UPDATE: Advice for my Friend

MrsMack10612 · June 2013

awebb04 said:

LMc0322 said:

Yeah, this post order thing is getting super confusing.

She's stressed over the fact that she went off of birth control but they're not actively trying to get pregnant? I'm going to need that explained to me. Also, Courtney now has a fight with her and her H's sides of the family? Maybe it's Courtney.
Yes, she does have the tendency to get butt-hurt over the tiniest things and cause fights to escalated. But at the same time her family issues are legit and all sides are a bit crazy.

As far as the pregnancy thing, I was too at first. But she is taking her temperature to determine when she is ovulating. No sex during the time she is ovulating. Not exactly a fool proof way to do it, but she is also in the mindset that if it happens it happens. It will just be an "accident". I do not necessarily agree, but hey... whatever floats her boat! I love her, but she does get a bit overwhelming at times.

Sounds like a half-assed attempt at NFP.

[Deleted User] · June 2013

StageManager14 said:

awebb04 said:

StageManager14 said:

Okay, honestly, she sounds whinier and more immature the more you post. No, it is not okay to BYOB to a dry RD, it is not okay to bitch and moan about a dry reception, and if she wants a different hotel room, she and her husband can pay for it. I don't get why locking adjoining doors are that big of a deal anyway, especially for a FREE room.

Gotta be honest, I wonder how much the bride and groom are ACTUALLY saying/demanding/crying etc and how much is drama llama sister exaggerating stuff when she tells you.

I would say the same thing, except for the fact that I met the bride several times during a meltdown... just, no words... The bride/groom have a dog from the same litter that Courtney has one from. The bride (32 years old mind you) was at Courtney's dads house and Courtney and I swung by to pick some stuff up from her dad. Courtney brought the dog in, has done it before. The bride came up the stairs and started screaming, grabbed her own dog I(from the same litter as Courtney's) talking about how allergic she is to dogs. She started freaking out, fell to her knees, clasping at her throat saying she couldn't breath. I grabbed Courtney's dog and put her out in the car and the bride was fine when I came in.

So yes... I actually do believe her. That was beyond... anything I have ever seen before and that was only one of the times I've seen this bride melt down on the few occasions I've met her.

That's crazy!

Okay, so FSIL is a drama llama too. But Courtney is still wrong in this situation.

Yes, I do agree. She is wrong in the situation, but changing the RD to the night of her birthday was unfair too. I told her to go with her husband and grab a couple of drinks during the days between the R/RD and the wedding. She said she probably will.

Yes, a free room is very nice. But, with all of the drama with the bride... well... everything comes with a price tag :-P

[Deleted User] · June 2013

awebb04 said:

LMc0322 said:

Yeah, this post order thing is getting super confusing.

She's stressed over the fact that she went off of birth control but they're not actively trying to get pregnant? I'm going to need that explained to me. Also, Courtney now has a fight with her and her H's sides of the family? Maybe it's Courtney.
Yes, she does have the tendency to get butt-hurt over the tiniest things and cause fights to escalated. But at the same time her family issues are legit and all sides are a bit crazy.

As far as the pregnancy thing, I was too at first. But she is taking her temperature to determine when she is ovulating. No sex during the time she is ovulating. Not exactly a fool proof way to do it, but she is also in the mindset that if it happens it happens. It will just be an "accident". I do not necessarily agree, but hey... whatever floats her boat! I love her, but she does get a bit overwhelming at times.

Oh, I've heard of people doing that. Seems odd to be so stressed about it! Hopefully once the wedding is over with, her drama can die down.

[Deleted User] · June 2013

LMc0322 said:

awebb04 said:

LMc0322 said:

Yeah, this post order thing is getting super confusing.

She's stressed over the fact that she went off of birth control but they're not actively trying to get pregnant? I'm going to need that explained to me. Also, Courtney now has a fight with her and her H's sides of the family? Maybe it's Courtney.
Yes, she does have the tendency to get butt-hurt over the tiniest things and cause fights to escalated. But at the same time her family issues are legit and all sides are a bit crazy.

As far as the pregnancy thing, I was too at first. But she is taking her temperature to determine when she is ovulating. No sex during the time she is ovulating. Not exactly a fool proof way to do it, but she is also in the mindset that if it happens it happens. It will just be an "accident". I do not necessarily agree, but hey... whatever floats her boat! I love her, but she does get a bit overwhelming at times.
Oh, I've heard of people doing that. Seems odd to be so stressed about it! Hopefully once the wedding is over with, her drama can die down.

Ya, she has a medical condition so her periods are very painful. So, I think that adds to her stress. Also, I hope everything finally calms down too.

[Deleted User] · June 2013

LingerLonger1 said:

awebb04 said:

LMc0322 said:

Yeah, this post order thing is getting super confusing.

She's stressed over the fact that she went off of birth control but they're not actively trying to get pregnant? I'm going to need that explained to me. Also, Courtney now has a fight with her and her H's sides of the family? Maybe it's Courtney.

Yes, she does have the tendency to get butt-hurt over the tiniest things and cause fights to escalated. But at the same time her family issues are legit and all sides are a bit crazy.

As far as the pregnancy thing, I was too at first. But she is taking her temperature to determine when she is ovulating. No sex during the time she is ovulating. Not exactly a fool proof way to do it, but she is also in the mindset that if it happens it happens. It will just be an "accident". I do not necessarily agree, but hey... whatever floats her boat! I love her, but she does get a bit overwhelming at times.

That is a valid method of avoiding. If she's temping and not having sex during her ovulation periods she is actively avoiding. I fail to see the stressor.

Huh... well, my bad! :-) It just does not sound like a fool proof method in my mind.
But, in her case she has forgotten to take her temperature on numerous occasions and says her body will tell her.
This does not go against what you are saying. I did not know that if done correctly this could be an accurate way. I was under the impression that the younger you are the more likely this method was not to work for you.
Thanks for the information though!

[Deleted User] · June 2013

sxyktn812 said:

I might be really confused, but this is what I go from it-

Brother and his 'zilla fiance planned a rehearsal, Friend made plans with friends for birthday.
Zilla decides she wants more time and moves UP the rehearsal and is keeping family together for 3 days prior to the wedding. Now plans are in conflict. Friend is not a BM or in the wedding in any special role but is expected to attend a rehearsal she has nothing to do with and then camp for 3 days so Zilla can have her extended wedding weekend?

IF this is accurate, I think she would have a right to be pissed off- and to honestly skip the rehearsal and be with her friends. With the way I read this (and the post order is WAY screwy, so I could be in left field), it's like asking your guests to come to the rehearsal too so you can see how the whole thing will look.

With that said- Friend sounds a bit oversensitive too. I didn't even get to drink on my 21st and I survived.

Basically yes on all fronts, I don't get what is up with the thread being screwy. Oh well.

erinlin25 · June 2013

did I read somewhere in the thread that the wedding was 6 hours away from where the party would be? If yes, then I would say she just needs to suck it up and go be her family for her brother's wedding over her birthday. My brother was not in our wedding, but I would have been bummed if he was not there. Just because she cannot drink at the RD or wedding does not mean that she cannot go out with her husband and/or family AFTER the rehearsal dinner and have some drinks. she can have a party with her friends when she comes back from the wedding. I could not "go out" for my 21st for 3 days after due to a school function--I still had a nice birthday and a great time 3 days later at my official party...and pretty much celebrated being 21 for about a month. I doubt this girl has never had alcohol before, so she can wait a few hours to have a drink on her birthday and a few days to have a party with her friends.

wittykitty14 · June 2013

Heck, for my 21st birthday my parents took me to Canada for the weekend...CANADA. To this day my mom fails to see the irony in this.

I think people who are underage think that's it's going to be a big deal when they turn 21, and then it REALLY isn't. I get wanting to celebrate, but you've got your whole frickin life to drink in public and buy booze yourself.

Your friend has been treated badly in some ways, but is overreacting, big time. I get that at 20, turning 21 seems like one of the most important things in the world, but it's not. Her brother is being a douche, but there's no reason for her to leave the RD to go drink, even if it wasn't supposed to be that night when she made plans. She needs to suck it up and be there for her brother. I guarantee the drama is going to get a whole lot worse if she leaves early or doesn't go at all.

CarolinaHeart · June 2013

For my 21st birthday FI took my out to the Ale House after work. That was it.

Our RD will be on Valentine's Day. Anyone caught exchanging gifts, being in love or paying attention to anything besides me is out of the wedding and uninvited.

[Deleted User] · June 2013

wittykitty, I agree, it is a big deal until you actually turn 21. Also, yes she is overreacting some, but I still believe a majority of this has to do with the fact that she can't stand her FSIL. But, there is also a huge gape between the rehearsal dinner and the wedding. Ceremony is one evening, two days with her family and then finally the wedding on Day 3 :-P

RamonaFlowers · June 2013

I'm kind of shocked at all the people that are saying she simply can't miss the RD, because one thing we're constantly telling brides around here is "You get one day", and that means the day of the wedding. I would never miss the RD of one of my siblings, but seriously, it's not the end of the world if you don't attend one.

However.

If she feels like she needs to go out and drink to "relax", there's a problem. There are several non-alcoholic ways to de-stress during crazy times in your life. And maybe if she wasn't half-assing her BC method, having fights with all sides of the family, and thriving on drama, she wouldn't be so damned "stressed" at the ripe old age of 20.

Also: Temping is actually a pretty reliable form of natural BC when done dilgently. If she's constantly forgetting to temp every day and doesn't want a baby, then this is not the BC method for her. But something tells me this girl is one of those people that would secretly love accidentally getting knocked up, because that's just another way for her to get attention and play the "woe is me" card.

[Deleted User] · June 2013

StageManager14 said:

wittykitty, I agree, it is a big deal until you actually turn 21. Also, yes she is overreacting some, but I still believe a majority of this has to do with the fact that she can't stand her FSIL. But, there is also a huge gape between the rehearsal dinner and the wedding. Ceremony is one evening, two days with her family and then finally the wedding on Day 3 :-P

Wait, so we're talking about an RD on Wednesday, then ceremony on Saturday, all out of town? And it's a 6 hour trip to where the wedding is? That might change my answer. Was your friend planning to be staying in the town where the wedding/RD is on the night of her birthday, or are they asking her to come up 2 days early now?

Yes. She was not planning on staying in town the night of her birthday, nobody in the family was until a week ago when the bride decided to move back the RD a few days so the bride could "rest up" at the wedding location. And Yes, it is a 6 hour trip to the wedding location.

Ajuliana · June 2013

@awebb04, so your friend is wanting to drink when she's potentially pregnant? That is so stupid and irresponsible! Newsflash--when you're trying (which is the correct term for not not trying), you shouldn't drink at all. So I think this itself has just made her desire to go out a moot point.

I had a friend who became pregnant unknowingly, and had been drinking and smoking so much pot while still taking birth control, she was petrified and ended the pregnancy. Not that I necessarily agree or disagree with her decision, but it happens.

ETA: Screwy threads, I didn't see the NFP part! But still, she doesn't sound like she's doing it too strictly. I still say no drinking. But I don't really drink so, that might just be my boring side coming out.

[Deleted User] · June 2013

Alaynajuliana said:

@awebb04, so your friend is wanting to drink when she's potentially pregnant? That is so stupid and irresponsible! Newsflash--when you're trying (which is the correct term for not not trying), you shouldn't drink at all. So I think this itself has just made her desire to go out a moot point.

I had a friend who became pregnant unknowingly, and had been drinking and smoking so much pot while still taking birth control, she was petrified and ended the pregnancy. Not that I necessarily agree or disagree with her decision, but it happens.

ETA: Screwy threads, I didn't see the NFP part! But still, she doesn't sound like she's doing it too strictly. I still say no drinking. But I don't really drink so, that might just be my boring side coming out.

Yes, this is a point that I had not thought of.

RamonaFlowers · June 2013

StageManager14 said:

awebb04 said:
wittykitty, I agree, it is a big deal until you actually turn 21. Also, yes she is overreacting some, but I still believe a majority of this has to do with the fact that she can't stand her FSIL. But, there is also a huge gape between the rehearsal dinner and the wedding. Ceremony is one evening, two days with her family and then finally the wedding on Day 3 :-P

Wait, so we're talking about an RD on Wednesday, then ceremony on Saturday, all out of town? And it's a 6 hour trip to where the wedding is? That might change my answer. Was your friend planning to be staying in the town where the wedding/RD is on the night of her birthday, or are they asking her to come up 2 days early now?

Yeah, my whole "one day" argument was upon reading that the bride had essentially made her wedding into a 4-day affair 6 hours away and for some reason nobody seemed to think there was anything unreasonable about it. That's asking way too much of somebody that IS in the WP, let alone somebody who's not.

[Deleted User] · June 2013

UPDATE: So I pointed out to my friend that It would be unsafe for her to drink because what if she accidentally gets or has gotten pregnant. After a long discussion about her missing taking her temperature and multiple cups of coffee she agreed and we made plans to do something next Friday. Later, she texts me and says that after talking to her husband about it they have decided to try for a baby. She said she isn't taking her temperature regularly and she doesn't want to go back on birth control so they might as well try instead of what they were doing before.

I don't know what to say. I think that she is too immature to have a baby! She counts me as one of her best friends and I truly believe that she and her husband are not ready. Her husband does not help around the house, they are already in marriage counseling, she comes crying to me several times a month about something her husband has or hasn't done and on top if it she can be so immature about things, as was previously discussed in this post.

Sorry it was so long, and I couldn't post on the bump because I don't want to register over there right now, but please help? Should I try to convince her otherwise? Or just butt out? I am leaning towards just butting out and letting her discover things on her own. But... what if I can't be supportive?

southernbelle0915 · June 2013

awebb04 said:

UPDATE: So I pointed out to my friend that It would be unsafe for her to drink because what if she accidentally gets or has gotten pregnant. After a long discussion about her missing taking her temperature and multiple cups of coffee she agreed and we made plans to do something next Friday. Later, she texts me and says that after talking to her husband about it they have decided to try for a baby. She said she isn't taking her temperature regularly and she doesn't want to go back on birth control so they might as well try instead of what they were doing before.

I don't know what to say. I think that she is too immature to have a baby! She counts me as one of her best friends and I truly believe that she and her husband are not ready. Her husband does not help around the house, they are already in marriage counseling, she comes crying to me several times a month about something her husband has or hasn't done and on top if it she can be so immature about things, as was previously discussed in this post.

Sorry it was so long, and I couldn't post on the bump because I don't want to register over there right now, but please help? Should I try to convince her otherwise? Or just butt out? I am leaning towards just butting out and letting her discover things on her own. But... what if I can't be supportive?

Taken out of context, this sentence reminds me of the message in so many high school health classes that "if you drink or do drugs, you will get pregnant and die".

On the real, it sound like she's trying to fix her struggling marriage with a baby. Not smart. You seem to know it. I know it. But you can't force her to know it. You can try to ask her why she really wants this and talk to her about reasons to have a baby - friend to friend. But she's going to make her own decisions. Sounds like you care about her and it's hard to watch her make stupid choices, but I get the feeling you'll be there for her no matter what she decides.

[Deleted User] · June 2013

southernbelle0915 said:

awebb04 said:

UPDATE: So I pointed out to my friend that It would be unsafe for her to drink because what if she accidentally gets or has gotten pregnant. After a long discussion about her missing taking her temperature and multiple cups of coffee she agreed and we made plans to do something next Friday. Later, she texts me and says that after talking to her husband about it they have decided to try for a baby. She said she isn't taking her temperature regularly and she doesn't want to go back on birth control so they might as well try instead of what they were doing before.

I don't know what to say. I think that she is too immature to have a baby! She counts me as one of her best friends and I truly believe that she and her husband are not ready. Her husband does not help around the house, they are already in marriage counseling, she comes crying to me several times a month about something her husband has or hasn't done and on top if it she can be so immature about things, as was previously discussed in this post.

Sorry it was so long, and I couldn't post on the bump because I don't want to register over there right now, but please help? Should I try to convince her otherwise? Or just butt out? I am leaning towards just butting out and letting her discover things on her own. But... what if I can't be supportive?

Taken out of context, this sentence reminds me of the message in so many high school health classes that "if you drink or do drugs, you will get pregnant and die".

On the real, it sound like she's trying to fix her struggling marriage with a baby. Not smart. You seem to know it. I know it. But you can't force her to know it. You can try to ask her why she really wants this and talk to her about reasons to have a baby - friend to friend. But she's going to make her own decisions. Sounds like you care about her and it's hard to watch her make stupid choices, but I get the feeling you'll be there for her no matter what she decides.

Yep, lol. When you pointed it out I saw that too. I wasn't trying to make it sound like that :-)

But, I guess you and Stage are right. I will probably discuss it with her one-on-one again and try to help her make the best choice otherwise I will have to butt out. I just hope that in the future I can be supportive if she does get pregnant and not turn into the "I told you so," person if things do go downhill... i might do that lol!

Edited: Clarity

[Deleted User] · June 2013

LingerLonger1 said:

Ditto Stage. You can't force her to change her mind but you don't have to just sit back and watch either. Express your reservations once and hope she makes the right choice.

As for the I told you so part, please try to remember if it ever gets to that stage that she's going to be living through some difficult times and having her close friend remind her that she was right, and she warned her will not be helpful. So keep your told you sos to yourself.

Of course I would, I really try to be a good person and be supportive. It would just be very hard in this situation because of all the drama she's had these past few years. It is frustrating... Thanks for the advice though!

CarolinaHeart · June 2013

awebb04 said:

UPDATE: So I pointed out to my friend that It would be unsafe for her to drink because what if she accidentally gets or has gotten pregnant. After a long discussion about her missing taking her temperature and multiple cups of coffee she agreed and we made plans to do something next Friday. Later, she texts me and says that after talking to her husband about it they have decided to try for a baby. She said she isn't taking her temperature regularly and she doesn't want to go back on birth control so they might as well try instead of what they were doing before.

I don't know what to say. I think that she is too immature to have a baby! She counts me as one of her best friends and I truly believe that she and her husband are not ready. Her husband does not help around the house, they are already in marriage counseling, she comes crying to me several times a month about something her husband has or hasn't done and on top if it she can be so immature about things, as was previously discussed in this post.

Sorry it was so long, and I couldn't post on the bump because I don't want to register over there right now, but please help? Should I try to convince her otherwise? Or just butt out? I am leaning towards just butting out and letting her discover things on her own. But... what if I can't be supportive?

This is insane. She doesn't want to be responsible and temp like she should so..... She's just going to have a baby instead?!

TKzilla · June 2013

Did you have to name her Courtney? :P

My birthday is coming up BTW. So don't plan no rehearsal dinners. I will skip them all.

[Deleted User] · June 2013

Yes, that is how I feel Carolina

UPDATE: Advice for my Friend

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