Card Box Question

kryan32 · June 2013

Do we have to have a card box / gift table?

This is a second wedding and my sister is already nagging that we're only holding a wedding as an excuse to get gifts and if we have a card box, she's liable to say something about it at the reception...

Can we just assume that people will know we're older and don't need or want anything other than their attendance on our special day?

Take care,
Kim

itzMS · June 2013

kryan32 said:

Do we have to have a card box / gift table?

This is a second wedding and my sister is already nagging that we're only holding a wedding as an excuse to get gifts and if we have a card box, she's liable to say something about it at the reception...

Can we just assume that people will know we're older and don't need or want anything other than their attendance on our special day?

Take care,
Kim

People will still bring cards. Bringing a card does not mean there is money in it. Honestly, just have a small card box. It doesn't need to be showy or elaborate. It's just a safe place for guests to put their cards.

http://www.amazon.com/Martha-Stewart-Gift-White-Eyelet/dp/B0045HPFMC/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1371158165&sr=8-1&keywords=martha+stewart+card+box

Simply Fated · June 2013

I would have a card box to keep the cards safe. Some people WILL bring cards and it's better to be safe than sorry. Your sister needs to look at this logically.

Jen4948 · June 2013

Technically, you're not supposed to, but it would be helpful for anyone who does bring a card to have a safe place to put it.

harper0813 · June 2013

Your sister is being rude. Of course you can and should put out a box to prevent confusion and loss/theft. Or people will end up handing them directly to you, your parents, her, etc. It doesn't need to be big or fancy. Just have a table near the door.

itzMS · June 2013

Jen4948 said:

Technically, you're not supposed to, but it would be helpful for anyone who does bring a card to have a safe place to put it.

Huh? So where do guests put the cards that they bring?

Jen4948 · June 2013

itzMS said:

Jen4948 said:

Technically, you're not supposed to, but it would be helpful for anyone who does bring a card to have a safe place to put it.
Huh? So where do guests put the cards that they bring?

Technically, they're not supposed to bring cards. All gifts, including cards, are supposed to be sent to the couple before or after the wedding-not brought.

That's technically. I didn't say I agree with it.

cmmurphy89 · June 2013

If you don't have a card box, or want to avoid one, You could have a nice white bag that you take with you in the receiving line or when you visit the tables. This way you have a place to keep them.

I love my venue but unfortunately my parents attended a reception there a few months ago and their cardbox was stolen during the reception. The Couple had to immediately announce to the guest to stop checks, etc. and spent 45 minutes with the police during the reception.

We chose this option because my mom said this is how it was done before the cardbox anyway.

winelover123 · June 2013

Sleeper2013 said:

cmmurphy89 said:

If you don't have a card box, or want to avoid one, You could have a nice white bag that you take with you in the receiving line or when you visit the tables. This way you have a place to keep them.

I love my venue but unfortunately my parents attended a reception there a few months ago and their cardbox was stolen during the reception. The Couple had to immediately announce to the guest to stop checks, etc. and spent 45 minutes with the police during the reception.

We chose this option because my mom said this is how it was done before the cardbox anyway.

I would totally side-eye the bolded.

I too would side-eye this. And be a little confused - I'd be thinking, "Why on earth does she have a sack with her?" Just put one on the cake table or escort card table - it definitely does not have to be elaborate.

Simply Fated · June 2013

winelover123 said:

Sleeper2013 said:

cmmurphy89 said:

If you don't have a card box, or want to avoid one, You could have a nice white bag that you take with you in the receiving line or when you visit the tables. This way you have a place to keep them.

I love my venue but unfortunately my parents attended a reception there a few months ago and their cardbox was stolen during the reception. The Couple had to immediately announce to the guest to stop checks, etc. and spent 45 minutes with the police during the reception.

We chose this option because my mom said this is how it was done before the cardbox anyway.

I would totally side-eye the bolded.

I too would side-eye this. And be a little confused - I'd be thinking, "Why on earth does she have a sack with her?" Just put one on the cake table or escort card table - it definitely does not have to be elaborate.

I worked at a catering hall during a time when this was a really popular trend. We all side-eyed it. It just came across as presumptuous or something.

Summer2011Bride · June 2013

Have an inconspicuous and simple card box. Many people will bring cards, and some may even bring physical gifts. It would be worse to not have anywhere to put them and risk losing/forgetting some of the gifts/cards.

kerbohl · June 2013

winelover123 said:

Sleeper2013 said:

cmmurphy89 said:

If you don't have a card box, or want to avoid one, You could have a nice white bag that you take with you in the receiving line or when you visit the tables. This way you have a place to keep them.

I love my venue but unfortunately my parents attended a reception there a few months ago and their cardbox was stolen during the reception. The Couple had to immediately announce to the guest to stop checks, etc. and spent 45 minutes with the police during the reception.

We chose this option because my mom said this is how it was done before the cardbox anyway.

I would totally side-eye the bolded.

I too would side-eye this. And be a little confused - I'd be thinking, "Why on earth does she have a sack with her?" Just put one on the cake table or escort card table - it definitely does not have to be elaborate.

I read this and immediately though "why, to steal children of course!" It's a Christmas tradition in the Netherlands - Black Peter (yes, we know it is racist, there is great controversy over it) carries a sack with him so he can kidnap all the bad children and beat them with reeds. And that is immediately what I thought of . . .

s-aries8990 · June 2013

If you don't want a cardbox, maybe do a basket?

s-aries8990 · June 2013

NYUgirl100 said:

I do not like baskets because unscrupulous people can lift stuff out of them. With a basket or bag, who is going to watching it all night?

This all depends on the nature of the reception. If it's at a hotel or function hall with multiple events, a weighted box is your best bet, but if it's a smaller affair that won't attract as much attention (someone's house, a private side room at a restaurant) a basket will be ok.

manateehugger · June 2013

NYUgirl100 said:

I do not like baskets because unscrupulous people can lift stuff out of them. With a basket or bag, who is going to watching it all night?

I always see gift tables/card boxes at weddings. Usually the venue staff assigns someone to keep an eye on it. And the gifts are usually whisked away after the ceremony starts.

daveANDkristen · June 2013

kerbohl said:

I read this and immediately though "why, to steal children of course!" It's a Christmas tradition in the Netherlands - Black Peter (yes, we know it is racist, there is great controversy over it) carries a sack with him so he can kidnap all the bad children and beat them with reeds. And that is immediately what I thought of . . .

Reading assignment for all: "Six to Eight Black Men" by David Sedaris. After that, everything else by David Sedaris.

kryan32 · June 2013

Hi All - I'm not trying to decide between a box/basket/bag... I wanted to know if I could avoid the whole gift thing...

I get that some people will bring us cards, so I should have something... Hopefully we can put a small card box on a discrete table and that will be the end of it...

I am trying to avoid another heated conversation with my sister who has it in her head for some reason that we are holding this wedding to "make money." Her opinion is that there's no reason for a "real" second wedding - people already brought me gifts at my first wedding, so we should just go to a jp and not have a celebration.

I have tried to explain my reasons to her for having a second wedding. I also pointed out that hosting a wedding to make money is ridiculous - the cost of the wedding / reception is way more than we would ever hope to "make."

I don't understand how she got this into her head, but she and I have always seen things differently and she's clearly not going to change her opinion about it... She is, however, coming to the wedding, so I'm just looking for the path of least resistance here...

KDM323 · June 2013

Are you re-marrying your first husband?

If not...then your sister needs to get over her own personal opinion on 2nd weddings and accept that this is a NEW marriage and your family and friends will likely bring you cards and/or gifts and you need to have a place to put them.

There is a second weddings board here on the Knot...you may find a suggestion there as to how to deal with your sister.

itzMS · June 2013

kryan32 said:

Hi All - I'm not trying to decide between a box/basket/bag... I wanted to know if I could avoid the whole gift thing...

I get that some people will bring us cards, so I should have something... Hopefully we can put a small card box on a discrete table and that will be the end of it...

I am trying to avoid another heated conversation with my sister who has it in her head for some reason that we are holding this wedding to "make money." Her opinion is that there's no reason for a "real" second wedding - people already brought me gifts at my first wedding, so we should just go to a jp and not have a celebration.

I have tried to explain my reasons to her for having a second wedding. I also pointed out that hosting a wedding to make money is ridiculous - the cost of the wedding / reception is way more than we would ever hope to "make."

I don't understand how she got this into her head, but she and I have always seen things differently and she's clearly not going to change her opinion about it... She is, however, coming to the wedding, so I'm just looking for the path of least resistance here...

Just wanted to say that you have a really great attitude about this. Honestly! Your sister sounds like a peach...and I think you're handling it really well.

If Sis really wants to "protest" Uncle Tim and Aunt Mary who bring a card to the wedding for you and your new husband, then she's going to look like an absolute biotch.

Have a simple cardbox like the one I posted above, and don't worry about your sister's attitude problem.

Jen4948 · June 2013

PDKH said:

NYUgirl100 said:

I do not like baskets because unscrupulous people can lift stuff out of them. With a basket or bag, who is going to watching it all night?

I always see gift tables/card boxes at weddings. Usually the venue staff assigns someone to keep an eye on it. And the gifts are usually whisked away after the ceremony starts.

Venue staff steal too.

kryan32 · June 2013

@drexelkathy - no, not remarrying my EX. My first wedding was in 1987 and we were married for 16 years - some of those years were good, but we're very different people than we were back then...

@itzMS - thank you. I absolutely do not want any drama at our reception and that's tough to do with my family... Luckily sis and mom will only be here for a few days. I'm practicing polite deflection and encouraging my FI and daughters to do the same. They get very protective of me when my mom and sis are around, so the less potential for conflict, the better...

SapphireCounselor · June 2013

daveANDkristen said:

kerbohl said:

I read this and immediately though "why, to steal children of course!" It's a Christmas tradition in the Netherlands - Black Peter (yes, we know it is racist, there is great controversy over it) carries a sack with him so he can kidnap all the bad children and beat them with reeds. And that is immediately what I thought of . . .

Reading assignment for all: "Six to Eight Black Men" by David Sedaris. After that, everything else by David Sedaris.

I LOVE David Sedaris' work. I took a creative writing class in college that had his essays on the sylabus. This was enough to convince me to change my college major.

Kate61487 · June 2013

daveANDkristen said:

kerbohl said:

I read this and immediately though "why, to steal children of course!" It's a Christmas tradition in the Netherlands - Black Peter (yes, we know it is racist, there is great controversy over it) carries a sack with him so he can kidnap all the bad children and beat them with reeds. And that is immediately what I thought of . . .

Reading assignment for all: "Six to Eight Black Men" by David Sedaris. After that, everything else by David Sedaris.

@daveANDkristen Is this an excerpt from Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim? I couldn't find the title on B&N or Goodreads but found a PDF of it online that looks like it's an excerpt. Me Talk Pretty One Day is already on my to-read list :-)

mercimarie · June 2013

That sounds similar to Belsnickel. It's Pennsylvania Dutch and appropriately horrifying. The Office spoofed it:

kerbohl said:

winelover123 said:

Sleeper2013 said:

cmmurphy89 said:

If you don't have a card box, or want to avoid one, You could have a nice white bag that you take with you in the receiving line or when you visit the tables. This way you have a place to keep them.

I love my venue but unfortunately my parents attended a reception there a few months ago and their cardbox was stolen during the reception. The Couple had to immediately announce to the guest to stop checks, etc. and spent 45 minutes with the police during the reception.

We chose this option because my mom said this is how it was done before the cardbox anyway.

I would totally side-eye the bolded.

I too would side-eye this. And be a little confused - I'd be thinking, "Why on earth does she have a sack with her?" Just put one on the cake table or escort card table - it definitely does not have to be elaborate.

I read this and immediately though "why, to steal children of course!" It's a Christmas tradition in the Netherlands - Black Peter (yes, we know it is racist, there is great controversy over it) carries a sack with him so he can kidnap all the bad children and beat them with reeds. And that is immediately what I thought of . . .

mercimarie · June 2013

Jesus Murphy. We sure got off easy with Santa hey?

daveANDkristen · June 2013

Kate61487 Yes, it is from Dress Your Family and also read live on his CD Live at Carnegie Hall. He's my favorite!

erinlin25 · June 2013

ew, your sister needs to get over herself and her negative attitude. People typically bring gifts and cards to weddings--even 2nd weddings. It's not bad etiquette to have a table and/or box there to accept these.

Even times a couple had suggested not to bring gifts; I still always bring a card. Tell your sister to mind her own business and maybe suggest to someone else to keep her in check at the wedding or she will be asked to leave.

If you would really like to suggest no gifts, the only way to do it is not register and have family spread word of mouth that you are not expecting gifts. But, regardless some people will bring gifts and cards so its proper to have a place for them.

crunchymamaof2 · June 2013

erinlin25 said:

ew, your sister needs to get over herself and her negative attitude. People typically bring gifts and cards to weddings--even 2nd weddings. It's not bad etiquette to have a table and/or box there to accept these.

Even times a couple had suggested not to bring gifts; I still always bring a card. Tell your sister to mind her own business and maybe suggest to someone else to keep her in check at the wedding or she will be asked to leave.

If you would really like to suggest no gifts, the only way to do it is not register and have family spread word of mouth that you are not expecting gifts. But, regardless some people will bring gifts and cards so its proper to have a place for them.

To the bolded- don't do this. Gifts shouldn't be mentioned or brought up, even not wanting them. By doing so it gives the impression that gifts are expected at weddings and that you expect to receive them. Even though gifts at weddings are typical, you don't want to bring the subject up since they aren't required. If someone asks about a registry your VIPs can just say you haven't registered and are saving up for XYZ or just that you haven't registered. No one or no place should say "no gifts" or similar.

Ignore your sister. She's wrong. If you want a cardbox, have one. Even if people don't give money or gifts most will still want to give you a card with their well wishes.

ashleyep · June 2013

Your guests have no obligation to give for a second wedding. They're not going to change their mind at the reception because they saw a card box and say "oh shit, I should have brought a gift. Quick honey, get your checkbook."

Just have the card box, where else will your guests put any cards they bring? And tell your sister to fuck off.

southernbelle0915 · June 2013

Please show this thread to your sister. And tell her she's going to look like an idiot and a spiteful biatch if she says anything.

kryan32 · June 2013

Thanks for the advice!

FIs younger daughter (she's 13) wants to design our card box to match our wedding colors and centerpieces... She's very crafty so I'm sure she can do it...

And the added benefit is that my sister will be less likely to say something about it since one of the kids made it... She doesn't have kids of her own and she totally dotes on ours...

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