Stupid idea?

adamlambertidol · June 2013

So, everyone at my wedding is going to be under 21 other than our family. All of my friends were in choir and performed with me in high school productions, so my former manager is having her sister (who is a DJ) come and do karaoke and music at our wedding. I have gotten mixed emotions about this from family, but this is something that friends and I used to love going out and doing before I got a full time job and became busy all the time. What do you think? Should I tell her to scratch the karaoke or keep it?

manateehugger · June 2013

I think karaoke at a wedding sounds tacky - and I like karaoke. Do you have a formal contract with this former manager's sister?

How old are you?

Weezy56 · June 2013

I say no karaoke. It will get awkward/boring for your guests.

NOLAbridealmost · June 2013

No karaoke. Why is every guest under 21?

QueerFemme · June 2013

adamlambertidol said:

So, everyone at my wedding is going to be under 21 other than our family. All of my friends were in choir and performed with me in high school productions, so my former manager is having her sister (who is a DJ) come and do karaoke and music at our wedding. I have gotten mixed emotions about this from family, but this is something that friends and I used to love going out and doing before I got a full time job and became busy all the time. What do you think? Should I tell her to scratch the karaoke or keep it?

Scratch karaoke. Have a DJ that plays music for dancing or background music if you don't want dancing. I love Karoke. But, people will get very bored, very quickly, even if your friends have great voices.

HobokensFury · June 2013

I have to agree with PP. Weddings and Karoke don't mix.

winelover123 · June 2013

Don't do karaoke at your wedding.

libby2483 · June 2013

Ditto PPs. Skip the karaoke.

AddieCake · June 2013

My husband and I spend a lot of time at a karoake bar. We don't sing, but we have a great time whenever we go. And even I vote no to the karaoke at the wedding. Weddings just really are not the place for that.

hordol · June 2013

I have to ask---has everyone that is saying karaoke at weddings is horrible actually BEEN to a wedding with karaoke or are you just assuming it's horrible?

I ask because it's actually a lot of fun when done correctly! You do not want to subject your guests to 5 hours straight of karaoke, but if you have a DJ group that can mix it up with karaoke for a little bit, say an hour or so, then it can actually be a lot of fun, especially for a younger crowd. My older sister had karaoke at her wedding. It was a more informal wedding, so no one thought it was "tacky" and no one left early because of it. It totally depends on your crowd, and OP is sounds like you have the crowd who would enjoy it (maybe minus some family members.) Maybe ask around a few of your friends that you think would like it and see if they would actually participate.

If you are having a very formal wedding, then it might seem out of place, but if you are not I think there are ways to incorporate it so it's a good time for all involved. At ANY wedding you are going to have people who dislike the entertainment (I know my grandma won't be jumping for joy when the DJ puts Usher on) so think about what the majority will enjoy. Ask you friends what they think.

ETA detail

Jen4948 · June 2013

I enjoy karaoke, but only when everyone else there does-which definitely is not the case at a wedding. Don't do it.

manateehugger · June 2013

hordol said:
I have to ask---has everyone that is saying karaoke at weddings is horrible actually BEEN to a wedding with karaoke or are you just assuming it's horrible?

I ask because it's actually a lot of fun when done correctly! You do not want to subject your guests to 5 hours straight of karaoke, but if you have a DJ group that can mix it up with karaoke for a little bit, say an hour or so, then it can actually be a lot of fun, especially for a younger crowd. My older sister had karaoke at her wedding. It was a more informal wedding, so no one thought it was "tacky" and no one left early because of it. It totally depends on your crowd, and OP is sounds like you have the crowd who would enjoy it (maybe minus some family members.) Maybe ask around a few of your friends that you think would like it and see if they would actually participate.

If you are having a very formal wedding, then it might seem out of place, but if you are not I think there are ways to incorporate it so it's a good time for all involved. At ANY wedding you are going to have people who dislike the entertainment (I know my grandma won't be jumping for joy when the DJ puts Usher on) so think about what the majority will enjoy. Ask you friends what they think.

ETA detail

Nope but I've been to a wedding where there are multiple "performances" and forced guest participation.

It's HORRIBLY awkward. No one wants to watch performance after performance at a wedding. I sat there the whole time just wanting to drink and dance and I couldn't. We left 2 hours in.

alithebride · June 2013

i hate karaoke. I would hate it at a wedding even more.

hordol · June 2013

PDKH said:

show previous quotes
I have to ask---has everyone that is saying karaoke at weddings is horrible actually BEEN to a wedding with karaoke or are you just assuming it's horrible?

I ask because it's actually a lot of fun when done correctly! You do not want to subject your guests to 5 hours straight of karaoke, but if you have a DJ group that can mix it up with karaoke for a little bit, say an hour or so, then it can actually be a lot of fun, especially for a younger crowd. My older sister had karaoke at her wedding. It was a more informal wedding, so no one thought it was "tacky" and no one left early because of it. It totally depends on your crowd, and OP is sounds like you have the crowd who would enjoy it (maybe minus some family members.) Maybe ask around a few of your friends that you think would like it and see if they would actually participate.

If you are having a very formal wedding, then it might seem out of place, but if you are not I think there are ways to incorporate it so it's a good time for all involved. At ANY wedding you are going to have people who dislike the entertainment (I know my grandma won't be jumping for joy when the DJ puts Usher on) so think about what the majority will enjoy. Ask you friends what they think.

ETA detail
Nope but I've been to a wedding where there are multiple "performances" and forced guest participation. It's HORRIBLY awkward. No one wants to watch performance after performance at a wedding. I sat there the whole time just wanting to drink and dance and I couldn't. We left 2 hours in.

Right, but not one is forced to participate. I hate forced guest participation, too. If someone was going to assign all of their guests to a song to sing, then I would say no. But I doubt OP (or anyone) would do that. To restate an important point I made, you should never subject your guests to long periods of karaoke. 5 hours, for example, is WAYYYY too long. But if your DJ mixes it in during part of the reception--say, an hour--then it really isn't that big of a deal. It does depend on the style of wedding you are having, though. I could see it being very tacky if you are at a fancy venue or something, but if this is an informal park/backyard style wedding, then I don't really see anything wrong with it. Again, thinking about the crowd you have. I can't speak for every single guest at my sister's wedding, but for my close friends and family I know we all had a blast.

manateehugger · June 2013

Stage nailed it.

hordol · June 2013

StageManager14 said:

The point is that karaoke becomes the focal point no matter what. So while you're not being forced to participate, you ARE being forced to listen or yell over it if you try to talk to Aunt Bessie. Which takes away the enjoyment of every single guest who isn't participating.

And then there is the ever-present possibility of really bad things happening, which is a risk any time there's an open mic and a large group. Sure, it's not LIKELY that the best man is going to decide that it will be funny to dedicate The Ballad of Chasey Lane to Grandma. But do you really want to be the bride where the unlikely happens?

I respectfully disagree. I see your point--but if there is a DJ and no karaoke, then people who may not like dance music are being subjected to it and still have to try and talk over it and listen to it. We don't say a DJ is tacky, though, so your point here doesn't make much sense to me.

Also, about the second point--personally, I don't really care what kind of things my guests do to embarrass themselves at my wedding. They are adults, I am not their babysitter and I do not need to control them. If they want to dedicate the Ballad of Chasey Lane to Grandma...well, that's on them. I guess if you are the kind of bride that needs to have a controlled atmosphere, then an open mic is not for you.

Latham101114 · June 2013

If the reception is smaller and you feel the majority would enjoy it then go for it since its your day. I would say no if your guest list is over 50ppl because it becomes more showy than fun! At the end of the day the day is about you and even though karaoke is fun to do you can do it for the rest of your life.

Peledreamsofrain · June 2013

Post removed due to GBCK

manateehugger · June 2013

Peledreamsofrain said:
The DJ argument is silly. Far more people agree that they like music than people agree they like amatuers singing badly.

You have to try to go with the majority, not the minority.

Agreed - some soft Brahams quintets during dinner and even Carly Rea Jepson during drinks is not intrusive . Drunks belting out Bohemian Rhapsody most certainly is intrusive.

hordol · June 2013

StageManager14 said:

show previous quotes

hordol said:

StageManager14 said:

The point is that karaoke becomes the focal point no matter what. So while you're not being forced to participate, you ARE being forced to listen or yell over it if you try to talk to Aunt Bessie. Which takes away the enjoyment of every single guest who isn't participating.

And then there is the ever-present possibility of really bad things happening, which is a risk any time there's an open mic and a large group. Sure, it's not LIKELY that the best man is going to decide that it will be funny to dedicate The Ballad of Chasey Lane to Grandma. But do you really want to be the bride where the unlikely happens?

I respectfully disagree. I see your point--but if there is a DJ and no karaoke, then people who may not like dance music are being subjected to it and still have to try and talk over it and listen to it. We don't say a DJ is tacky, though, so your point here doesn't make much sense to me.

Also, about the second point--personally, I don't really care what kind of things my guests do to embarrass themselves at my wedding. They are adults, I am not their babysitter and I do not need to control them. If they want to dedicate the Ballad of Chasey Lane to Grandma...well, that's on them. I guess if you are the kind of bride that needs to have a controlled atmosphere, then an open mic is not for you.

Let's recap: H and I don't dance and love karaoke. We have a great time at receptions with or without dancing and find receptions with karaoke to be awkward and annoying. We've never had trouble talking or visiting when there is a DJ and a dance floor. Argument #1: DOA.

And as Retread said, my example was a true story. But hey, if you can ignore the Best Man belting out "you've had a lot of dick, had a lot of dick. I've had a lot of time, had a lot of time. You've had a lot of dick Grandma, but you ain't had mine" at the top of his lungs and Grandma storming out in the middle of the reception, more power to ya, I guess. That, by the way, is the chorus, and the most tame part of the song.

It is not being controlling or trying to micromanage your guests to provide an atmosphere that is most conducive to EVERYONE being comfortable and avoiding things that are likely to upset people.

I'm sorry that happened to you. No offense, but your best man sounds like a real treat...Anyway, I did not know the song and did not know that it was a real story...but I'm guessing that since you don't like karaoke at weddings so much that this did not happen during karaoke at your wedding?People who want to act like an ass will find a way to act like an ass, whether or not there is karaoke, as proven by your story.

You know what, I really don't care if someone wants to have karaoke at their wedding or if someone thinks it's the tackiest thing in the world. If you are having a party, you are allowed to choose the kind of entertainment. Guests aren't entitled to any certain form of entertainment at a wedding. They aren't entitled to dancing, karaoke, whatever it may be. Part of being a host is choosing the kind of party your want to host. If OP wants karaoke at her wedding, how is that hurting her guests? Other than maybe hurting their ears if a terrible singer steps up to the mic. And Pele, how can you say that MOST people like DJs? That statement is not true AT ALL. Most people like some kind of music, sure, but it also completely depends on the kind of music played by the DJ--I went to a wedding where the DJ played country all night and as much as I hate country and want to keep my ears permanently plugged when it comes on, that is what the bride and groom liked and it was their party and they could choose the kind of entertainment they wanted. It didn't stop me from having a good time.

I guess I just think that people can have the kind of wedding they want, provided they properly host their guests. If OP properly hosts her guests but wants a little karaoke that is completely within her right. If she has a crowd that will enjoy it, why not? Just because you and your crowd (collective use of 'you' here) don't enjoy it doesn't mean that other people won't. If you don't like it at weddings, don't have it at your wedding.

AddieCake · June 2013

hordol said:

show previous quotes

I'm sorry that happened to you. No offense, but your best man sounds like a real treat...Anyway, I did not know the song and did not know that it was a real story...but I'm guessing that since you don't like karaoke at weddings so much that this did not happen during karaoke at your wedding?People who want to act like an ass will find a way to act like an ass, whether or not there is karaoke, as proven by your story.

You know what, I really don't care if someone wants to have karaoke at their wedding or if someone thinks it's the tackiest thing in the world. If you are having a party, you are allowed to choose the kind of entertainment. Guests aren't entitled to any certain form of entertainment at a wedding. They aren't entitled to dancing, karaoke, whatever it may be. Part of being a host is choosing the kind of party your want to host. If OP wants karaoke at her wedding, how is that hurting her guests? Other than maybe hurting their ears if a terrible singer steps up to the mic. And Pele, how can you say that MOST people like DJs? That statement is not true AT ALL. Most people like some kind of music, sure, but it also completely depends on the kind of music played by the DJ--I went to a wedding where the DJ played country all night and as much as I hate country and want to keep my ears permanently plugged when it comes on, that is what the bride and groom liked and it was their party and they could choose the kind of entertainment they wanted. It didn't stop me from having a good time.

I guess I just think that people can have the kind of wedding they want, provided they properly host their guests. If OP properly hosts her guests but wants a little karaoke that is completely within her right. If she has a crowd that will enjoy it, why not? Just because you and your crowd (collective use of 'you' here) don't enjoy it doesn't mean that other people won't. If you don't like it at weddings, don't have it at your wedding.

It wasn't her best man who did that. It was at another wedding she attended where karaoke was part of the reception.

libby2483 · June 2013

hordol said:

show previous quotes

PDKH said:

I have to ask---has everyone that is saying karaoke at weddings is horrible actually BEEN to a wedding with karaoke or are you just assuming it's horrible?

I ask because it's actually a lot of fun when done correctly! You do not want to subject your guests to 5 hours straight of karaoke, but if you have a DJ group that can mix it up with karaoke for a little bit, say an hour or so, then it can actually be a lot of fun, especially for a younger crowd. My older sister had karaoke at her wedding. It was a more informal wedding, so no one thought it was "tacky" and no one left early because of it. It totally depends on your crowd, and OP is sounds like you have the crowd who would enjoy it (maybe minus some family members.) Maybe ask around a few of your friends that you think would like it and see if they would actually participate.

If you are having a very formal wedding, then it might seem out of place, but if you are not I think there are ways to incorporate it so it's a good time for all involved. At ANY wedding you are going to have people who dislike the entertainment (I know my grandma won't be jumping for joy when the DJ puts Usher on) so think about what the majority will enjoy. Ask you friends what they think.

ETA detail
Nope but I've been to a wedding where there are multiple "performances" and forced guest participation. It's HORRIBLY awkward. No one wants to watch performance after performance at a wedding. I sat there the whole time just wanting to drink and dance and I couldn't. We left 2 hours in.

Right, but not one is forced to participate. I hate forced guest participation, too. If someone was going to assign all of their guests to a song to sing, then I would say no. But I doubt OP (or anyone) would do that. To restate an important point I made, you should never subject your guests to long periods of karaoke. 5 hours, for example, is WAYYYY too long. But if your DJ mixes it in during part of the reception--say, an hour--then it really isn't that big of a deal. It does depend on the style of wedding you are having, though. I could see it being very tacky if you are at a fancy venue or something, but if this is an informal park/backyard style wedding, then I don't really see anything wrong with it. Again, thinking about the crowd you have. I can't speak for every single guest at my sister's wedding, but for my close friends and family I know we all had a blast.

Yeah, but I'm still forced to listen, which can be both awkward and unpleasant.

Peledreamsofrain · June 2013

Post removed due to GBCK

jbouchard10132012 · June 2013

If you mixed in a DJ with karaoke I think that's absolutely fine. You have to do what will make you happy, and you know your guests much better than anyone else. If you think that is something they will enjoy go for it! If you are doing it, just read the crowd and if people aren't enjoying it then just switch to more DJ. Best of luck!!!

AddieCake · June 2013

I would come to your mashed potato bonanza, @Peledreamsofrain.

Peledreamsofrain · June 2013

AddieL73 said:
I would come to your mashed potato bonanza, @Peledreamsofrain.

My dirty secret: I'm a mashed potato hoar. I'd have to be rolled out of a wedding that only served them.

hordol · June 2013

@peledreamsofrain

...really?

OP said a good chunk of her guest list were people that were under 21 and choir kids. So yeah...fuck what they want I guess.

KDM323 · June 2013

I'd skip the karaoke at the reception and host an after party with your under 21 friends where you guys can all engage in singing karaoke until the sun comes up without annoying, etc the rest of the guests who wouldn't appreciate this.

Peledreamsofrain · June 2013

Post removed due to GBCK

wittykitty14 · June 2013

I majored in vocal performance, and I LOVE karaoke. However, I would run like hell for the door if this was at a wedding. It's fun if you're out at a bar, but not at a wedding. It would be horribly awkward.

I actually was at a wedding that had karaoke. I was about 11, and my best friend's dad was getting remarried. My brother and I were actually the first ones to sing and got the ball rolling. Everyone at this reception over 21 was PLASTERED. So unbelievably shit-faced I tell you. I ended up spending the night with my friend (wedding was at her house) so I didn't have to wait up for my drunk parents to take me home. It was awful.

You said you've gotten mixed reviews. Can I guess that all your under 21 friends think this is great, but all your family is on the fence? Listen to your family, please. Please.

Could you have a karaoke b-party? (Or some co-ed version of one to include guy friends too?) That way you could celebrate with your friends, but still keep the comfort of your guests in mind for the reception.

keeperlaura · June 2013

I would imagine you could control the karaoke list just like you control the DJ's song list.
I went to a wedding where they had karaoke, and it was awesome!

You could sign up from the DJ's book of songs (you could easily censor that book), and then throughout the night he called people up to sing... so it was mostly dance music with a few karaoke songs mixed in. We all danced to the karaoke songs too. The couple met in a karaoke bar, and I thought it was a very sweet nod to that!

Stupid idea?

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