When people comment on the price of your wedding...

chaiteachick · June 2013

Well, DominikaD, you can be a part of my circle.

OjitosVerdes · June 2013

DominikaD said:

This is a great board, I never really feel like I belong in too many "circles" because my situation is so different. I don't have to work, we own our house, we own multiple cars, we're looking for another home, we're redoing our kitchen in our primary home, not going to have kids, have two dogs, we're saving for our retirement, love to travel and eat out at gourmet restaurants, and we're both in our early 30's. A lot of times I can't talk about my experiences because I come off like I don't "understand" or that I'm showing off. I can't even tell my girlfriends that I own several pairs of Louboutins. Yes, we're spending a lot on our wedding, because we want to make sure that everybody has a great time It's really not a crime and it really frustrates me when people judge me when I say that I'm spending a lot on one day, it's none of their business.

I completely agree with you that it's frustrating to be judged. That said, I think the best way to avoid that judgement is to avoid talking about money, period. Personally I think it is just as rude to talk about how much you are spending as it is for people to comment on it.

Edited to say: @DominikaD - I don't want you to think I'm picking on you. We have a ton in common and I understand - my FI and I are a dual income, early 30's, no kids/two dogs, house paid off, set to retire much younger than the national average, foodie, several international trips a year, I don't have to work but choose to kind couple. A lot of our friends are in different places in life, too. But as a general response to this entire thread, I just think that cost being no one's business goes both ways. They shouldn't ask, and we shouldn't talk about it. That was the golden rule of being tactful about money that my parents raised me with. I just don't see any reason to bring up how many pairs of designer shoes we have or what our weddings cost, and I certainly don't engage when asked.

Jells2dot0 · June 2013

@Dominika-sounds like you are in a similar situation as me! I do work, though I don't really have to. I really enjoy it, though. I have big aspirations

We aren't having kids (though he has two from a previous marriage), we love to travel, dine out, etc. We also own multiple homes, though that is a PITA sometimes! We are really focusing on saving for retirement because if we work hard now, we can play hard later! I don't own an Loubs, though. I'm SUPER casual and laid back and own a ton of flip flops. LOL So, all in all, I think you'll fit in just fine here as I know that some of us on here are kinda in the same boat. I realize I'm very fortunate and I am sure the others on here feel the same.

DominikaD · June 2013

OjitosVerdes · June 2013

@DominikaD - Congrats on finishing school and going back to work "on your terms" - that is worth more than anything in the world! I'm currently in a PhD program hoping for that very same thing, although the job market has taken quite a plunge in my field. Selling organic produce sounds like an absolute dream and thank you for offering consumers an alternative to Monsanto!!! I'm sure that being independently wealthy does make you different from your friends and does understandably pique their curiosity.

southernbelle0915 · June 2013

OjitosVerdes said:

DominikaD said:

This is a great board, I never really feel like I belong in too many "circles" because my situation is so different. I don't have to work, we own our house, we own multiple cars, we're looking for another home, we're redoing our kitchen in our primary home, not going to have kids, have two dogs, we're saving for our retirement, love to travel and eat out at gourmet restaurants, and we're both in our early 30's. A lot of times I can't talk about my experiences because I come off like I don't "understand" or that I'm showing off. I can't even tell my girlfriends that I own several pairs of Louboutins. Yes, we're spending a lot on our wedding, because we want to make sure that everybody has a great time It's really not a crime and it really frustrates me when people judge me when I say that I'm spending a lot on one day, it's none of their business.

I completely agree with you that it's frustrating to be judged. That said, I think the best way to avoid that judgement is to avoid talking about money, period. Personally I think it is just as rude to talk about how much you are spending as it is for people to comment on it.

Edited to say: @DominikaD - I don't want you to think I'm picking on you. We have a ton in common and I understand - my FI and I are a dual income, early 30's, no kids/two dogs, house paid off, set to retire much younger than the national average, foodie, several international trips a year, I don't have to work but choose to kind couple. A lot of our friends are in different places in life, too. But as a general response to this entire thread, I just think that cost being no one's business goes both ways. They shouldn't ask, and we shouldn't talk about it. That was the golden rule of being tactful about money that my parents raised me with. I just don't see any reason to bring up how many pairs of designer shoes we have or what our weddings cost, and I certainly don't engage when asked.

So so so much THIS. There is absolutely no need to list out the ways and/or reasons you are better off than your friends or anyone else (how many vehicles/homes you've purchased, your choice not to have a career, or "upscale" food preferences). If you cannot relate to your friends unless you are discussing these things or your footwear, I'm not surprised you feel like you don't "fit in" or that they ask you questions about your other "haves". Why would you offer information to your friends that you own many pairs of Louboutins? Honestly, if one of my friends offered this information to me I would be happy for her if she liked the shoes, but I wouldn't really understand the point... I strongly believe that class speaks for itself when it needs to prove nothing.

Money does not separate you from others unless you allow it. I do not accept that people with money have a hard time "fitting in" because of their financial choices. We have a blast when we stay on our friends boat in the Caymans (whose financial situation is more like ours and we're in our 20s - gasp!), but I have absolutely no problem relating to my best friend who is barely making ends meet and in nursing school. In fact, she's standing up in my wedding.

Of course it's frustrating when people ask you about your financial situation, but that's uncomfortable for anyone (not just rich people). If you're truly wealthy, you will deal with this for the rest of your life, so start bean dipping.

Jells2dot0 · June 2013

southernbelle0915 said:

OjitosVerdes said:

DominikaD said:

This is a great board, I never really feel like I belong in too many "circles" because my situation is so different. I don't have to work, we own our house, we own multiple cars, we're looking for another home, we're redoing our kitchen in our primary home, not going to have kids, have two dogs, we're saving for our retirement, love to travel and eat out at gourmet restaurants, and we're both in our early 30's. A lot of times I can't talk about my experiences because I come off like I don't "understand" or that I'm showing off. I can't even tell my girlfriends that I own several pairs of Louboutins. Yes, we're spending a lot on our wedding, because we want to make sure that everybody has a great time It's really not a crime and it really frustrates me when people judge me when I say that I'm spending a lot on one day, it's none of their business.
I completely agree with you that it's frustrating to be judged. That said, I think the best way to avoid that judgement is to avoid talking about money, period. Personally I think it is just as rude to talk about how much you are spending as it is for people to comment on it.

Edited to say: @DominikaD - I don't want you to think I'm picking on you. We have a ton in common and I understand - my FI and I are a dual income, early 30's, no kids/two dogs, house paid off, set to retire much younger than the national average, foodie, several international trips a year, I don't have to work but choose to kind couple. A lot of our friends are in different places in life, too. But as a general response to this entire thread, I just think that cost being no one's business goes both ways. They shouldn't ask, and we shouldn't talk about it. That was the golden rule of being tactful about money that my parents raised me with. I just don't see any reason to bring up how many pairs of designer shoes we have or what our weddings cost, and I certainly don't engage when asked.
So so so much THIS. There is absolutely no need to list out the ways and/or reasons you are better off than your friends or anyone else (how many vehicles/homes you've purchased, your choice not to have a career, or "upscale" food preferences). If you cannot relate to your friends unless you are discussing these things or your footwear, I'm not surprised you feel like you don't "fit in" or that they ask you questions about your other "haves". Why would you offer information to your friends that you own many pairs of Louboutins? Honestly, if one of my friends offered this information to me I would be happy for her if she liked the shoes, but I wouldn't really understand the point... I strongly believe that class speaks for itself when it needs to prove nothing.

Money does not separate you from others unless you allow it. I do not accept that people with money have a hard time "fitting in" because of their financial choices. We have a blast when we stay on our friends boat in the Caymans (whose financial situation is more like ours and we're in our 20s - gasp!), but I have absolutely no problem relating to my best friend who is barely making ends meet and in nursing school. In fact, she's standing up in my wedding.

Of course it's frustrating when people ask you about your financial situation, but that's uncomfortable for anyone (not just rich people). If you're truly wealthy, you will deal with this for the rest of your life, so start bean dipping.

This is so VERY true. I do not consider myself wealthy, but I guess for some on the outside looking in, it may appear that way. I think that is super silly whether I am really weathly or not. Weathly is subjective plus ppearances can be deceiving! You may own 5 pairs of Loubs but have a ton of CC debt. You may also be wealthy but live in a "normal" home and drive a "normal" car. All in all, you just cannot listen to anyone either way. I view it as just living my life the way I want and doing what makes me happy. If someone has a problem with that, then that is their problem, not mine. Now that is really being wealthy- just being content and enjoying what comes your way.

EHMich · June 2013

Urgh, I *have* asked about carat size. Mostly because as I understand it, clarity and color are more important factors in pricing. You can have a big rock of not very good quality fairly cheaply, right? I think of carat size more as a design element. I've also asked under the assumption that the wearer of the ring understands I have no particular knowledge and am unlikely to be able to tell a D-grade diamond from a G, or see flaws just by looking at her ring. But I'll stop asking.

tammym1001 · June 2013

EHMich said:

Urgh, I *have* asked about carat size. Mostly because as I understand it, clarity and color are more important factors in pricing. You can have a big rock of not very good quality fairly cheaply, right? I think of carat size more as a design element. I've also asked under the assumption that the wearer of the ring understands I have no particular knowledge and am unlikely to be able to tell a D-grade diamond from a G, or see flaws just by looking at her ring. But I'll stop asking.

Color and clarity do have a lot to do with the pricing, but the bigger the diamond the more expensive it is for sure. You aren't going to get a 3 carat diamond for $500 just because the color and clarity aren't good. When people ask me the size of my ring I assume they are just being curious, but it does still make me uncomfortable so it probably would be a good idea if you stop asking.

swyatt2014 · July 2013

OMG hello family! I get asked ALL TOO OFTEN the size of my ring and how much its costs ... and I feel sometimes that I actually have to lie and say "well he got a good deal because the stone has some impurities" or I say I dont know the carat weight or the price (even though I picked it out). One person acutally did a ring cost estimator while we were out in public when I told him I didn't know how much my ring was ... and he annouced it to the table ... SMH. It was embarrassing because the focus was on the ring for the remainder of the event ... and that's just crazy. Im so glad I can relate to you ladies in that aspect.

We are also having 2 wedding (one fun wedding in vegas, and one formal wedding here in Maryland on the water). I have only discussed my wedding budget with one engaged couple that I know because they are planning their wedding at the same time as us ... but outside of that I agree that it's no ones business. I had no idea how difficult it would be to try and just celebrate our special day without having people judge us for what we're spending our money on.

Unfortunately we are in a better financial situation than a lot of our family, friends, and peers, but I agree with what everyone has been saying ... we have money because we WORKED for it and we spend wisely and save. Granted our families are probably considered "well off" as well. I just feel like no matter what we spent on the wedding there would be some type of judgement. If we have a backyard wedding people would judge us about why we spent so little when they "know" we can afford something nicer. nd once they see our water front wedding they may judge and wonder why we spent so much ... sheesh its a loose-loose I guess. I really just want people to hae a very nice experience and to leave saying that they've never attended a wedding like ours. Is that too much to ask?

southernbelle0915 · July 2013

swyatt2014 said:

OMG hello family! I get asked ALL TOO OFTEN the size of my ring and how much its costs ... and I feel sometimes that I actually have to lie and say "well he got a good deal because the stone has some impurities" or I say I dont know the carat weight or the price (even though I picked it out). One person acutally did a ring cost estimator while we were out in public when I told him I didn't know how much my ring was ... and he annouced it to the table ... SMH. It was embarrassing because the focus was on the ring for the remainder of the event ... and that's just crazy. Im so glad I can relate to you ladies in that aspect.

We are also having 2 wedding (one fun wedding in vegas, and one formal wedding here in Maryland on the water). I have only discussed my wedding budget with one engaged couple that I know because they are planning their wedding at the same time as us ... but outside of that I agree that it's no ones business. I had no idea how difficult it would be to try and just celebrate our special day without having people judge us for what we're spending our money on.

Unfortunately we are in a better financial situation than a lot of our family, friends, and peers, but I agree with what everyone has been saying ... we have money because we WORKED for it and we spend wisely and save. Granted our families are probably considered "well off" as well. I just feel like no matter what we spent on the wedding there would be some type of judgement. If we have a backyard wedding people would judge us about why we spent so little when they "know" we can afford something nicer. nd once they see our water front wedding they may judge and wonder why we spent so much ... sheesh its a loose-loose I guess. I really just want people to hae a very nice experience and to leave saying that they've never attended a wedding like ours. Is that too much to ask?

A wedding is where you take your vows and you become husband and wife. Unless you plan to get divorced and then married again, you are not having two weddings - you're having one wedding and possibly then a PPD (pretty princess day). It's fine to have a reception celebration of sorts, but it becomes a PPD when you dress up in your wedding dress, have a pretend ceremony, have attendants, etc. As long as you stick to just the party portion and don't pretend like you're getting married again, you're in the clear.

Jells2dot0 · July 2013

southernbelle0915 said:

swyatt2014 said:

OMG hello family! I get asked ALL TOO OFTEN the size of my ring and how much its costs ... and I feel sometimes that I actually have to lie and say "well he got a good deal because the stone has some impurities" or I say I dont know the carat weight or the price (even though I picked it out). One person acutally did a ring cost estimator while we were out in public when I told him I didn't know how much my ring was ... and he annouced it to the table ... SMH. It was embarrassing because the focus was on the ring for the remainder of the event ... and that's just crazy. Im so glad I can relate to you ladies in that aspect.

We are also having 2 wedding (one fun wedding in vegas, and one formal wedding here in Maryland on the water). I have only discussed my wedding budget with one engaged couple that I know because they are planning their wedding at the same time as us ... but outside of that I agree that it's no ones business. I had no idea how difficult it would be to try and just celebrate our special day without having people judge us for what we're spending our money on.

Unfortunately we are in a better financial situation than a lot of our family, friends, and peers, but I agree with what everyone has been saying ... we have money because we WORKED for it and we spend wisely and save. Granted our families are probably considered "well off" as well. I just feel like no matter what we spent on the wedding there would be some type of judgement. If we have a backyard wedding people would judge us about why we spent so little when they "know" we can afford something nicer. nd once they see our water front wedding they may judge and wonder why we spent so much ... sheesh its a loose-loose I guess. I really just want people to hae a very nice experience and to leave saying that they've never attended a wedding like ours. Is that too much to ask?
A wedding is where you take your vows and you become husband and wife. Unless you plan to get divorced and then married again, you are not having two weddings - you're having one wedding and possibly then a PPD (pretty princess day). It's fine to have a reception celebration of sorts, but it becomes a PPD when you dress up in your wedding dress, have a pretend ceremony, have attendants, etc. As long as you stick to just the party portion and don't pretend like you're getting married again, you're in the clear.

I agree- I had two weddings. Got married, got divorced, then got married again years later to a different man. So, two weddings. Based on some of your posts, it sounds like you are having an informal wedding in Vegas followed by a formal vow renewal a year later in Maryland. PPDs are looked very poorly upon here on TK because its believed that if you really want to have a big, fancy wedding, you should wait until you have the resources to do so (money, time, etc.) I agree with @southern that it's fine to have a big party to celebrate your wedding, but it shouldn't actually be a complete re-enactment. If it's just a party, it's commonly referred to as an at-home reception as you had your actual wedding away from home. If it's an event where you plan to repeat your vows, it's a vow renewal. Even vow renewals get some backlash on here unless they are done at milestone anniversaries- 10 years, 20 years, etc. Just be sure to let your guests know its a vow renewal and do not expect showers or ask for attendants.

swyatt2014 · July 2013

Why would 2 ceremonies be frowned upon on TK? TK is all about tying the knot, no? I've never heard of that anywhere ... actually I've never heard the term PPD either.

The event in vegas will have no attendants, no bridal shower, nothing. Actually the only reason we are having anything in Vegas is because we planned to travel to Vegas for my birthday anyway, and since we are somewhat recently engaged, we decided to get married while we were there, just to be able to say "hey we got married in vegas." He isnt wearing a tux, I'm not wearing a gown, we are just getting married on a group trip to vegas that we are taking for my birthday.

Everyone knows that we will be getting married prior to the event in Maryland. The ceremony in Maryland is 7 months later, and will actually have the attendants, registry and bridal shower and formalities of an actual wedding followed by our Honeymoon, with vows etc etc.

elizabetheleven · July 2013

swyatt2014 said:
Why would 2 ceremonies be frowned upon on TK? TK is all about tying the knot, no? I've never heard of that anywhere ... actually I've never heard the term PPD either.

The event in vegas will have no attendants, no bridal shower, nothing. Actually the only reason we are having anything in Vegas is because we planned to travel to Vegas for my birthday anyway, and since we are somewhat recently engaged, we decided to get married while we were there, just to be able to say "hey we got married in vegas." He isnt wearing a tux, I'm not wearing a gown, we are just getting married on a group trip to vegas that we are taking for my birthday.

Everyone knows that we will be getting married prior to the event in Maryland. The ceremony in Maryland is 7 months later, and will actually have the attendants, registry and bridal shower and formalities of an actual wedding followed by our Honeymoon, with vows etc etc.

Yeah PPDs are very frowned upon. The day you both exchange vows is the day you get married. Period. Doesn't matter if it's simply Vegas or a luxurious blowout. It doesn't matter who wears a tux or when you have attendents. You only have one wedding.

If you search around the boards a bit you will see very quickly that what you have planned is a no no. Even if your friends and family know about it, it doesn't necessarily mean It's ok.

swyatt2014 · July 2013

Interesting, and good to know. Well I guess they are just going to have to keep on frowning because that's how me and the Mr. planned it. LOL. I guess I'll have to be content with being untraditional and thinking outside of the box and whatnot. But since we are having 2 ceremonies so close together I think we will not have any vow renewal ANY time soon. Maybe at the 20 year mark something.

Thanks for the feedback ladies!

Jells2dot0 · July 2013

swyatt2014 said:

Interesting, and good to know. Well I guess they are just going to have to keep on frowning because that's how me and the Mr. planned it. LOL. I guess I'll have to be content with being untraditional and thinking outside of the box and whatnot. But since we are having 2 ceremonies so close together I think we will not have any vow renewal ANY time soon. Maybe at the 20 year mark something.

Thanks for the feedback ladies!

If you are planning on saying some type of vows at your second ceremony, that is technical a vow renewal. You are repeating vows that you already took in Vegas, hence it being called a renewal. agree that doing something fun and stress free is great (it's what I did the second time around) but you can only get legally married and have a legitimate wedding one time to the same person unless you get divorced in between.

swyatt2014 · July 2013

Well I meant we wont be having any "additional" vow renewals after the event in May. I will no longer call it a 2nd wedding, I'll call it ceremony for the TK's sake.

KatWAG · July 2013

swyatt2014 said:

Well I meant we wont be having any "additional" vow renewals after the event in May. I will no longer call it a 2nd wedding, I'll call it ceremony for the TK's sake.

That really doesnt make it any better. 1 wedding is plenty. I consider it very AW to do 2 ceremonies.

southernbelle0915 · July 2013

swyatt2014 said:

Why would 2 ceremonies be frowned upon on TK? TK is all about tying the knot, no? I've never heard of that anywhere ... actually I've never heard the term PPD either.

The event in vegas will have no attendants, no bridal shower, nothing. Actually the only reason we are having anything in Vegas is because we planned to travel to Vegas for my birthday anyway, and since we are somewhat recently engaged, we decided to get married while we were there, just to be able to say "hey we got married in vegas." He isnt wearing a tux, I'm not wearing a gown, we are just getting married on a group trip to vegas that we are taking for my birthday.

Everyone knows that we will be getting married prior to the event in Maryland. The ceremony in Maryland is 7 months later, and will actually have the attendants, registry and bridal shower and formalities of an actual wedding followed by our Honeymoon, with vows etc etc.

The wedding ceremony is when you become husband and wife. This is the time when you take your vows. It sounds like you have decided to do this in Vegas so that you can say "hey we got married in Vegas." Whoever is going on this group birthday trip will be the only people who actually see you get married (potentially not your family or other friends you may like to have witness your wedding).

At your Maryland "ceremony" you will not be a "bride" and he will not be a "groom". You will be a wife and he will be your husband. Whoever did not attend the Vegas wedding is not going to be witnessing your marriage. They are going to witness a fake ceremony and a wife pretending to be a bride.

What you need to decide is where your priorities are. If it means more to you to say "hey we got married in Vegas" than have your family and friends witness your wedding, then that's the choice you make. If you make the adult decision to get married, you need to face the consequences as an adult. For example - "I have decided to tie the knot in Vegas. I understand some family/friends may not witness my wedding and I'm ok with that." No matter how hard you try, whatever you do in Maryland is not going to be a real wedding ceremony.

ETA: Just have a party in Maryland. Like - "hey, we got married in Vegas" - exactly what you wanted to say - "come celebrate with us!" No pretending to be a bride, no attendants (they can't really be "brides"maids anyway...), no shower. Just a big party. That is totally fine and no one would side-eye it.

BulgariHeart · July 2013

I don't recall anyone actually *asking* how much our wedding was going to cost, fortunately - I would never ask! - but I could almost hear the cogs spinning in people's minds once they knew a few details. I never purposefully dwelled on the subject but also didn't act like I'm ashamed of my financial means. They were hard work, as were many other aspects of my life. One thing I remember being asked was how much my monthly WR jewelry insurance bill was. They were trying to roughly calculate its total value. Is that weird or what. I promptly changed the subject.

swyatt2014 · July 2013

KatWAG said:

swyatt2014 said:

Well I meant we wont be having any "additional" vow renewals after the event in May. I will no longer call it a 2nd wedding, I'll call it ceremony for the TK's sake.

That really doesnt make it any better. 1 wedding is plenty. I consider it very AW to do 2 ceremonies.

I'm actually not trying to make anything "better." I am 100% fine with me and my future husband's plans. We have made a decision to get married twice, or have a wedding and a princess day, or have a legal ceremony in another state and have a local ceremony for family/friends, or however you want to describe it. And I don't know what "AW" means ...

southernbelle0915 said:

The wedding ceremony is when you become husband and wife. This is the time when you take your vows. It sounds like you have decided to do this in Vegas so that you can say "hey we got married in Vegas." Whoever is going on this group birthday trip will be the only people who actually see you get married (potentially not your family or other friends you may like to have witness your wedding).

At your Maryland "ceremony" you will not be a "bride" and he will not be a "groom". You will be a wife and he will be your husband. Whoever did not attend the Vegas wedding is not going to be witnessing your marriage. They are going to witness a fake ceremony and a wife pretending to be a bride.

What you need to decide is where your priorities are. If it means more to you to say "hey we got married in Vegas" than have your family and friends witness your wedding, then that's the choice you make. If you make the adult decision to get married, you need to face the consequences as an adult. For example - "I have decided to tie the knot in Vegas. I understand some family/friends may not witness my wedding and I'm ok with that." No matter how hard you try, whatever you do in Maryland is not going to be a real wedding ceremony.

ETA: Just have a party in Maryland. Like - "hey, we got married in Vegas" - exactly what you wanted to say - "come celebrate with us!" No pretending to be a bride, no attendants (they can't really be "brides"maids anyway...), no shower. Just a big party. That is totally fine and no one would side-eye it.

No one is "pretending" to do anything ... we are getting married in Vegas. We are having an addiional ceremony in Maryland ... point blank and period. There is no "fake" wedding taking place. There are no "unadult" decisions here. We plan to have 2 weddings ... that is all. Also, just to be clear, the definition of a "wedding" is a ceremony where the union of 2 people is celebrated. So as I originally stated, we are having 2 weddings, e.g. 2 ceremonies. A "marriage" is a legal union between 2 people recognized by government/law. So yes we are getting married in Vegas (and there will only be one marriage, one marriage certificate, one marriage license, etc), but we will in deed have 2 weddings.

So yes everyone will come celebrate with us, we will have a party that follows our Maryland ceremony, there will be a bridal shower, registry, rehersal dinner, bridesmaids and groomsman, and all the other stuff that comes with a wedding because it is an actual wedding. And in our case some people will celebrate twice and they are absolutely thrilled just as me and my fiance' are. This is a very special moment in our lives and we are very glad and feel fortunate that can do not once, but twice. And we also feel so lucky to have so many people who are even more excited about it than us and are super pumped to travel to vegas with us, and celebrate in our formal ceremony.

JoanE2012 · July 2013

swyatt2014 said:

Interesting, and good to know. Well I guess they are just going to have to keep on frowning because that's how me and the Mr. planned it. LOL. I guess I'll have to be content with being untraditional and thinking outside of the box and whatnot. But since we are having 2 ceremonies so close together I think we will not have any vow renewal ANY time soon. Maybe at the 20 year mark something.

Thanks for the feedback ladies!

This is just awful. You're not being untraditional, you're just acting like a spoiled child.

See, part of being an adult is making choices and living with those consequences. You can't have your cake and eat it too. If you want to get married in Vegas so you can tell everyone, "Hey, I got married in Vegas!" (which, BTW, is a pretty immature reason).....that's it! You don't then get to have another ceremony/whatever with a bridal party, showers, registry, etc. If you want everyone to celebrate the traditional formalities, don't get married in Vegas. It's really quite simple.

People may know about both events, but that doesn't mean they're not talking about you behind your back. What you're doing is rude and selfish. If they are judging you, it's probably because you are planning two weddings, not because of your financial situation.

swyatt2014 · July 2013

That's what you don't get ... No one is judging except you ... For whatever reason I'm not sure why you believe that's your place - but I digress. Trust and believe our parents are EXTREMELY vocal about their views and beliefs along with most of the remainder of our families. So if someone had a problem or opinion or view you can better believe that they would have shared it. Actually they have been very vocal already about the things that they don't agree with ... And the fact that 2 ceremonies are taking place has not been mentioned once as something that could be offensive or be a problem or come off negatively. Just to be clear, when the IDEA of getting married in Vegas came to mind we ran past our parents and friends looking for feedback. If anyone would have voiced any of the concerns you ladies are raising now, we would have reconsidered it. But everyone was just as excited as we were, and there only concern was how they could help celebrate one of the biggest moments in our lives.

Secondly, if having our cake and eating it too means celebrating twice then yes that's exactly what we are doing and everyone that is directly involved or affected by it has no problem.

The joy of having a wedding (or 2, or 5) is that you get to plan it however YOU want. Plan yours in a way that makes you happy, and know that we are doing the same.

Again, thanks for the feedback.

JoanE2012 said:

swyatt2014 said:

Interesting, and good to know. Well I guess they are just going to have to keep on frowning because that's how me and the Mr. planned it. LOL. I guess I'll have to be content with being untraditional and thinking outside of the box and whatnot. But since we are having 2 ceremonies so close together I think we will not have any vow renewal ANY time soon. Maybe at the 20 year mark something.

Thanks for the feedback ladies!

This is just awful. You're not being untraditional, you're just acting like a spoiled child.

See, part of being an adult is making choices and living with those consequences. You can't have your cake and eat it too. If you want to get married in Vegas so you can tell everyone, "Hey, I got married in Vegas!" (which, BTW, is a pretty immature reason).....that's it! You don't then get to have another ceremony/whatever with a bridal party, showers, registry, etc. If you want everyone to celebrate the traditional formalities, don't get married in Vegas. It's really quite simple.

People may know about both events, but that doesn't mean they're not talking about you behind your back. What you're doing is rude and selfish. If they are judging you, it's probably because you are planning two weddings, not because of your financial situation.

It actually sounds like YOU are the one acting spoiled, selfish, and definitely rude at this moment because I have a view and I'm making a choice that is different from yours ... That's unfortunate.

JoanE2012 · July 2013

swyatt2014 said:

That's what you don't get ... No one is judging except you ... For whatever reason. Trust and believe our parents are EXTREMELY vocal about their views and beliefs along with most of the remainder of our families. So if someone had a problem or opinion or view you can better believe that they would have shared it. Secondly, if having our cake and eating it too means celebrating twice then yes that's exactly what we are doing and everyone that is directly involved or affected by it has no problem. The joy of having a wedding (or 2, or 5) is that you get to plan it however YOU want. Plan yours in a way that makes you happy, and know that we are doing the same. Again, thanks for the feedback.

As soon as you invite guests, the day is no longer about you. But you'll never understand that.

Also, you may want to try reading the rules on "flagging". You obviously don't understand that either.

swyatt2014 · July 2013

Just to be clear, I asked the opinions of my family (i.e. guests) before we made our final decision ... And like I said they were equally excited about both ceremonies.

And I clearly understand the rules. If you're going to "harass" me I'm going to flag you.

Jells2dot0 · July 2013

swyatt2014 said:

Just to be clear, I asked the opinions of my family (i.e. guests) before we made our final decision ... And like I said they were equally excited about both ceremonies. And I clearly understand the rules. If you're going to "harass" me I'm going to flag you.

I'm glad that your family and friends are on board with your plans, as family and friends usually have the opinions that matter the most. However, I think that a lot of us on here would say that our family and friends would not have the same opinion as yours. Not saying your family is wrong or our families are right. Personally, I decided to have a destination wedding. We didn't invite anyone and everyone was okay with that. However, if we had our ceremony in Australia because we wanted something simple, fun, and we were already planning to be there (all things that were true, BTW) and then came back and said "let's have a traditional ceremony at home with everyone we know", my family would have thought I was crazy. Why not just have the big formal wedding be the only wedding in the first place? Why do both? And why then contradict myself by saying I wanted something fun and simple then throw this huge event? I think some (not all) of us on here are just trying to see things from our own familys' points of view and from even or own personal experiences. However, most of the feedback you are getting on here is based on the fact that it's not within proper etiquette to plan two ceremonies. Or, at least, that is what the core of what people are trying to say, though some other feelings are also being shared.

swyatt2014 · July 2013

Jells I totally understand that people have different views. And I would like to think that I have some awareness of wedding etiquette. Maybe its a regional thing? I'm not sure. But I have guests from NY, FL, USVI, and PA and VA coming and they all know about our plans for both this year and next year. Not sure why no one that is directly involved doesn't have a problem with it (shrugs) . Our parents are actually older, and very traditional so I'm actually surprised that everyone says this is a widely known faux pas and I'm just hearing about it on this board. I've even posted my plans on another board I think and no one commented that it was a bit out of line.

I have no problem with people sharing their opinion. Jells I welcome your opinion and I'm glad that I'm able to learn about you as a person and how you celebrated both of your special days. The only thing I have a problem with is when people call names and use derogatory terms when speaking about me. But I really have no problem hearing someone's opinion. When it was brought to my attention a few days ago in this board you can see that I wanted to know more about why it was frowned upon and what a PPD was, LOL. Now I know :-)

JoanE2012 · July 2013

swyatt2014 said:

Just to be clear, I asked the opinions of my family (i.e. guests) before we made our final decision ... And like I said they were equally excited about both ceremonies. And I clearly understand the rules. If you're going to "harass" me I'm going to flag you.

Disagreeing with you and telling you how you are acting (not what you are) in my first post to you is not harassment.

Here are the flagging rules for reference. If one post makes you that upset that you need to flag it, perhaps internet forums are not for you.

Posts that should be reported are:

Spam- Any posts advertising services

Harassment- If you feel a user is harassing a member to an extreme level.

Online Vandalism- Posts designed to raise a user’s post count.

Personal Information- Any post where a person’s personal information is being given without their consent. This includes name, telephone number, address, email address, work information, etc.

Impersonating Other Members/Knot Employees- Any username designed to be acopy of another user’s name or Knot Employee.

chaiteachick · July 2013

You know, it's really too bad that the one board where I actually felt safe on TK is now just the same as every other board. -.-

When people comment on the price of your wedding...

Re: When people comment on the price of your wedding...

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