wedding the weekend before mine....

kking1982 · June 2013

Not a question, more of an annoyance. I found out via facebook....like everything else now a days......that my brothers fiancee finally booked a venue for their wedding the weekend before ours. I know she can do whatever she likes but I am seriously rolling my eyes about this. I think is is super tacky!

misshart00 · June 2013

I understand being annoyed since its your brothers wedding, but it's not a big deal. Roll your eyes then let it go.

NOLAbridealmost · June 2013

Yikes. Are the weddings in the same city at least? It's not that you're entitled to a whole week blocked off in your honor, but that could be really hard on guests that overlap the two weddings. I don't blame you for being irritated about that.

vineheart137 · June 2013

It's not tacky, but I get how it's annoying. It'll probably be hard for guests to go to both weddings, and are they going on a honeymoon or will they be waiting until after your wedding?

tiny speck · June 2013

As long as your parents and other family VIPs are ok with two weddings back to back it shouldn't be an issue. Yeah I'd be pretty annoyed too, especially if I found out on facebook, but what's done is done now.

kking1982 · June 2013

Yea, our weddings are in the same area. I guess what really annoys me is I feel like he is blatantly treated like the favorite child. Our mom is already doting over his engagement, but she hasn't shown interest in ours. Having our wedding back to back weekends is just going to make it that much harder to ignore any behavior reflecting favoritism.
I hope they have the wedding of their dreams and truly wish them well, but i still think it was a tacky move.

MobKaz · June 2013

I would wonder if they plan on being back from their honeymoon to attend your wedding......

NOLAbridealmost · June 2013

When is the wedding? Is it too late to move your own date?

southernbelle0915 · June 2013

NOLAbridealmost said:
When is the wedding? Is it too late to move your own date?

Great point! This is a great idea.

aurianna · June 2013

Will there be a lot of out of town guests?
I'd be annoyed on their behalf that they might need to travel twice within a week or possibly skip a wedding.
If that's the case, and if your wedding date has been established for a while, I do think it's a bit inconsiderate on their part.
...but you get one day and they get one day.

Try not to let "favoritism" bother you. There could be a lot that goes into that. Like your mom might be closer to his fiancee than to yours. Or they're asking for more wedding input or their tastes are more similar or she thinks you're capable and will need less help etc etc etc.
It could be anything. I'd try not to dwell and instead just focus on the happy occasions.

kking1982 · June 2013

I have no idea what their honeymoon plans are yet. I am not sure they have gotten that far in the planning process. I really hope their honeymoon does not prevent them from attending our wedding as I would miss them not being there. Also, I am not aware of them asking anyone on my side of the family about the dates, but they may have. I try to stay in touch with them about our details as I knew they were looking for the same time frame as we had booked hoping to avoid any logistical problems, but they have not returned the favor. I find out on facebook after it has happened. Heck I even found out about the engagement on facebook

.

harper0813 · June 2013

I wouldn't call it tacky, but I would be annoyed as well. I'd be really annoyed about learning of their engagement on Facebook, too. But save the energy you funnel into annoyance - it actually sucks quite a bit to have your parents obsess over your wedding, so consider yourself lucky in that regard!

kking1982 · June 2013

Can you explain the reason for this? I was going to wait another month to be within the appropriate time frame.

kking1982 · June 2013

zobird, I don't want anyone obsessing over our wedding. I am not even doing that

But some genuine interest would have been nice. Having felt none, when I saw the sentiment she poured into my brothers just hurts. If it continues it is going to be hard to ignore when our weddings are so close together.

BangBangs39 · June 2013

I agree with OP - tacky and annoying especially if you've kept them in the loop regarding your wedding plans. I would most definitely send STD's ASAP

cwaggoner07 · June 2013

I totally agree with Liatris. Send out STD's as fast as you can.

I'm sorry about this - sucks.

kking1982 · June 2013

Liatris2010 said:

kking1982 said:

Can you explain the reason for this? I was going to wait another month to be within the appropriate time frame.

If you have any OOT family who is likely to only travel for one wedding, you want to send your STDs first so they pick yours.

This will not be a problem. The only OOT family invites are on the grooms side for our wedding. Given this info should i wait another month to send them. Everything I have read says to send STD at 6-8 months out.

s-aries8990 · June 2013

Standard is 6-9 months, but I think that up to 12 is something you can get away with, especially if it's at a time of the year when a lot of other things are going on (holiday weekends, summer, winter holiday season, or other weddings). 12 months is really the outermost limit.

MsYeck · June 2013

I would still send out STD"s right away even to in town people because their are lots of people who work weekends (like myself) and might only be ale to get one off of work. I know I couldn't get two weekends in a row off

AllyIdo · June 2013

Are you close with your brother? Can you have a heart-to-heart with him to discuss how inconvenient this will be for all parties involved?

Pepper6 · June 2013

6-8 months is a good timeframe, but when there are extenuating circumstances, I think it's fine to send them even earlier. I just got a STD from a friend for her wedding at the end of next April, it's a little soon, but I remember her mentioning that some of her family has to request time off way in advance, so I'm sure that was why.

Your situation is sort of similar, where if it comes down to people needing to choose which event, they are likely to choose the one they get a STD for first. So go ahead and send them.

Anastasia517 · June 2013

Eek! They didn't do anything wrong, but I can see why you are a bit annoyed. That will be a very busy couple weeks for your family and all of the pre-wedding things that go with two siblings weddings could be expensive.

I hope your brother doesn't go on his honeymoon immediately after his wedding. I can definitely see being upset about that. Fingers crossed that they wait a few weeks so they can still attend yours!

TheBaysideBride · June 2013

I disagree w/ the previous posters - planning their wedding one week before you is totally wrong. If you set your date, and they were a weekend AFTER, I'd be OK w/ that. But jumping ahead of you, and setting it so close is just wrong and inconsiderate.

Keep your head up - yours will rock. inconsiderate people throw bad weddings.

southernbelle0915 · June 2013

Change your date to the weekend before theirs. Just kidding.

I was thinking about how you could make this work to your advantage... One of my girlfriends is getting married within a month of her brother. They've been tag teaming vendors (booking two weddings = serious discounts for both of them). They've done it with their photographer, their caterer, and their venue. Maybe others - those are the only ones I know of. Just an idea.

kking1982 · June 2013

allyscud said:

Are you close with your brother? Can you have a heart-to-heart with him to discuss how inconvenient this will be for all parties involved?

We are kinda close. I don't think talking to him would help as I know his fiance is the one who wants a spring wedding and i guess this was the only date that one of the venues she wanted has available. She wants what she wants, I am hoping it will all work out in the end.

Thank you ladies for all the advice. I don't want to appear like a Bridezilla, or end up in "Bride Wars". I will send out my STD next month like I planned I do not have any OOT guests to worry about having to pick between weddings. I am confident that both their wedding and our will be wonderful. If my mom's behavior continues to putter about, it is what it is. My finances family has been wonderful about the entire thing and I look forward to the fun of the upcoming year and all the joys the years to come will bring.

@ Bayside, You spoke my mind.

Even my very even keeled fiancee had some choice words about this.

loca4pook · June 2013

I agree that it sucks. Have you discussed with your parents? I am sure they have to understand the difficulty of this, even for them.

I would personally talk to brother about your concern.

If no budging, think about it this way...you can learn from his mistakes and make your wedding bigger and better..That way, he will end up kicking himself when he sees something awesome at your wedding that he didn't have at yours.....perhaps subtly say that to bride and put her in a panic! MAO..maybe she will change her mind

shalaura · July 2013

It's fine if they aren't going on their honey moon right away... will your brother not be able to attend your wedding because he's out of town? That's sad!

GB520 · July 2013

That's really shitty. I wanted to get married next August but my brother proposed to his now fiance before we got engaged.We almost got engaged last yr and he thought they weren't even planning for 2 years, I told him I doubt that will happen. I couldn't say anything bc technically we weren't engaged so I wasn't about to sound like a crazy person calling a wedding month dibs when we weren't even engaged!

They ended up bookig for September 2014. So I decided we will get married the following year since I want August. I had family telling me I couldn't get married in the same year which added to my choice. Plus I wanted more time to save and first choices with vendors. I think its really inconsiderate but what are you going to do?

My bro is expecting a lot from my parents while I am expecting nothing since my family isn't wealthy. I think you have every right to be upset. She's stupid for doing that bc it will be a financial strain on the family plus like PP have said many OOT guests will have to choose between yours and theirs. I would keep them in the dark with anything wedding related bc it will be better for you. She may be trying to steal your thunder and compete. So dumb. I'm sorry! Don't let it ruin your day!

grumbledore · July 2013

I disagree w/ the previous posters - planning their wedding one week before you is totally wrong. If you set your date, and they were a weekend AFTER, I'd be OK w/ that. But jumping ahead of you, and setting it so close is just wrong and inconsiderate.

Keep your head up - yours will rock. inconsiderate people throw bad weddings.

I have to agree. While they can plan their wedding for whenever they want, they are being extremely inconsiderate here. Your guest lists are going to have a ton of overlap and it's going to potentially make it impossible for some of them to attend one or the other.

I will echo the "send out your save the dates asap" advise. Either that or take the really high road and consider moving your date to make it easier on everyone.

misssunshine17 · July 2013

You should not say anything to your brother, because he has done nothing wrong. You would look like a crazy bridezilla if you did. Yes, it sucks and I would come here to vent, also, but saying something is crossing the line.

In your case, sending the STDs now would be good. I also work weekends and might not be able to get two off in a row, so even local people might have to choose and if they get your STD first, they're more likely to choose yours.

kking1982 · July 2013

Thank you all for your advice. Once I got over the initial shock of it I realize what REALLY annoyed me is the one sided communication. I took every measure to keep my brother in the loop as to avoid any possible conflict and I feel like they could have cared less as no info from their end was ever sent my way. I have no idea when they plan on taking their honeymoon. I have come to terms with the way things worked out. While I would miss my brother not being at my wedding, i realize this may be a possibility. I went ahead and send out STD out at the beginning of the month considering my Fiancee does have a handful of family traveling from Texas. I want to give them as much notice as possible.
Whatever happens, happens. People will make their choices. I am not gonna stress about it and let it bring me down. I know the people in ours lives who care about us will be in attendance. Until then I plan on enjoying my brothers wedding (assuming we are invited

) and then celebrating ours the following week.

wedding the weekend before mine....

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