog gets a bath the day of the wedding if it really does stink.

seriously? Have you ever actually met anyone with pet allergies? My friends and family who have pet allergies aren't very severe, but they absolutely are affected just being in the same room for a few hours. Someone with more severe allergies would have an even more severe reaction.

Dog at Reception (Yes, I am serious)

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