Can I tell guests the colors of the decor?

mmdonnelly · July 2013

zobird said:
I'm just not in the mood to put up with BS today. It's raining out and I'm grouchy. And I don't own any dresses in OP's color scheme.

Sorry for wondering if I can let people know what colors the decor will be without making them feel like they have to follow it on a day where it's raining somewhere.

[Deleted User] · July 2013

I've sent a warning to the user that is flagging inappropriately and will remove any undeserved flags once our system is fixed.

Sierra524 · July 2013

mmdonnelly said:

It's my fault you're confused. The way I asked the question wasn't clear, sorry about that. I wanted to know about letting guests know the colors. "Prefer" was bad word choice on my part since I wasn't looking to sway people.

So, because YOU worded your post wrong & we all answered based on that, you didnt like our answers & flag us for no reason?!

As far as your FI putting your MIL's happiness first, you really need to address that before you get married. Nobody would ever tell me what kind of wedding dress I could wear.

Maggie0829 · July 2013

@mmdonnelly just use your invites to convey your color scheme if that is what you want to do. No other way of informing people of your colors is necessary. Like another poster said, usually if I know the brides color scheme I tend to shy away from those colors because I am afraid that I will match the BMs.

manateehugger · July 2013

Maggie0829 said:
@mmdonnelly just use your invites to convey your color scheme if that is what you want to do. No other way of informing people of your colors is necessary. Like another poster said, usually if I know the brides color scheme I tend to shy away from those colors because I am afraid that I will match the BMs.

That happened to a friend at a sorority sister's wedding. She ended up in a red strapless dress that was very similar to the bridesmaids'. She was mortified and was worried the whole night that people were giving her a side-eye for trying to look like a bridesmaid.

Sierra524 · July 2013

mmdonnelly said:

Sorry for wondering if I can let people know what colors the decor will be without making them feel like they have to follow it on a day where it's raining somewhere.

What?! This doesnt even make sense.

Maggie0829 · July 2013

@mmdonnelly just use your invites to convey your color scheme if that is what you want to do. No other way of informing people of your colors is necessary. Like another poster said, usually if I know the brides color scheme I tend to shy away from those colors because I am afraid that I will match the BMs.
That happened to a friend at a sorority sister's wedding. She ended up in a red strapless dress that was very similar to the bridesmaids'. She was mortified and was worried the whole night that people were giving her a side-eye for trying to look like a bridesmaid.

The same thing happened to me a few weeks ago. I had no idea the color scheme because we got invited through text/word of mouth (apparently they ran out of invites...yeah ok) so I wore a short coral/orange dress well the BMs were all wearing coral/orange dresses that they got to pick the style they wanted so I really looked like a member of the bridal party. Very embarrassing so many glasses of wine were needed that night.

manateehugger · July 2013

The same thing happened to me a few weeks ago. I had no idea the color scheme because we got invited through text/word of mouth (apparently they ran out of invites...yeah ok) so I wore a short coral/orange dress well the BMs were all wearing coral/orange dresses that they got to pick the style they wanted so I really looked like a member of the bridal party. Very embarrassing so many glasses of wine were needed that night.

Lol thank God for open bars! I bet your dress was cute though. I've been on the hunt for coral without much success.

And ew on the invite. That sounds like a "We got a ton of declines but still want a lot of people out our wedding" situation.

Maggie0829 · July 2013

PDKH said:

The same thing happened to me a few weeks ago. I had no idea the color scheme because we got invited through text/word of mouth (apparently they ran out of invites...yeah ok) so I wore a short coral/orange dress well the BMs were all wearing coral/orange dresses that they got to pick the style they wanted so I really looked like a member of the bridal party. Very embarrassing so many glasses of wine were needed that night.

Lol thank God for open bars! I bet your dress was cute though. I've been on the hunt for coral without much success. And ew on the invite. That sounds like a "We got a ton of declines but still want a lot of people out our wedding" situation.

It was definitely a last minute invite thing which is fine. The groom and my H became friends after they moved in behind us about a year ago so I could see us not being at the top of their most invite list. We still had fun with another neighbor couple (also last minute invite) so we didn't really care.

I love my coral dress. It is super comfortable and flowy so no need to suck in the belly all night long LOL!

smalfrie19 · July 2013

Maggie0829 said:

PDKH said:

The same thing happened to me a few weeks ago. I had no idea the color scheme because we got invited through text/word of mouth (apparently they ran out of invites...yeah ok) so I wore a short coral/orange dress well the BMs were all wearing coral/orange dresses that they got to pick the style they wanted so I really looked like a member of the bridal party. Very embarrassing so many glasses of wine were needed that night.

Lol thank God for open bars! I bet your dress was cute though. I've been on the hunt for coral without much success. And ew on the invite. That sounds like a "We got a ton of declines but still want a lot of people out our wedding" situation.

It was definitely a last minute invite thing which is fine. The groom and my H became friends after they moved in behind us about a year ago so I could see us not being at the top of their most invite list. We still had fun with another neighbor couple (also last minute invite) so we didn't really care.

I love my coral dress. It is super comfortable and flowy so no need to suck in the belly all night long LOL!

This happened to me once and the bride thought it was funny. Granted the bride was my cousin so *shrug*

MuppetOverlord · July 2013

There is no circumstance where you can mention a preferred color scheme on your invitation --unless you want to look like a controlling bitch. Then you'd be on the right track.

If I got that on an invite, I would consider buying a hot pink dress so that it looked like someone took a highlighter to me in every photo.

Regarding your future HUSBAND not standing up for you, my advice right now, from experience, is to postpone this wedding until he can do this. If he will not honor you now, he will not honor you once you are married. This is a deal breaker for me. I had to put my foot down to my fiance last year because he was putting his mother first. I was dead serious about leaving him if he could not honor me as his wife and our relationship and he knew it. Things changed fairly quickly.

MuppetOverlord · July 2013

PDKH said:

@mmdonnelly just use your invites to convey your color scheme if that is what you want to do. No other way of informing people of your colors is necessary. Like another poster said, usually if I know the brides color scheme I tend to shy away from those colors because I am afraid that I will match the BMs.
That happened to a friend at a sorority sister's wedding. She ended up in a red strapless tdress that was very similar to the bridesmaids'. She was mortified and was worried the whole night that people were giving her a side-eye for trying to look like a bridesmaid.

I was in a wedding where we wore a deep plum color. This weird friend that the bride invited as a courtesy (not expecting she'd drive 9 hours to get there) came. She agreed to pick up the 2nd night for the bride's hotel room (min 2 night stay). She awkwardly inserted herself in all the bridal party activity from the night before all through getting ready. She then presented the plum dress she bought to match us.

She wouldn't leave the room for photos, we had to angle the camera to get her out of some shots and she kept saying "let me get in there!" and then at the wedding, she kept inserting herself in bridal party shots.

I always assumed that when people wore the same color it was an accident! Not necessarily anymore...

libby2483 · July 2013

MuppetOverlord said:

PDKH said:

@mmdonnelly just use your invites to convey your color scheme if that is what you want to do. No other way of informing people of your colors is necessary. Like another poster said, usually if I know the brides color scheme I tend to shy away from those colors because I am afraid that I will match the BMs.
That happened to a friend at a sorority sister's wedding. She ended up in a red strapless tdress that was very similar to the bridesmaids'. She was mortified and was worried the whole night that people were giving her a side-eye for trying to look like a bridesmaid.

I was in a wedding where we wore a deep plum color. This weird friend that the bride invited as a courtesy (not expecting she'd drive 9 hours to get there) came. She agreed to pick up the 2nd night for the bride's hotel room (min 2 night stay). She awkwardly inserted herself in all the bridal party activity from the night before all through getting ready. She then presented the plum dress she bought to match us.

She wouldn't leave the room for photos, we had to angle the camera to get her out of some shots and she kept saying "let me get in there!" and then at the wedding, she kept inserting herself in bridal party shots.

I always assumed that when people wore the same color it was an accident! Not necessarily anymore...

Wow...just wow. Some people have no sense of what is socially appropriate. Or maybe they just don't care?

AddieCake · July 2013

BangBangs39 said:

@mmdonnelly- have you sent your invitations yet? If not why not include in the wording that so&so invite you to their "insert theme" wedding on date etc, etc. I've found that people sometimes really don't know what to wear to a wedding... including the theme might help them decide.

This would not help me decide what to wear at all. I decide what to wear based on the temperature and season outside. If it's a nice spring day, I wear an appropriate spring dress. If it's fall, I wear a dress suitable for fall.

BangBangs39 · July 2013

AddieL73 said:
This would not help me decide what to wear at all. I decide what to wear based on the temperature and season outside. If it's a nice spring day, I wear an appropriate spring dress. If it's fall, I wear a dress suitable for fall.

I meant more along the lines of formality - our wedding is rustic country themed - I didn't print it on the invites because it isn't something I would have thought of doing, and probably wouldn't change even now but I have had 75% of the guests ask what they should wear... they want to know how formal it is etc. I assumed people would be able to judge for themselves what to wear to a July outdoor wedding, I was apparently wrong... my good friend is having the same problem with her indoor winter wedding.

manateehugger · July 2013

mrsridings061513 said:
mmdonnelly said:

You wouldn't care if people wore jeans and sweatpants? Because they've done things like that before. I wasn't trying to insist they match the decor.

Well hell, the majority of my guests wore jeans along with my husband and his groomsmen.

Well your wedding was obviously ruined and invalid. DO OVER!

AddieCake · July 2013

Why do you keep changing the title of your post?

MuppetOverlord · July 2013

libby2483 said:

MuppetOverlord said:

PDKH said:

@mmdonnelly just use your invites to convey your color scheme if that is what you want to do. No other way of informing people of your colors is necessary. Like another poster said, usually if I know the brides color scheme I tend to shy away from those colors because I am afraid that I will match the BMs.
That happened to a friend at a sorority sister's wedding. She ended up in a red strapless tdress that was very similar to the bridesmaids'. She was mortified and was worried the whole night that people were giving her a side-eye for trying to look like a bridesmaid.

I was in a wedding where we wore a deep plum color. This weird friend that the bride invited as a courtesy (not expecting she'd drive 9 hours to get there) came. She agreed to pick up the 2nd night for the bride's hotel room (min 2 night stay). She awkwardly inserted herself in all the bridal party activity from the night before all through getting ready. She then presented the plum dress she bought to match us.

She wouldn't leave the room for photos, we had to angle the camera to get her out of some shots and she kept saying "let me get in there!" and then at the wedding, she kept inserting herself in bridal party shots.

I always assumed that when people wore the same color it was an accident! Not necessarily anymore...

Wow...just wow. Some people have no sense of what is socially appropriate. Or maybe they just don't care?

She had no clue she was awkward and appropriate. This is apparently how she is always. There was an episode of How I met your Mother on last night with a character named Daryl...

http://screencrush.com/how-i-met-your-mother-review-the-final-page-part-1/

That's basically her.

mmdonnelly · July 2013

@Maggie0829 Thank you so much for your kind advice, I hadn't thought of it that way. Is it ok to put colors to avoid either on the invite or the website to help avoid accidental match-up's?

@BangBangs39 Thank you for the idea. I'm not sure if that will work in my case or not because I'm not sure if "such and such invite you to their fall themed wedding" has the right feel.

@mrsridings061513 They do look awesome, but that's still formal attire if you ask me.

@AddieL73 People keep getting the wrong idea. I'm sorry for trying to correct myself to avoid more issues since it's beyond clear my word choice wasn't perfect.

Maggie0829 · July 2013

mmdonnelly said:

@Maggie0829 Thank you so much for your kind advice, I hadn't thought of it that way. Is it ok to put colors to avoid either on the invite or the website to help avoid accidental match-up's?

You are overthinking this. Just make your invites however you want them. Pick the colors you love. Stop worrying about your guests attire. If they match they match if they don't they don't. Either way it will not have an affect whatsoever on your wedding day. But really in the long run worrying about what other people are going to wear is something that you cannot either control or should be wasting a minute thinking about.

By posting too much information or "direction" for your guests can come off as very controlling and bridezillaish behavior.

As for my example above, I 100% believe that the only person who was upset or embarrassed about wearing the same color as the bridal party was me and me alone. I really don't think anyone else cared or noticed.

MuppetOverlord · July 2013

Use the invite to show color scheme, but do not put it on an invitation.

I challenge you to go and google a bunch of invitation wordings. Not one of them is going to indicate what colors the bridal party will wear. It is unnecessary.

If someone has an accidental match-up, they'll be fine. It's not like they are going to be in all of your bridal party pictures.

This really should not be a big concern.

mmdonnelly · July 2013

@Maggies0829 I'm considering a colored wedding dress, and I figured if there was a good time to ask if it's ok to ask people to avoid that color, that was it. I'm trying to write the copy for the invites, but I've never done so before. I thought the point was to seek advice on the forms, but UX design is my passion so trying to think of things from every angle is a part of my nature. Is there another form where these types of wedding questions are welcome I could visit? My questions aren't that important, and I don't mind if they should be asked elsewhere.

Maggie0829 · July 2013

Sorry @mmdonnelly but Liatris is right. You cannot dictate what color your guests should or should not wear. You choosing a colored wedding dress is your choice and your guests shouldnt have to work around a choice you made. No matter if one or all of your wedding guests are dressed in that same color will the spotlight not be on you for the entire night.

Please let this go. You really are going to worry yourself sick over something that is miniscule and unimportant.

I am a very detailed oriented person as well but to try and control everything down to the tiny itty bitty bow on your favors is beyond crazy. Take a deep breath. These are the things your guests will remember from your wedding day...1) the food, 2) the music, 3) the fun atmosphere. That is it. all the little details that you are worried about are really just for you. No one will care if you picked roses over lisianthus or went with a light pink instead of a medium pink. Guests will care if you treat them well, host them properly and show them a good time.

AddieCake · July 2013

Nobody is suggesting you go somewhere else to ask your questions.

manateehugger · July 2013

Yeah, you really can't even ask people to avoid white.

Look you asked a question, we gave you honest answers. I promise PROMISE we aren't trying to be mean. When I give my advice, my honest goal is to help ensure that a bride can have guests say "What a lovely wedding and a gracious bride." Trust me. Guests won't remember your centerpieces or even really your dress, but they will remember how you treated them.

I ask questions here because these are experienced ladies who don't sugarcoat. Yes, they are blunt, but it's well meant. I got my bum smacked a bit when I first started posting. I learned to take the advice and move on.

People ARE trying to help you. No one got snarky until you started flagging people.

mmdonnelly · July 2013

Liatris2010 I thought wearing the same color as the bride was inappropriate.

By asking if I can do something I'm not expecting to get a yes in reply, nor was I expecting my profession to get me any free passes, this is my first mentioning of it. It was a possible explanation for my very detailed questions about the copy for the invites. However Maggie's answer to me suggested I shouldn't have asked the question in the first place, and I would like to ask my questions in the correct place. If these questions are appropriate then I will continue to ask, but if they are not please say so and point me in the right direction. Either way way there's no need to treat me as though I'm expecting people to tell me yes when they feel they should give a polite no.

Maggie0829 · July 2013

mmdonnelly said:

Liatris2010 I thought wearing the same color as the bride was inappropriate.

By asking if I can do something I'm not expecting to get a yes in reply, nor was I expecting my profession to get me any free passes, this is my first mentioning of it. It was a possible explanation for my very detailed questions about the copy for the invites. However Maggie's answer to me suggested I shouldn't have asked the question in the first place, and I would like to ask my questions in the correct place. If these questions are appropriate then I will continue to ask, but if they are not please say so and point me in the right direction. Either way way there's no need to treat me as though I'm expecting people to tell me yes when they feel they should give a polite no.

What in the world did I say that made you think that you just shouldn't have asked the question? Was it me saying "you are overthinking this" because you are but that in no way means you shouldn't ask the question. That is me answering your question.

Edit: And yes, wearing the same color as the bride is a bit of a no-no but that does not mean that you can tell people to not wear white or whatever color you decide to wear. Is it looked down upon? Sure. But you certainly aren't going to go to hell for doing so.

MuppetOverlord · July 2013

I'm just going to recycle myself:

Use the invite to show color scheme, but do not put it on an invitation.

There is no circumstance where you can mention a preferred color scheme guest wardrobe color preferences on your invitation --unless you want to look like a controlling bitch.

This really should not be a big concern.

MuppetOverlord · July 2013

mmdonnelly said:

Liatris2010 I thought wearing the same color as the bride was inappropriate.

By asking if I can do something I'm not expecting to get a yes in reply, nor was I expecting my profession to get me any free passes, this is my first mentioning of it. It was a possible explanation for my very detailed questions about the copy for the invites. However Maggie's answer to me suggested I shouldn't have asked the question in the first place, and I would like to ask my questions in the correct place. If these questions are appropriate then I will continue to ask, but if they are not please say so and point me in the right direction. Either way way there's no need to treat me as though I'm expecting people to tell me yes when they feel they should give a polite no.

Wearing white or ivory s considered inappropriate but we can't tell people not to wear it. Some people are going to wear it. If the bride chooses to wear brown or pumpkin, there will be fewer people consciously avoiding it. If someone happens to wear it, that's a consequence of choosing a non-traditional color and no one will even notice or care.

Peledreamsofrain · July 2013

OP, have you heard the phrase "two wrongs don't make a right"?

Yes it's a faux pas to wear white to a wedding, but it's also a faux pas to try to dictate the clothing of a non-party member.

You can either contribute to a pile of awkward social gaffes on your wedding day, or you can rise above and be a gracious, classy, and socially graceful bride. Your choice. You control your actions and no one else's.

Can I tell guests the colors of the decor?

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