Can I tell guests the colors of the decor?

mmdonnelly · July 2013

EDIT: Apparently nobody read what I said. I did not say can I tell adults what to wear. I said can I even say the decor and such will have fall colors so guests can know ahead of time. I know most people won't care, but I wondering if few would want to know. I never wanted to make anyone feel like they have to wear any color.

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Can I asks guests to prefer fall colors if they can (the wedding is in the fall), but not require it or make it mandatory or make anyone feel like they NEED to buy something totally new just for the wedding?

I'm not looking to control my guests, just give a suggestion to anyone who has many choices of clothes to wear, but not sure what to pick. Or if there's anyone who wants to buy something anyway, or to some guests who I know don't have any formal clothes anyway. If someone wants to wear spring yellow or baby blue to the wedding, I'm fine with it. Is it not polite to make a friendly suggestion? Or is it rude to even say the wedding will have fall decor?

Sierra524 · July 2013

Nope. You cannot tell adults what to wear, or what color you prefer they wear. Dont even suggest it.

manateehugger · July 2013

Yeah, leave your guests alone. They are adults capable of dressing themselves.

I promise that it doesn't matter whether or not your guests match your colors. I've NEVER been to a wedding where guests matched. Don't let themes or pretty pictures become more important than your family and friends.

mlg78 · July 2013

This is very bridezilla-ish...don't do it.

QueerFemme · July 2013

mmdonnelly said:

Can I asks guests to prefer fall colors if they can (the wedding is in the fall), but not require it or make it mandatory or make anyone feel like they NEED to buy something totally new just for the wedding?

I'm not looking to control my guests, just give a suggestion to anyone who has many choices of clothes to wear, but not sure what to pick. Or if there's anyone who wants to buy something anyway, or to some guests who I know don't have any formal clothes anyway. If someone wants to wear spring yellow or baby blue to the wedding, I'm fine with it. Is it not polite to make a friendly suggestion? Or is it rude to even say the wedding will be fall themed (since that's say hint try to wear clothes that match a fall theme)?

Nope. you should never tell your guests how to dress unless there is a dress code dictated by the venue (like, men must were jackets or women must cover their shoulders), or it is a truly black tie event.

libby2483 · July 2013

This would be very inappropriate. You should never dictate your guests' attire, unless it is a truly black tie wedding or your venue has a dress code.

AddieCake · July 2013

Why would you "prefer" they wear any particular color? Are you looking at your wedding guests as part of your decor?

mmdonnelly · July 2013

I wasn't asking if I can TELL them what to wear. Apparently no one read my question, so never mind and just ignore it.

AddieCake · July 2013

mmdonnelly said:

I wasn't asking if I can TELL them what to wear. Apparently no one read my question, so never mind and just ignore it.

We all read your question. You asked if you could tell your guests you prefer them in fall colors. Even telling them what you PREFER is inappropriate.

AddieCake · July 2013

Really? You flagged everyone who told you this was wrong? Ironically, you apparently haven't read the community rules for flagging, which are posted at the top of every page.

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/982363/community-rules-for-flagging#latest

mmdonnelly · July 2013

Actually no, I asked if I can ask "guests to prefer" a wide range of colors. I didn't say "I prefer they wear". I wanted to know if it's rude to tell guests the theme so they can choose to follow it or not, but it looks like everyone saw only part of the title and went on bridezilla-alert.

AddieCake · July 2013

mmdonnelly said:

Actually no, I asked if I can ask "guests to prefer" a wide range of colors. I didn't say "I prefer they wear". I wanted to know if it's rude to tell guests the theme so they can choose to follow it or not, but it looks like everyone saw only part of the title and went on bridezilla-alert.

Well, what does asking guests to prefer fall colors mean, then, if not to wear them? That makes zero sense.

And did you seriously flag me AGAIN even after I pointed out the rules for flagging to you? You're adorable.

Maggie0829 · July 2013

mmdonnelly said:

Actually no, I asked if I can ask "guests to prefer" a wide range of colors. I didn't say "I prefer they wear". I wanted to know if it's rude to tell guests the theme so they can choose to follow it or not, but it looks like everyone saw only part of the title and went on bridezilla-alert.

Just let your guests wear whatever they want to your wedding. Honestly guests could give two shits about what your theme is. All they care about is seeing you and your FI get married and celebrating with you. No one and I mean no one cares that much about your color scheme or theme to coordinate their attire. So don't tell your guests if they prefer fall colors that they can most certainly wear them or anything else for that matter. You will not be any less married if your guests are coordinating with your decor.

KDM323 · July 2013

First - your guests really aren't going to care what your "theme" is. Hate to say it but they won't. In fact, for the most part, they aren't even going to notice the "theme".

They'll walk into your wedding, notice that it looks nice..and then go about enjoying the ceremony and reception.

Food, drink, atmosphere (are they comfortable, is there good service by any wait staff there, are there enough facilities, is there enough food, is it too hot or too cold, music...and with music what they will tend to remember is if it was BAD or annoying.). That is the stuff they are going to notice and remember.

Second - unless someone chooses to wear something REALLY out there (and I mean REALLY out there like a costume of some sort) no one is going to really pay any attention to what any of the other guests are wearing. They won't notice if they coordinate. And I guarantee they aren't going to notice if they coordinate with some "theme"

What the other ladies have said is correct - it would be rude to even "hint" as to what colors, etc people should wear. And...the fact is, there would be no reason to "hint" because no one is going to care or notice.

mmdonnelly · July 2013

AddieL73 said:

Well, what does asking guests to prefer fall colors mean, then, if not to wear them? That makes zero sense.

And did you seriously flag me AGAIN even after I pointed out the rules for flagging to you? You're adorable.

Politely asking someone to have preference something is not forcing them to do it or even expecting them to do it, merely asking them to be bias in their thought process should they have the freedom to do so. Arguments about semantics are so pointless, it's not like the wording was set in stone.

If it's anonymous, how do you know it's not someone else? Or is being rude, accusing, and off topic allowed here?

mmdonnelly · July 2013

Maggie0829 said:
Just let your guests wear whatever they want to your wedding. Honestly guests could give two shits about what your theme is. All they care about is seeing you and your FI get married and celebrating with you. No one and I mean no one cares that much about your color scheme or theme to coordinate their attire. So don't tell your guests if they prefer fall colors that they can most certainly wear them or anything else for that matter. You will not be any less married if your guests are coordinating with your decor.

You wouldn't care if people wore jeans and sweatpants? Because they've done things like that before. I wasn't trying to insist they match the decor.

AddieCake · July 2013

mmdonnelly said:

AddieL73 said:
Well, what does asking guests to prefer fall colors mean, then, if not to wear them? That makes zero sense.

And did you seriously flag me AGAIN even after I pointed out the rules for flagging to you? You're adorable.

Politely asking someone to have preference something is not forcing them to do it or even expecting them to do it, merely asking them to be bias in their thought process should they have the freedom to do so. Arguments about semantics are so pointless, it's not like the wording was set in stone.

If it's anonymous, how do you know it's not someone else? Or is being rude, accusing, and off topic allowed here?

Do you know what a preference is? Asking someone to have a preference is impossible. A preference is a personal thing, something an individual gravitates toward or likes above other things. You continue to make no sense.

You're right. I don't know it's you doing the flagging, but I'd say it's a fair bet.

@KnotPorscha Someone in this thread is having trouble reading and comprehending the flagging rules. Since you can see who it is, perhaps you could contact them privately and educate them? Thanks!

mmdonnelly · July 2013

drexelkathy said:

First - your guests really aren't going to care what your "theme" is. Hate to say it but they won't. In fact, for the most part, they aren't even going to notice the "theme".

They'll walk into your wedding, notice that it looks nice..and then go about enjoying the ceremony and reception.

Food, drink, atmosphere (are they comfortable, is there good service by any wait staff there, are there enough facilities, is there enough food, is it too hot or too cold, music...and with music what they will tend to remember is if it was BAD or annoying.). That is the stuff they are going to notice and remember.

Second - unless someone chooses to wear something REALLY out there (and I mean REALLY out there like a costume of some sort) no one is going to really pay any attention to what any of the other guests are wearing. They won't notice if they coordinate. And I guarantee they aren't going to notice if they coordinate with some "theme"

What the other ladies have said is correct - it would be rude to even "hint" as to what colors, etc people should wear. And...the fact is, there would be no reason to "hint" because no one is going to care or notice.

What's with the quotes around theme every time? If no one cares, then why has everyone asked me what it is?

Thank you for recommending things to keep in mind.

I know most people won't care. I was wondering if some people might.

So I can't send out fall-themed invites and save-the-dates? Because that hints at the theme of the wedding. Well too late for that, I already sent out my save-the-dates. No one was offended that they "hinted" at the wedding's "theme".

KDM323 · July 2013

mmdonnelly said:

You wouldn't care if people wore jeans and sweatpants? Because they've done things like that before. I wasn't trying to insist they match the decor.

Personally? I could care less if my friends and family show up to my wedding in burlap sacks wearing tattered old shoes. It won't impact the fact that I'm marrying my fiance that day and how they dress is absolutely positively no reflection on ME. No one is going to look at ME and side eye ME over what great Aunt Suzy is wearing.

I'm not planning my wedding to be a fashion show.

AddieCake · July 2013

mmdonnelly said:

drexelkathy said:

First - your guests really aren't going to care what your "theme" is. Hate to say it but they won't. In fact, for the most part, they aren't even going to notice the "theme".

They'll walk into your wedding, notice that it looks nice..and then go about enjoying the ceremony and reception.

Food, drink, atmosphere (are they comfortable, is there good service by any wait staff there, are there enough facilities, is there enough food, is it too hot or too cold, music...and with music what they will tend to remember is if it was BAD or annoying.). That is the stuff they are going to notice and remember.

Second - unless someone chooses to wear something REALLY out there (and I mean REALLY out there like a costume of some sort) no one is going to really pay any attention to what any of the other guests are wearing. They won't notice if they coordinate. And I guarantee they aren't going to notice if they coordinate with some "theme"

What the other ladies have said is correct - it would be rude to even "hint" as to what colors, etc people should wear. And...the fact is, there would be no reason to "hint" because no one is going to care or notice.

What's with the quotes around theme every time? If no one cares, then why has everyone asked me what it is?

Thank you for recommending things to keep in mind.

I know most people won't care. I was wondering if some people might.

So I can't send out fall-themed invites and save-the-dates? Because that hints at the theme of the wedding. Well too late for that, I already sent out my save-the-dates. No one was offended that they "hinted" at the wedding's "theme".

A few people wore jeans to my wedding. No, I didn't care. I promise you, what people wear has no effect on your wedding. You need to care about the people wanting to be there to celebrate your marriage, not what they wear.

And yes, you can send fall-themed invitations and STDs. It's this whole fall color clothing thing that people are objecting to.

misshart00 · July 2013

Usually, people tend to not wear the colors or theme associated with the invitation because thy try not to wear the same color as the bridesmaids.

You can theme your wedding all you want. And you can have that theme on all your paper products and wherever else you want. However, you cannot "preference" people toward that theme.

manateehugger · July 2013

Fine. I'm telling you to prefer to take away your inappropriate flags and apologize for abusing the system.

Your guests don't care what your theme is. And honestly, if I saw pictures of a wedding where all the guests coordinated, I would think "What a crazy rude bride who forced her guests to wear her colors."

Edit: stupid autocorrect

mmdonnelly · July 2013

AddieL73 said:

mmdonnelly said:

drexelkathy said:

First - your guests really aren't going to care what your "theme" is. Hate to say it but they won't. In fact, for the most part, they aren't even going to notice the "theme".

They'll walk into your wedding, notice that it looks nice..and then go about enjoying the ceremony and reception.

Food, drink, atmosphere (are they comfortable, is there good service by any wait staff there, are there enough facilities, is there enough food, is it too hot or too cold, music...and with music what they will tend to remember is if it was BAD or annoying.). That is the stuff they are going to notice and remember.

Second - unless someone chooses to wear something REALLY out there (and I mean REALLY out there like a costume of some sort) no one is going to really pay any attention to what any of the other guests are wearing. They won't notice if they coordinate. And I guarantee they aren't going to notice if they coordinate with some "theme"

What the other ladies have said is correct - it would be rude to even "hint" as to what colors, etc people should wear. And...the fact is, there would be no reason to "hint" because no one is going to care or notice.

What's with the quotes around theme every time? If no one cares, then why has everyone asked me what it is?

Thank you for recommending things to keep in mind.

I know most people won't care. I was wondering if some people might.

So I can't send out fall-themed invites and save-the-dates? Because that hints at the theme of the wedding. Well too late for that, I already sent out my save-the-dates. No one was offended that they "hinted" at the wedding's "theme".

A few people wore jeans to my wedding. No, I didn't care. I promise you, what people wear has no effect on your wedding. You need to care about the people wanting to be there to celebrate your marriage, not what they wear.

And yes, you can send fall-themed invitations and STDs. It's this whole fall color clothing thing that people are objecting to.

Good to know my guests have more freedom and choice over what they wear than I do. Most of the people that will be there I've only seen a hand full of times and only known for a few years. I'll barely know most of the people that will be there.

I didn't say I would insist on fall colored clothing, I said I would be fine with people wearing things like baby blue.

manateehugger · July 2013

And they ask you what your theme is to be polite. I ask my friends about their wedding decor because I'm curious. Not because I'm going to wear her colors. Then I would look like I was oddly trying to be a bridesmaid or something.

When is the last time you coordinated with the wedding colors as a guest?

misshart00 · July 2013

You might be fine with people wearing baby blue, but I promise, that day is like a whirlwind. You will barely remember what your bridesmaids wore. You won't remember what other people wear.

mmdonnelly · July 2013

PDKH said: Your guests don't care what your theme is. And honestly, if I saw pictures of a wedding where all the guests coordinated, I would think "What a crazy rude bride who forced her guests to wear her colors."

I specifically asked this with the condition that I DO NOT WANT TO TRY TO FORCE PEOPLE. I know forcing people is rude, thanks.

KDM323 · July 2013

mmdonnelly said:

drexelkathy said:

First - your guests really aren't going to care what your "theme" is. Hate to say it but they won't. In fact, for the most part, they aren't even going to notice the "theme".

They'll walk into your wedding, notice that it looks nice..and then go about enjoying the ceremony and reception.

Food, drink, atmosphere (are they comfortable, is there good service by any wait staff there, are there enough facilities, is there enough food, is it too hot or too cold, music...and with music what they will tend to remember is if it was BAD or annoying.). That is the stuff they are going to notice and remember.

Second - unless someone chooses to wear something REALLY out there (and I mean REALLY out there like a costume of some sort) no one is going to really pay any attention to what any of the other guests are wearing. They won't notice if they coordinate. And I guarantee they aren't going to notice if they coordinate with some "theme"

What the other ladies have said is correct - it would be rude to even "hint" as to what colors, etc people should wear. And...the fact is, there would be no reason to "hint" because no one is going to care or notice.

What's with the quotes around theme every time? If no one cares, then why has everyone asked me what it is?

Thank you for recommending things to keep in mind.

I know most people won't care. I was wondering if some people might.

So I can't send out fall-themed invites and save-the-dates? Because that hints at the theme of the wedding. Well too late for that, I already sent out my save-the-dates. No one was offended that they "hinted" at the wedding's "theme".

As for why I put "theme" in quotations: I hate "themes" with wedding. The theme of your day is a wedding. You are getting married. You don't need any more "theme" than that. Too much "theme" and weddings become tacky and cliche. Lots of brides think they need "themes" and I really and truly believe that the entire concept of "themes" came into existence simply so that the wedding industry could generate more money from selling crap to people planning weddings.

As for your invitations: they are really the only way to hint at the formality, etc. of your wedding. Here is where people are going to get a really good idea of how formal your event is.

More formal invitation which lists a more formal venue = guests will dress more formally for your wedding.

Less formal invitation that lists a less formal venue = guests will dress less formally for your wedding.

Evening wedding/reception = guests will likely dress more formally
Afternoon wedding/reception = guests will likely dress more casually

If you are having a ceremony and reception at a barn in the afternoon...you can expect more casual attire.

If you are having a ceremony at a church and then a reception immediately thereafter at a ballroom...you can expect more formal attire.

For ages, people have used this kind of common sense in how to dress to attend events and weddings. I promise you, you do not need to tell them.

If folks can't figure out from your invitation what is appropriate, then they will use word of mouth to figure it out. You do not need to write anything on the invitation and it is rude to do so.

AddieCake · July 2013

mmdonnelly · July 2013

PDKH said:

And they ask you what your theme is to be polite. I ask my friends about their wedding decor because I'm curious. Not because I'm going to wear her colors. Then I would look like I was oddly trying to be a bridesmaid or something. When is the last time you coordinated with the wedding colors as a guest?

The last time I was a wedding guest I wasn't even 4yrs old, and the dress my mother made me wear did coordinate because I was the flower girl. I can't even tell you the name of the couple.

NYCMercedes · July 2013

@mmdonnelly First, no one here was rude. They may have been blunt, but they were not rude. They just said no. If it was you who flagged people for saying no, you can be banned for inappropriately flagging posts.

mmdonnelly · July 2013

AddieL73 said:

Yeah well it made sense in my head before I dared to open my mouth.

Can I tell guests the colors of the decor?

Re: Can I tell guests the colors of the decor?

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