@jaredandmegan

hmonkey · June 2013

jarednmegan said:
Sunday, FI and I are celebrating six months together (yes, only six months)

did i read this right? are you two getting married after only six months together? and the wedding is in five months?

hmonkey · June 2013

@jarednmegan -- sorry, misspelling

jarednmegan · June 2013

Eh...yes, guilty as charged.

I know it's crazy, but...when you know, you know.

You know?

hmonkey · June 2013

how old are you both?

jarednmegan · June 2013

27 and 31.

hmonkey · June 2013

how did you two meet?
have you both had serious relationships before this?
have you had other Ps in your v?
what do your families think?
are you planning a big wedding?

jarednmegan · June 2013

hmonkey said:

how did you two meet?
have you both had serious relationships before this?
have you had other Ps in your v?
what do your families think?
are you planning a big wedding?

We met through a co-worker of his, whom I used to work with.

He was engaged once before, and it didn't work out. Nothing too serious on my end.

No Ps at all.

Families are totally supportive. We're at the ages where this wasn't an impulsive thing, regardless of the time frame.

It's gonna be a pretty big wedding as far as the guest list, but it won't be what I'd consider over the top.

ReturnOfKuus · June 2013

No Ps at all? Like, age 27 and 31 but no sex ever? And you "just know" this soon?

Oh man.

jarednmegan · June 2013

@ReturnOfKuus For me, no. It's for faith reasons.

And yes, we do know. I know it's hard to convince someone of that if they don't know us personally. Believe me, we're going into this with our eyes wide open. My parents were dating only six weeks when they got engaged...it was a huge risk and their marriage hasn't been perfect, but they are still together after 30 years and they are still very much in love.

I make no apologies for our decision to get married so quickly. What works for other couples isn't going to work for us, and vice versa.

ReturnOfKuus · June 2013

Oookay.

Man, I just cannot tell you how many times I "just knew".

jarednmegan · June 2013

ReturnOfKuus said:

Oookay.

Man, I just cannot tell you how many times I "just knew".

What made you think you "just knew"? I can tell you how I "just knew" but I'd be called a Jesus freak and who knows what else.

I understand why I'm being criticized, and I know that mentioning how long FI and I have been together is worthy of being called out.

But like I said, no one on this message board has ever met FI or me in person. So unless you know us, you can only make assumptions or go from personal experience. Which is fine. But believe me, I've been through the "are you sure this is a good idea?" conversation with people I trust, and they've been nothing but supportive. All of my friends and family absolutely love him and while they aren't deluded into thinking he's perfect, they're convinced that he's perfect for me.

I know it's a gamble. But every big decision in life that you make is a gamble. I don't feel that I'm settling or looking past any red-flag flaws. We're doing premarital counseling and being up front with each other about our concerns.

Is everything gonna be hunky dory after we get married? No. Anything worthwhile takes effort, and we have every reason to believe this marriage is supposed to happen.

As for premarital sex, I don't believe it's necessary in order to determine compatibility. We're not prudes by any means, but we think it will be more special if we wait. Plus, as I said, it was a decision based on our Christian beliefs. I'm not going to say anyone else's decision not to wait is right or wrong, only that we feel it's best that we don't have sex before we're married.

VarunaTT · June 2013

Eh, 27 and 31 I give a bigger pass than anyone under 23-25 for 6 months. At that point I assume that they're out of their parents house, into big person jobs and might want to be having kids. And if I'm honest, the older the person, the shorter time frame I'm willing to accept, until they'd hit about 65, then I start worrying about bad decisions again.

Virginity b/c of faith I have feels about, but to each their own.

hmonkey · June 2013

my biggest question -- and this is so important, girl -- have you pulled each other's credit reports?

i am 4 serious, yo.

jarednmegan · June 2013

VarunaTT said:
Eh, 27 and 31 I give a bigger pass than anyone under 23-25 for 6 months. At that point I assume that they're out of their parents house, into big person jobs and might want to be having kids. And if I'm honest, the older the person, the shorter time frame I'm willing to accept, until they'd hit about 65, then I start worrying about bad decisions again.

Virginity b/c of faith I have feels about, but to each their own.

Both of us have full-time jobs, our own digs and yes, in a couple of years we'll try for our first kid.

My parents had both been through divorces and were 29 and 38 when they met. I still say they were crazy, but they made it work.

jarednmegan · June 2013

hmonkey said:
my biggest question -- and this is so important, girl -- have you pulled each other's credit reports?

i am 4 serious, yo.

Yeesh...not yet. I know, I know...we really need to. We've talked finances extensively but you're right, the credit report thing needs to happen very soon.

LakeR2014 · June 2013

jarednmegan said:

my biggest question -- and this is so important, girl -- have you pulled each other's credit reports?

i am 4 serious, yo.
Yeesh...not yet. I know, I know...we really need to. We've talked finances extensively but you're right, the credit report thing needs to happen very soon.

Having been in the same situation of 'just knowing' after the third date, I say Congratulations!!!! That being said - we still waited until 9 months to get engaged and won't be married for another year (our preference). But I'd marry him tomorrow if we didn't want the big wedding and he'd do the same. So knowing that feeling and knowing its right because of our connection, our philosophies on life and how we see the future, I again repeat, Congratulations! (if you connect on all those levels and more). But I do agree with @hmonkey, you need to get the credit reports and lay them out there and figure things out. My FI and I did so we know what we're getting into. We're both not perfect when it comes to credit, but we're honest and have a clear plan for our financial future. Best Wishes!

thejucheidea · June 2013

Have you lived together, or are you still in different houses?

Also, one of my coworkers had the same timeline as you and she's now in a loveless, abusive relationship where she's the breadwinner and still expected to do everything on her own, even take care of their child who was conceived six months after they got married and was born two years to the day after they met. He calls her constantly over the course of the work day and will actually show up here if she doesn't answer the phone and just stand across the desk from her staring and not talking to anyone.

And they did extensive premarital counseling and he seemed like a great guy to her. Sometimes you really need time to get to know someone -- what's the problem with waiting?

(And if the answer is that you really want to live together or really want to have sex, that's a bad reason to get married .)

jarednmegan · June 2013

LakeR2014 said:

jarednmegan said:

hmonkey said:
my biggest question -- and this is so important, girl -- have you pulled each other's credit reports?

i am 4 serious, yo.
Yeesh...not yet. I know, I know...we really need to. We've talked finances extensively but you're right, the credit report thing needs to happen very soon.

Having been in the same situation of 'just knowing' after the third date, I say Congratulations!!!! That being said - we still waited until 9 months to get engaged and won't be married for another year (our preference). But I'd marry him tomorrow if we didn't want the big wedding and he'd do the same. So knowing that feeling and knowing its right because of our connection, our philosophies on life and how we see the future, I again repeat, Congratulations! (if you connect on all those levels and more). But I do agree with @hmonkey, you need to get the credit reports and lay them out there and figure things out. My FI and I did so we know what we're getting into. We're both not perfect when it comes to credit, but we're honest and have a clear plan for our financial future. Best Wishes!

Thanks for the input!

best wishes to you as well. We would have set the wedding further out, like spring '14, but that wasn't gonna work so well if we wanted certain family members there. I know we could have planned for fall '14, but we are so ready to start our life together.

LakeR2014 · June 2013

jarednmegan said:

Thanks for the input! best wishes to you as well. We would have set the wedding further out, like spring '14, but that wasn't gonna work so well if we wanted certain family members there. I know we could have planned for fall '14, but we are so ready to start our life together.

And that my dear is all that matters - best wishes!!!

jarednmegan · June 2013

thejucheidea said:
Have you lived together, or are you still in different houses?

We're not living together until we're married.

I've seen firsthand just recently that living together doesn't necessarily guarantee anything. One of my best friends and H are heading toward at least a legal separation, and they lived together almost a year before they got married last August. There were major issues even before the wedding, and they weren't addressed.

thejucheidea · June 2013

jarednmegan said:

Have you lived together, or are you still in different houses?
We're not living together until we're married. I've seen firsthand just recently that living together doesn't necessarily guarantee anything. One of my best friends and H are heading toward at least a legal separation, and they lived together almost a year before they got married last August. There were major issues even before the wedding, and they weren't addressed.

And I've seen firsthand that it works and that not living together doesn't. I guess I have a totally different social group than you do.

[Deleted User] · June 2013

thejucheidea said:

jarednmegan said:

Have you lived together, or are you still in different houses?
We're not living together until we're married. I've seen firsthand just recently that living together doesn't necessarily guarantee anything. One of my best friends and H are heading toward at least a legal separation, and they lived together almost a year before they got married last August. There were major issues even before the wedding, and they weren't addressed.
And I've seen firsthand that it works and that not living together doesn't. I guess I have a totally different social group than you do.

I've seen it go both ways. (awkward turtle)

LakeR2014 · June 2013

jarednmegan said:

Have you lived together, or are you still in different houses?
We're not living together until we're married. I've seen firsthand just recently that living together doesn't necessarily guarantee anything. One of my best friends and H are heading toward at least a legal separation, and they lived together almost a year before they got married last August. There were major issues even before the wedding, and they weren't addressed.

THIS! So much this!!!! You can live together or live apart it doesn't matter. If there's things bothering you before you get married/move in/start a life together that are major or could be major and aren't addressed, it won't matter how long you've been together, it won't work out. If you don't have communication, you have nothing.

PMeg819 · June 2013

I like pizza.

thejucheidea · June 2013

And pie.

MsMyrtle · June 2013

Shrimpy? Is that you?

6fsn · June 2013

I just made rice krispie treats for the first time in decades.

zsazsa-stl · June 2013

Living together isn't a guarantee, nor is not living together. Same for testing out the sex.

The only way to guarantee anything is to make sure that Cotton Eye Joe is not played at the reception. Trust me on this.

hmonkey · June 2013

LakeR2014 said:

And that my dear is all that matters - best wishes!!!

what did i say about credit reports? that matters a lot, yo.

zsazsa-stl · June 2013

Also, even though this is not the point here, I think that people move in together WAY too fast. I don't think it is always a bad idea, but more often than not, it is. And even thought living like a married couple in the sexual and emotional contexts can be argued for their pros and cons, my primary issue is the premature financial commitment. I have known several friends who got themselves trapped by moving in with a boyfriend that they couldn't afford to leave. Or it was just too much trouble, etc. You should be able to split at a moment's notice up until the wedding day. But if you buy a house or sign a lease together it ain't so easy.

I don't think marriage is a requirement, just a long-term commitment.

And yes, sex makes babies and babies to uncommitted couples are also pre-mature financial obligations, but I see more of a gray zone there. After all, birth control is effective in MOST cases.

LakeR2014 · June 2013

hmonkey said:

LakeR2014 said:

And that my dear is all that matters - best wishes!!!

what did i say about credit reports? that matters a lot, yo.

@hmonkey You are correct, I agree with you. But in the end it's what matters to them is all that truly matters. It's their lives, their decision, and they have the right to live it how they wish. So if they feel they're ready, happy, and mature enough to get married, then who are we to say they're not? True we've all seen relationships that haven't survived for one reason or another, that were together for years or months, but that doesn't mean that @jarednmegan 's relationship won't.

ETA: Word clarification.

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