is it tacky to not have open bar?

manateehugger · July 2013

sasquatchexpress12 said:
I'd personally be embarrassed to invite people across the country to buy a plane ticket, a hotel room, and a gift and then not provide alcohol. In my case, yes, I would not have the reception. I'd do something I could afford (with an open bar) so then I'd probably just invite immediate family. And if I couldn't afford that then guess what...I probably have a lot of other issues going on with my life so maybe getting married right now isn't such a great idea.

I'd be embarrassed for any guest who thinks the reception is about getting enough booze to have a good time.

Right so if a couple chooses to save the money on an open bar and instead put it toward buying a home, they shouldn't get married? Just because you CAN afford something doesn't mean you have to spend the money.

I wonder all the time if we are being irresponsible with our wedding just because it's thousands of dollars we could put toward something else (like new cars, future kids' college funds, etc).

NYCBruin · July 2013

AddieL73 said:

You need to just elope, Bruin. If we can't get lobster at your reception, which we prefer, then what's the point?

I know. FI and I need to have a serious discussion about this. I'm so happy this poster stopped us from having the tackiest wedding ever.

vineheart137 · July 2013

sasquatchexpress12 said:

I'd personally be embarrassed to invite people across the country to buy a plane ticket, a hotel room, and a gift and then not provide alcohol. In my case, yes, I would not have the reception. I'd do something I could afford (with an open bar) so then I'd probably just invite immediate family. And if I couldn't afford that then guess what...I probably have a lot of other issues going on with my life so maybe getting married right now isn't such a great idea.

That's fine for you. Doesn't mean it's tacky of anyone else to choose to have their friends and extended family celebrate with them over having free-flowing booze for just their immediate family.

manateehugger · July 2013

sasquatchexpress12 said:
Reading comprehension. An open bar for your immediate family isn't costing you a thousand dollars.

So what? If someone can't afford to booze up 100 family members and friends, they have to keep it to immediately family only?

If I found out a close friend didn't invite me to her wedding because she couldn't serve me cocktails all night I'd be bummed and dumbfounded.

NYCBruin · July 2013

sasquatchexpress12 said:

Because expecting a keg of cheap domestic beer is the equivalent of wanting lobster. LOL.

Why not? It comes down to the same thing. Guests dictating what the host has to do.

PS-There are some guests who would prefer there be no alcohol at weddings they attend. There was a thread about this a week or so ago. One set of parents wanted alcohol and the other set of parents was threatening to not attend if there was alcohol. So if we use your rule of do what the guests want, how do you settle that debate?

AddieCake · July 2013

NYCBruin · July 2013

sasquatchexpress12 said:

I'd personally be embarrassed to invite people across the country to buy a plane ticket, a hotel room, and a gift and then not provide alcohol. In my case, yes, I would not have the reception. I'd do something I could afford (with an open bar) so then I'd probably just invite immediate family. And if I couldn't afford that then guess what...I probably have a lot of other issues going on with my life so maybe getting married right now isn't such a great idea.

Serious question: why do you attend weddings as a guest?

I feel like your answer may help me understand your thoughts on this.

manateehugger · July 2013

sasquatchexpress12 said:
I'm just here to let you know what everyone else (WHO DRINKS) is thinking at your wedding if you offer a cash bar. And yea, they had a blast either way. ;-)

I think we all agree that cash bars are incredibly tacky and rude. But offering limited alcohol or no alcohol is just fine.

Yes the reception is for the guest. But since when is it proper etiquette to break the bank to make sure that your guest has cocktails all night?

misshart00 · July 2013

sasquatchexpress12 said:

NYCBruin said:

sasquatchexpress12 said:

Because expecting a keg of cheap domestic beer is the equivalent of wanting lobster. LOL.

Why not? It comes down to the same thing. Guests dictating what the host has to do.

LOL. No. Is this really debatable?

What's the difference?

NYCBruin · July 2013

sasquatchexpress12 said:

NYCBruin said:

sasquatchexpress12 said:

Because expecting a keg of cheap domestic beer is the equivalent of wanting lobster. LOL.

Why not? It comes down to the same thing. Guests dictating what the host has to do.

LOL. No. Is this really debatable?

Maybe my guests love lobster as much as you love booze.

cinderella_pink_princess · July 2013

Where I'm from cash bars are common. It is not common to have more than 1 hour of free drinks.

manateehugger · July 2013

sasquatchexpress12 said:

NYCBruin said:

sasquatchexpress12 said:

I'd personally be embarrassed to invite people across the country to buy a plane ticket, a hotel room, and a gift and then not provide alcohol. In my case, yes, I would not have the reception. I'd do something I could afford (with an open bar) so then I'd probably just invite immediate family. And if I couldn't afford that then guess what...I probably have a lot of other issues going on with my life so maybe getting married right now isn't such a great idea.

Serious question: why do you attend weddings as a guest?

I feel like your answer may help me understand your thoughts on this.

The same reason as you. I'm also going to think it's super tacky not to offer an open bar.

I think it's tacky to demand an open bar at weddings.

NYCBruin · July 2013

sasquatchexpress12 said:

NYCBruin said:

sasquatchexpress12 said:

I'd personally be embarrassed to invite people across the country to buy a plane ticket, a hotel room, and a gift and then not provide alcohol. In my case, yes, I would not have the reception. I'd do something I could afford (with an open bar) so then I'd probably just invite immediate family. And if I couldn't afford that then guess what...I probably have a lot of other issues going on with my life so maybe getting married right now isn't such a great idea.

Serious question: why do you attend weddings as a guest?

I feel like your answer may help me understand your thoughts on this.

The same reason as you. I'm also going to think it's super tacky not to offer an open bar.

I'm pretty sure you don't attend weddings for the same reason I do. I attend weddings to witness a couple get married and celebrate with them. I attend because I care deeply about one or both of the people getting married. I don't care how they host me as long as I am properly hosted. I would be incredibly sad if I got cut from a guest list solely because the couple couldn't afford to have an open bar and invite everyone they wanted to invite. To me that would say that the couple cares more about booze than people.

vineheart137 · July 2013

sasquatchexpress12 said:

Since when is providing alcohol to adults forcing them to be drunk? LOL. It's like 1920 in this thread.
I think you're thinking the reception is all about you and has nothing about pleasing your guests. I have a totally different take on it.

"ATTENTION GUESTS: Please take all of your gifts and take them back so that you can put some money into your kid's 529 plans instead of buying me these dinky trinkets from bed bath and beyond. In fact, don't even come to the reception. We can stream the ceremony via skype and then facetime each other over a TV dinner."

Alcohol is not required to be a good host. Not offering alcohol does not mean you're not worried about pleasing your guests.

vineheart137 · July 2013

NYCBruin said:
I'm pretty sure you don't attend weddings for the same reason I do. I attend weddings to witness a couple get married and celebrate with them. I attend because I care deeply about one or both of the people getting married. I don't care how they host me as long as I am properly hosted. I would be incredibly sad if I got cut from a guest list solely because the couple couldn't afford to have an open bar and invite everyone they wanted to invite. To me that would say that the couple cares more about booze than people.

Quoted for truth.

NYCBruin · July 2013

sasquatchexpress12 said:

I care more about having a good reception for my guests than giving them half of it and expecting them to fork over more if they want beer or wine. But from what I've heard beer and wine is as expensive as serving lobster.

No one here is advocating a cash bar. Cash bars are incredibly rude. Dry weddings are not.

FWIW we are having a full top-shelf open bar and I still find your comments ridiculous.

misshart00 · July 2013

sasquatchexpress12 said:
I care more about having a good reception for my guests than giving them half of it and expecting them to fork over more if they want beer or wine. But from what I've heard beer and wine is as expensive as serving lobster.

You don't have to either not have alcohol or charge for it. Those aren't the only two options. You can have a dry wedding or a limited bar.

Jen4948 · July 2013

amandafaith45 said:

we are doing a partial open bar its open beer wine chapagne. and mixed drinks they would have to pay for. i was talking to a co-worker and she said it was tacky. i dont think it is but just wanted to see what other people thought. my parents are paying and i dont want it to break the bank on them

Making the guests pay for anything you're offering is tacky. Your co-worker is right about that.

You, or your parents, need to pay for any alcohol served, not your guests. If you can't afford to serve it, then have a limited bar or dry wedding, but no passing alcohol costs to your guests through cash bars or drink tickets.

LiLe422 · July 2013

sasquatchexpress12 said:

I care more about having a good reception for my guests than giving them half of it and expecting them to fork over more if they want beer or wine. But from what I've heard beer and wine is as expensive as serving lobster.

Sasquatch, you are completely missing the point.

No one here is arguing that you should have a cash bar if you cannot afford an open bar. In fact, any reg will tell you it is rude to have a cash bar.

The point everyone is trying to get across to you -- is that if you cannot properly host an open bar, it is 100% a-okay to offer a limited bar or :::gasp::: no bar at all. The ONLY tacky bar option is one not fully paid for by the hosts.

Jen4948 · July 2013

sasquatchexpress12 said:

Dry wedding seems to be pretty Puritan in my opinion. Do we have to wear a burka as well?

Of course not. But it is unacceptable to serve alcohol while expecting guests to pay for it. If the only alternative is to have limited or no alcohol at all, then that's what you do-"Puritan" or not-without turning up your nose.

manateehugger · July 2013

sasquatchexpress12 said:
Dry wedding seems to be pretty Puritan in my opinion. Do we have to wear a burka as well?

Ahh nothing like cultural insensitivity to give everyone a high opinion of you.

Peledreamsofrain · July 2013

You know, if you are going to be talking religions, it's best not to mix them (it makes you sound unintelligent). Of course, you don't care because you are trolling, but oh well.

AddieCake · July 2013

Sierra524 · July 2013

NYCBruin · July 2013

sasquatchexpress12 said:

NYCBruin said:

sasquatchexpress12 said:

I care more about having a good reception for my guests than giving them half of it and expecting them to fork over more if they want beer or wine. But from what I've heard beer and wine is as expensive as serving lobster.

No one here is advocating a cash bar. Cash bars are incredibly rude. Dry weddings are not.

FWIW we are having a full top-shelf open bar and I still find your comments ridiculous.

Throwing an awesome party for my guests (the way they would want it) is ridiculous. HOW DARE ME. And my opinion of catering to them is equally outrageous. WHO DO I THINK I AM?

You can do whatever you want at YOUR wedding. My FI and I both like to drink so having an open bar was a priority to us.

Calling other people tacky for not having something that YOU personally think is the most important thing in the world is ridiculous and rude. Not to mention makes me a little concerned for you.

manateehugger · July 2013

sasquatchexpress12 said:
But as I said numerous times, I wouldn't host a cash bar or a dry event. I'd be too embarrassed for my good friends, family, and all those who traveled and spent quite a bit of money getting here.

I'm embarrassed by people who attempt to troll by making contradictory arguments and displaying an insensitivity to the world around them.

manateehugger · July 2013

sasquatchexpress12 said:

PDKH said:

sasquatchexpress12 said:
Dry wedding seems to be pretty Puritan in my opinion. Do we have to wear a burka as well?
Ahh nothing like cultural insensitivity to give everyone a high opinion of you.

Because making a point of others forcing their religious beliefs on you somehow makes me culturally insensitive...OK NOW I UNDERSTAND YOUR PREVIOUS POSTS.

If you can explain how Puritan beliefs and wearing a burka are related, I will retract my statement.

AddieCake · July 2013

wittykitty14 · July 2013

sasquatchexpress12 said:

Dry wedding seems to be pretty Puritan in my opinion. Do we have to wear a burka as well?

Yes, of course! Because, you know, I'm so sheltered and conservative and want to impose my "I'm better than you because I don't drink" thoughts on all my guests. *rolls eyes*

I'm having a dry wedding because both FI and I, as well as several VIPs, rarely/never drink. Are you going to sit here and tell me that I'm not hosing my guests properly?

Sierra524 · July 2013

sasquatchexpress12

is it tacky to not have open bar?

Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?

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