Confused - Cash Bars are Rude?

[Deleted User] · June 2013

For my upcoming wedding (one month to go!) we are not able to do an open bar the entire reception due to cost. Instead, we are doing an open bar cocktail hour, as well as a bottle of both red & white wine on each table for guests to have with their meal, and a glass of champagne for everyone for the main toast (also we are hosting an open soda/juice bar for the entirety of the reception). I just saw a post on another board saying that cash bars are rude. Is that true even if all the above apply? We simply cannot afford the 10k+ it would cost to leave the bar open for the entire reception.

Thank you in advance for your responses!

annathy03 · June 2013

Exactly what Lia said. You're already hosting a cocktail hour, toasting champagne, and wine with dinner, which is plenty with soda/juice the rest of the evening. I'd recommend having the venue remove the cash bar option and stick with what you are already providing.

radleyboo · June 2013

Yes, it's rude. Eliminate the cash bar. You sounds like gracious hosts with what you're providing.

ETA: Did you think that if you shifted the cocktail hour from a full hosted bar to just wine and beer maybe you could provide that for a longer time? If that's what you're hoping to accomplish, just an idea. H and I hosted beer and wine all night and it was remarkably affordable compared to a full cocktail/liquor bar.

Dreamergirl8812 · June 2013

I can't stand the bottles of wine per table thing. I think the logic is that some people will drink more and some will drink less. But do I have to talk to the rest of my table (especially if I don't know them well) to figure out how much I can have?

Why would you want awkwardness and uncomfortableness at an event you're hosting?

Jen4948 · June 2013

Yes. Cash bars are rude. It is not polite to offer anything to guests that the hosts aren't paying for and expect the guests to pay for it.

crunchymamaof2 · June 2013

annathy03 said:

Exactly what Lia said. You're already hosting a cocktail hour, toasting champagne, and wine with dinner, which is plenty with soda/juice the rest of the evening. I'd recommend having the venue remove the cash bar option and stick with what you are already providing.

no no no. Having an open bar for cocktail hour then switching to cash is even ruder. Trust me, I was planning the same thing and got my "ripped a new one" badge for that one. Skip the full open bar during cocktail hour and switch to a limited bar the entire night. Whatever you host, it needs to remain the same the ENTIRE night.

Cash bars = rude. Limited bar = okay. No alcohol = okay. You host what you can afford.

AJuliaNJ · June 2013

Dreamergirl8812 said:

I can't stand the bottles of wine per table thing. I think the logic is that some people will drink more and some will drink less. But do I have to talk to the rest of my table (especially if I don't know them well) to figure out how much I can have?

Why would you want awkwardness and uncomfortableness at an event you're hosting?

I always assumed when I heard about this option that the wine would be replenished throughout the night. If not, that is a crappier option than I thought.

I'd rather offer a limited bar menu of wine and beer than have a cash bar. You wouldn't charge people to drink at your house, but you also aren't going to offer them 20 different options of what to drink. I think having one red wine, one white wine, and a beer or two would be good hosting.

manateehugger · June 2013

AJuliaNJ said:

Dreamergirl8812 said:

I can't stand the bottles of wine per table thing. I think the logic is that some people will drink more and some will drink less. But do I have to talk to the rest of my table (especially if I don't know them well) to figure out how much I can have?

Why would you want awkwardness and uncomfortableness at an event you're hosting?

I always assumed when I heard about this option that the wine would be replenished throughout the night. If not, that is a crappier option than I thought.

I'd rather offer a limited bar menu of wine and beer than have a cash bar. You wouldn't charge people to drink at your house, but you also aren't going to offer them 20 different options of what to drink. I think having one red wine, one white wine, and a beer or two would be good hosting.

Wait, people don't replenish the bottles when they do this?! I've been served wine this way at a wedding (wine was the only option - it was a winery), but the waiters made sure the bottles were replaced when empty. That's so yucky - I feel like people would hoard the wine and some people would end up with nothing.

Agreed with the open limited bar option if you can swing it- I'm perfectly happy with a limited bar, as are most people. Host only what you can afford to pay for yourselves.

BarbLovesDave · June 2013

Cash bars are rude. You might as well sell tickets to your event.

michellemayawheeler · June 2013

It is the guests number one gripe...It is only if they are not prepared to pay.

So if you have at least signature drink and have a small card included in your invitation that is so much better.

Viczaesar · June 2013

michellemayawheeler said:

It is the guests number one gripe...It is only if they are not prepared to pay.
So if you have at least signature drink and have a small card included in your invitation that is so much better.

You mean a small card in your invitation saying that it's going to be a cash bar? No, that's not any better at all.

kiwikiss56 · June 2013

scribe95 said:

You seem to be offering a lot in your case. I would probably just do beer and wine hosted all night, along with soft drinks of course. By eliminating the open bar during cocktail hour and the dinner wine that would probably work. And it doesn't cost 10k for full open bar. We did it for $2,500. Five-hour reception, around 170 people.

$2,500 for a 5 hour reception for 170 people is a fantastic deal! Some venues I looked were $50-$60 pp for 5 hour open bar (plus tax) so it can easily cost $10k at some places. I agree beer + wine and a signature drink all night is the way to go.

With your signature drink I would stick to something popular that a lot of people will like and enjoy.

CarolinaHeart · June 2013

kiwikiss56 said:

scribe95 said:

You seem to be offering a lot in your case. I would probably just do beer and wine hosted all night, along with soft drinks of course. By eliminating the open bar during cocktail hour and the dinner wine that would probably work. And it doesn't cost 10k for full open bar. We did it for $2,500. Five-hour reception, around 170 people.

$2,500 for a 5 hour reception for 170 people is a fantastic deal! Some venues I looked were $50-$60 pp for 5 hour open bar (plus tax) so it can easily cost $10k at some places. I agree beer + wine and a signature drink all night is the way to go. With your signature drink I would stick to something popular that a lot of people will like and enjoy.

Wow! Our open bar will only be $24 a person and I may or may not have bitched about that!

lizpanjian · June 2013

I once went to a wedding where they had a open bar for cocktail hour...and spent about half of the time in line for said open bar. It was very lame. Everyone was trying to get their free drinks during the hour window.
Luckily, FI and I are doing a garden/tent wedding--we are purchasing our own booze (and liability insurance), and our caterer is providing a bar/bartender. Somehow managed to get our caterer to include the bar service without upping our cost, and are only paying for the actual beverages and insurance.
I would nix the wine on tables and open cocktail hour, and do a limited bar the entire time, if possible with your venue. Wine and beer is totally acceptable, and maybe do a signature drink.

Summer2011Bride · June 2013

I would get rid of the open bar during cocktail hour, get rid of the champagne toast, and just offer free beer and wine all night, including the cocktail hour. I would hate to go up at 5:30 during cocktail hour, order a mixed drink and it's free, then turn around at 7 PM, go up and order the same drink and have the bartender ask me for money. AWKWARD. Don't put your guests in that situation.

NovaMetzler · June 2013

I have been to weddings where it is either a cash bar or free for a limited time, and it did not ruin my night. I'm there to celebrate with them, not get wasted. While I do think it is best to not have a cash bar if you can help it, I don't think its the end of the world if you do.
Sure, I understand the etiquette side of it, but I also don't think that the bar is the most important part of the wedding/reception. If people expect to come just to get drunk, then bring a few bucks. This is just my opinion and I am sure it goes against the grain, I just know that the weddings I have been to and had to buy a drink, it wasn't the end of the world and I didn't chastise the bride and groom because of it.

NYCBruin · June 2013

NovaMetzler said:

I have been to weddings where it is either a cash bar or free for a limited time, and it did not ruin my night. I'm there to celebrate with them, not get wasted. While I do think it is best to not have a cash bar if you can help it, I don't think its the end of the world if you do.
Sure, I understand the etiquette side of it, but I also don't think that the bar is the most important part of the wedding/reception. If people expect to come just to get drunk, then bring a few bucks. This is just my opinion and I am sure it goes against the grain, I just know that the weddings I have been to and had to buy a drink, it wasn't the end of the world and I didn't chastise the bride and groom because of it.

No one said that cash bars "ruin" their time at the wedding. Nor did anyone say they expect the B&G to provide enough alcohol to "get wasted." If you do a search on cash bars, you'll actually find posts by people who don't drink but still find cash bars rude. You don't need to have alcohol at a wedding at all, as PPs have pointed out, dry weddings are perfectly acceptable.

If a couple wants to have alcohol present at their reception, they need to pay for it. Alcohol is no different than anything else at a wedding. If the couple wants two entree choices, they need to pay for two entree choices not provide one to guests for free and give guests the option to purchase the second. If the couple wants to have cupcakes, they need to pay for them not charge guests who eat them. Cash bars are rude because they push the cost of the couple's wish to have alcohol at their party onto their guests.

Edited to fix grammar.

[Deleted User] · July 2013

acove2006 said:

annathy03 said:

Exactly what Lia said. You're already hosting a cocktail hour, toasting champagne, and wine with dinner, which is plenty with soda/juice the rest of the evening. I'd recommend having the venue remove the cash bar option and stick with what you are already providing.

no no no. Having an open bar for cocktail hour then switching to cash is even ruder. Trust me, I was planning the same thing and got my "ripped a new one" badge for that one. Skip the full open bar during cocktail hour and switch to a limited bar the entire night. Whatever you host, it needs to remain the same the ENTIRE night.

Cash bars = rude. Limited bar = okay. No alcohol = okay. You host what you can afford.

Okay so question then- my fiance and I are planning an open bar cocktail hour and then switching to beer and wine for the rest of the night- no cash bar of course but is it also frowned upon to switch from open to limited? We can do limited all night I just thought it would be nice to offer cocktails for the cocktail hour.

MuppetOverlord · July 2013

I don't like wine at the tables because you charge per bottle and a lot of bottles get opened unnecessarily. I've enjoyed situations where there was a table of wine that was continually replenished to help yourself from across from the bar that had open beer and soft drink selections.

I don't like to switch the type of drink I'm having. I would keep it consistent through the night so I would just stick to limited bar for the night.

AddieCake · July 2013

Yes, it's also frowned upon to switch mid-game. A lot of people tend to stick to one kind of drink all night. I would be very upset if I had been drinking free mixed drinks for an hour and then went back later and suddenly didn't have the option to drink the same drink.

Maggie0829 · July 2013

@TexasBride I think changing anything mid way through your wedding is rude. If cocktails are provided at the beginning of your reception then they should be provided throughout. If I were drinking say, a vodka tonic during cocktail hour and then a little after dinner went to get another only to be told that liquor was no longer being served I would be a bit annoyed (it wouldn't ruin my evening or anything) and slightly embarrassed.

If you are going to have cocktails have them all night. If you can't afford cocktails all night then don't offer them at all.

[Deleted User] · July 2013

Thanks all! That would have been embarassing- we'll probably do beer and wine then.

manateehugger · July 2013

I agree with Maggie, TexasBride. Maybe you could compromise by looking into hosting a couple signature drinks throughout the night.

[Deleted User] · July 2013

That was my other choice but FI thinks if you offer liquor it should be open and we're not sure we can afford a full open bar. I don't think any of our guests would be irritated by just beer and wine though plus champagne for the toast. We went to one like that earlier this summer and it was just as nice. Appreciate all the input though!

radleyboo · July 2013

You don't even need to have champagne for a toast. A lot of people don't even like champagne, so it might go to waste. We didn't have champagne for our toast, I never thought anything of it, and nobody asked for it. Beer and wine all night will be more than enough for your guests. Have fun!

annathy03 · July 2013

TexasBride2014 said:

acove2006 said:

annathy03 said:

Exactly what Lia said. You're already hosting a cocktail hour, toasting champagne, and wine with dinner, which is plenty with soda/juice the rest of the evening. I'd recommend having the venue remove the cash bar option and stick with what you are already providing.

no no no. Having an open bar for cocktail hour then switching to cash is even ruder. Trust me, I was planning the same thing and got my "ripped a new one" badge for that one. Skip the full open bar during cocktail hour and switch to a limited bar the entire night. Whatever you host, it needs to remain the same the ENTIRE night.

Cash bars = rude. Limited bar = okay. No alcohol = okay. You host what you can afford.

Okay so question then- my fiance and I are planning an open bar cocktail hour and then switching to beer and wine for the rest of the night- no cash bar of course but is it also frowned upon to switch from open to limited? We can do limited all night I just thought it would be nice to offer cocktails for the cocktail hour.

I agree with PDKH that it would be ideal to offer signature drinks if you can, and with everyone that beer and wine all evening is fine. I disagree that it is rude to offer cocktails during cocktail hour, but perhaps it's because the only wedding I went to that did that they spread by word of mouth that is what was being offered. Since we knew, guests who didn't want to switch could order beer or wine during cocktail hour, and guests that preferred booze could be sure to grab a drink right before cocktail hour ended and take it into the reception ballroom. I completely understand the other ladies' opinions, but my take is that as long as your guests don't open their wallets then whatever you host isn't rude.

Also as a disclaimer to my first post, I also thought the wine would be refreshed, not limited to the bottles on the table at the start.

ETA to add that I never ever said a cash bar was OK as @acove2006 implied, I specifically suggested to remove the cash purchase option. Cash bars are always 110% RUDE.

Maggie0829 · July 2013

radleyboo said:

You don't even need to have champagne for a toast. A lot of people don't even like champagne, so it might go to waste. We didn't have champagne for our toast, I never thought anything of it, and nobody asked for it. Beer and wine all night will be more than enough for your guests. Have fun!

I was about to say the same thing. Champagne will just jack up your price and if you offer it once then you need to offer it all night. I would just nix the champagne and let your guests toast with whatever they already have in hand.

manateehugger · July 2013

Yep most weddings I've gone to that the champagne toast sees the champagne wasted. Most people who have a class of merlot or a bud light in their hands don't want to switch drinks. I always watch the waiters gather up half-drunk or still-full glasses.

If you just do beer and wine all night, that's perfectly fine too!

manateehugger · July 2013

Harry87 said:
It makes me so sad that champagne is considered a waste. Can you all "waste" it in a big bucket with a bendy straw for me?

Lol - my probably is that the purely toast champagne usually isn't that good anyway. The expensive wedding I was just in ($40K ish) used Andre. Yeah...

AddieCake · July 2013

I agree to skip the champagne. I love champagne, but one of the things I think we probably should have skipped was wine for a toast. We did free mimosas for our early lunch reception and then had a glass of wine for the toast for everyone. I bet a lot of it went to waste. I don't even think I drank all of my glass of it! It would have saved money to just let people toast with whatever they were drinking (which they probably did anyway).

[Deleted User] · July 2013

but...but...I love champagne!

hahaha all valid points. We're still fairly early in planning so im sure we'll change our minds a few hundred more times before we settle on what we do. But rest assured- cash bar is NOT an option!

Confused - Cash Bars are Rude?

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