Just received an invitation...

tinambride · June 2013

I think you have to consider your circle of friends. Day of the week, time of the year, location etc will effect how many people can come to your wedding. Many of my friends are in school so planning my wedding at certain times of the year means some of them might not come (or it would be a big inconvenience). I would love to have as many people there as possible, with a minimal inconvenience on them, so I take this into account. If most of your friends/family are 9-5ers, then yes, you are inconveniencing your guests. I'm not sure if you can call it rude, but you do have high expectations of them. If most people you know have unusual schedules, it's more difficult to accommodate everyone. I think that's way those people are often the ones getting inconvenienced. It's really hard to take their schedule into account because they're so inconsistent.

easilyunamused · June 2013

You can not accommodate everyone. It's utterly impossible. I don't understand why it's considered rude? And an inconvenience can be everyday of the week. Some people don't like Saturday/Sunday weddings because it takes up their weekend time. Would they consider it rude? Probably not.

cmmurphy89 · June 2013

I never thought of it as if these people love me enough, but as if I really want these people to come and celebrate with me then I need to make it as easy as possible for them to attend, with the exception being religious traditions. In that case, I'm sorry I love you but my religion is coming first.

shilotony2012 · June 2013

Hell we are also having a Friday afternoon, 4:30, wedding. Most of my family and friends are coming. Hell, we live near St Louis and the wedding is in the burbs of Chicago, and do you know some of my coworkers are using a day and a half of their vacation time to come celebrate with me. I couldnt be happier!!!

Labels, no issue with. Stamp no issue. And honestly, while I know its against etiquette, even the registry info doesnt bother me any. i mean really, 99.99999999% of people bring gifts to a wedding, or ship them before, so why not make it easier for guests. And no, i didnt include it in ours. But, this is just MY personal opinion.

keochan · June 2013

We're also having a Friday wedding (ceremony at 5pm). Yes it was considerably cheaper, but all the Saturday's in October were also already booked so it worked out. Half our guests are coming out of town anyways and most in town guests don't work typical 9-5's.

aphrodite0869 · June 2013

That is kind of rude for your FI co-worker to not invite you if they know about you. Most people allow plus ones but maybe there are budget issues (just playing devils advocate). We are having to not allow children to our wedding b/c of budget. It's not that we do not like kids (we have four) it's just we can't accommodate 70 children plus the 50 adults that are invited, it's just not in our budget.

Also, who wouldn't want to take a day off from work? I would be more than willing to say "hey I have a wedding I won't be coming in today." Plus weddings are typically cheaper on Fridays and if there important people are going to be there, who cares about other peoples opinions of their chosen day. That date may be special to them and it just happens to be that day. It's there wedding you do not have to agree or like their decision. Everyone has a different opinions and that is ok.

A lot of things about this situation has been rude, no stamps on reply cards etc. Obviously more reasons for your FI to decline his invite.

Viczaesar · June 2013

aphrodite0869 said:

That is kind of rude for your FI co-worker to not invite you if they know about you. Most people allow plus ones but maybe there are budget issues (just playing devils advocate). We are having to not allow children to our wedding b/c of budget. It's not that we do not like kids (we have four) it's just we can't accommodate 70 children plus the 50 adults that are invited, it's just not in our budget.

Also, who wouldn't want to take a day off from work? I would be more than willing to say "hey I have a wedding I won't be coming in today." Plus weddings are typically cheaper on Fridays and if there important people are going to be there, who cares about other peoples opinions of their chosen day. That date may be special to them and it just happens to be that day. It's there wedding you do not have to agree or like their decision. Everyone has a different opinions and that is ok.

A lot of things about this situation has been rude, no stamps on reply cards etc. Obviously more reasons for your FI to decline his invite.

Me.

Kristin789 · June 2013

>>It sounds like you planned this wedding hoping/expecting that a lot of the people you invited would say no so you could have a cheaper wedding. Why invite them in the first place if you'd rather save money than have them in attendance? It reeks of wanting gifts, but not wanting to host these people.

I actually had a former student, a guy, tell me that he and his FI deliberately chose a DW because they wanted a small group to attend the wedding so it would be cheaper, but they wanted gifts from all 300 people to whom they sent an invitation. So while this apparently is NOT the case of the Knottie who posted this idea in this discussion, it IS the case of other people who make similar decisions.

Kate61487 · June 2013

Viczaesar said:

aphrodite0869 said:

That is kind of rude for your FI co-worker to not invite you if they know about you. Most people allow plus ones but maybe there are budget issues (just playing devils advocate). We are having to not allow children to our wedding b/c of budget. It's not that we do not like kids (we have four) it's just we can't accommodate 70 children plus the 50 adults that are invited, it's just not in our budget.

Also, who wouldn't want to take a day off from work? I would be more than willing to say "hey I have a wedding I won't be coming in today." Plus weddings are typically cheaper on Fridays and if there important people are going to be there, who cares about other peoples opinions of their chosen day. That date may be special to them and it just happens to be that day. It's there wedding you do not have to agree or like their decision. Everyone has a different opinions and that is ok.

A lot of things about this situation has been rude, no stamps on reply cards etc. Obviously more reasons for your FI to decline his invite.

Me.

And me. My 12 days of vacation a year are pretty precious to me. Not that I WOULDN'T use one for a loved one's wedding; but I'm not going to WANT to.

wittykitty14 · June 2013

aphrodite0869 said:

That is kind of rude for your FI co-worker to not invite you if they know about you. Most people allow plus ones but maybe there are budget issues (just playing devils advocate). We are having to not allow children to our wedding b/c of budget. It's not that we do not like kids (we have four) it's just we can't accommodate 70 children plus the 50 adults that are invited, it's just not in our budget.

Also, who wouldn't want to take a day off from work? I would be more than willing to say "hey I have a wedding I won't be coming in today." Plus weddings are typically cheaper on Fridays and if there important people are going to be there, who cares about other peoples opinions of their chosen day. That date may be special to them and it just happens to be that day. It's there wedding you do not have to agree or like their decision. Everyone has a different opinions and that is ok.

A lot of things about this situation has been rude, no stamps on reply cards etc. Obviously more reasons for your FI to decline his invite.

Me too. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love when I'm able to get away from work. I can take time off whenever I want, but it's all at my own expense. I lose out on a significant amount of pay if I take the day off for somthing.

CharlieKay10 · June 2013

shilotony2012 said:

Hell we are also having a Friday afternoon, 4:30, wedding. Most of my family and friends are coming. Hell, we live near St Louis and the wedding is in the burbs of Chicago, and do you know some of my coworkers are using a day and a half of their vacation time to come celebrate with me. I couldnt be happier!!!
Labels, no issue with. Stamp no issue. And honestly, while I know its against etiquette, even the registry info doesnt bother me any. i mean really, 99.99999999% of people bring gifts to a wedding, or ship them before, so why not make it easier for guests. And no, i didnt include it in ours. But, this is just MY personal opinion.

Well, sure, you couldn't be happier that your co-workers are taking time off...

aurianna · June 2013

aphrodite0869 said:

That is kind of rude for your FI co-worker to not invite you if they know about you. Most people allow plus ones but maybe there are budget issues (just playing devils advocate). We are having to not allow children to our wedding b/c of budget. It's not that we do not like kids (we have four) it's just we can't accommodate 70 children plus the 50 adults that are invited, it's just not in our budget.
If there is a budget issue, the right course is to cut the wedding in other ways, or cut the guest by cutting entire social units. Weddings being expensive is not an excuse for being rude by splitting up couples. It's way less rude to invite only 4 couples than to invite 8 halves of a couple. Not inviting kids is not rude, because they are not part of a couple.

Also, who wouldn't want to take a day off from work?
I want to take off work all the time... but unfortunately I only have 10 floating days of vacation in a a year. So if I have to use one of those days because a couple have a wedding on a Friday instead of a Saturday... Not how I want to use my limited time off and it means somewhere down the road I won't be able to take a day off from work when I actually want to.
I would be more than willing to say "hey I have a wedding I won't be coming in today." Plus weddings are typically cheaper on Fridays and if there important people are going to be there, who cares about other peoples opinions of their chosen day. That date may be special to them and it just happens to be that day. It's there wedding you do not have to agree or like their decision. Everyone has a different opinions and that is ok.
Everything you say there is perfectly true and valid. However it also all rings of "it's MY day." It's cheaper for the couple. It's a special day for the couple. That's fine (a couple can choose any day they want). But it goes back to my earlier point that if the wedding is planned on a Friday because of those reasons, they potentially aren't taking the guests or their time or comfort into full consideration.

A lot of things about this situation has been rude, no stamps on reply cards etc. Obviously more reasons for your FI to decline his invite.
The no stamp isn't actually rude. The reply card is a courtesy but not having one or a stamp isn't a breach of etiquette (though I definitely made it a point to have stamps on ours).

But regardless of the stamp debate or the Friday wedding debate, OP being left off the invite was definitely about as rude as you can get.

ETA:
And I know the flip side, to play devil's advocate, is that having a wedding on a Friday can potentially mean hosting the guests better. Better venue. Better food. Better music. More frills. Etc. I totally get that. That was our reasoning behind a winter wedding; it was fancier and higher end than the exact same wedding would be in June because everything was cheaper (as were hotel rates and plane tickets).
I just know that I'd personally rather eat BBQ at a Saturday wedding than eat filet mignon at a Friday wedding I had to take a day off work for. This is of course my personal opinion.
If the couple honestly takes their VIP's preferences into full consideration, then the wedding will be good. Even if it's on a Friday.

aurianna · June 2013

Huh. I wasn't double posting yesterday. Short lived I guess.

ashleyep · June 2013

coopergirl15 said:

My question is, why do these sort of etiquette infractions happen so regularly? It isn't unusual for me to hear about fiance[e]s being left off the invitation. What gives? I'm sure the brides themselves would be furious if someone left their own FI (or them!) off a wedding invite!

I was invited to a wedding recently without my fiance. It was for two members of a sports team that I'm a part of and the bride and groom tried to include as many people from the team as possible without having to play favorites. None of us were invited with guests, and aside from that brief moment of "well that's rude according to etiquette because my Emily Post book tells me so" I wasn't upset about it. I suppose it would have been nice to get the invite with him on it, but I would have come solo anyway.

I know that it's typically considered rude, but if you're inviting a whole group of friends like that so no one will feel left out without a date, I don't really see the issue. I won't do it myself, but I don't, personally, have a problem with a coworker inviting all of their coworkers sans dates/spouses/significant others.

ashleyep · June 2013

Liatris2010 said:
ashleyep said:
coopergirl15 said:
My question is, why do these sort of etiquette infractions happen so regularly? It isn't unusual for me to hear about fiance[e]s being left off the invitation. What gives? I'm sure the brides themselves would be furious if someone left their own FI (or them!) off a wedding invite!
I was invited to a wedding recently without my fiance. It was for two members of a sports team that I'm a part of and the bride and groom tried to include as many people from the team as possible. None of us were invited with guests, and aside from that brief moment of "well that's rude according to etiquette because my Emily Post book tells me so" I wasn't upset about it. I suppose it would have been nice to get the invite with him on it, but I would have come solo anyway.

I know that it's typically considered rude, but if you're inviting a whole group of friends like that so no one will feel left out without a date, I don't really see the issue. I won't do it myself, but I don't, personally, have a problem with a coworker inviting all of their coworkers sans dates/spouses/significant others.
Just because you don't mind doesn't mean it is correct. Couples are social units. They socialize together. They should be invited to social events together.

I understand that, I was just replying to the comment "I'm sure the brides themselves would be furious if someone left their own FI (or them!) off a wedding invite"

zitiqueen · June 2013

Inconvenient =/= rude.

loca4pook · June 2013

Danie484 said:

Just got an invitation for my FI's very close co-worker's wedding in August. Let me count the ways this invitation annoys me...

1. Addressed only to my FI. His co-worker and I have met on multiple occasions: we've chatted at happy hours and are even friends on Facebook. What the hell? Am I being snubbed?

2. The wedding is at 4pm on a FRIDAY - what the what? Seriously?...

3. A bunch of other seemingly minor infractions, considering the first two... registry information included with the invitation, white address labels on purple envelopes, RSVP envelopes not stamped...

But seriously...

A 4pm ceremony on a freaking Friday is bad enough - but to not invite me? What. The. Hell.

Well, I guess I was rude, but my CHURCH dictated the time I got married. If I wanted to get married and have an "evening" reception, it was my only choice to get married on Friday. If I got married on Saturday, I would have been forced to have a daytime reception since the church only does ceremonies at 1pm

Nobody was forced to attend the ceremony. In fact, many of my guests skipped it and I understood completely.

btw, friday wedding saved me 10 percent on every single vendor, so please be kind. Some of us just did not have the money. I paid every penny for my wedding myself, so I had no choice but to to cut costs somewhere. It was out of requirement

Oh, and my "date" was really dictated by availability of venues too. Many were already booked for months on Sat, so even if I wanted to, I probably couldn't have gotten married on a sat unless I wanted to wait even longer. I booked over a year in advance and some places were already booked up, even on Fridays

loca4pook · June 2013

hordol said:

misssunshine17 said:

Eeek. Decline, decline, decline. I, personally, think that 4pm on a Friday is horribly rude. I think it's presumptuous for people to think that others want to take the day off, or even a half day.

A little off topic, but...

I'm having a 4:30 ceremony on a Friday. I was a little worried about the inconvenience, but we have not had one complaint. Our decline rate was maybe a little higher than it would be otherwise, but that's the reason we chose a Friday--to essentially have a cheaper wedding, and it kind of naturally creates a smaller guest list.

The "it's presumptuous for people to think that other want to take the day off" comment is horrible. First of all, most people that love you enough and that you are close enough to invite to your wedding aren't thinking about "wasting" a day off on you. Second, if they are...they decline. So I really don't see the truth in this statement. I know that personally, I wouldn't hesitate to take a half day or a full day off for the wedding of someone I wanted to go to and would actually look forward to an early weekend. Would everyone look forward to this? Probably not, but that's why you have the "decline" option on the RSVP. No one is forcing you to go.

EXACTLY. It's not rude since it is an "optional" invitation.

LMM1215 · June 2013

We were invited to a Thursday wedding last year...not only was it on a Thursday, it was the day after the 4th of July. Really irritating.

Just received an invitation...

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