Wedding Gift Amount Deemed Insufficient

CharlieKay10 · July 2013

Yet another case (<-- clicky) of a bride not accepting a guests' gift.

Basically, here's the gist of it... This is the Facebook message that the bride sent to a wedding guest (after the guest gifted the couple a mere $100 cash):

"Hi Tanya, how are you? I just want to know is there any reason or dissatisfaction of Mike's and I wedding that both you and Phil gave 50$ each? In terms of the amount we got from you both was very unexpected as a result we were very much short on paying off the reception because just for the cocktail + reception alone the plate per person is 200$ (as per a normal wedding range with open bar is about) and Mike and I both have already paid for everything else including decor, photography, attire etc and didn't expect we had to cover that huge amount for reception as well. As I know you both live together and work, so I did not see any reason for that amount, when it comes to your wedding hopefully you'll know what I mean. I hope for the best as from what we receive is what we will give back. Anyways, good luck on everything."[all sic]

...What the what?

BarbLovesDave · July 2013

"Mike's and I wedding" = bad grammar.

She probably send the same note to everyone who didn't pony up enough cash.

I wouldn't respond. I probably wouldn't invite her to my wedding, as she'll just come and cause drama.

erinlin25 · July 2013

That is HORRIBLE! What a Bitch!

SuperMinty · July 2013

I would ask for it back.

CheleLyn · July 2013

Wow...just...WOW!

NYCBruin · July 2013

Ew. If I had written a check and they hadn't cashed it yet I'd cancel it. And then send them two books: one on etiquette and one on how to manage your money.

efmcc67 · July 2013

Awful, both the sentiment and the grammar.

NYCBruin · July 2013

versdirtyhippy said:

The only reason I would not send the books is why spend more of my hard earned money on a lost cause?

True. Maybe a free ebook or a series of articles.

On a different note, I have a question. Does anyone have any idea what people who do these types of things hope to accomplish? Seriously, do they expect the person to respond, "Oh my goodness, my bad. I had thought my plate was only $50, let me cut you a check for the extra $50 that you chose to spend on my dinner that I had no say in."

I suspect they just want to vent their frustrations that their plan to "earn back" the money they spent failed miserably, but really? I assume if the person was close enough to get an invitation to your wedding you'd like to keep them in your lives.

harper0813 · July 2013

I read this aloud to my fiancé and after he had me explain WTF she was saying through the nonsensical babbling and grammar issues, he said, "What a bitch. I'll take that hundred dollars."

I'm so proud.

And I'm so, so embarrassed for that couple and their utter lack of common sense. They must be seriously stupid.

AddieCake · July 2013

WTF?

JB612 · July 2013

That is bad. Some people have no common sense.

bnrandall · July 2013

CharlieKay10 said:

Yet another case (<-- clicky) of a bride not accepting a guests' gift.

Basically, here's the gist of it... This is the Facebook message that the bride sent to a wedding guest (after the guest gifted the couple a mere $100 cash):

"Hi Tanya, how are you? I just want to know is there any reason or dissatisfaction of Mike's and I wedding that both you and Phil gave 50$ each? In terms of the amount we got from you both was very unexpected as a result we were very much short on paying off the reception because just for the cocktail + reception alone the plate per person is 200$ (as per a normal wedding range with open bar is about) and Mike and I both have already paid for everything else including decor, photography, attire etc and didn't expect we had to cover that huge amount for reception as well. Really? You didn't know you were paying for your own wedding?

Unbelievable. She should have just made her guest buy tickets to her wedding.

aurianna · July 2013

Ok... I read this, I read the food basket, and I read tons of the responses on each.
And there are still a notable percentage of people that say it's proper etiquette to cover your plate.

Who are these people??
Is there seriously a part of the country that actually believes that it's only proper etiquette if the guests pay for the party that the bride and groom planned?
If not... where does this come from??????

pesematology · July 2013

Cancelling checks as punishment is so deliciously evil.

NYCBruin · July 2013

pesematology said:

Cancelling checks as punishment is so deliciously evil.

KeptInStitches · July 2013

Told BF that story. His comment was "You don't pay for the reception with the money you make in gifts. That's not what the gift is for. You host what you can afford. Technically the monetary gifts are supposed to be to help get your life started as a couple - you're not supposed to use it to pay for the wedding. That should already be taken care of."

I knew I loved him.

Viczaesar · July 2013

They wouldn't have to worry about what they subsequently gave me at my wedding; they wouldn't be invited.

CharlieKay10 · July 2013

Harry87 said:

I wish you guys could have seen the face H just made.
Also, we need many of these: Beyonce the 5ft Metal Chicken

I love you for posting this. This is probably my favorite blog post on the entire internet.

Viczaesar · July 2013

Harry87 said:

I wish you guys could have seen the face H just made.
Also, we need many of these: Beyonce the 5ft Metal Chicken

But those are for anniversary presents! 15 YEARS IS BIG METAL CHICKENS.

BMoreBride6 · July 2013

CharlieKay10 said:

Harry87 said:

I wish you guys could have seen the face H just made.
Also, we need many of these: Beyonce the 5ft Metal Chicken

I love you for posting this. This is probably my favorite blog post on the entire internet.

Oh me too...The Blogess is freaking amazing. I actually have a friend who hunted down and bought her own Beyonce. It sits proudly on their front porch.

Xstatic3333 · July 2013

FI actually sent me this yesterday, and I couldn't believe it! $100 a couple is generous in my area too, especially for a couple just starting out. Also, I don't think $200 pp is "typical" for a wedding with standard/nice food and open bar, and I'm from MA (expensive!). Maybe they are extrapolating music, flower costs etc. to the guests? Or they live in Manhattan? I know that's not the point of the article but I got a little stuck on it.

annathy03 · July 2013

Xstatic3333 said:

FI actually sent me this yesterday, and I couldn't believe it! $100 a couple is generous in my area too, especially for a couple just starting out. Also, I don't think $200 pp is "typical" for a wedding with standard/nice food and open bar, and I'm from MA (expensive!). Maybe they are extrapolating music, flower costs etc. to the guests? Or they live in Manhattan? I know that's not the point of the article but I got a little stuck on it.

They could be including the roughly 30% tax and gratuity. In my area it's very rare to find a place that will do a dinner and open bar for under 90 pp, and I've seen loads of places that are 130-150 (and fully ignored plenty with $200+ menus), so if you add T&G you could get there with a lot of nice but not high end places here. With that said though, how pricey to go is the couples choice, "cover your plate" is bullshit, you host what you can afford, and I would be thrilled to get a card with $100- I think that's an extremely generous gift.

Ajuliana · July 2013

Maybe the guest intended to gift $200, but when they got to the barn and had mason jars in lieu of glasses for the cash bar, they figured $100 would cover it just fine.

Jk, I know that any kind of decor can be expensive, and have seen very nice weddings with that theme. Yep, avoiding anyone thinking I meant that seriously.

Xstatic3333 · July 2013

That makes sense, @annathy03. My venue rolled all that in, so I forgot most don't. Fully agreed that cover your plate is bull.

Halloqueen81 · July 2013

Is this an actual post from FB?!?!?! That is beyond rude! I can't even imagine what I would say to this...I'd be so busy fighting the urge to try and smack some sense into them, I'm not sure I would be able to actually come up with a coherent sentence in response....just....wow....

jcrmc · July 2013

Am I the only one who is NOT EXPECTING gifts???? I only registered because my mom said there would be a handful of people who will WANT to get us gifts (when they found out we were engaged, they asked her where I would be registering). And even at that, our registry is pretty dang small.

We invited people who are close to us, with whom we want to share our special day. For thanking them for being there, we are throwing a party - big ol family bbq dinner - fancied up a bit

I would not expect anything from anyone!! Anything we do receive will be graciously and gratefully accepted and acknowledged...and if we should happen to get a big ol ceramic chicken, it will happily sit on the kitchen counter next to the ceramic rooster that holds a basket for kitchen sink tools!!!!

applejambutter · July 2013

that is ridiculous.
I am with you guys I thought $100 was extremely generous.

BarbLovesDave · July 2013

jcrmc said:

Am I the only one who is NOT EXPECTING gifts????

Technically, no one EXPECTS gifts.

(Although you'd never know it from some of the greedy behavior of some brides and grooms.)

A registry simply gives anyone who cares to give a gift some guidance as to the preferences and tastes of the couple.

RamonaFlowers · July 2013

I tend to base my gifts on how close I am with the couple and what my finances are like at the time. DH and I both work, and from our job descriptions, it sounds like we'd never be tight on money, but that doesn't always mean we can afford to/want to give a couple $200 as a wedding present. We're currently under water on our mortgage and we're still paying medical bills from an overnight stay in the hospital DH had last summer. Sorry, I'm not going into collections or missing a mortgage payment right now just because somebody else chose to have a wedding they couldn't afford and invite me to it. We paid for our own wedding knowing it was on us to pay for it, not any of our guests. It's called being an adult.

I say this as somebody who was raised in a "cover your plate" culture. Because I was also raised not to spend money I didn't have, and to be grateful for any gift I receive.

snoopycac · July 2013

Lobster1987 said:

All I can do is shake my head....$100 is SO generous where I'm from, I would probably fall out of my chair if I were to open a card and have that much in there as a wedding gift, seriously.

That bride should be ashamed of that email, and her parents as well...for raising her to be so ungrateful, because behaviors like that don't just happen out of the blue.
I'm disgusted.

oh my word yes! I would have a heart attack if I opened up a card to see that. Then send them about 30 Thank-You cards.

efmcc67 · July 2013

Honestly, I never heard of covering your plate until I came to The Knot. The first time I heard it, I thought it meant putting your napkin over your plate when you're done eating.

Wedding Gift Amount Deemed Insufficient

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