Out of town friends want to stay with bride and groom the week of the wedding?

CrystalSully · June 2013

Yeah, it was definitely her boyfriend who invited the friend along and she didn't have a say in it. He's just that type of person unfortunately.

PrettyGirlLost · June 2013

NYCMercedes said:

It's just too many for too long. Try to eliminate the friend and ask her to make her visit shorter.

As Yoda said:

Eliminate the friend period- I'm sorry friend but we cannot accommodate BF's Pal under any circumstances, let alone the week of our wedding. Would you like me to recommend a hotel for him?

And I agree, please do yourself a favor and ask them to limit the trip to 2-3 days total. They don't need to show up on your doorstep on Tues if the wedding is Friday. They need to be there for the rehearsal and RD the night before, and the wedding day. That's it. I would tell them those are the only nights you can house them, and definitely get a hotel for yourselves on your wedding night.

You don't want to start the week leading up to your marriage and then the marriage itself stressed over hosting house guests.

CrystalSully · June 2013

Also, my fiancé was in the room when she mentioned this on the phone, he was well aware of the situation. He too was polite although irritated right off the bat like I was until we both sat down and really thought about doing something about it.

PrettyGirlLost · June 2013

CrystalSully said:

Yeah, it was definitely her boyfriend who invited the friend along and she didn't have a say in it. He's just that type of person unfortunately.

Of course she has a say, she just chooses not to voice her dissent.

And you certainly have a say, it's your house. So say, Norfolk and Way!

OjitosVerdes · June 2013

I agree that you are being way too nice (I have a tendency of being that way, too - so I understand!) and your friends are being way too rude.

At the very least, have your MOH's boyfriend deal with the extra friend. He can explain that he's so sorry but didn't understand the space restraints. Also, book yourselves a hotel for the night before, night of and night after the wedding.

For your sanity, what you probably really should do, as others have mentioned, is call up your MOH, explain that you really hadn't thought through the logistics and that you won't be able to host them. I know you'd feel awful, but if she decides to back out of the wedding, it is her fault and a reflection of her priorities. (I also side-eyed the taking 10-days off). I assume her staying at your house wasn't a condition of her being a BM, and she's being incredibly presumptuous.

kking1982 · June 2013

This is a very nice thing to do, but I would try to get out of it. Maybe you could tell them there isn't a place for a third person to sleep. Newlyweds need some time to themselves

[Deleted User] · June 2013

I assume this random stranger friend is not invited to the wedding. Did they expect that you would allow this stranger danger to remain in your home unattended to while you're at the wedding?

AddieCake · June 2013

I'm dying to know why the random friend is coming.

NOLAbridealmost · June 2013

Don't blame it on FI....JUST BE HONEST, because your true reasons are honestly really good. "Friend, I felt a little "on the spot" when I first agreed to your plans especially because I am so excited to see you and I really do want to make the trip as easy for you as possible. Unfortunately after having a chance to really think about the realities of the wedding week logistics, we cannot accommodate BFs friend AT ALL. You might be comfortable bunking up on air mattresses but WE won't be comfortable with the bathroom and other logistical issues of having a total stranger in the house. We are happy to open the house to you and BF for (insert which nights---I'd do the RD night and wedding night--with y'all in a hotel--personally) but otherwise you'll need to find something else. I'm so sorry for changing my tune now....I just truly didn't realize all these things when you originally asked on the phone."

phira · June 2013

Sometimes we end up backing ourselves into a corner when we're really trying to subtly tell someone, "No." So be firm, and quite simply don't give her options you don't want her to take.

"[Fiance] and I can't host all three of you for that length of time. We are happy to host you and [boyfriend] starting Wednesday evening until we come back from the hotel on Saturday afternoon. If that doesn't work for you, I'll book you guys a hotel room and we'll split the cost."

Giving her options, instead of asking her what would work for her, gives you more control over the situation. If you ask why the friend is coming, she'll have an explanation that you'd then have to try to argue against. If you tell her that the friend can't stay with you, then the friend can't stay with you.

misssunshine17 · June 2013

Nola gave great wording, read that to your friend over the phone. She is way out of line.

There is no freaking way I would 1) let someone stay with me that long and 2) let them stay on my wedding night. Fuck no.

MobKaz · June 2013

LMc0322 said:

I assume this random stranger friend is not invited to the wedding. Did they expect that you would allow this stranger danger to remain in your home unattended to while you're at the wedding?

This has been my question. What is "friend of BF" supposed to do while the rest of you are at the rehearsal dinner, wedding, and reception. And if part of the answer is "visit other friends in the area", then he now has an alternative place to stay. I would not want to come home from my own wedding to find my place in a potential "disaster" from this guy helping himself while you were out.

CrystalSully · June 2013

See, that's the weird thing about it. My MOH's boyfriend is basically saying that if he goes then his best friend goes, because he'll be bored during their trip to our state while my MOH and I catch up and have girl time. I personally think this is selfish and rude to try to bring a friend along - especially if they're already staying at someone's home, but that's what the situation is right now. At this point he might even make my MOH drive 20+ hours here by herself just because his best friend can't come. It's ridiculous.

winelover123 · June 2013

I'd honestly say no. I'm not a fan of the idea of houseguests on the wedding night and during the honeymoon period. Call up your friend and say, "Friend, I'm sorry. I was so excited to see you that I said yes without thinking about it. We aren't comfortable with having houseguests on our wedding night and right after." If you're fine with having them stay before the wedding (I wouldn't do the night before either, but that's me), let her know then give a list of hotels in the area.

PrettyGirlLost · June 2013

CrystalSully said:

See, that's the weird thing about it. My MOH's boyfriend is basically saying that if he goes then his best friend goes, because he'll be bored during their trip to our state while my MOH and I catch up and have girl time. I personally think this is selfish and rude to try to bring a friend along - especially if they're already staying at someone's home, but that's what the situation is right now. At this point he might even make my MOH drive 20+ hours here by herself just because his best friend can't come. It's ridiculous.

Yes, it is, and he sounds like a real winner. That shit would never fly with me. I'm very sorry your dear friend puts up with a crappy attitude like that.

But those issues are between Friend and BF. . . their bag of rocks is not yours. You don't have to enable his shitty attitude.

OjitosVerdes · June 2013

PrettyGirlLost said:

CrystalSully said:

See, that's the weird thing about it. My MOH's boyfriend is basically saying that if he goes then his best friend goes, because he'll be bored during their trip to our state while my MOH and I catch up and have girl time. I personally think this is selfish and rude to try to bring a friend along - especially if they're already staying at someone's home, but that's what the situation is right now. At this point he might even make my MOH drive 20+ hours here by herself just because his best friend can't come. It's ridiculous.

Yes, it is, and he sounds like a real winner. That shit would never fly with me. I'm very sorry your dear friend puts up with a crappy attitude like that.

But those issues are between Friend and BF. . . their bag of rocks is not yours. You don't have to enable his shitty attitude.

^^^This. Ugh. I'm so sorry they're trying to drag you in the middle of this, but it is absolutely a friend/BF issue. And speaking of the BF ... is he like 9??? If you had a three-day elaborate bach party planned while they were both there I might *kind of* understand, but how much "girl time" are you really going to have right before your wedding? I agree that NOLA's wording for your MOH is perfect.

Edited for abbreviation errors.

Peledreamsofrain · June 2013

I'm sorry, but I would tell my friend that my house has a bedbug problem or something. No freakin way. I don't say this often (ever), but it's your wedding day, you have the right to be a teensy selfish about accomodations (IE alone to have wild monkey sex).

PrettyGirlLost · June 2013

Peledreamsofrain said:

I'm sorry, but I would tell my friend that my house has a bedbug problem or something. No freakin way. I don't say this often (ever), but it's your wedding day, you have the right to be a teensy selfish about accomodations (IE alone to have wild monkey sex).

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5i65cMoLn1rwcc6bo1_500.gif

Am I on WB or WW?! Get the fuck out!

Peledreamsofrain · June 2013

PrettyGirlLost said:

Peledreamsofrain said:

I'm sorry, but I would tell my friend that my house has a bedbug problem or something. No freakin way. I don't say this often (ever), but it's your wedding day, you have the right to be a teensy selfish about accomodations (IE alone to have wild monkey sex).

Am I on WB or WW?! Get the fuck out!

CrystalSully · June 2013

Aw man, even after offering to split the hotel bill with them for the SECOND half of the trip after the wedding for only two nights she says she probably won't be able to come. Well that's just great. My only BM won't be able to make the ceremony even though my FI has his brother as his best man to stand up with him. I'm really disappointed in people right now.

I knew she wouldn't take this well, this is stupid.

PrettyGirlLost · June 2013

Aw, piss

I'm sorry! Give her a few days and see what happens, hopefully she is jut having a tanttrum. . . I will send you vibes that she changes her mind.

Peledreamsofrain · June 2013

CrystalSully said:

Aw man, even after offering to split the hotel bill with them for the SECOND half of the trip after the wedding for only two nights she says she probably won't be able to come. Well that's just great. My only BM won't be able to make the ceremony even though my FI has his brother as his best man to stand up with him. I'm really disappointed in people right now. I knew she wouldn't take this well, this is stupid.

I'm sorry, that's rough

. I hope they come around. Something about weddings really makes people unreasonable.

annathy03 · June 2013

OP, I'm sorry about all this and hope your friend will figure out a way to come for a shorter stay, ideally without her immature BF. @PrettyGirlLost, I love you. Stitch is the best thing ever.

PrettyGirlLost · June 2013

annathy03 said:

OP, I'm sorry about all this and hope your friend will figure out a way to come for a shorter stay, ideally without her immature BF. @PrettyGirlLost, I love you. Stitch is the best thing ever.

+1

Aw thanks @annathy03. . . he is so cute and evil :-)

CrystalSully · June 2013

I really hope she can just tell her boyfriend off. I've been talking to her all night and it's because of him that she might not be able to make it. He refuses to come with if his friend can't come, that much is certain. She doesn't feel comfortable driving over halfway across the country by herself and would need to fly, which they can't afford. Such crap. He's going to have hell to pay if he keeps her from being in this wedding!

Jen4948 · June 2013

I'm sorry to hear that your bridesmaid is flaking on you. I hope things work out.

astimmel · June 2013

Wow. Just wow. I really hope your friend realizes what a douche nozzle her BF is and makes it to your wedding!

If you were able to afford paying for part of her hotel, is there a chance the two of you could split the cost of a plane ticket?

NOLAbridealmost · June 2013

Wow. I'd be more inclined to pay for BM to come by plane--and ONLY pay for a plane for her--than to do anything to make it easier for her BF to come. Obviously he must be invited as a SO, but you don't have to make it easy for him to get there.

annathy03 · June 2013

I second NOLA, maybe see if you can split a flight for her (and only her, as Nola said he must be invited but you don't have to help transport the dbag) for days you'd be good hosting her at your place, and I'd still get a room for you and your new husband on the wedding night. @PrettyGirlLost, I know right? He plays ukulele AND destroys things!

schellzinator · June 2013

I like the offering to pay for her plane ticket as well - without the BF and his BFF. It might actually make your wedding more enjoyable.

Out of town friends want to stay with bride and groom the week of the wedding?

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