Out of town friends want to stay with bride and groom the week of the wedding?

crunchymamaof2 · June 2013

I hope she wakes up and realizes that her BF is borderline abusive (IMO at least, giving her ultimatums like that. He's an asshat for sure). I second (third, fourth...?) offering to split or pay for a plane ticket for her alone. Even a train or bus ticket so she won't have to drive. I can picture the pathetic SO telling her she can't go on her own though if she considers the idea.

Worse case scenario that she can't/won't come- it's totally okay that your FH has a best man and you don't have a BP. May not be the most fun thing but uneven sides are perfectly fine. But I hope you can get this worked out :-/

zitiqueen · June 2013

CrystalSully said:

I really hope she can just tell her boyfriend off. I've been talking to her all night and it's because of him that she might not be able to make it. He refuses to come with if his friend can't come, that much is certain. She doesn't feel comfortable driving over halfway across the country by herself and would need to fly, which they can't afford. Such crap. He's going to have hell to pay if he keeps her from being in this wedding!

To be completely fair, he wouldn't be keeping her from coming to the wedding -- she'd be keeping herself from coming to the wedding. She's a big girl who makes her own choices.

CrystalSully · June 2013

Splitting a hotel with her for two nights would have only been about $75 on our end which we could maybe manage, but there is just no way we could afford to even split a plane ticket, which runs about $500. We've already had to shave off so much from this wedding because of nearly 4G in vet bills. I dearly wish we could front up the cash and pay for her entirely, but that just isn't possible for us.

KDM323 · June 2013

Why can't she drive herself or look into a bus/train? I get that last minute flights can be pricey - but there are other options out there.

And her BF sounds like a real piece of work.

itzMS · June 2013

drexelkathy said:

Why can't she drive herself or look into a bus/train? I get that last minute flights can be pricey - but there are other options out there.

And her BF sounds like a real piece of work.

Good call on those! MegaBus (and even Greyhound) can be supercheap...and I love traveling via Amtrak. Both are much less stressful than driving yourself 20 hours.

southernbelle0915 · June 2013

Late to this party but can I offer a suggestion?

MOH doesn't want to drive alone but her asshole boyfriend has given the ultimatum that if he drives with her, Dupree comes along (ummm hello, imposing!)...

My proposed offbeat solution that may or may not appeal to you: can MOH bring one of her girlfriends and said girlfriend attends the wedding in asshole BF's place? BF doesn't have to go and can hang of with Dupree all week and you get girl time without too many guests. Obviously not ideal but beats paying for a hotel.

G2SoccerTaz · June 2013

I would say let them stay until you get married, and then they will need to find their own place to stay. You already said "sure" to the three of them. If you say no now, then you might lose a friend.

But do ask them to stay else where after the wedding. You need the chance to be alone with your new husband.

PrettyGirlLost · June 2013

G2SoccerTaz said:

I would say let them stay until you get married, and then they will need to find their own place to stay. You already said "sure" to the three of them. If you say no now, then you might lose a friend.

But do ask them to stay else where after the wedding. You need the chance to be alone with your new husband.

No, CrystalSully said "sure" to Friend and BF. She never agreed to let BF's random Pal stay with her, that was all BF's doing.

Summer2011Bride · June 2013

I would suggest to her some of the alternate transportation options mentioned here--bus, train, Amtrack, etc.

Is this first time she mentioned staying with you guys very recently? I guess I can understand backing out if, from the moment you asked her to be MOH basically, she was saying, "Can we stay with you guys? We won't be able to afford staying somewhere else." Still doesn't excuse asking friend to come along.

But if her wanting to stay with you is recent, then I don't really feel bad. She knew from day one she would need transportation and lodging for this. She should never have relied solely on you guys providing the lodging. I would NEVER ever, no matter how close of a friend, ask to stay with them the week before and days after their wedding, much less bring along an uninvited friend. No no no. She needs to stand up to her boyfriend and put her foot down with this crap.

I am sorry she may not be able to attend now, but it is not your fault and I would hold my ground on not letting them stay with you.

PrettyGirlLost · June 2013

Summer2011Bride said:

I would suggest to her some of the alternate transportation options mentioned here--bus, train, Amtrack, etc.

Is this first time she mentioned staying with you guys very recently? I guess I can understand backing out if, from the moment you asked her to be MOH basically, she was saying, "Can we stay with you guys? We won't be able to afford staying somewhere else." Still doesn't excuse asking friend to come along.

But if her wanting to stay with you is recent, then I don't really feel bad. She knew from day one she would need transportation and lodging for this. She should never have relied solely on you guys providing the lodging. I would NEVER ever, no matter how close of a friend, ask to stay with them the week before and days after their wedding, much less bring along an uninvited friend. No no no. She needs to stand up to her boyfriend and put her foot down with this crap.

I am sorry she may not be able to attend now, but it is not your fault and I would hold my ground on not letting them stay with you.

Yep!

southernbelle0915 · June 2013

I have one more question that may not relevant (good start)... But how did she agree to be in your wedding (or even attend as a guest) and now all of a sudden she can't afford a place to stay? Is this a result of unforeseen financial circumstances (losing a job, unexpected medical bills, etc.)? If its not, I don't get what this girl's plan was in the first place...

Kate61487 · June 2013

southernbelle0915 said:

Late to this party but can I offer a suggestion? MOH doesn't want to drive alone but her asshole boyfriend has given the ultimatum that if he drives with her, Dupree comes along (ummm hello, imposing!)... My proposed offbeat solution that may or may not appeal to you: can MOH bring one of her girlfriends and said girlfriend attends the wedding in asshole BF's place? BF doesn't have to go and can hang of with Dupree all week and you get girl time without too many guests. Obviously not ideal but beats paying for a hotel.

I was going to suggest this too. If asshat BF doesn't want to come without his BFF maybe she has another friend who could come.

CrystalSully · June 2013

Whew, gotta catch up! Thank you everyone soo so much for your input, it's awesome to get so many great ideas I totally would not have thought of. The bringing a friend idea is great, I'll have to run that by her for sure. Because quite frankly, I don't want her selfish, childish boyfriend at my wedding anyways. I also like the MegaBus idea, and I know she's done that before to go to several conventions.

To answer a few questions: Yes, she does work full time. Asshat BF doesn't really do shit and hardly works, so she handles the majority of their funds. Just a couple of days ago they found out they might be getting evicted from their apartment because of roommates not paying their rent, etc etc...So that explains the financial hardship part of this, they may need to pay lots of money on deposits and extra rent for moving. I get kind of angry though because they've gone to several conventions this year AFTER agreeing to be in my wedding where the ticket prices alone cost more than the hotel fees for coming out here. The asshat bf is very frivolous with their money and buys stupid random crap all the time as well. I know it's technically not my place to judge, but it's something I think about when he tells her to tell me that they don't have enough money. He just doesn't want to come out here because it isn't as "fun" for him. I'm sorry but he's a selfish asshole and I spent a good chunk of last night arguing with him through her. Oi.... Now neither of them are speaking to me today. We'll see what happens.

phira · June 2013

southernbelle0915 said:

I have one more question that may not relevant (good start)... But how did she agree to be in your wedding (or even attend as a guest) and now all of a sudden she can't afford a place to stay? Is this a result of unforeseen financial circumstances (losing a job, unexpected medical bills, etc.)? If its not, I don't get what this girl's plan was in the first place...

I had to back out of a wedding a few months beforehand. I was one of 4 bridesmaids, and my friend had asked us back in 2010 when she got engaged, and the wedding was supposed to be spring 2011 or 2012. At the time, I was in a great place financially, and the wedding was about a 6 hour drive away. Unfortunately, the wedding was canceled (not the engagement, just the wedding), and we were all left hanging in terms of when the wedding would eventually be.

By the time planning started up again, I barely talked with the bride on a regular basis, and I had started graduate school. Money was pretty tight anyway, and then I had insurance problems that essentially drained my life savings. Finally, the wedding was moved from a 6 hour drive away to a 4 hour flight away, and it would have been much more expensive to book a hotel room (southern Florida in May--expensive!). I should have backed out much earlier than I did, but it wasn't until I sat down with my partner and drew up a budget that I realized I did not have the money to travel to the wedding.

My friend did not offer to help pay for my flight, or a hotel room ... and I was 100% okay with that. I was pretty overwhelmed with guilt about the whole thing and was just grateful that she was so wonderful and understanding.

As for this situation, it sounds like the majority of the problem is that the boyfriend is a manipulative borderline abusive jerkface. I would do what southernbelle0915 suggested and offer to let her bring a girlfriend (and that friend can be invited to the wedding), and they can stay at your apartment for whatever dates are convenient FOR YOU.

PrettyGirlLost · June 2013

CrystalSully said:

Whew, gotta catch up! Thank you everyone soo so much for your input, it's awesome to get so many great ideas I totally would not have thought of. The bringing a friend idea is great, I'll have to run that by her for sure. Because quite frankly, I don't want her selfish, childish boyfriend at my wedding anyways. I also like the MegaBus idea, and I know she's done that before to go to several conventions.

To answer a few questions: Yes, she does work full time. Asshat BF doesn't really do shit and hardly works, so she handles the majority of their funds. Just a couple of days ago they found out they might be getting evicted from their apartment because of roommates not paying their rent, etc etc...So that explains the financial hardship part of this, they may need to pay lots of money on deposits and extra rent for moving. I get kind of angry though because they've gone to several conventions this year AFTER agreeing to be in my wedding where the ticket prices alone cost more than the hotel fees for coming out here. The asshat bf is very frivolous with their money and buys stupid random crap all the time as well. I know it's technically not my place to judge, but it's something I think about when he tells her to tell me that they don't have enough money. He just doesn't want to come out here because it isn't as "fun" for him. I'm sorry but he's a selfish asshole and I spent a good chunk of last night arguing with him through her. Oi.... Now neither of them are speaking to me today. We'll see what happens.

Ugh. . . I hope she dumps his ass, kicks he and the other deadbeat roomies out, and mends her relationship with you.

I'm just sorry this crap is happening wrt your wedding

Pepper6 · June 2013

It sucks that this is causing issues with your friendship, but she seriously needs to wake the fuck up and see what an asshat her BF is.

I skimmed through the second page, so forgive me if you answered this already, but why were they planning to stay for 10 days anyways? I mean, I could reasonably put up with houseguests (just her and the BF, not his friend) for the night before and the night of the wedding, assuming you could rent a hotel room for yourself on your wedding night. But 10 days is freaking insane and incredibly presumptuous no matter how close you are to the person.

Gisellerina · June 2013

@CrystalSully - no advice on your situation with your friend, but wanted to let you know I'm sorry for the loss of your kitty. He/she sounds very lucky to have been loved by you.

cmmurphy89 · June 2013

I see you've made a decision but I just couldn't help adding this in.

"Oh you don't mind camping! I have a lovely tent for you! or please see the hotel down the street!"

Amyliz1215 · June 2013

Is this girl's boyfriend an indigo child!? LOL OP - I am so sorry you have to deal with this. I don't have any new advice to give (all of the good advice has already been given!) but just wanted to say that I hope this all works out for you. Sending good vibes to you.

CrystalSully · June 2013

Gisellerina said:

@CrystalSully - no advice on your situation with your friend, but wanted to let you know I'm sorry for the loss of your kitty. He/she sounds very lucky to have been loved by you.

Aw, thank you so much. He was only 3 years old, and such a sweet boy. After surgery, hospitalization, and many medications we were hoping he would pull through, but in the end as he went downhill we couldn't stand to see him suffering any more. Even with the sacrifices we've made in our wedding, it was completely worth the time and money to try to treat him and we don't regret it.

PrettyGirlLost · June 2013

CrystalSully said:

Gisellerina said:

@CrystalSully - no advice on your situation with your friend, but wanted to let you know I'm sorry for the loss of your kitty. He/she sounds very lucky to have been loved by you.

Aw, thank you so much. He was only 3 years old, and such a sweet boy. After surgery, hospitalization, and many medications we were hoping he would pull through, but in the end as he went downhill we couldn't stand to see him suffering any more. Even with the sacrifices we've made in our wedding, it was completely worth the time and money to try to treat him and we don't regret it.

Poor kitty had lovely furparents.

PrettyGirlLost · July 2013

OP are you still around? How did this turn out?

NerdyLucy · July 2013

Yeah, I'm curious.

Out of town friends want to stay with bride and groom the week of the wedding?

Re: Out of town friends want to stay with bride and groom the week of the wedding?

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