@Maggie0829 I'm not trying to dictate, I don't want to come off in the wrong way (I think I've already proven I do that too often). I'm not worrying myself sick, I'm wondering if things are appropriate or not. It's curiosity, not stress.
@AddieL73 Then why are people saying things like stop making a big deal out of it?
@PDKH With white it's generally understood it's mostly meant to be avoided (I know this doesn't need to be said), I wanted to know if it was different with colored dresses. I don't know these things.
@Maggie If I'm overthinking it, then I'm thinking of questions I shouldn't have, correct? Now I'm confused.
@MuppetOverlord I'm not trying to make it a big concern, I thought these were simple questions. Thank you for letting me know that that is just a part of colored dresses, I honestly didn't know the norm for this case.
@Liatris2010 If I go with a white dress, I'm not going to remind people I'm wearing white (they will assume I am even if I don't). This still applies (for colored dresses) even if I won't talk to most of the guests before the wedding, correct? I never said it would ruin the wedding, but if the invites piss off guests (when I had no idea I was doing anything wrong), then I may have a few issues that I could have easily avoided.
OP, have you heard the phrase "two wrongs don't make a right"?
Yes it's a faux pas to wear white to a wedding, but it's also a faux pas to try to dictate the clothing of a non-party member.
You can either contribute to a pile of awkward social gaffes on your wedding day, or you can rise above and be a gracious, classy, and socially graceful bride. Your choice. You control your actions and no one else's.
If I was going for controlling people then I would be asking if I can put things like a note with the invite that says "neon yellow bow ties and hot pink shoes are required or you will be escorted out by armed guards (who will also be expected to follow this dress code) even though you drove 3+hrs to get here because I know nearly all my guests are from out-of-town and I don't care."
Come on, can I get a little more credit here? I've said over and over I don't want to control people and I'm not looking to dictate clothing with an iron fist. Asking politely is not the same as barking orders.
We are saying stop making a big deal of it b/c you will drive yourself crazy with details that don't make a whit of difference. Put your energy into the things that DO matter.
What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
We are saying stop making a big deal of it b/c you will drive yourself crazy with details that don't make a whit of difference. Put your energy into the things that DO matter.
How is asking about 2 lines of text I was considering putting on the back of the invites driving myself crazy? I haven't even started designing the things yet, so it's not hard to take them out or something (or wouldn't have been hard to re-phase if that had been ok).
I think you are missing the forest for the trees. Let me make it very clear: 1. You don't announce the theme or color scheme of the wedding. If you pick invites with that theme and colors, that is fine, but you don't put "fall themed" on the invites or website. 2. You don't announce what color you are wearing so that people will avoid wearing it, regardless of what color you wear.
Thank you for being direct.
I thought it was very rude to match the bride or bridal party, so to me it seems odd that it's wrong to warn people that they're unknowingly doing something so rude. It's counter-intuitive to me.
And yes I had gotten that 2nd point, I was just wondering how universal it was.
We are saying stop making a big deal of it b/c you will drive yourself crazy with details that don't make a whit of difference. Put your energy into the things that DO matter.
How is asking about 2 lines of text I was considering putting on the back of the invites driving myself crazy? I haven't even started designing the things yet, so it's not hard to take them out or something (or wouldn't have been hard to re-phase if that had been ok).
To be clear, I'm not saying this to be rude or discourage you from posting. This is honest advice. Stop worrying about such small details. As several posters have clearly stated, it is inappropriate to dictate or even suggest your guests do or do not wear a certain color or type of attire. If you wear a colored dress, you run the risk someone else will be wearing the same color. Your concern of this issue has already taken up too much time and energy. If you are this concerned about every aspect of your wedding, you will have a very unpleasant planning experience.
@libby2483 I've made it extremely clear over and over I'm not trying to dictate things, please stop telling me not to. I'm sorry that I asked about adding 2 lines to the invites. Clearly this was not a good place to do so. A simple "No it may offend some people" would have been fine.
@libby2483 I've made it extremely clear over and over I'm not trying to dictate things, please stop telling me not to. I'm sorry that I asked about adding 2 lines to the invites. Clearly this was not a good place to do so. A simple "No it may offend some people" would have been fine.
You didn't make this simple, though. People gave you the simple answer and you threw it in their faces and flagged them because you didn't like how it was worded. Then you asked a few different ways to accomplish the same goal, and you got the same answers.
The simple of it is that this is how real people think when rude things are done to them. Better to get it over with on internet strangers than your real life guests.
We are more than happy to tell you what is proper etiquette and give you real opinions, but you have to stop taking the responses so personally.
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you
marry a Muppet Overlord.
You didn't make this simple, though. People gave you the simple answer and you threw it in their faces and flagged them because you didn't like how it was worded. Then you asked a few different ways to accomplish the same goal, and you got the same answers.
The simple of it is that this is how real people think when rude things are done to them. Better to get it over with on internet strangers than your real life guests.
We are more than happy to tell you what is proper etiquette and give you real opinions, but you have to stop taking the responses so personally.
They gave me the simple answer to the orginal tittle, not the whole question. "You can't control people" isn't an answer to "I don't want to control people, can I offer people a suggestion they are free to ignore?"
I didn't ask the same thing is a different way. I was considering putting both on the invite before I started this thread. "Can I ask people to avoid a color?" was not a creative re-wording of "Can I suggest fall colors?" One was about colored wedding dresses and the other about basically things in general. I'm sorry that I asked 2 questions in 1 thread, next time I will make another one.
It's not like I sent everyone here invites demanding a certain dress code or asked them what they would say to had I done so. I'm sorry that I took it personally when I asked if there was a polite way to provide a suggestion and I got back that I'm a controlling bridezilla planning a fashion-show wedding who shouldn't dare to express a preference or tell an adult what to do, I need to leave my guests alone since I think they're decor, and I won't consider myself married if this wish doesn't come true. Since not a single word of that is true, I wasn't happy about it.
Side note - I'm getting married at a campground for crying out loud, that's hardly a location for something like a fashion-show wedding. A real control freak would never consider such an impossible to control location. My photos could end up ok if it's raining like crazy or beautiful if the leaves are the right color, and I'm ok with either because me and my FI love our location regardless.
You give us information and we react to it. We're just telling you how we perceive things as guests. If you sent me
an invitation that suggested anything about my attire, I would judge you
for it (unless it is true black tie). It comes across as controlling and bridezilla. These are honest responses to your question. You just don't like it.
Asking people to avoid a color and suggesting fall colors are both ways you are attempting to control your guests attire. You are too emotional about the responses to see that right now. Sleep on it, you might get it tomorrow. This reaction happens to all of us. We think we are reasonable people, asking reasonable things, and it jars us when we're bluntly told that our thought is unreasonable.
Better to get frustrated with us and get over it than to make your guests feel all of the things that we said about it.
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you
marry a Muppet Overlord.
OP, have you heard the phrase "two wrongs don't make a right"?
Yes it's a faux pas to wear white to a wedding, but it's also a faux pas to try to dictate the clothing of a non-party member.
You can either contribute to a pile of awkward social gaffes on your wedding day, or you can rise above and be a gracious, classy, and socially graceful bride. Your choice. You control your actions and no one else's.
If I was going for controlling people then I would be asking if I can put things like a note with the invite that says "neon yellow bow ties and hot pink shoes are required or you will be escorted out by armed guards (who will also be expected to follow this dress code) even though you drove 3+hrs to get here because I know nearly all my guests are from out-of-town and I don't care."
Come on, can I get a little more credit here? I've said over and over I don't want to control people and I'm not looking to dictate clothing with an iron fist. Asking politely is not the same as barking orders.
We're trying to tell you that you can't ask, suggest, intimate, or otherwise influence kindly in this matter. If you don't believe it, then go ahead and try. You'll not get a warm welcome from your family and friends.
I think you are missing the forest for the trees. Let me make it very clear: 1. You don't announce the theme or color scheme of the wedding. If you pick invites with that theme and colors, that is fine, but you don't put "fall themed" on the invites or website. 2. You don't announce what color you are wearing so that people will avoid wearing it, regardless of what color you wear.
Thank you for being direct.
I thought it was very rude to match the bride or bridal party, so to me it seems odd that it's wrong to warn people that they're unknowingly doing something so rude. It's counter-intuitive to me.
And yes I had gotten that 2nd point, I was just wondering how universal it was.
Being rude (aka dictating attire or suggesting attire) to prevent rudeness (yes,
You didn't make this simple, though. People gave you the simple answer and you threw it in their faces and flagged them because you didn't like how it was worded. Then you asked a few different ways to accomplish the same goal, and you got the same answers.
The simple of it is that this is how real people think when rude things are done to them. Better to get it over with on internet strangers than your real life guests.
We are more than happy to tell you what is proper etiquette and give you real opinions, but you have to stop taking the responses so personally.
They gave me the simple answer to the orginal tittle, not the whole question. "You can't control people" isn't an answer to "I don't want to control people, can I offer people a suggestion they are free to ignore?"
I didn't ask the same thing is a different way. I was considering putting both on the invite before I started this thread. "Can I ask people to avoid a color?" was not a creative re-wording of "Can I suggest fall colors?" One was about colored wedding dresses and the other about basically things in general. I'm sorry that I asked 2 questions in 1 thread, next time I will make another one.
It's not like I sent everyone here invites demanding a certain dress code or asked them what they would say to had I done so. I'm sorry that I took it personally when I asked if there was a polite way to provide a suggestion and I got back that I'm a controlling bridezilla planning a fashion-show wedding who shouldn't dare to express a preference or tell an adult what to do, I need to leave my guests alone since I think they're decor, and I won't consider myself married if this wish doesn't come true. Since not a single word of that is true, I wasn't happy about it.
Side note - I'm getting married at a campground for crying out loud, that's hardly a location for something like a fashion-show wedding. A real control freak would never consider such an impossible to control location. My photos could end up ok if it's raining like crazy or beautiful if the leaves are the right color, and I'm ok with either because me and my FI love our location regardless.
Ok no. People said dictating or even suggesting attire is bridezilla behavior and wanting your pictures and theme to be more important than your guests.
Guess what! If you don't suggest/dictate attire, you are not a bridezilla who views themes and colors as more important than her guests' company. It is as simple as that. No one accused you of anything. Separate yourself from the behavior they were commenting on.
No one called YOU a control freak. They said demanding certain attire from guests would be the action of a control freak.
Bottom line: in the long run, it will not matter what your guests wear at your wedding. If someone shows up in a giant purple gown (unlikely since it is at a campground), people will side-eye THEM for wearing attire similar to the bride's, not YOU Your guests will think you are the bride too gracious and too happy on her wedding day to care.
Seriously, you got upset out of nowhere and started abusing the flagging system. There is no way you can defend that behavior.
You give us information and we react to it. We're just telling you how we perceive things as guests. If you sent me
an invitation that suggested anything about my attire, I would judge you
for it (unless it is true black tie). It comes across as controlling and bridezilla. These are honest responses to your question. You just don't like it.
Asking people to avoid a color and suggesting fall colors are both ways you are attempting to control your guests attire. You are too emotional about the responses to see that right now. Sleep on it, you might get it tomorrow. This reaction happens to all of us. We think we are reasonable people, asking reasonable things, and it jars us when we're bluntly told that our thought is unreasonable.
Better to get frustrated with us and get over it than to make your guests feel all of the things that we said about it.
OP, have you heard the phrase "two wrongs don't make a right"?
Yes it's a faux pas to wear white to a wedding, but it's also a faux pas to try to dictate the clothing of a non-party member.
You can either contribute to a pile of awkward social gaffes on your wedding day, or you can rise above and be a gracious, classy, and socially graceful bride. Your choice. You control your actions and no one else's.
If I was going for controlling people then I would be asking if I can put things like a note with the invite that says "neon yellow bow ties and hot pink shoes are required or you will be escorted out by armed guards (who will also be expected to follow this dress code) even though you drove 3+hrs to get here because I know nearly all my guests are from out-of-town and I don't care."
Come on, can I get a little more credit here? I've said over and over I don't want to control people and I'm not looking to dictate clothing with an iron fist. Asking politely is not the same as barking orders.
We're trying to tell you that you can't ask, suggest, intimate, or otherwise influence kindly in this matter. If you don't believe it, then go ahead and try. You'll not get a warm welcome from your family and friends.
If you mean ask, the say ask. If you mean dictate, then say dictate. Everyone kept saying it was control when I said without controlling.
I think you are missing the forest for the trees. Let me make it very clear: 1. You don't announce the theme or color scheme of the wedding. If you pick invites with that theme and colors, that is fine, but you don't put "fall themed" on the invites or website. 2. You don't announce what color you are wearing so that people will avoid wearing it, regardless of what color you wear.
Thank you for being direct.
I thought it was very rude to match the bride or bridal party, so to me it seems odd that it's wrong to warn people that they're unknowingly doing something so rude. It's counter-intuitive to me.
And yes I had gotten that 2nd point, I was just wondering how universal it was.
Being rude (aka dictating attire or suggesting attire) to prevent rudeness (yes,
You didn't make this simple, though. People gave you the simple answer and you threw it in their faces and flagged them because you didn't like how it was worded. Then you asked a few different ways to accomplish the same goal, and you got the same answers.
The simple of it is that this is how real people think when rude things are done to them. Better to get it over with on internet strangers than your real life guests.
We are more than happy to tell you what is proper etiquette and give you real opinions, but you have to stop taking the responses so personally.
They gave me the simple answer to the orginal tittle, not the whole question. "You can't control people" isn't an answer to "I don't want to control people, can I offer people a suggestion they are free to ignore?"
I didn't ask the same thing is a different way. I was considering putting both on the invite before I started this thread. "Can I ask people to avoid a color?" was not a creative re-wording of "Can I suggest fall colors?" One was about colored wedding dresses and the other about basically things in general. I'm sorry that I asked 2 questions in 1 thread, next time I will make another one.
It's not like I sent everyone here invites demanding a certain dress code or asked them what they would say to had I done so. I'm sorry that I took it personally when I asked if there was a polite way to provide a suggestion and I got back that I'm a controlling bridezilla planning a fashion-show wedding who shouldn't dare to express a preference or tell an adult what to do, I need to leave my guests alone since I think they're decor, and I won't consider myself married if this wish doesn't come true. Since not a single word of that is true, I wasn't happy about it.
Side note - I'm getting married at a campground for crying out loud, that's hardly a location for something like a fashion-show wedding. A real control freak would never consider such an impossible to control location. My photos could end up ok if it's raining like crazy or beautiful if the leaves are the right color, and I'm ok with either because me and my FI love our location regardless.
Ok no. People said dictating or even suggesting attire is bridezilla behavior and wanting your pictures and theme to be more important than your guests.
Guess what! If you don't suggest/dictate attire, you are not a bridezilla who views themes and colors as more important than her guests' company. It is as simple as that. No one accused you of anything. Separate yourself from the behavior they were commenting on.
No one called YOU a control freak. They said demanding certain attire from guests would be the action of a control freak.
Bottom line: in the long run, it will not matter what your guests wear at your wedding. If someone shows up in a giant purple gown (unlikely since it is at a campground), people will side-eye THEM for wearing attire similar to the bride's, not YOU Your guests will think you are the bride too gracious and too happy on her wedding day to care.
Seriously, you got upset out of nowhere and started abusing the flagging system. There is no way you can defend that behavior.
I have tried my best to be nice this whole time. Not to mention I ignored a few jabs from people, including yourself.
You give us information and we react to it. We're just telling you how we perceive things as guests. If you sent me
an invitation that suggested anything about my attire, I would judge you
for it (unless it is true black tie). It comes across as controlling and bridezilla. These are honest responses to your question. You just don't like it.
Asking people to avoid a color and suggesting fall colors are both ways you are attempting to control your guests attire. You are too emotional about the responses to see that right now. Sleep on it, you might get it tomorrow. This reaction happens to all of us. We think we are reasonable people, asking reasonable things, and it jars us when we're bluntly told that our thought is unreasonable.
Better to get frustrated with us and get over it than to make your guests feel all of the things that we said about it.
I never asked for that, you aren't my guests.
If you don't want our experience and perspective, why bother asking questions? Go ahead and throw it on your invitation. Garamond font, boldface, size 14.
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you
marry a Muppet Overlord.
OP, have you heard the phrase "two wrongs don't make a right"?
Yes it's a faux pas to wear white to a wedding, but it's also a faux pas to try to dictate the clothing of a non-party member.
You can either contribute to a pile of awkward social gaffes on your wedding day, or you can rise above and be a gracious, classy, and socially graceful bride. Your choice. You control your actions and no one else's.
If I was going for controlling people then I would be asking if I can put things like a note with the invite that says "neon yellow bow ties and hot pink shoes are required or you will be escorted out by armed guards (who will also be expected to follow this dress code) even though you drove 3+hrs to get here because I know nearly all my guests are from out-of-town and I don't care."
Come on, can I get a little more credit here? I've said over and over I don't want to control people and I'm not looking to dictate clothing with an iron fist. Asking politely is not the same as barking orders.
We're trying to tell you that you can't ask, suggest, intimate, or otherwise influence kindly in this matter. If you don't believe it, then go ahead and try. You'll not get a warm welcome from your family and friends.
If you mean ask, the say ask. If you mean dictate, then say dictate. Everyone kept saying it was control when I said without controlling.
You give us information and we react to it. We're just telling you how we perceive things as guests. If you sent me
an invitation that suggested anything about my attire, I would judge you
for it (unless it is true black tie). It comes across as controlling and bridezilla. These are honest responses to your question. You just don't like it.
Asking people to avoid a color and suggesting fall colors are both ways you are attempting to control your guests attire. You are too emotional about the responses to see that right now. Sleep on it, you might get it tomorrow. This reaction happens to all of us. We think we are reasonable people, asking reasonable things, and it jars us when we're bluntly told that our thought is unreasonable.
Better to get frustrated with us and get over it than to make your guests feel all of the things that we said about it.
I never asked for that, you aren't my guests.
If you don't want our experience and perspective, why bother asking questions?
You can give your experience or opinion on the matter without imagining yourself in that place and responding as though I've done something that I have not.
OP, have you heard the phrase "two wrongs don't make a right"?
Yes it's a faux pas to wear white to a wedding, but it's also a faux pas to try to dictate the clothing of a non-party member.
You can either contribute to a pile of awkward social gaffes on your wedding day, or you can rise above and be a gracious, classy, and socially graceful bride. Your choice. You control your actions and no one else's.
If I was going for controlling people then I would be asking if I can put things like a note with the invite that says "neon yellow bow ties and hot pink shoes are required or you will be escorted out by armed guards (who will also be expected to follow this dress code) even though you drove 3+hrs to get here because I know nearly all my guests are from out-of-town and I don't care."
Come on, can I get a little more credit here? I've said over and over I don't want to control people and I'm not looking to dictate clothing with an iron fist. Asking politely is not the same as barking orders.
We're trying to tell you that you can't ask, suggest, intimate, or otherwise influence kindly in this matter. If you don't believe it, then go ahead and try. You'll not get a warm welcome from your family and friends.
If you mean ask, the say ask. If you mean dictate, then say dictate. Everyone kept saying it was control when I said without controlling.
Attempting to influence your guests attire IS controlling. You just aren't seeing it how the rest of the board is seeing it yet. Again, sleep on it.
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you
marry a Muppet Overlord.
I don't understand. You complain that we're not nice. So we try and give recommendations. Then you say that we're not your guests, so our opinion doesn't matter. But when Maggie tells you that you're over thinking this, you ask where to post this question where people will give you good answers.
Your posts make no sense. Especially since you've changed the title 4 times. What is going on in your head?
You give us information and we react to it. We're just telling you how we perceive things as guests. If you sent me
an invitation that suggested anything about my attire, I would judge you
for it (unless it is true black tie). It comes across as controlling and bridezilla. These are honest responses to your question. You just don't like it.
Asking people to avoid a color and suggesting fall colors are both ways you are attempting to control your guests attire. You are too emotional about the responses to see that right now. Sleep on it, you might get it tomorrow. This reaction happens to all of us. We think we are reasonable people, asking reasonable things, and it jars us when we're bluntly told that our thought is unreasonable.
Better to get frustrated with us and get over it than to make your guests feel all of the things that we said about it.
I never asked for that, you aren't my guests.
If you don't want our experience and perspective, why bother asking questions?
You can give your experience or opinion on the matter without imagining yourself in that place and responding as though I've done something that I have not.
Guess what else you don't get to dictate?
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you
marry a Muppet Overlord.
@MuppetOverlord Did I say I was attempting to influence anyone? I'm pretty sure I didn't, not to do anything they didn't want to do. Mind reading the first post again, I think it said without controlling them or making people feel like the NEEDED to do it or something like that.
Re: Can I tell guests the colors of the decor?
To be clear, I'm not saying this to be rude or discourage you from posting. This is honest advice. Stop worrying about such small details. As several posters have clearly stated, it is inappropriate to dictate or even suggest your guests do or do not wear a certain color or type of attire. If you wear a colored dress, you run the risk someone else will be wearing the same color. Your concern of this issue has already taken up too much time and energy. If you are this concerned about every aspect of your wedding, you will have a very unpleasant planning experience.
The simple of it is that this is how real people think when rude things are done to them. Better to get it over with on internet strangers than your real life guests.
We are more than happy to tell you what is proper etiquette and give you real opinions, but you have to stop taking the responses so personally.
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
You give us information and we react to it. We're just telling you how we perceive things as guests. If you sent me an invitation that suggested anything about my attire, I would judge you for it (unless it is true black tie). It comes across as controlling and bridezilla. These are honest responses to your question. You just don't like it.
Asking people to avoid a color and suggesting fall colors are both ways you are attempting to control your guests attire. You are too emotional about the responses to see that right now. Sleep on it, you might get it tomorrow. This reaction happens to all of us. We think we are reasonable people, asking reasonable things, and it jars us when we're bluntly told that our thought is unreasonable.
Better to get frustrated with us and get over it than to make your guests feel all of the things that we said about it.
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
Attempting to influence your guests attire IS controlling. You just aren't seeing it how the rest of the board is seeing it yet. Again, sleep on it.
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
Your goal is for them not to wear the color you are wearing and to get them to wear fall colors.
You asked if you can write information related to this on your invitations.
Writing information to achieve the goal of your guests wearing fall colors, or not wearing a color is an attempt to influence them.
ETA: you can't make suggestions without people feeling compelled to follow them. Especially on a wedding invitation.
Does anyone else feel like this thread is Groundhog's Day??
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.