Can I refuse to give cash (only out of spite)?

NYCBruin · June 2013

Kate61487 said:

Alaynajuliana said:

...isn't the idea of a destination wedding that the couple is already AT their honeymoon?

I thought this too; then a coworker told me that she and her H "wouldn't be taking a honeymoon until next year". Umm, I'm sorry. You're having a PPD on the beach in Mexico (they married in the states a week before they left; you know.. that pesky paperwork) and staying at the resort for 5 days after. How is that not a honeymoon?

Are you really surprised that someone who had two weddings now wants two honeymoons?

Pepper6 · June 2013

Even if they made no etiquette faux pas, knowing that a majority of their guests would be forking out some major cash to attend should prepare them for not receiving many gifts. I try to be reasonable about giving gifts, but if I'm spending $2500 just to get there, chances are my gift would be much smaller if anything at all anyways.

But since they are being rude about it, I'd plan a fun/expensive activity while you're there, then post a picture on their FB with a note like "Congrats on your wedding! We were so glad we could make it to share your day with you, and we really enjoyed experiencing Hawaii and doing things that we couldn't afford for our own HM since we didn't ask anyone to help us pay for it!".

In all seriousness though, just get them a card, no gift required.

allispain · June 2013

hoffse said:

We received a butterfly platter you can have...

Along these lines, we received 3 bamboo steamers at our wedding. Using my extras, you could give them a his and hers steamer!

I know that you feel that since she was a member of your bridal party and they gave you a nice gift, that you need to take the high road and do the same. However, weddings are tit for tat. Not when it comes to the guest list, not when it comes to the bridal party, and not when it comes to wedding gifts. I got one of my closest friends a decent bottle of scotch for her wedding (she and her husband both drink it) that cost me about $50. I was still in grad school and funds were running low. Flash forward to my wedding and they gave me a check for six times that amount. They're both very successful in their careers. Did I get a twinge of guilt when I saw the amount? Definitely. But they gave what they felt was appropriate and could afford and I did the same. I guess what I'm trying to say is that maybe you can easily afford the $2500 you're paying to attend this wedding as well as a cash gift - but do you feel it's appropriate for you to give it?

Jen4948 · June 2013

Liatris2010 said:

Seriously? You spend $2500 to attend their destination wedding, plus money for a drink at the cash bar, and they want you to pay for their honeymoon too. What a greedy money grab.
Nope. A card will suffice.

This. You are not required to give anything else. Let them pay for their own honeymoon.

ashleyep · June 2013

NYCBruin said:

Kate61487 said:

Alaynajuliana said:

...isn't the idea of a destination wedding that the couple is already AT their honeymoon?

I thought this too; then a coworker told me that she and her H "wouldn't be taking a honeymoon until next year". Umm, I'm sorry. You're having a PPD on the beach in Mexico (they married in the states a week before they left; you know.. that pesky paperwork) and staying at the resort for 5 days after. How is that not a honeymoon?

Are you really surprised that someone who had two weddings now wants two honeymoons?

I don't really think it's a big deal if they take two honeymoons, as long as they're not asking their guests to pay for the second one. My FI and I will be going to Europe about 8 months after our wedding because that's when the French Open in Paris is and he wants to see it and I want to do Europe. We'll be doing something small immediately after the wedding as well, just to get away.

Anyway, OP, I'd say get a crock pot. My cousin somehow ended up with 4 crock pots at her shower even though she clearly only registered for one. It seems to be the perfect level of "bless your heart."

TheBaysideBride · June 2013

Wait, i'm sorry, they think their friends have enough money to attend a destination wedding, but they are not even offering DRINKS to them?? this is RIDIC. this is someone wanting a wedding they cannot afford.

Card, no gift and make it one of those $1.99 cards.

have a great time though

BarbLovesDave · June 2013

I never give cash, and it's poor etiquette to direct wedding guests to give cash.

You are already spending a bundle on this wedding, plus you are expected to buy your own drinks at the reception. I wouldn't worry a lot about offending this couple, seeing as how they have already offended you.

I'd say get them something cheap and flat that they can pack and take home. Yet another picture frame comes to mind.

Ajuliana · June 2013

Just bring a 99 cent store card, a flask, and re-wear your wedding dress. Done, done, and done.

KytchynWitche · June 2013

call me tacky, but i wouldn't give them anything at all. how presumptuous can they get?

Can I refuse to give cash (only out of spite)?

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