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32daisies · June 2013

AddieL73 said:

I'm also just not a big fan of proposals that happen in front of a crowd.

Neither am I. I was relieved and thrilled that my FI chose to propose when we were alone at home. Of course I would have been happy wherever or whenever he did it, but I was leery of it being a spectacle of some kind. YMMV of course -- everyone should get the proposal they want, in every way. I very much got mine.

mrsbizzz · June 2013

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courtneythesquid · June 2013

It sounds like if he goes through with this, you would smile on the outside, but on the inside you would resent it. This could permanently damage your relationship. I therefore think you should say something- this is how family feuds start.

If there is somebody who is close to him, I would ask if they would mind having a heart to heart with him. They don't have to mention that you sent them, but they can just say, "You are putting the couple in a horrible position, they probably feel like they can't say anything, but nobody wants somebody else proposing at their wedding. You will look bad in front of your entire family, because this is just plain bad manners." If he insists that you wouldn't mind, they can at that point say, "Based on the comments they have made to me, I think they very much would mind."

If there is nobody else who can talk to him, I would call him up and let him know that although it was doubtlessly not his intent, those comments have really been stressing you out. Say, "I can't tell you what to do, but please consider my point of view. Nobody really wants somebody else to propose at their wedding. Could you not just let us have our special day?"

This is the one time you don't want to bean dip! If you just laugh off the jokes and don't say anything, then you will have no right to get mad at him if he goes through with it. Speak straight from the heart and let him know how you really feel.

Jen4948 · June 2013

tinambride said:

Honestly, if he's joking about it I doubt he's seriously considering it. I also don't think most guys plan these things a year out, but I guess you never know. I'd laugh with him and make sure he knows you see this as a JOKE and nothing more. Maybe he'll get the hint that this shouldn't be serious (for both your sake and his girlfriends).

I think the fact that he's repeatedly joking about it means that he's using humor to cover the fact that he knows damn well that it's wrong but plans to do it anyway. I definitely wouldn't put it past him.

LuckyAloha · June 2013

That's so funny that you posted this, my wedding falls on the bday of one of the groomsmen's gf who is also a friend of mine. My FI came home and said excitedly that he was telling the gm that he should propose at our wedding. I had to sit him down and explain to him that it is very inappropriate thing to do, I'm still hoping he didn't mention it yet to the gm.

QueerFemme · June 2013

I don't understand why you have to be subtle or "joke" back. Just tell him "Don't do this. Please plan your proposal for another day".

Why is it so hard to be direct?

sdg2502 · June 2013

Even without considering how the bride and groom would feel about a proposal at their wedding, imagine being on the receiving end of that proposal and having that as you're proposal story?! Every time you told it you'd feel like you had to explain your fiances behaviour for proposing at a wedding, I think it would really make you cringe!
Personally, I would love if one of my friends got engaged at my wedding and I would probably joke with them that the love between my FI and I is so great, it inspires people to propose. :P

16maybeless · June 2013

I have to admit, I would feel bad for the girl. I don't know if that many ladies want to be proposed to at a wedding? For me, anyway, part of the fun of the engagement day was going back to our house to split a bottle of wine and call our parents and friends and talk excitedly about plans ... and I did lots of happy crying on the phone. I feel like all of that private fun would be taken away at a wedding, because someone else's event isn't the time to be on the phone and dreamily talking to your fiance?

Not that we talked too dreamily/sentimentally. He wants to have "Zombie Nation" for the recessional. Le sigh.

kathrynrf · June 2013

I guess I am a little different than most. I would never have wanted my FI to propose to me at someone's wedding, but, my cousin and her boyfriend have been together a couple years. I think it would be so sweet if they got engaged during/or in the weeks before my wedding. I honestly do not think it would take away from my day at all (as long as it wasn't during my first dance, like in Yes, Dear). I would be so excited to celebrate even more love while celebrating our love with all the people who love us.

Blue_Bird · July 2013

If I were your FSIL, I'd be mortified to be proposed to at someone else's wedding. I think I'd probably be a little miffed if it happened at my wedding, but I'd smile and clap. I'd probably be embarrassed for the couple, because I know how I feel, and I have heard of other men cluelessly considering this.

jeannemarie06 · July 2013

After all is said and done, with the exception of someone falling seriously ill at the wedding perhaps, I do not believe anything or any person can take away from the Bride and Groom at the wedding especially if the bride sets the tone by being classy and lady like.

He might very well get into hot water with his girl for setting it up in this fashion no matter what his intention. I hope he is reading all of these posts!!

arae81 · July 2013

The only thought that comes across for me is "he'd be stealing my moment on my day". I waited three years for my wedding day, and I didn't want anyone to upstage me. I can understand that the family is all there, but it's still rude. The wedding day is about the bride and groom.

Jen4948 · July 2013

jeannemarie06 said:

After all is said and done, with the exception of someone falling seriously ill at the wedding perhaps, I do not believe anything or any person can take away from the Bride and Groom at the wedding especially if the bride sets the tone by being classy and lady like.

He might very well get into hot water with his girl for setting it up in this fashion no matter what his intention. I hope he is reading all of these posts!!

I disagree. There are things that can take the wedding away from the couple, and they don't all have to be emergencies. They can be as simple as people squealing, jumping up and down, and demanding details and photos of other people's events-like proposals. Some people can be very vocal and noisy, and are out to steal the show or treat the guests like a captive audience for their own causes or shows. If it goes on too long, it very definitely does take the wedding away from the couple.

phira · July 2013

Stage, I don't think public proposals are DESIGNED to pressure a person into saying yes. But I think that in a lot of cases, unless the person has said he or she would love a public proposal, it's usually better to make them private, just in case.

Jen4948 · July 2013

phira said:

Stage, I don't think public proposals are DESIGNED to pressure a person into saying yes. But I think that in a lot of cases, unless the person has said he or she would love a public proposal, it's usually better to make them private, just in case.

The public doesn't necessarily want to see or hear proposals either.

delujm0 · July 2013

If it's going to happen, it's going to happen. But you can tell the DJ/band leader to not give him the mic under any circumstances. You do have control over that. If he was doing this for attention, the mic would be the most important part, and without it he might back off. If he truly thinks this is a good idea and does it anyway, look happy for about 5 minutes, and then forget about it and enjoy the rest of your night.

LOVE the comment about a pregnancy announcement at their wedding. That would be solid GOLD.

coolwhipz1 · July 2013

I'd be pissed. If I had any inclination that that was a possibility I would most definitely say something. I'm known for my bluntness so I'd have no problem telling them that I would be pissed and it had better not happen

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